Pets? - Brandon,MS

You're wanting to add a family member, so that's a decision BOTH of you should make. I mean, how would you feel if he just brought home a dog one day (when he's home) without running it by you first?

As a single person, I did it on my own free will. If I were married, it would be a joint decision to bring in another member of the family. A pet is a huge responsibility (a lot of work and an additional expense) for the entire family, and all need to be on-board.

Getting a pet is just one of those things you both need to mutually agree on - it's not fair to just spring it on someone, because they are a huge responsibility. It sounds like if both of you did decide to get another dog though, make it a priority to have it properly trained, including obedience training and using a crate to keep them confined when they can't be directly supervised. Start with a puppy that doesn't come with "issues" and then make it a point that it goes to puppy classes, is crate-trained, etc. Accidents do happen and sometimes pets do chew up or ruin things, but appropriate training and use of a crate, plus adequate exercise, can save you a lot of grief and aggravation in the long run.

With a pet, you SHOULD ask. Pets are a family member, not just an item. I do believe pets must be wanted by both partners. I would never get a pet without my husband's consent, and that doesn't make me like a child. That makes me a responsible adult.

Also, consider you MUST get training for your dog. If so many pets didn't work in the past, then that is owner error. Can you commit to walking your dog every single day for at least 30 minutes? (Dogs of all sizes and energy levels NEED this. It's a requirement and need, like food.) Can you commit to training, so that your children are safe? Can you commit to keeping a dog when it happens to chew something, or do something wrong? Dogs make mistakes to. We have to teach them, just like children. If not, you aren't prepared for a dog...and a cat would be a better fit.

Getting a pet MUST be a decision made by all the adults in the household. Everyone is impacted by having a pet.

PLEASE do not go out and get another pet unless your husband has a sincere change of heart. It is not fair for pets to be passed around from house to house. They need a forever home just as much as children do.

We do not have any pets right now. We had a fish for a few years, but it died 2 yrs ago, and despite my husband's love of cute little puppies, I will not get one because I know that the responsibility will all be mine, and it is not one that I care to have right now.

A pet is a MAJOR family decision. It is a commitment of time and money and a change in family dynamic. It would NOT be appropriate for me to get a new pet as a unilateral decision in our family, nor would it be okay for my SO to get one himself.

Perhaps you want to shift your thinking about this issue. Rather than view this as asking his PERMISSION, think about this as reaching consensus. Getting a pet should be a "two yeses or one no" situation meaning you BOTH need to be on board. You're not asking him if you can get a pet you're telling him about something you think might be right for your family and wondering if he feels the same way.

yeah, a pet is a big responsibility and a lot of work. if you had owned that house that got the carpet ruined, i bet hubby would have been at least helping, if not doing most of the repair work right? my husband was working out of state when we got our cat, but it was still cleared with him.

sometimes i think when we are doing it all while they are away, we get a sense of being the only parent so it is tiresome to have to 'clear' things with someone who isn't even there. but it is vital that you keep him in the loop. it's the right thing to do.

PS - Bobbi is absolutely right about a pet. it's not an accessory or a toy. it is a commitment and a responsibility. don't do it if you're not in it for the long haul.

Getting a pet is a major committment and it is only respectful to make an informed decision along with your husband. Of course there are some decisions you should make on your own but when it comes to something like a pet or major finances, etc... it should be a joint decision.

You sound a bit resentful because you run things by him and don't always get what you want. You are both adults and should be working together as partners.... not undermining each other.

From your past pet experiences, it does not sound like you have a good environment for a pet.

Pets require a committment and if you can't think about the life span of the pet 10+ yrs and be committed for that amount of time (not to mention $$), then don't do it. They are not toys that you just get rid of when you get tired of them.

We have 3 dogs and the oldest (13) is dying of cancer right now and we are making every effort to make sure he is comfortable in his last days which could be months, we don't know. He has a gross ugly cyst of his face that drains and stinks like all get out but I would never ever consider getting rid of him because he is more work right now.

Our dogs are a huge part of our life. People say our dogs hit the lottery when we got them because they are all 3 spoiled rotten and cared for very well. It is just how we are... we made a choice to get them and we will honor our responsibility to care for them as long as they live.

You say that pets haven't worked out for your family and that they brought too many issues to the table.

Kids sometimes don't work out as you had planned and they bring lots of issues to the table..... but you don't get rid of them. Same with a family pet. In my opinion, you get a pet for life. You can't just get rid of it. That's so unfair to the pet! If your dog chewed the carpet, you should have fixed the carpet and taken the dog to training to find out what you needed to do to prevent that from happening again. That takes time and money. Yes, it's much easier to just "get rid of it." But it's wrong.

Cats are great pets. I have had cats all my life. But cats destroy things sometimes, and they can definitely damage a rental. I have had cats who decided to pee on my carpet, claw my furniture, pee on my bed, scratch kids, trip me while I'm walking down the stairs, jump on the counter, drink out of my water glass, puke hairballs and cat treats, have major health issues that needed to be addressed with surgery or medication. And I have never gotten rid of one. Ever.

If you're looking for the perfect pet, you aren't ever going to find it.

A pet is another addition to the family and everybody should be on board with it, including your hubby. You should all agree that while it can be fun, it's a lifetime responsibility. Maybe your hubby sees it as that .... a lifetime responsibility, and not just a fun thing that might work out. He needs to be on board with the decision.

You said in the beginning, "Most of the pets we had just didn't work out with our family... they just brought too much issues to the table. " So, that is why it needs to be agreed upon. Getting a new pet is not a priority. You can wait until your husband comes back. Be patient.

Why "must" you go 'through' him? A pet is adding another member to the family. So everyone's opinion matters. Cat or a dog - sorry - there could be a personality conflict between them. I've seen it!! Just because they are an animal - does NOT mean they don't have a personality.

YES!! We talked about getting a new pet after our other one died. It took us almost 3 years to get over the loss of our first family dog.

When we started looking for a new dog in 2008, we found one that the boys and I liked and liked us. Introduced to my husband? he ignored him. Flat out ignored him. Can't have that. Found another one that liked me and my oldest but would not let my youngest touch him....can't have that. We finally found our dog. He is ABSOLUTELY the RIGHT dog for us and our family.

Like I said - and I know it may sound funny - but adding a pet is like adding a child. You just don't decide one day - "we're gonna have a baby" without talking it over with your spouse.

The dog you had to give away because it chewed on the carpet? I'm sorry. If you had worked with the dog and trained it - you would still have it.

There is a HUGE difference between cats and dogs!!! You need to talk about this. DO NOT add a cat while he is deployed. That would be WRONG in my book.

You and your husband should probably agree. You yourself already said that you have not had good luck with pets. Maybe you should start with something easier like fish.

People should understand that when you adopt an animal you are making a commitment to love and care for that animal for the REST OF ITS LIFE. If you can not promisr and guarantee that you are going to make a pet a part of your family for the rest of its life then honestly you really have no business getting an animal.

Also you stated that you rent. So what is going to happen when you move and the nicer choice does not accept animals and the more expensive, not so nice place does take animals? If rehoming the pet is even a fleeting thought in your mind then honestly you don't need a pet at all.

Just my opinion. However if you decide that you can be a permanent loving home for a pet...and your husband decides the same thing then yes you must both agree.

Umm... since we are married, we made the decision together, like any other major decision that affects both of us and our entire family unit. A pet SHOULD be expected to be a part of the family for YEARS. So it IS a major decision. I would be furious if my husband brought home a pet without us discussing it and agreeing on it. And I would EXPECT that he would be furious if I were to do that to him.

That said, we are not a military family, so maybe the dynamics are a bit different in military families. Maybe they aren't that different about this particular kind of decision, I don't know. We are not a military family. I would think, though, that it would be quite a snub to cut him out of the decision and make it without him while he is gone.
I can't explain why you feel like you are asking his permission. Perhaps there are other issues in your marriage that give rise to that feeling. When I approach my husband about such things, I don't feel like I am asking "permission" but like I am asking his opinion about whether it is a wise choice for our family and how he would feel about it. And we both agree that a pet is something we BOTH should want before we get one.

We both wanted a dog for our family. We have enjoyed our GermanShepherd for over 8 years now. She is part of our family. The bulk of the "work" falls to me regarding the dog. But, I would never get another (after this one is no longer with us) without my husband agreeing. It changes so many aspects of your family.

our first dog was a gift from my mother so hubby didnt' have a say in it.
He was also overseas .
Our second/third he did have a say in.
Most issues with dogs can be fixed with training.
Cats . . .. now cats are a different story.
They can be trained . it's just harder. And there's nothign worse than cat pee on the carpet. It NEVER comes up. We are going to have to replace our carpet because our cat decided to use our carpet as her bathroom. No matter hot many scratching posts we have she still scratches the carpet , so not only is it peed on it's also been torn up from the scratching.

You asked if you could get a cat and he said you could get a dog? There is a huge difference. A cat is a pretty easy pet to care for whereas a dog is as much work as a child! Of course, he has to agree to it, but he won't likely be the one looking after it. Point out that the dog didn't work out in the past, and that you prefer cats. We have always had cats, and my husband keeps saying he wants a dog. This is something I will never allow to happen because I am not at all fond of dogs, I don't want to walk a dog every day in the winter, I don't want to pick up poo, and you can't go anywhere when you have a dog. A dog is a total lifestyle change. If he decided to bring a dog home against my wishes, I'm afraid he and his dog would be looking for a new home.

A pet is a lot like having another child - and both people need to be on board with it.
Seems like you've tried pets in the past (so it's not like you haven't tried) and they haven't worked out.
There's nothing wrong with not having any pets.
When we were growing up, it was all our Mom could do to take care of us, so pets were not allowed, BUT we were great at baby sitting neighbors pets when they went on vacation.
We had fun, but it was temporary and we didn't have the challenges of long term ownership.
With our son, and jobs we're too busy for pets.
He's got his activities and school and we're coming and going all the time.
We'll babysit the neighbors chickens (collect eggs, give them food and water) when they are out of town.

IMHO it *has* to be a joint decision. Time and family $$$ will go toward this creature.

I would not do it if I were you. It's not fair to the animals once your husband gets fed up and frustrated. It sounds like you need to accept that you did not marry an animal lover.

Good luck.

Our first dog...my husband had NO interest in getting a dog but he knew I was getting one as soon as we lived in a place that was good for dogs. If it were up to him we would not have gotten one but it was not an option for me - I love dogs and could not wait to get one. Our 2nd dog was given to me by a Yupiik eskimo family when I was working in a village in Alaska and my husband really really did not want two dogs. I brought him home with the intention of finding him a home with someone else..but of course we both fell in love with him. Over time my husband really grew to love dogs and love having them. When our first dog died there was not question about getting another one He wanted one too - it is so nice to have two because they are pack animals and keep each other company. So, when we got her my husband and I were in full agreement for the first time! That being said, we really take good care of our dogs. They get a walk and/or a run every single day. They get taken to dog training classes when they are young. I do agility classes with them when they are older. They go with us on weekly long hikes, bike rides, walks, and even to community events sometimes. My husband loves taking one of them on his morning run for company. You saying your husband wanted to get rid of the dog you loved because it chewed the carpet is very alarming to me. That is not how you treat a dog...once you adopt a dog it is your family member for life. It needs training and LOTS of exercise and company every day. This will help to tire your dog out so it is not bored and does not chew carpets. If that dog was a puppy still it really could not help chewing the carpet - puppies chew. Then it needs to be in it's kennel if you cannot be right there watching it. I think it is nice if both you and your husband agree about getting a pet, BUT please make sure you give your pet the attention it needs. A cat is a lot easier, but they may scratch furniture, spray on furniture, have poo/pee accidents. They need training and patience also.

I agree. Pets in the home should be agreed by everyone, not just the adults. I also agree that it kind of seems like pets are disposable creatures in your household, and if all parties don't agree, especially the final speaker on the issue, then you shouldn't have one just to get rid of later. Maybe think about a beta fish or something a little less "intrusive" to your lives/lifestyle. Cats are not always great pets. Some have aggressive behaviors. They claw and scratch things. Sometimes you need more than one scratching post. They try to get out of the house. And if you don't get one that is fixed and especially a female you could be in for a big litter. Try looking at your asking his opinion on the matter one that happens in a great marriage. Communication is key to any relationship.

well, i don't ask permission per se (i've got a 6-toed siamese kitten cooking for me right now causing much eye-rolling from the dh) but i also would never make a big decision like getting a pet without discussion. we both have to be on board with it.
it sounds like you have a history of getting unsuitable pets, so that's something to consider too. it's not only hard on the family, it's terrible for the animal to be re-homed (if it's lucky enough to be re-homed.) of course sometimes it happens that the personality clash is too great, and no one should be forced to keep a pet that they truly don't get along with. but if there's a history of pets not working out, you really need to look at your selection process. nothing's perfect, but it is very possible to cut the risk of unsuitability way down (don't get a puppy if you have small children, make sure your adoptee is calm and older ESPECIALLY if you're in a rental, train your children along with your dogs, research breeds, make sure a trial period agreement is in place etc).
so i say joint agreement with a lot of common sense. just doing it without the agreement of your spouse is awfully disrespectful. would you like it if the shoe were on the other foot? what if it were about something else important, say buying a car or a house?
khairete
S.

Yes, yes, yes. Decision made by us both. I would have been furious if he would have just went out and got a dog without me. And vice versa. Pets are big responsibilities and I agree with some of the other posters an "addition" to the family. Can't have a baby without someone else making a decision with you. We just lost our female dog about 3weeks ago and our male dog, 6 months ago. Our female dog had a disease called IMHA, immune mediated hemolytic anemia and she was on medication for the last year of her life, she was fine on it but it definitely put a dent in our wallets. My husband is also in the military and deploys as well and it will definitely be ALOT different the next time he is gone without my furry companions. Always felt a sense of protection with them here that I didn't realize until they were gone, but no matter how much I would ever want another, I'd always check with my husband.

What about guinea pig? They don't roam the house since they live in a habitat. But they are loving, and furry and do well with with children. My cousin just got one for her daughter (who is 7) and she carries it around with her and pets it and is curls up on her lap.
http://exoticpets.about.com/cs/guineapigs/a/Gpsaspets.htm
http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/small-pet-care/guinea-pig-c...

And yes, pets should be family decisions. IMHO

If either one of you is against getting the pet than you don't get it. A pet is a responsibility for another life. It has far reaching consequences in your life. We have 2 dogs, 2 cats, and a gecko. It has always been a joint decision between my husband and I, other than the pets we had before we were together..... He does give me a lot of say since taking care of the pets falls on me most of the time. STILL if he said he didn't want a specific pet, I would abide by that and visa versa.

Well, you are in a special situation, because it isn't as if he is home all the time, he is deployed. Yes, a pet will live longer than how long he will be deployed, but I've noticed a LOT of strong military wives having to make many big decisions on their own when their husband is away. You have a lot on your shoulders running the family while he is gone.

I say, the one that will be taking care of the pet 90% (assuming) of the time should make the bulk of the decision (assuming you). BUT... I don't think a decision like that should be made despite the husband, but in reality the person caring for the animal should have the most say. Take his concerns/ideas into consideration, of course... but just think of ALL the things you do w/o him and all the day to day challenges you face alone.

A pet can be your companion when you are alone. Not to mention, cats are much more low-maintenance than dogs. I like both, but I'm allergic to cats, so we have a dog.

Now, in a home situation where both of you will be taking care of the dog 50/50, then that is how the decision should be based. With that being said, I'd NEVER support an idea to do something that you know would make him really mad (not saying it will or won't, only you and him know that), that is more trouble than it is worth.

Good luck. Maybe express to him how you wan to make the decision because it is you that is home and will be caring for it mostly? I think all communication should still be open...

Assuming he is military, thank you and your husband for your service- it's tough, and this is just one small example of the challenges.

BTW, It may not sound like it, but I'm old-fashioned, too- I just have a LOT of military wife friends, and this stuff happens all the time with them- and they have found that they need to sorta modify some things to fit more of what they want because it does end up being a temporary single parent situation.

Sometimes I ask, and sometimes I don't. The reason I don't is because I know I am the one who is going to be caring for them. Since I am the one who will be doing all of the work, my opinion is the only one that 'counts'. I'm lucky though, he would never tell me no...as evident by the 4 dogs we have, the 3 puppies I am trying to find homes for. The rabbit, chickens and cats lol

I do agree with the ladies though, it should be a joint decision. However, if this is something you feel strongly about (animals are great for kids) then you do need to step it up and let him know. He may just see this as a fly by night choice and not realize just how important it is to you and the kids.

We just got a new kitten. My husband did NOT want another cat (our last one lived close to fifteen years and was hard to take care of in the end.) But the thing is, my husband is gone all day and I am the one at home taking care of the animals (we also have a dog and a rabbit.) So I overruled him. He was pretty pissed at first but I just don't think it's right for him to decide whether or not I can take care of another animal. Of course now he loves the kitten and he is playing with it and cuddling it as much as the rest of us. I KNEW he would come around, but I can't speak for your husband. And the fact that you've already had to get rid of a few pets worries me. Have you considered a guniea pig? They are sweet and small, easy to take care of and they live in a cage so no need to worry about your house.