Phone

I see no need for an elementary aged child to have a phone. Once they reach middle school things change. They stay after school for sports, activities, etc. They start going places with their friends. And then you need a way for each of you to reach the other.
When my kids pull the "Joey's mom let's him", I just say "that's great, but I must love you more than Joey's mom loves him!" LOL

Sounds like a good plan to me!

Hold your ground. Give him the phone when he is 11 and in middle school, just like you said. If he argues with you, repeat the statement.

It doesn't matter what "all" his friends' parents do. This won't be the last time you hear that statement that "everybody else..." Get used to it. :)

It's amazing how we all managed to make it out of the woods of childhood without a cell phone, isn't it?

Someone posted on this yesterday. My mother's age-old question:"Well, if all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" comes to mind.

As a parent of an 'only', I will strongly advise you to stand firm. This list of gadgets and wants is only going to grow as he gets older. If you give him the things he wants against your own better judgment-- that's just bad. Instead of "I owe my son what he wants, because he doesn't have siblings" I tend to think "Boy, I've only got one shot to raise a great future citizen to send out into the world." Giving my son a sense of entitlement because he's an 'only' is completely out of the question! You want it, you earn it. And at nine, N.O. No phone.

Unless our situation changes drastically, my son will be getting his own phone when he has a way to pay the bill for that. Just like I did.

What does being an only child have to do with this?

Say no.

I have an only child as well and she is not treated differently because she is an only. She is still expected to follow rules, show resepct and accept our answer if she asks for something she does not need at the time.

You are the parent... be the parent.

It isn't that hard. Just say "no". Practice it a few times out loud. Then tell him:

"No."

You don't even need to explain... in fact, that just gives him a reason to whine and beg and try to change your mind some more.

~Mom of 14 yr old and 11 yr old, neither of whom have phones. And trust me, ALLLLL of their friends do.

I have repeatedly told my granddaughter that when she turns 10 we will talk about her having a phone. She has to show me she can take care of her eoectronics before then of course. If she can't even keep up with her tablet or a cheap cheap mp3 player knock off then she obviously can't handle the responsibility of an expensive phone.

We will NOT be adding her to our plan with all the perks. She can have a smart phone, not any issues about that. She can have one of our old ones and we'd upgrade. Internet is free where ever you go, McDonald's and many other restaurants have free wifi any time you're there so downloading stuff is not anything we'd be paying for.

She'd only have calls and no texting. So there is no data need for her phone.

She would most likely get a phone card type program and if it's gone they're gone.

Again, once she's 10 we'll talk about it and how she treats property will have a huge impact on if she gets one or not.

Okay, this whole idea of "my friends have one, how come I can't?" is going to be ongoing their whole childhood life.
So, you have to get used to, that, AND staying on course with your own rules/wishes/ideas about how you raise YOUR child.
And just say, NO.

Tell your son, he is not a sheep. He is his own person. If he just follows along with what all the other kids have and do, then how is that logical? Its really not common sense. He has to think for himself. Not just by what he sees other kids doing or having.
I tell my kids that. I have been teaching them that since they were Toddlers.
They are 6 and 10 now, and they really don't get into the whole vicious cycle of "well my friends have it, so I want it too.." copy cat thinking.
If my kids say they want something... I tell them "Why?" "Does your friends have it? How come?" "You are not that person, you are you. How important is it, that you have that? Why?" "What are you needing it for" "Is it REALLY a need, or you just want it but you don't know why?" "Is it just something that is neat for a moment, but after you don't even care if you have it or not?" I make them, think THROUGH the process, of what it is they want. And why.
I also tell them, that everyone has a budget, and some things are important and some are not.
Per a "phone," my daughter is 10. Many of her classmates have phones. They go to after school care etc. So it is needed for them.
My kids, I pick them up after school. I take them everywhere too. If they are out with friends or at a play date, THEY speak up if they have to call me and they ASK the Mom or Host or another friend "can I use your phone to call my Mom?" and they call me. Even if they do not, have a phone. Because, everyone else they are with, has a cell phone. Whether that is another friend, or another Mom, or even their Teacher.

When my daughter goes to Middle School next year, we are thinking of getting her a phone. She IS very responsible. And not impulsive. And is very careful per personal information and safety. She is just that way, and we teach her. So we can trust, her. BUT my daughter KNOWS, that the reason we are thinking of getting her a cell phone is: NOT because all her friends have one... BUT BECAUSE, we feel she is by then, needing it, and IS responsible enough. It is because WE feel, she will need one in Middle School. Not because of what her peers are doing. It is OUR decision. Not her's and not because we are just caving in. She does NOT ask us for a phone. She knows, that when WE feel she is ready, we will let her have one.
That is the difference. My daughter knows, us and herself and what our thoughts are, about it. And never is our rationale, because of just doing what all her other friends are doing.

When my 10 year old daughter, tells me about what her friends have and do (per phones and online), I TALK about it with her. But my daughter knows, that those kids are just doing whatever, and their parents don't really monitor them. She even tells me that. And when other kids ask her for her (our) phone number, she says "No. I don't give out our number unless my Mom says I can. You have to ask my Mom." I TEACH my daughter, that this is PRIVATE personal, information. Not to be given out to just anyone.
Once a kid has a phone, you have to be REAL careful, about who they give their phone number to. Because, once they give a phone number to someone else or some other kid, THAT kid will then give their phone number to someone else. And then on and on. And before you know it, lots of people/kids, that you don't even know, will have your child's phone number.
I say this because, I SEE it happen, and my daughter tells me. And then, that is when trouble occurs. ie: prank calls, mean messages and voice-mails etc. And this happens as well, with e-mail addresses if kids have one. They give it out to anyone. And then pretty soon, people you don't even know, has your or your child's e-mail address, too.
Again, I see this happening. I am at my kids' school where I work and volunteer at.
So there are MANY aspects to this, that you have to think about.
And if your child is not careful or mature, then I would not get him a phone.

IMO he's too young. Just say no. Give him an age or a reason for when you will consider it so he knows what to expect. For example, my oldest got one at 12 1/2 because we were starting to just drop him at hockey practice and would sometimes instruct him, "Find a ride home with a teammate." We needed to be able to communicate with him. We told our youngest he would have to wait until he was 12. He continued to beg and ask, but we said no. He got one for his 12th birthday. However, every kid is different and he doesn't always handle the responsibility of it well. If I had to do it over again I might have had him wait a little longer.

Phones are very convenient, but also scary. Kids can get into huge emotional and even legal trouble without realizing it--sexting is common even at the middle school level. My younger son got into a situation with his phone that turned into hassling and bullying. The other parents and I had to get together and block numbers. In addition, there's all kinds of stories about kids who ran up hundreds even thousands of dollars in bills for texting. These are worst case scenarios, but they happen.

Go with your beliefs and don't worry about what anyone else is doing. Of course he's going to ask, but that doesn't mean you have to give in if doing so would go against what you believe is the right thing to do.

As long as it's not needed for safety or any other practical purposes, there is no need for a phone at 9 years old.

Good luck with this!

ETA: Our older kids got phones when they graduated from 8th grade.

Hold your ground. You give in this time, he'll know he can convince you other times as well. Also, ask him WHY he wants a phone. Because his friends have it is not a good enough reason. If you are with him and he wants to call his friends, he can use it. Or else, he can use the home phone - just like we did when we were kids. He's 9 and may think he "needs" a phone - but at this age, you get to decide what he really "needs" atleast in terms of material things :D. Good luck!!

My SD got one when she was 7, but only so she could feel safer at her mom's house because there were issues at the time. It was a 4-button phone with pre-programmed numbers. She only used the thing to call us a small handful of times.

When she was 9 she wanted a texting phone. It was time to upgrade from the 4-button phone so we did get her a texting phone. However, she barely used it and it was just one more thing to take care of. Family would text her and she'd never check the phone to text back. So it was basically useless to get her a texting phone at that time.

At age 10, some of her friends started getting phones so she'd text them. However, she ABUSED the privilege by making prank calls and doing stupid things like texting a picture of her butt. She wasn't ready. We had to put parental controls on the phone.

I would wait until age 11. My SD is now 11 and I'm feeling that it is a better age for her to be responsible for her phone and use it correctly. It's good for her to have had the phone since she was young because she did need a communication line to us when at her mom's house, but beyond that it was more of a nuisance. Looking back we should have hung on to the phone and only given it to her when going to her mom's house.

Hold your ground! Even if you got it--what would he use it for? Waste of money! He lives with both of his parents and I'll bet only one or two of his friends have one. Not enough to warrant getting a phone.

We didn't get one for my eldest daughter until she turned 11 years old and entered 6th grade/middle school. It has time restrictions and parental controls, limited texting, limited minutes, blocking features, and GPS locator. Because she has after school activities and isn't really allowed to use the school phones, plus she's becoming more socially active with her friends, it became clear very quickly that letting her have a cell phone would be more for our peace of mind and her safety. It's a very basic phone that can record sounds and take pictures. I think it takes videos too. That's about it.

My two other daughters will get the same privilege when they start middle school.

11 would be the very earliest I would get him one.

don't cave, you can stay strong, this is a good lesson in NOT doing what the crowd is doing and resisting peer pressure, lol

My kids are 10 and 13 and neither has a phone. There is NO reason for one. Like you they are where I know all the time pretty much. Occassionally they go on walks to the pond and I make them take my phone so they can check in.

My 13 yr old recently said that she only wants a phone cause everyone else does, but that there is not a reason for it and she realizes that. She says it's stupid how her classmates check their phone and text eachother so often, that they don't TALK in texts they just say stupid stuff. She even talks about how it ends up being an issue cause the kids mis-read stuff or do stupid stuff with the phones.

We will get our kids phones when they start driving when they may get stranded on the side of the road or something like that. Until then there is no reason at all. Even when they go to something and may need to call us there is always someone around who has a phone they can use if they need to.