Planning the Next Child

Hi J.,
My name is M.. I also work at Beaumont Hosp in Royal Oak and in Troy. I live in Rochester. Take it from me it is tought having kids close in age. I was pregnant with my second when my Daughter was 8months old. They are about 15months apart. I find myself home bound even now, they are just 2yr and 11 months. I am hoping it gets better once my baby drops her am nap. It is very hard because both are very demanding at this time...but it gets easier I hear. I have not quite experienced that yet! Good Luck

J., I have 2 boys that are a little less than 2 years apart. Right now they are 8 and 10 years old. It is great for me and them because they are friends and have each other to play with. They have someone to count on at school and they miss each other when one of them is gone or sick. Of coarse they fight as well and probably wouldn't admit that they miss the other. I think overall as they grow older and into adulthood it is beneficial to have a sibling that you are close with.
I am a single mother and full time Medical Technologist at St. John Hospital
K. Y

I have 2 kids, a boy and a girl 14 months apart. I got pregnant with my little girl when my son was 6 months old, so i've been living the life you're considering. And I have to say, I love it. I also work full time (plus extra hours) and have to day that if my husband wasn't helping, it would be impossible -- so make sure that you and your husband are clear on the responsibilities.

Like I said, I love having my kids close together. They are so close already. My daughter started walking at 8 months and started potty training herself at 14 months. My son protects her and plays with her and it's priceless to watch their relationship develop. But it isn't and wasn't always easy. It's very similar to having twins -- someone is always needing/wanting something. And there are times when you wonder if you're giving each child the right amount of one-on-one time (which I feel is important)... And if you decide to work full time, then that will add to the stress.

Overall, though, it's manageable and I personally wouldn't do it any differently. Just keep the lines of communication open with your spouse -- but that's a given anyway.

Hope it helps! Write me if you ever want to chat!

K.

Dear J.,

I have 2 children, now 8 and 7, one boy one girl. They are 14 months apart. I wouldn't change anything, accept PERHAPS having another. The two are great friends and do pretty much everything together. It was tough at first, but it becomes routine pretty quickly. Remember, it takes 9 months to bring that new bundle of joy home, if you conceive immediately, and Mason will be that much older. My mother had 5 children, 3 perfectly placed 2 or 3 years apart and the last 2 only 13 months. She said the 2 little ones were so much easier as they were always together. As for telling your Mom, I would hope any grandmother would be thrilled...

Mine are a little over 3.5 years apart. I would have liked them only slightly closer together. My daughter is 3 mos and my son almost 4 now. He is somewhat self sufficent and had a lot of time with us when he was little- we are now able to spend time with both, b/c he does not need as much time with diapers, feeding, etc. He is a great big brother and is not jealous at all. Having two kids is great-- but it is like 10X the work of one. It is still hard to get out by myself with both and I don't think I'd be able to do it with two that might not be walking, or need complete assistance.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

HI J.

I am the mother of 4 children- ages 18, 15,13 and 6.

The 2 in the middle are a year and a half apart, both boys, and I am glad they are close in age because they do alot together, when they were small and now as teens.

As far as your mom, just tell her when you are pregnant. Most moms will be happy to hear the news.

My husband use to work at WBH in RO.

Hi J.,

My boys are 11 months apart (7 and 18 months right now) Everyone thought we were crazy too (including us!) So far, I love it. Now that my 7 month old is starting to get more interactive, I can already see how fun it will be for them to play together and to keep each other busy. I have been told many times that it is great to have them that close together. Also, the jealousy was not there, since they were so close.
There are a few things I would consider though
- Think about the worst case for your new child. If he/she is collicky or something, would it be too much for you? My 2nd one was colicky for the first couple months, and it was very difficult. The sleepless nights were a little more difficult to deal with and my older son still needed alot of attention/interaction, so there were quite a few times when they both were crying. But, once we got into a schedule, it has really been so much fun.
-How is your health? Having pregnancies so close can put a big toll on your body. Make sure you are ready to deal with being tired, carrying the extra weight and still needing to carry your current child. If you are worried about any complications or had any in the past, you might want to wait until your current child is more self-sufficient.
-What are your thoughts about your work situation? I worked full-time with the first, but went part-time with the 2nd. I would say that it would probably be alot more enjoyable if you could go part-time.

If your husband is on bored, then that will make it all the easier. I figure you never know what might happen the 2nd time you try (it could take longer than you want), so why not start early, especially if you are already feeling like you want another one. There are always going to be challenges no matter when you do it.

On another note, my brother and I are 5 years apart. There have been times in our lives where we were completely separated in what we did and then there have been times when we would be together all the time. But, we never really fought and are great friends as adults, which is when it really matters. As we get married and have our own kids, 5 years really isn't much and you just want someone to count on.

And for the mom, my parents were in shock when we told them, but they don't have to deal with them everyday, so they were just excited to have another grandchild. And, it is nice if you have someone like that you can count on, so hopefully you can discuss it with her and she will be excited. But, it is your choice in the end.

If you have any other specific questions you think of, shoot me a note.

My kids are 18 months apart. I think it would be better if they were further apart.

I would think 2 years or even 2.5 years.

The first couple of months with a new baby is very hard. I remeber a really bad evening -my husband was mowing the grass- my older child was in the bathtub and the baby wanted to nurse... So I sat on the bathroom floor nursing a newborn, and giving the toddler a bath.

If my 2 year old was more independent and could help dress herself or perform some other tasks it would be so much better.

I rarely leave the house with my 2 year old and 7 month old. It is just too hard to put both kids in the car to go out.

I used to enjoy taking my first child places. Now we just stayhome.

Two kids are much much more work. I was lucky that my second child is the worlds best baby and never cries. But if he had been a cry baby I dont know what I would have done.

I would enjoy the time you have with the first born. Wait a bit longer before you have the second.

Having a child is a personal decision. You do not need to share this decision or your thought process with anyone, including your mother. Nor do you need anyone else to approve of your decision. As for the timing of a second (or first or third child) - why not just try to have a child when you feel ready. You only have so much control over the "when" anyway because you may or may not get pregnant right away. Whatever the age difference is between the children, you'll deal with it and it will be the only thing you know. My kids are 3 1/2 years apart and I think it is great. Had their age difference been 2 years, I would have thought that was great as well.

Hi J.! I think a lot of people are giving some great advice, but someone named Kim K...well, I more than agree with her. It's like she took the words right out of my mouth!

I have a boy and girl who are 20 months apart (Alex just turned 2.5 years, and Anna is 9.5 months old.) I won't lie to you...it is so so so very hard a lot of the time! I don't work, and I think I thought I would be this wonderful supermom who could get everything done, so it was basically a huge shock to my system when I learned NOTHING gets done around here! My house is always a mess, and just when you get the laundry or dishes done, there are suddenly more dirty clothes or dishes piled up. However, my husband works a ton of hours and really is not home to help out hardly ever. Even when he does come home at a decent time, the kids are usually tired and ready for bed, and guess what? When they are tired (or sick) they only want Mommy!! It really is a big juggling act. If your husband is around more and is able to help out, you may not have some of the issues that I have.

And I really do feel guilty at times that I am not giving my kids enough attention, especially the youngest (my little girl.) Maybe it's her personality or maybe it's because she just had to get used to it, but my dd is pretty good at entertaining herself, and while I feel bad that I cannot spend as much one-on-one time with her as I did with my son, she is actually growing up to be one very happy, healthy, active and smart little girl!!

Somebody else (on this board) mentioned that it's hard to take 2 kids out so she stays home a lot. I am pretty much in that boat right now, too. My daughter takes 2 naps (her first one is around 10 am, and the 2nd one is her longer nap, around 2 pm, and that is when my son is sleeping as well.) So it is sort of hard to go somewhere in the morning, but if I really need to go somewhere or if I'm really feeling trapped and we need to get out of the house, I just make sure I do enough driving around so that she gets at least 20 minutes of sleep, which is shorter than her normal 45-60 minute morning nap, but it's enough to hold her over for a while, and then I just put her down a bit sooner for her afternoon nap. It all works out. Also, this weather doesn't make it easy to get outside; sometimes it just seems like so much work to get them all bundled up to run to the store!! And what they say is true: once you get the kids all bundled up, someone always has to poop, it hardly ever fails. But soon it will be warm outside and it is going to be so much easier just to run outside with them, instead of taking 20 minutes just to put their coats/hats/shoes on!!

It can be really tough at times, and even though I've always thought myself as some great child caregiver, I find myself brought to tears every so often because it seems like I can't handle it all! And this is WITH all the help I get from my parents and my in-laws, who are willing to take the kids for the day or overnight, anytime I need them to, just so I can clean my house, run errands, or go out on a date with my husband!

But you know what? I do not regret it for a minute!! It's true: as for baby # 3, we are definitely going to wait a bit longer, at least until BOTH kids are completely potty trained, because I know I won't be able to do this again. But with these two, all the hard times are just temporary! It won't always be this way, and so many people have told me that it gets easier as the kids get older. I'm starting to see that already. My dd is 9.5 months old, and she is actually on mostly table foods already (my son was a bit older before he was handling table foods as well as my daughter is.) So that makes it easier for me to take them out; if I don't feel like bringing along a bottle to the store or wherever, I can now hold her over by bringing a long a sippy cup and some Cheerios or Fruit Puffs.

And my kids love each other so much! My son still gets jealous at times and once in a while, he'll tell his sister to get away from him, but usually, he loves to play with her and helps me "take care of her". As for my daughter, her brother means the world to her, and seeing her constant smile for him just melts my heart. I love these two kids more than anything in the world!

That said, just be prepared. I have heard (and have now witnessed) that having 2 kids so close in age is more like having 3 kids. It really is very tough. Just be prepared. Be prepared that it will be tough, and that your house will almost never be clean, and that you will be physically and mentally exhausted. (I think that was my problem: I wasn't prepared for the daily chaos that is now my life.) But again, all of this is just temporary, and the rewards really do outweigh any of the negative things having 2 kids under 2 can bring. It is AMAZING how your love grows and doubles, and you do not love one child more than the other.

Oh, one more thing, about telling your mom. I told my mom when we thought about having our 2nd one, and yes, she thought I was crazy. (My kids are 20 months apart, but they would have been closer in age, but I did not get my period until my son was 9 months old, and then it took us 3 months of trying to conceive our daughter!) So yah, she told me I was crazy and that she thought it was best how she did it, spacing me and my two sisters 4 years apart each! I just kept telling her that I would be fine, and now, I try not to let on how hard it can be for me, because I don't want her to think she was right! I think she knows its hard on me, but she LOVES LOVES LOVES her grandkids, and I know she wouldn't have it any other way. Besides: this was MY decision, not hers, just like this is YOUR decision, not your mom's.

Good luck to you!!

Our children are 17 months apart and I wouldn't change a thing about the short span between their births. I love that they are close in age. I must say though that it was challenging at times having a new born and a toddler and getting them from place to place with a double stroller. Potty training was easier with the second one because they wanted to imitate their older sibling. My children are are now 10 and 11 1/2 and I love how they interact together. They have the same friends and can help each other with school work. They have their rifts, but choosing places to go (movies, vacations, dinner) is much easier because they are close in age and we don't have to drag an older child to do "baby" things, or have to leave the younger one at home because they are not "old enough" to attend an event. Just my thoughts.

J.-I think having children close together is great. I would caution you only because going from one to two is a huge difference and is alot more work. Very busy!! But children are great! I have two kids and would love to have another! Do what works for you and your family!

Hi J.!

I think either way parents look at it, too soon too far apart i think we all would do it differently but what matters is what you and your husband want. Just be prepared that you'll be twice as busy and make sure that it's already budgetted.

I have an 11 month old boy, Ethan and we are in the process for another one. I prefer to have them closer in age and to me, it's easier so I don't have to put away the clothing, toys, and don't have to worry about lack of sleep since we're already deprived of that becoz he wakes up every 2 hrs. anyways.

I already told my mom about our plans, just sortof slip it into a conversation when you get the chance so it's not such a hard time to figure out when and how you're going to say/tell it.

My kids are 19 months apart. I found out I was pregnant while planning my daughters 1 year birhtday party.

I was hard in the beginning. With two in diapers and leaving the house. But they play together. They play with the same toys. I don't have to worry too much about small parts or smaller toys, since they are close in age. Once my daughter can use them it's about time my son can.

My kids are now 4 and almost 3

My son is 8 months old and I am 14 weeks pregnant. Many people have told us we are nuts, but my husband and his sister are only 13 months apart in age and my mother in law said she found it to be not as hard as some people make it out to be. Sure, both my kids will be in diapers, but I'd rather deal with that than deal with the jealousy issues that happen when kids are 2 or more years apart in age. Don't worry what people tell you, go for it!