Play, Play, Play...

Hi C.,
I always would get something started with my son and then when I needed to get something done I would say I will be right back I'm going to put the laundry in the dryer or put the dishes away and I will be right back. I would slowly make the time away a little longer. It worked well and I always came back so he knew he could count on my word.
Sometimes I would give him a little project to accomplish by the time I got back. He loved this because he loves a challenge.
I think the best way with kids is to a always make it feel like a game.
Good Luck.
M.

Incorporate her into what you are doing. Give her a responsibility... like dusting when you are vacuuming or giving her the dishes after you wash them to put into the dish rack. Maybe let her play with lids while you cook.

Wow, I know what your going thru. I got my daughter used to being played with and talked to. If she doesnt get any attention she begins to scream and cry. It was really hard for me because even when I was cleaning or making dinner I had to sing to her, do some dancing moves to keep her entertained. Make faces and what not then I got to the point where I needed to teach her some independence.

What I did to break her out of this habbit was I had put all her toys on the floor that way she doesnt get bored. I would put in a Dvd of baby einstein and let me tell you....that worked! Once baby einstein was put in her eyes were stuck on the TV.

Now that I work part time and she is at daycare I devote all my time to her in the afternoon because I feel bad.

Hope this will help you out.

your child loves you...of course she/he wants to do everything with you. and children learn best from their parents. think of the "playing" as "learning time" (and since you're a teacher perhaps you won't think of it as a burden so much). there will be a day when your child won't want much to do with you (i.e. teenage years)...savor these moments and play as much as possible. if it's interfereing with the neccessities that you must do to keep the house running/meals, etc then,
1. engage your child in an activity where they are active (i.e. I have my daughter bring me her stuffed animals, one at a time...then put them back)... keeps her busy while I'm doing dishes. perhaps introduce a "chore" they can do in the format of a game?
2. I dito the playing music (ask child to dance/sing for you while you fold laundry)
3. have child "color in books" or paint on an eisel
4. create an area that "just for your child" explain it's "their space for alone time"... make sure it has puzzles, books, crafts to entertain herself.
5. get a play kitchen and ask child to "make you something" this will allow him/her to use their independent creative thinking. you can play this over and over while you're still engaged in something else like cooking yourself!

Hello C., Your little one is only two, and misses you while you are at work. She wants to be with you and actually needs to know that you love her. Try including her in what you are doing. If you are in the kitchen then allow her to play with pots and pans, wooden spoons, etc., only during this time to be close to you and she will feel more involved in what you are doing. Put her in a high-chair and give her treats. The trick is that she only gets to do these "special things" during the time when you are workiing in the kitchen. If you are folding laundry give her some wash cloths to fold. You will catch on as you go. Good luck.

My daughter went through this at that age and it has gotten better. While it is really fun to include her in the things you do daily, they also need to learn how to play by themselves (as a teacher, I am sure you can tell which children have trouble with this because of how they were raised at home). I give her tasks to do, like finding certain toys, or she "writes" in her journal when I write in mine. Or I just flat out tell her, "Mommy needs to do______ for ________ minutes. Would you like to read books in your room or color a picture?" That way, she knows what to expect and she has a choice as well. Setting a time works well too, she she knows that at some point, she will be able to play with mommy again. At two, it is a little harder because they don't understand as well, but if you stick to it, she will be able to voluntarily play by herself at age 3. By now, my daughter will willingly play by herself a several times a day and in the morning before breakfast with no struggle. Good luck!

I see a lot of moms are suggesting you include her in whatever you're doing, but that's not always possible, and can often slow down whatever you are doing. Not a big deal if it's laundry, but to delay dinner 20 minutes because you have to be extra careful with the knives, hot stove, etc. And what happens if you just want a quiet, private moment or time on the computer? Children do have to learn to entertain themselves. My daughter will be 3 in November, and she's much better with me in this regard than my husband or mom (who watches her on occassion). Probably because I am home with her all day. I found that the best way to get her to play by herself is to give her a task, keep the TV off and continue to check in on her asking about her progress. Right now she is looking for all her Barbies and Barbie clothing. The storage case is here in my bedroom so when she finds something, she comes in my room to show me and put it in her case. I make a big deal and she runs back in her room to find more. This will last 10-15 minutes until I find a new task or project to give her. Good luck and hang in there. Just think, there will be a time when our kids will want nothing to doo with us... hello adolecence!

I soooooo know what you are going through and will put some of the other advice to use myself. I have had to limit tv myself, since she jsut wants to sit in front of it all day once she starts.

I am trying to include her in the cleaning, i give her a duster when dusting, give her a rag when cleaning the glass, and give her the towels to fold when I am folding laundry.

I have recently decided that I have to dedicate more time to her. I find myself playing for a few minutes and then leaving, so I am trying to dedicate a large block of time to her, and then give her a dvd after lunch, when the baby is sleeping so that I can do the things that she can't help with. I am not doing so good at this yet, but hope to get better. I am dissapointed with myself that even though I have been "playing with her" I recently realized that I wasn't "present". Maybe she knows that I wasn't and that's why she's so clingy, so I am trying harder to make eye contact, and really "get into it" when I'm playing with her.

I sometimes set play time with my daughter as a reward for both of us. I explain that I too would rather play. But if she plays on her own and lets me get my work done, we can both enjoy the play time and have MORE of it! I'll work for 1 hour, then we play for 30 minutes, or some fashion of that schedule. It seems to work most of the time. But just explaining that I want to play as well and not do my work helps. Now that she's 5 I can work into it tht "if we work together to clean, we'll have more time to play" concept. Even if she only helps put away 3 things, it's less I do on my own and she takes ownership of what she has contributed as well as I am teaching her good habits on responsibility.

Boy, do I know what you're going through! My first two children were like that, they were only 20 months apart (boy and girl) and fought constantly besides. They're 18 and 16 now and still fight, but at least they finally entertain themselves,lol! I wish I had some better advice for you other than "this too shall pass", but unfortunatley that's all that worked for me. Maybe you can buy some educational videos (Baby Einstein is excellent!) and that will hold her attention for a little while. Good luck!

S.

I had the same problems for a while. I became the mean Mom or was told that they didn't love me because I wouldn't do what they wanted. My response was "You don't have to love me but I love you and I need to get dinner ready, etc". I am you Mom and you don't have to like me, but I still love you is the messag they need to get. Your daughter is playing a very powerful card and she needs to grow in her own independence. It's hard, but it's part of growing.

Hello C.,

I remember at a mom's group this samething was going on with another mom. Their were a few who suggested the timer. You tell your little one that they have to play by themself until the timer goes off. They said they started at 20 min. Increase as time goes on.

Good luck. I hope it helps.
L.

My kids ( ages 1 and 2 1/2) do play by themself..

I always put them down on the floor to play first thing in the morning while mommy got her tea or whatever..

Not that they arent hanging on my leg at times but they doplay quite a bit of the time.

Do you have some special toys that you can get out>>

We have several toys...(blocks, a train set) when I get out these toys- I am guaranteed 15 minutes when they will play with the toy that they havent seen all day...

I do think you have to work on this -- so there is time to play with mommy and time to entertain yourself..

Lisa

I actually remember seeing an episode of Super Nanny about this issue! She encouraged the mom to play with the child for a few minutes to get her engaged in what she was playing, then walk away without any comment. She had the mom come back and check on her regularly so that she didn't feel like mom was gone. If she stopped and interacted for a minute and wanted to leave again, she would say, I'll be right back, I have to go...get the laundry from the dryer....empty the dishwasher....fold some towels, etc. I'm not sure, but maybe you can see if they have episodes that you can look up online. Her advise had worked wonderfully for the mother on the show. Good luck!

Hi C., my son always wanted to play with me too. When I notice he's really clingy to me I partially think it's because he's bored. So, I arrange a lot of play dates. I don't always think it's just me he wants to play with but anyone that's fun. (His brother apparently doesn't count lol)

i have been reading Becoming Babywise II and Becoming TOddlerwise, which talks about the importance of kids learning to entertain themselves. I also believe this, because as a babysitter for a lot of years, I saw kids who didn't know how to play even when they were 7 or 8. I believe that TV is a part of this, so I would disagree with the person who said to use Baby Einstein or any other TV. I don't think it will solve your problem...just delay it. My daughter is one and I had always intended to give her "playpen" time when she was about 6 months to get used to having structured play time in one place, but I didn't. It's harder now to keep her playing in one place. The Toddlerwise book suggests using a blanket, and having your child choose, or you choose toys to play with on the blanket. She has to stay on the blanket, and you should be out of sight (of course, pick a safe area). You may have to stay near by and help her return to the blanket to get used to it. You might even set a timer. Also, you may have to show her how to play with things...then slowly lessen your involvement. For example, help her stack blocks, and say, "let's build a tower" and then only use your voice, but don't help, and then just sit nearby, etc. until she is playing by herself. Finally, give her lots of praise when she does play on her own. one more point about Toddlerwise...the book suggests that complete freedom of the house or of all toys can be overwhelming for a child. so maybe try to start structuring all of her playtimes around just one or two items at a time. this will help her figure out how to focus on them for longer periods. good luck!

Try just excusing yourself to do a chore like Laundry, or go the bathroom. My daughter is 4 now so she is fine independant playing, however when she was younger that is what my husband and I did and it seemed to work just fine.