Playdates for 3-4 Year Olds

When I invite children for a playdate at this age, I usually plan on mom coming too. But I always say something like, let's do lunch, or why don't you guys come over for coffee and the kids can play.
I hate the whole "playdate" idea. It's like we are so busy we have to schedule time to actually play!
I'd say give her a call and find out what she had in mind. You can always just act like you are invited, call her and ask what she'd like you to bring for a snack to share. That should work. My friends and I often get together so we can visit and the kids can play- and we always bring snacks to the other person's house.
I hope this helps.
-S.

absolutely you should go on the play date!!! i would not dream of dropping my 3 year old off at someone's house. i don't think for a minute she expects you not to be there!

A.,
I was in the exact situation 5 years ago. I still know the mom and we were just talking about it the other day. She invited my son for a playdate and I had no idea what her intentions were. I was not comfortable dropping him off, but I felt so stupid just hanging out because I didn't know if she planned on "entertaining" me. In the end I just decided to stay because even though I felt like she was a good person, I had no way of knowing for sure.
Turns out that she expected me to stay and all of my stress was for nothing. The bottom line is that it is YOUR child. If you even have the slightest hesitation then stay. You should call this mom and just be honest. Just tell her that this is your first official playdate and that you would feel more comfortable going with your son. Just tell her that he can be shy and you want to make sure that he will handle it okay. If you really think about it, he is only three. If she has a problem with you staying, then it's probably not somebody that you would want to get to know anyway :)

I suggest simply asking the mother what she had in mind; maybe you're on the same page. But also, you should do whatever you're comfortable with!

At this age I never would have dropped my child off at a house where I didn't know the parents - and if you feel uncomfortable, which it sounds like you are, it is perfectly normal at this age to say you need to stay. In fact, that mom might actually prefer it. It's totally in the norm at this age. When it gets tough is when they are in the 6 -8 year old range, when some mothers might not want you hanging around because they want to do housework, etc., but you or your child are still not comfortable with it. Hopefully by that time he has some friends whose mothers you have come to know, so it will work out. But for right now, don't hesitate to say you have to be there - and if they don't like that idea - offer for her to drop her son at your house instead!

Hi,

I came across the same problem last year with my daughter when she started preschool. I would NEVER let my little girl go over to anyone's home I didn't know very well. I started accepting play dates for my daughter....and myself. To make it less awkward, I would always state up front to the invitee Mother that I would be attending and suggest we meet at a local park, play place, etc. If the invite came in the cold weather, I would suggest an indoor activity, such as chuck e cheese, ice skating, or even sledding outdoors. I do that for at least two play dates, that way I am able to get to talk to and get a good feel for the parent. After that, if my daughter feels comfortable, I will allow her to play at the home with her friend. Even when I do that, I always go inside and stay about 10 minutes before I leave her there. It makes me feel better and less stressed. I also always let them know about my rules...no matter what. If for some reason they are not able to abide by them, my daughter cannot play at their home...simple as that. I have absolutely no problem with the way I handle these situations and so far, it has worked out great, we have had many play dates and continue to be invited as well as invite. This is the age where it begins...and it doesn't stop. I say, set the rules now, be fair, be safe, and don't compromise yourself. Good luck to you.

At this age I definitely think you should stay - of course it would be nice if the invitation also specified this -say - stay for coffee or lunch. As he gets older he will be better able to stay alone but this age is a time to see how he does on playdates and how someone runs their home (so you know if it is a friendship you want to foster) By the way, some of my best friends are moms I met through my 3 year old. A playdate at this age is a great way for you to make a new friend too.

I always stayed at that age and expected other parents to stay when the invitaion was reversed. It is perfectly acceptable and very likely expected that you would stay with a child younger than 1st grade. It will be less cut and dry after kindergarten - but for preschool it is expected. Even though I casually know many of my daughters friends parents, if I have not been to their house and feel comfortable with them, I do not allow her to go over her friends houses and she is finishing 2nd grade in a month! they are of course always welcome at our house. There are just too many freaks out there posing as normal people

I definitely would plan to stay. You don't know her from a hole in the wall, so why would you trust her with your baby? That being said I guess you could always say something like, "A playdate? Sounds great! I'll bring the bagels and coffee... how do you take yours?"

Really, at this age, if a mother is expecting a drop-off, she must be nuts. You are completely in the right to want to stay with your 3-year-old and completely in the right to be suspicious if a mom doesn't want you there.

At this age, the parents always seem to tag along... esp the first time at a new friend's house. A lot of times, I think moms plan playdates as much for themselves as for the kids! The moms can chat with each other while the kids play. For 3 year olds, too - they'll likely each be playing by themselves, rather than together. By staying, too, you won't have to worry about explaining any rules... you can just intervene if you feel the need. Eventually, if it turns into a regular thing, you could ask the mom if you can drop your son off so you can run an errand. But generally, I think most moms (including me!) would rather entertain the kids' moms, than be responsible for other people's kids!

Also - there seems to be an unwritten rule that playdates should last 2 hours, unless otherwise specified. I think I overstayed my welcome on my first few playdates, until I heard other moms joking about the "two-hour rule"!!! :)

Hi A.,
I totally see where you are coming from! I would think that at age 3 or 4 they would expect the parents to come. I even question it for my 7 yr old....just because I don't feel comfortable leaving my kids at a persons home that I don't even know very well. I would go with your gut feeling and go with him. I really think she would being expecting you anyways. You could always call her to confirm.
Good Luck and have fun at your playdate! =)

I host play dates frequently and I would be pretty annoyed if a mama expected to drop her 3 year old off for a play date without asking me specifically if she could do that.

My older girls are 5 and almost three, and when they play at someone's house, I always go with them.