Please help! My 2 1/2 yr old son has always woken up crying even as a newborn in our family bed inches away from me and being able to nurse on demand. I had to stop nursing him at about 1 1/2 because I was 8 months pregnant and stopped producing milk. To say the least, this didn't go over well and he continued to wake every 3 hours to drink from a bottle. I tried giving him a pacifier instead and weaning him off so many bottles at night, switching to water, ect. And nothing helped. He eventually grew out of taking a bottle but still wanted a sippy thermos with milk at night. We repeatedly tried to wean him off milk at night with major battles, which we were prepared for, but even after months of not allowing milk at night he still wakes crying for milk or food every few hours at night. We still have him in a family bed and I don't want to "let him cry it out" in another room, but I'm going crazy from lack of sleep. Additionally, we deduced that he has celiac dz, and since he was about 14 omnths old we have totally eliminated any gluten contaminants. But when he does get exposed accidentally he wakes every hour or so screaming and crying from the pain for weeks afterwards. We have also eliminated all other allergens and irritants from his diet including preservatives, ect. Besides putting him in another room and letting him just cry it out, which I'm not sure would even work, I'm at a loss for what to do. Please help.
Thank you all so much! My husband and I are both looking at your responses ( he's the one that generally gets up with our difficult sleeper because I'm still nursing and caring for our 1 yr old at night) and feeling like we have some new hopes.. I have always had a pretty mellow approach to the sleeping situation because I can generally sleep enough even with some interruptions, but yeah with the baby and the older one waking at different times there have been nights where I wake up every 45 min! the tip on trying maybe a protein drink before bed is awesome. We always do a hearty snack before bed and milk, but he is really tall for his age and it makes sense that he is just hungry. I think that's why I've been accommodating is that he genuinely seems starving and when you give him a snack he will sleep for longer periods. Thanks for all the wonderful ideas and support, it makes me feel like I'm not crazy.
Start doing a high protein bedtime snack...string cheese, a little meat or fish, 1/4 cup of nuts are all ideas.
I second the idea of having nights off where you sleep in a different room.
Cry it out does not work well for kids under 10 months but should work fine for a 2.5 year old. He will also understand a lot if you have a talk ahead of time. He might even be very excited to get a chance to move to a "big boy bed" in his own room.
Turn the problem on its head;
If you're managing his special needs diet as best you can, and overall THAT works... Trade who is "on" with him.
Meaning at LEAST one night a week, go sleep for 8-12 hours in a different room. With earplugs. Ditto your husband.
If you're the only one at home, HIRE someone one night a week for respite care.
AFTER you've dealt with your problem enough to have filled up your reserves, THEN work on his problems.
This is the whole "you're no good to anyone if you don't take care of yourself" thing.
You may be able to change things around with him enough so he's getting longer hours , but don't wait months to take care of yourself!!!! Get some sleep worked in for you, then you won't be Desperate! Desperate! Desperate! and can deal with his problems slowly and rationally, and glitches and hiccups won't destroy you, but just be an 'Okay. Thus might need ________ (more time, different approach, etc.)
___________
My son is a fast grower. At 10, during a growth spurt, he STILL wakes hungry once a night. At 10 (and 5,6,7,8,9) he was capable of popping downstairs and grabbing something. As a little guy, he needed me to do it. I go to bed late, so that was a non-issue. EVEN NOT during a growth spurt he needed 20oz of milk before bed, or he'd wake 'starvin'o'the'hunger'. So just before bed, he'd down a huge cup of high fat high protein milk. During growth spurts, he'd wake and eat a whole meal. For my fam, no worries.
His cousin is much the same, but parents needed to go to bed early, and even then he'd STILL wake super early (like 5am is late). He's a faster grower than my son! He was starving!!! Also like my son he's ADHD (which I like but drives his parents nuts). A couple years ago I started doing 'respite care' a couple weeks a year to give them a break. Still do. But he's no longer been an early riser for ANY of us. Why? Protein shakes. Milk gets my son through 10-12 hours of sleep. That first week I had him, I started giving him a protein shake before bed. Dude conked out for 11 hours (he'd never slept more than 5). Now his parents get great sleep, too... Because a protein shake before bed keeps him sleeping. He's also list a LOT of weight. Come to find, his body was hoarding calories, because he wasn't getting enough.
That's what I'm talking about with finding different solutions. Sometimes they're quirky. Sometimes they 'just happen'. I'm not special for the shake... That's a natural continuation of whole milk before bed. My SIL had been MEANING to try that, but just kept forgetting because she was so bleeding tired!
I have nothing against a family bed, if the adults can get some sleep. But sleep is a biological necessity, and it's not surprising that a 2-1/2 year old is waking up when mom is right there and will give him what he wants.
It won't hurt HIM to be in your bed and get all the attention he wants, but it might hurt YOU. If/when you get to a point when you are ready to give a little nurturing to yourself and not just to your child, you might just have to get a little hard-hearted for a few nights, put him in his own bed and let him cry it out.
Two year olds are perfectly capable of sleeping on their own and sleeping through the night without bugging mom all night.
You deserve sleep too. It's not all about him. When you are ready to let him sleep in his own room and CIO, I promise you it won't damage his psyche.
And by the way, a "crazy" mother is more damaging to a child's psyche than sleeping on his own.
Try the No Cry Sleep Solution from Elizabeth Pantley. It takes time, but it works.
Also, have you talked to the pediatrician about the waking up for food? Is it possible that he has a medical issue that causes the night waking to be legitimate? Does he perhaps have reflux or something that acts up at night that is soothed by milk or crackers? I would be sure to rule that out first.
I would also suggest that perhaps you consider transitioning him to his own bed in his own room because the current family bed is not working *for him.* He needs a good night's rest as much as you do and perhaps after a couple of nights of transition, he might actually be able to sleep if he is on his own. If after 2.5 years the family bed isn't working for him, try the alternative.
Put him on a floor mattress.
Instead of IN your bed.
Does he have a lovey? Let him sleep with things. It makes their bed more cozy. My kids have lots of loveys in bed with them.
If he wants milk, you can try telling him "you can go get it yourself.... there is a cup in the fridge."
Has he actually been diagnosed by a Doctor, per "celiac dz?" Have you taken him to a Doctor/allergist for your suspected food allergies?
Also, per his age, this is when kids start to have "fears" of the dark, or night time or anything else. Their cognition and imaginations are changing. And this can wake them as well. But it is a normal developmental thing.
And if he is truly hungry at night and wanting milk, then why not? Does he eat well during the day and before bedtime? My son, had a GINORMOUS appetite, LOVES milk, and drinks it all the time. But, from his age now, which is 5... he is not so much into drinking milk before bed or at night. But what I did was, use an insulated bag, with blue ice in it to keep it cold, and had covered straw cups in it which has covers on it, for him. THEN, if he wanted milk at night... HE would go and get it. Himself.
Also, maybe someone in the bed is waking him up? By you/your Husband tossing and turning, OR maybe someone snores? That can wake a kid. It is not their fault.
Have you tried a bedtime snack vs the bottle at night? We started doing that for DD when she was a toddler and now it's hit or miss if she asks for one. Her snacks are always something healthy and small. If you know that sometimes it's due to his disease, have you tried contacting a parent support group for parents of celiac patients? They may have ideas based on their personal experience.
Medical issues aside, sounds like his sleep issues were created by you... unfortunately. I did the same thing with my daughter, I used to stay in her room until she fell asleep, and felt like a slave to her at night time. She would wake up in the middle of the night and make me stay in there....yes, I felt like she was in control. I just got feed up one day and decided to change things up. I started doing the same thing and saying the same phrases to her when she woke up. I never let her really cry it out. I went in her room and said, "it's night night time, go back to sleep, I love you". Then I would leave the room. I waited 5 minutes until I went in again. I said the same thing to her and made sure she had a clean diaper. Then I waited another 7 minutes, and did the same exact thing, said the same EXACT thing to her every time. Each time I extended the time by a few minutes. Finally, one day, she just started to sleep through the night......everything was fine. I didn't cause her emotional damage.
BUT....... if he is waking up because of pain, then that is different. But, he do not NEED the milk or food in the middle of the night....that's crazy at his age.
It's not working because you keep giving in. Stay consistent and it WILL work. Don't take him out of his bed, and don't give him anything. Let him know you are there, and eventually he will sleep through.
I can't even imagine dealing with Celiac, Both my daughters are allergic to wheat, and my baby has egg and soy allergies, she gets a reaction and gets itchy. It's been a challenge feeding my 2 year old, but it's nothing compared to what you have to go through.
I did the opposite with my baby and started from the get go with simply putting her down and saying good night and I love you to her. She goes to sleep on her own..... it's a miracle....... LOL All that aggravation I went through with my first.... What a waste. I wasn't going to make that mistake again..........
You also need to get him out of the "family bed" as you call it. That may make all the difference in the world.
good luck!
Suspend the preconceived notion about "Cry it out" and do read Richard Ferber's How to Solve your Child's Sleep Problems. Ferber does not advocate just putting your child in a room and leaving him to cry forever until he falls to sleep. It's more about sleep association, setting up a routine that can get your child to fall asleep when they stir in the night without your intervention. It really sounds like your son has associated YOUR (or your husband's) help and FOOD with every time he's gone to sleep.And trying multiple things hasn't provided enough of a routine to get him to associate the different routine with sleep.
We've used the Ferber method with both of our kids, and it took us about 2 weeks with our son at about 18 months, and about a week with our daughter at 10 months. It's hard for those first few days, and it may be harder for you with a toddler who is mobile, but it really worked, it is NOT horrible, and those consistent 7-9 hours of sleep are really worth it for everyone!
Many kids who have celiac disease and are intolerant to gluten, also have difficulty with casein which is in milk. Our bodies can be cruel to us and crave what is bad for us. He might be having a reaction to the casein in the milk. I know it's hard but you might think of switching from cow's milk to something like rice or almond milk. Reflux also occurs often in these kids after drinking milk and laying down. So a cruel cycle begins...hunger, milk, sleep, waking from pain from milk/reflux, milk to soothe to go back to sleep, and waking again from reflux...
Hi J.,
Has your son been appropriately diagnosed with celiac disease through blood testing and biopsy by a pediatric gastroenterologist, or is this a self-diagnosis through experimentation and exclusion? Not that the latter is bad, per se, and would be the first step a GI would have you do (i.e., keep a food diary), but there are a lot of other GI pathologies that could cause similar symptoms without being Celiac Disease, and for which you may be undertreating him. For example, many Crohns disease patients also are intolerant to gluten (and dairy as well as a number of other foods), but simply removing it from their diets is not sufficient as inflammation and malabsorption of nutrients still need to be treated. (I'm not trying to diagnose your son via the internet -- I don't have a medical degree, and anyone who is qualified would do that, anyway. This is just an example as food for thought.)
It sounds like your son might be waking up because he's hungry, either because he's not consuming enough calories for his needs during the day, or you think he is, but his intestines and not absorbing sufficient nutrients. Things to evaluate are if is he growing well or not, if he is very thin, normal, or overweight, if it seems he has too little energy compared to other children his age, and his bowel habits (diarrhea, constipation, or alternating diarrhea and constipation vs. "normal", and if it looks like some foods are being passed undigested). E.K. also suggested the possibility of reflux, which is a reasonable possibility -- many kids with dietary sensitivities have higher levels of eosinophils, which can contribute to reflux and upper GI pain.
I think you should get the GI situation properly diagnosed and treated first, as this may be contributing to the sleep disturbance. It it turns out it's not, consider that your son is now "trained" to awaken during the night, in which case you may have to try the Ferber method of sleep training mentioned by Laura S. It does work, but you really do have steel yourself for it to be effective -- it's hard listening to your little one sound so miserable.
One other possibility is, could he be going to sleep with a full bladder? Even if he's in pull-ups or something, that could still be waking him up. My son didn't stop waking up at night until we instituted a "no liquids after 7pm" rule.
At some point, you have to take care of yourself and your sleep is just as important as his. If being in your bed isn't working, then it's time for him to move out in his own bed. At 2 1/2 he may be old enough to get excited about being in his own bed. Buy some cute sheets with something he loves on them, a cuddle pillow, and make it a huge, but fun deal about going to his own bed. Let him go shopping with you to pick out his own bedding. Get him really excited about it. Also, pick out a fun nightlight so that he isn't scared in the dark. My son has always loved led christmas lights, so we have a small string in his room that we leave on at night. Read some fun books about going to sleep, like Goodnight Moon, or Goodnight Gorilla and make them part of your nightly routine. Stand in there with him until he's asleep if you have to, but getting him adjusted to sleeping alone may take a little time. Don't give up! On the other hand, you never know- he may take to his own bed like a duck to water!
Just remember your attitude is a lot of the battle, so if you are apprehensive or seem timid about him being in his own bed in any way, he will pick up on it and follow suit.
Best of luck to you Mama.
Are you sure that you little guy doens't need his own bed? Neither one of my kids will sleep very well or for very long if they sleep in my bed with me. They toss,turn, kick, and drive me crazy, and then they wake up over and over again. I would move him to his own room, or at least to a bed out of your bed. I think this will help a lot!!! I dont' know about the eating thing, but, if he sleeps better, then maybe he won't need to wake up and eat so much. GL!
