Please Help Me - Livingston, TX

You sound like a very beautiful person. You should find someone that will love you and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated

i dont know what to do but say, try 'wife swap' or 'trading spouses', atleast they always seem to change the families after all is said and done, other than that i waould talk to him and if that does not work then i guess you need to dicth him. my hubby and i are good so GOOD LUCK! I know I would want to stay together and work it out for the kids, and if you do love him. Good luck again!!

J.

Sweetie, do you really need to ask this question? It sounds like you already know the answer. I have 2 kids and I was told that I could never find a man to want me either. I just celebrated my first anniversary (married 1 year together for 4) with a man thay truly loves me.....and IF you don't find that. Wouldn't you rather be alone that made to feel like you do???????

Good day A.,

You know a wife is a "help mate" not a maid if you are a religious woman and if your husband is a religious man go to your clergymen and get some guidance, it doesn't seem that he is showing much of his religion as he is his manhood. Also I am an African American women and I can show you some Black and White men that act like "the traditional (old-fashioned) Mexican man" who see women as inferior I don't feel it is a Mexican thing I feel it is a man thing. Men do what we allow to be done in some cases because we don't know different or better. My husband wants me to be a maid too, I just WILL NOT have it now I come from a long line of independent women so I feel I am a help mate and we will do this together. I have been with my husband for 22 years (we met when I was 15 and he 16) and we've been married for 15 years so imagine him not wanting to do any of the housework that was for me it was and still is a struggle...heck to this day when HE feels a decision needs to be made and HE feels it is a wife or mommy duty he will still throw around "YOU ARE THE WIFE blah blah blah".....in saying that the other ladies are so right work on YOU and everything else will fall in place it will become so clear whether you are 130lb or 230lb your kids need to see a confident mom. I hope you two can work through this together, if not call GULF COAST LEGAL SERVICE they can help you through it as well ;)

A., sorry you are going through this. It sounds like he is a big bully to you. Bullies are insecure with themselves so they belittle others to gain a sense of power. In reality, bullies are the ones who are more afraid than they show. You are so much more powerful than you probably realize. Some men cannot handle taking care of multiple tasks like you do. Some men are so much more sensitive when tables are turned. You already show beauty for caring so much about your family. You have to know that you are beautiful to yourself. Beauty is not only physical. It is much more than that. Listen to what all the ladies have said here. We all don't know you but we can all tell who is the bully in this picture. This tells you that you are the one who is showing true beauty. I really don't know what specific advice to give you except to listen to your heart. Your gut feeling is usually correct. It's support you really need right now. Seek it so you can have someone there for you. Remember that you are already strong to have put up with all of this.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I am married to a Hispanic man as well. I have only date white guys till him and we have now been married for 8 years. We have two daughters (one from another marriage of mine). He has ways about him as well. He is very protective of me and the girls. Some of my friends even say he is controlling but I don’t think so. Have you tried talking to a local church counselor? I know my husband grew up with very strong religious believes. If he fells that you should honor and obey him then he must also believe that he is to cherish you. Cherish is a very strong word and to fully understand the rolls of marriage in relations to the bible you and he may need to talk to a preacher or priest (what ever religion you may be a part of.)
You should never be unhappy in your marriage and maybe you need help from someone. I think that the first step is to find a church that you both can get involved in, in your area.
I hope this helps. I don’t want to advocate divorce. I think you should try to fix the problem if you can. If it is to the point that you are scared of him then that’s another story. Are you scared of him? There are other actions that you should take if so.
I hope that I have helped you and sent you in the right directions. You will be in my prayers.
C.

I allowed myself to be with a a man who didnt help with our 2 kids and he would put me down about my appearance and he told me the same thing,,,that I would never find anyone who would be with me with 2 kids..I was miserable and alone. My family lives an hour away. I ended up moving bavk with ,y mom..even though I coudnt stand it. I found a man who loves me and my 2 kids so...yes there are lots of men who would love u and your kids..dont let a man lie to you...he knows you can find better so he makes you believe you need him. There are lots of programs out there to help moms get outta bad situations. Most men dont change...it is not up to you to change them, you cant. But you can change yourself and love yourself and move out! I know its hard..been there more than once. Now I am so much happier and plan on getting married next year. T.

Wow that really just touched me. I can relate to what you are going through. And let me be the first to tell you that it gets better. But the man you are with is set in his ways. He will not change. That is a part of his belief system. The way he was raised if you will. The two seperate cultures are completely different. You do not deserve to be treated that way at all. I was married when I was 18 to a guy that was the same way. He was actually born in Mexico and our beliefs couldn't be more different. I was worried about where my life would be after him because he wanted me to feel like I was nothing. Well I wasn't. And I'm not. I divorced him and my life has gotten so much better. You deserve better then to be treated that way. He' trying to keep you on a level so that you never feel like you can make it with anyone else. Well I will be the first one to tell you that you can. Having kids means nothing. Someone will love you and your kids the way that you all deserve. I know that me telling you this will probably do nothing because I have been there. But I will hope that it will give you a little bit of insight. WHen you get enought trust me you will be gone. You will only do what you want to do. No one can really tell you what to do. But I will tell you that it is not right that he treats you that way. It doesn't have to be that way. IF you ever need any help or advice please just let me know. you can reach me at my e-mail at ____@____.com. I am a stay at home mom, so I am always available. Good luck sweetie. You will know what is best for you and your babies.

Aww Sweetie I am so sorry. I wouldn't put up with that. He is being verbally abusive and that is not right.
Just know that you are beautiful and he is crazy for saying no one will want you and your kids.
HUGS to you !!!

Hi A.,

This reminds me so much when I was married. I too got married when i was 20 and things went from bad to worse as our family grew and although my ex wasnt as controlling as yours he did make me feel small at times. Let me assure you that although you have your hands full with your babies...you can do things to loose weight...this will help you with your confidence and then in turn give him something to worry about when you start getting looks from other men. :)

Let me give you a trick that I've done to loose weight. Eat 5 small meals all day...healthy stuff that is no more than 300 calories each meal. Since your home you have the opportunity to cook healthy meals and store them in the refrigerator. This will help you not only to feed your babies, feed your husband and also free up some time for yourself. If you cook a few meals at one time...it really frees up your time. Try to stay away from breads, crackers thats all refined sugars you dont need. Eat whole foods and lean meats and like whole wheat breads and lean meats like chicken, fish, etc. (eat every three hours)

Once you get your confidence back A....you'll know what to do. Before then...its useless for me to give you advice because when you dont have confidence you will always choose what you already know.

I wanted to add that my ex also belittled me with harsh words and it did alot to my self esteem and when i thought things couldnt get worse they did. Things got physical and almost downright deadly...dont wait till this happens.

Honestly, its more selfish for you to stay and let your children see this happen than for you to leave but first work on you because if you dont...you accept him after a few I'm sorry's and a few nice gestures. I did. It took for me to gain my confidence back to know that I and my children deserve better.

I pray that you make the right decisions. God bless.

God Bless and keep in touch if you'd like ____@____.com

Honey, I am so sorry that you have to go throught that. It sounds like your husband is telling you that you will be pretty when you get skinny and that no man will want you cause you have two kids because he wants you to think that yourself. Do not let him make you feel that way. He is just trying to make you feel that way cause he feels like you are going to leave and he wants you to think that he is the only man you will ever get. Obviously that is totally wrong. My brother married a woman who had two kids and wasn't able to have anymore and he didn't have any kids but he loves those kids like they are his own. So there are men out there who don't care about how many kids you have. I had a child when I met my husband and he took my kid in as his own. So you let your husband think that but it is not true. If you have tried everything that you can to make your husband be more respectful and understand why you are not happy anymore, and he still doesn't care then he is just taking advantage of you. I would not stay with someone like that at all. I am 6 months pregnant and my husband tells me everyday that I am beautiful and shows it also. He helps me everynight with bathing the kids and cleaning the kitchen when he gets home from work and most of the time I don't even ask him. There are men that respect their wife and help them out cause they know that they have a hard job taking care of kids. I also do not like the fact that he will not help with his own kids when you are cooking dinner for him and the kids. He should get his butt up and help out in something. You don't get to sleep when you want cause you have kids that you are running around taking care of so he shouldn't beable to come home and sleep whenever he wants. He should help take care of the kids that he helped make.

OMG A., I can give you advise it is up to you to weigh it out and decide if it will work for you. First and foremost you need to do what is the best for your kids. And if they grow up with a man treating you like that they will more than likey think that is the way men are supposed to treat a woman. That being said you either need to give up on him or get into some counciling...FAST!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow!! I don't know. You have an EXTREMELY difficult situation. My heart really goes out to you. So difficult when there are children involved. Leaving is hard if you don't already have a job. But staying in your situation, I don't think will get any better. Maybe you should get a job and start slowly getting your independence back to give you the confidence to make the right decision. And definitely don't have anymore kids with your current husband...that will be his chain on you to hold you in this relationship. Make sure you get some very effective birth control. You really are too young to be going through this for a lifetime. You might want to call a Crisis Center maybe, they can help you find someone to talk to and find a daycare for your kids while you work to establish yourself and your potential freedom. Do you have any other relatives to turn to for help...an aunt, etc???

A., I really feel for you and your situation. But before you jump ship and I'm thinking that eventually you should, but I think you need to work on loving and being proud of yourself first. Sounds to me that you are not a very confident person to have allowed yourself to get in this type of relationship and to continually take it. I fear that if you go and "find" another man that you think will love you for you and your baby, you will still hold on to the doubt that you are worthy of such a man because you, right now, don't value your worth. You need to work on yourself and be able to stand up on your own instead of possibly jumping from one man to another. Improve whatever it is that you think you are lacking; your knowledge, your social confidence, your looks, your body. If you look at yourself in the mirror and being completely honest with yourself what do you see that really makes you proud of yourself for. Your kids are a great start. Your ablity to love that's also good, your ablility to raise your child! List all your good traits to yourself. Now tackle the things that is weighing you down. Right it down. Set a goal to improve all the areas as much as you can. Own it. Own yourself. Find a way to be confident with who you are. Who knows maybe you are ok the way you are now, but tell yourself all those things and be proud of it. Once you've accomplish that they you will value yourself more and see that you do not need to settle for anything less than what your proud self deserves. That includes being talked down to. A marriage is a joint venture. Even if he comes from traditional Mexican heritage, he still needs to respect you as a partner, but he will not do so until you show respect for yourself. Once you show respect for yourself then it will be easy for you to demand respect, just like from your children. Good luck.

No woman deserves to be treated this way. You are human and have feelings that need to be addressed. If you are not able to speak to your husband, the man that you live with, care for and love, then who can you speak to. Men hate it when a woman puts her foot down, but sometimes that is what it takes. I understand the whole "mexican" thing, I grew up seeing it. That is not how we carry our household. My husband works and so do I to keep this house going. We all pitch in, even our daughters. I can't tell you to leave your husband, because that has to come from you, but I do suggest that you do what is best for YOU and your kids. Your husband will survive either way. Take care!

Hi A.,
If you dont feel that change is possible on his end, then I would get out of it. Get on public assistance.. they can help with housing, daycare, food etc.. why be in a relationship that is unfulfilling and lonely. Of course, the best thing would be to talk about it and make some changes, but if you dont think its possible for him to change thats another story...
Hearing that he wakes you at 430 in the am to wash a couple of bowls is so disrespectful.
Lots of luck
A. - mom to Dominic (9) and Julian (6)

Hello, I know what your going thur, I was with a mexican as well and he did the same things to me, I left, I had become a zombie and I didn't like how it affected my children or myself. This man was running my life, he would tell me who I could see and who I couldn't see, who my friends could be and so forth, he NEVER helped with the children, I did it all. Like you his mom thought I took her baby, she tolerated me but she held that resentment. In my own expereince it was a horid life for me and my children, he even got so bad that he was drugging me to get what he wanted out of me, I wish this upon NO one. As for the hurtfull things, I heard the samething but ya know what, i am married to a wonderful man who took me and my 3 children in, he loves them as his own, so don't listen to him, if you do decide to leave him your life could be all the better and there will be someone there to love you and your children for who you are not what they can make you. I hope this helps.

Hey A.,
I have to say I wasn't going to reply because there's nothing I can say that others haven't stated before me. I do want to say that in order for someone to respect you, you have to respect yourself. You have to demand respect and running like a chicken with your head cut off because your husband say's jump doesn't demand respect. I was asking myself, "Why does she stay?"... my answer is I'm assuming, because you love him. Honey, love doesn't go hand in hand with belittleing, and doing everything on your own. Yes your husband supports you and your two children, but that doesn't mean he loves you. PLEASE don't think I'm telling you that your husband doesn't love you, because I'm not saying that at all. What I will say is it doesn't sound like he respects you very much. To call you fat, to order you around, to wake you up at 4:30 in the morning because there's 2 dishes in the sink is controlling and that my friend isn't the way we deserve to be loved.
Telling you to get out now is what I want to say, but I know it's not that easy. My twin sister is in the almost exact same situation, except her husband is white but grew up in a hispanic household. I have told her before to leave and it falls on deaf ears.
I do want to add that you should do things for yourself, to make yourself feel better. Losing weight would help... hell I need to lose weight also so if you want a diet buddy I'm totally game for it.
If you walk away with nothing from anything I've said, please walk away with the knowledge that there are so many men out there who want children and can't have them, or will love you regardless of your child status. Follow your heart and your gut, it will tell you what you need to do.
I'm also dealing with family members who have an addiction to pills, so I know where you're coming from in that area as well.
If you need to talk, I'm here.

My best,
W.

No one deserves to be treated that way. I stayed married to my ex while he was cheating on me cause of our kids and he would do the same thing and say the same things. But one day it got worse and the one thing I thought he would never do happened. He actually started to get physical with me. I'm not saying that all men will escalate to that point. But it is not fair to you or your kids for him to treat you that way. Do you want your son growing up to act like that? That is what normally happens when a son sees his dad treat his mom that way. You need to tell him things need to change or you need to do something about it. I don't mean to sound rude, but I don't someone else haveing to go through what I did.

Hello

girl i am from up north and moved here a few yrs back my hubby is a roofer and works out of town alot!!!! I have 3 kids and i feel at times is this what life should be like for me. In your case i would have had enough!!! When my hubby is at home he watches the kids and lets me go to the store and he changes diapers and so on and so on. When you have children it is a joint job not just a one women side show!!!! Seems like your doing everything but wipping his booty !!! Lol lol you have every right to need some you time and get some help from time to time. I was much thinner before 2 kids i have a step daughter who lives with us..... But my body has changed alot and my hubby treats my body like it was the 1st time he has ever seen it.... When you love someone you don;t see the little chubby rolls you love them for who they are and i hate to say it but what you have is not love!!!!! I am not dr.phill by any means but you deserve respect and help!!!!! J. in dayton

Good luck with this. My advice is this you should do all you can to make him happy only if he does everything he can to make you happy. This is advice to live by. I feel the same way you do, When I was a stay at home momand even now that I work I know that cooking and cleaning is my duty as a wife. I have supper on the table when my husband cames home and the house WAS always clean. I even managed to mow the lawn and do a little gardening. And still do. It has gotten harder since our last child and me working. When I found out I was pregnant with my third child after 6 years I cried because I was always the only one loosing sleep, changing diapers, breast feeding BY MYSELF while he slept or came home, ate and watched TV. And six weeks after I had our last baby I went back to work. It was very hard because like you I felt everything was my duty. Finally after two years I just had to tell him either deal with some dirtyness or help. The difference here is that my husband is a wonderful man, we have been together since I was 12 in 7th grade and he was 13 in 8th. He never disrespects me and always tells me how much he appreciates me. I am sorry to hear you going through this. He sounds like a very angry man, please be careful. Waking you up at 4:30 because dishes are not done is not a good sign. Stay strong for yourself and your kids. But if you leave it does not need to be for another man that will take care of you because sometimes the next one is just as bad. Either way he should not be telling you ugly things once respect is gone it is hard to get it back. And hurtful things are always remembered. What I do with my brother who is disrespectful to his girlfriend is explain how it looks to other people and how it hurts her. And how the kids do NOT need to hear or see daddy talk to her like that and her talk to him. Even her son who is 3 now disrespects her because he has been watching men treat his mom like this and thinks it is right. Somehow my harking is soaking in. Just yesterday he told me that her dad was calling her step mom mean names and I was very quick to say "just think about that when you call your wife that stuff". I would tell him how you feel and if he does not change think about your next step long and hard because things are likely to get MUCH worse than get better.

One thing is for sure: if you do nothing, nothing will get better. Your husband sounds needy and spoiled. So you have 3 children really. I think you are in quite a bind here since you have no support. So approaching him about marriage counseling may go on deaf ears.
Your husband HAS to be a partner in your marriage and parenting: you are not his mother. He has some growing up to do. I suspect he married you because you are used to taking care of people (your mother addicted to Rx drugs) and you chose him because he is needy and immature (like your mother).
I know from relationships many many years ago that things will not change without help.
You are in a bit of an abusive relationship, with him waking you to wash 4 dishes. That just is not rational. There is nothing you can do to change him, no matter how clean the house is, no matter what size you are. It's not you that is the problem, believe me.
Just because he won't go to a counselor with you, YOU go by yourself. He doesn't have to know. Your counselor will guide you.If money is an issue, call a non-profit organization, like Catholic Family Services....or maybe start out by calling a women's shelter. You will discover that you ARE worthy of a decent and giving partner and that you are strong enough to do what you have to do to save yourself and your kids.
Best wishes to you.

You sound like you need some time for you. Sounds like your husband needs to realize that he has a good woman. Pray, and try to find something that makes you happy. God will provide.

I think you need to leave and not come back until he can show you a little respect and give you credit where credit is due. Sounds like he wants a mother and not a wife. So, make him go and live back with his mom. I am sure he will wake up and realize that he really needs you in his life and make some changes. There are only very few things a mother will do. If he doesn't, well you are probably better off anyway. As far as him telling you that no-one else will love you, that is just his way of trying to convince YOU of that. Some men have to knock you down to their level so they can try to feel good about theirselves. I have a little sister that I feel her boyfriend is keeping her self esteem low so he can justify not making anything of himself. Also as far as the housework goes, I would tell him to do it himself. I would not do anymore housework until he can start helping out. You also have a full time job of taking care of children. If he wants perfection then he needs to perfect it. I hope I can help with this in any way. If you take a stand and let him know it will not work this way, he will either change or move on. You would be better off.

Wow! U need help. Your kids need to see there mother happy.

Hi A.:

I'm sorry that you are going through this, but leaving is easier said than done. I know you all probably watch the news and have seen in just this month along how men are being overly obsessive and controlling and harming the one’s they “supposedly” love. You need for him to be your husband not your dad. Maybe you should try to talk to your husband because obviously he is unhappy. You may not even be the problem, but because you are there he takes his problems out on you. If he expresses that he will continue to behave in this manner, don't pay any bills (keep the money) and LEAVE. You have to remember you have two kids to feed. You don't want to be depending upon anybody. AND if at ANY TIME he displays violent behavior, seek a women's shelter because you don't want him to harm you or the children. You are a strong woman and don't let nobody tell you different. There is help out there. Stay in prayer and ask God (or whomever you look to for spiritual support) to deliver you out of your current situation and he will make a way.

I will pray for you also.

Be blessed.

Hello, my name is C. and I wish I could help you with the kids. I sometimes baby-sit when my neighbor needs me to.
I wish you could talk to your mom and/or mother-in-law.
Both should be willing to help you since they're grandbabies are close by. Let them know you need some relief, you Deserve it!
But, I am really not great at giving advice, but if you need to talk just e-mail me anytime. My parents have both passed away, and I'm 34, 165 lbs. with two teenagers and a 4 yr old. These days are very trying on my nerves. i'm divorced from the first husband and separated from my last child's father. It took a horrible thing to get separated from him. He is real mean when he doesn't get what he wants or needs still, to these days. I don't want to sound religious either, because I need to go church more often than I do, and praying and relying on God helps get through the really rough times.
So, I am looking forward to hearing from you if you can.
C. in Texas~~Best of luck and prayers for you!

Dear A.,
This guy will probably never change but have you tried threatening him that you'll leave? He is trying to break you down in making you think no one will love you but he is wrong! I would not stand for that! This is the 21st century...we're not cavewomen who need to wait on men hand and foot! Relationships should be equal to a point. I can understand the cooking and cleaning for the most part because you're a stay at home mom. But those are his kids too and he helped you make them so they are his responsibility too! I would kick him to the curb! I'm sure your self esteem is low because of him but I think if he's not willing to change...you should figure a way out and fast! Sorry, that's just my opinion. I don't put up with any BS from men. No woman deserves that!

Love, C.

First you need to get yourself some counseling. I am afraid that being in that relationship has perhaps messed with your self esteem. Then perhaps getting some marriage counseling will help also. It's not an old fashion mexican thing...if that were it he would not have married a white girl. He is just taking advantage of you. And it has nothing to do with being Mexican. He expects the house to be clean and his clothes laid out because you've always done it. You don't need to find another man. You need to be self-sufficient and independant. If after the counseling he still does not fulfill your expections then you need to take steps to be independant.
Good luck,
G.

Get out. He has started demeaning you with insults regarding your weight and looks. Do not let him lower your self esteem because he is a miserable person and has to insult you to make himself look better. Do not believe him when he tells you no man would love you because you have children. That's a crock of sh*%!!!! I have 3 and found a wonderful man that loves them all. He is ignorant in his beliefs and will not change. Be very careful if you stay. He will continue to belittle you and is could very possibly lead to violence. That is how my violent relationship started. I would have told him to kiss my A@# had he woke me up at 4:30 am to wash 2 plates and forks. GET OUT!

Well dear......I think that you already know the answer of your question, I think that you are making a deam good job already, it sounds that he is a jackass, please think about your desicions, it is important now that you have kids, love yourself a lot and you will see that staying with the guy is not the answer, and just for the record,he is not a traditional mexican guy(i'm from mexico) he just think that you are his slave ok?

good luck

My advice would be to get out before its to late.
Nobody deserves to be treated as a slave. You are your
kids role model, You dont want your kids to grow up direspecting you also.be strong! You will find you
will have alot of support.
Good luck
M. C.

Been there done that. Staying and being belittled you start earning your keep, you do all these things to make it better, but ga why is it getting worse. I learned after my divorce how much my daughter was warped from the disfunction. You don't want your kids growing up disrespecting you and thinking this is how it is suppose to be. You'll do your kids a world of good by leaving. Hun God never wanted us to be door mats but a help mate. Help mate simply is side by side making a life together. God instilled in us woman's intuition to help them when they are walking into it. He created us to complete man not to be a slave. The bible says to submit which means nothing to with being a slave. You have a full time with the kids and if he had any since he would respect that and give you a hand. He's down and out he's not happy with himself which has nothing to do with you, you so happen to be there. I'm just repeating what everyone has already told you. Let me see if I can tell you something thats probally on your mind hm how about support. Okay if its support financially hunny this is TEXAS and the law is on your side and if he has a job and you have a child support order its garnished from his paycheck. He has no control on you if you don't let him have it. Child support is totally different from visiting rights so if he never picks them up who cares he still has to pay the support. If you go thru a divorce never let him talk you into using the same lawyer because since he's the one with the job then he'll probally be paying that lawyer so the lawyer will do things in his favor. you intitled to his 401, retirement and depending how long your married his social security. There is help utilize it. If you can stay and save some money for a rainy day because he is set in his ways and by no means someone waking you up to wash a dish or two is an well you know and he's not even looking to have a marriage just a house keeper. I'm sure with no doubt you'd lose that wait if you werent with him he has beat you down and I'm sure you have forgotten what makes you tick and makes you happy girl get a journal and write down what used to make your day complete. You like to sing go karoke however its spelled or join a church choir. RE find yourself your soooooooo young my daughter is almost your age and I cant imagine. Just know that if you seek God's help he has a perfect plan for you and the perfect husband. God made you, he knows what makes you complete, he made your personality he has it all layed out for you. BE all God wants you to be. Your a beautiful person, be it and don't be that punching bag anymore. Trust me if you stay your kids are going to lack respect for you. Do you want teenagers walking all over you. Trust me that day is coming if you stay and your daughter will probally find a man who treats her the same way. GET OUT

this is 2007 men help out alot now with the house hold and children u didnt make them urself he needs to help u and making hurtful comments about your weight is not a very loving thing to do i would talk to him and tell him if he cant help you out and he doesnt like your body then you will go find someone that does

Hi A., I'm so sorry to hear how your husband is treating you. I hate to say it, but I don't think things will get better. Guys that mistreat their wives tend to go on mistreating them, and it seems like he's acting like a typical hispanic husband. My husband's side of the family is mexican, and the guys traditionally don't do anything when they are at home. The wife does everything.

A husband has a responsibility to love his wife, and your husband doesn't seem to give you love or respect. He's treating you like a maid, not a wife. And it's perfectly reasonable for you to expect he would spend time with your babies and help you when you need it. It's a problem that he doesn't want to give attention to your children. You can't make this situation better by trying harder. You're doing too much already. If anything, it sounds like you need to set some boundaries so that he will respect you. Maybe it would be a good idea to take some time away from him. Do you have support from friends and family? I hope so. It's harder to make changes in your marriage when you are alone. I wish you the best and pray things work out well for the sake of your children.

I feel so sad for you. Your relationship with your husband should be loving, not sad like this. Yes, I do a lot more for the kids than my husband does, but he helps when I ask. It's just easier for me, it comes more naturally. But, he never complains when I ask him for specific things to help me out.

My best friend was in a relationship similar to yours. We often talked about the fact that he acted like a traditional Mexican man. Funny thing was, he wasn't Mexican - she was. LOL Anyway, my point is, after years of trying to leave, she finally did. (he would always guilt her in to staying, saying he would commit suicide) She finally called his bluff and left. 2 months later she met her now fiance, they are getting married next month! He is the polar opposite of her ex, and she's totally happy. She is an equal with her fiance. That is so very important.

I truly hope you have the courage to do what you need to do. Not only for yourself, but for your kids. My mom was a single mother for a while, and I was very happy with her. We may have struggled financially, but I wouldn't have traded living with her for anything in the world. And knowing she was happy made me happy. Your kids know when you're not happy.

Ouch, I really hurt for you. You sound like me 17 years ago. I would love to talk to you, give me you number if you feel comfortable talking to a stranger about this. I too got married young ( at 20) to a man very much like you husband, and had one boy at 23. Than things only got worse, he did not want to help at all, and never acknowledged all the work I did. I became physically sick in the relationship from the negativity and got divorced when my son was barely one and a half. I had no family around and had to go on wellfare. A lot of tough history in between, then 4 years ago I married again and had a baby girl 17 months ago. Guess what. Man are the way they are, I am very unhappy in my marriage again, but do not want to put my little girl through the same things my son had to go through. I don't know the right answer other than, make sure you raise your son in a way that he will respect woman, somewhere I feel it is our fault for raising boys the way we do. I don't know. I would love to hear from you to let you know my story. I told a friend the other day if I had known all men are the way they are I would have stayed married to husband number one. I am now 39, 118 pounds, take good care of myself, but that does not by you any more love. Do take care of yourself, lose the weight for you, not him, be beautiful and happy despite him, don't become a victim. Laugh for be the bigger person, feel sorry for the way he is, it is his loss in the end.
I truly hope I can help you
C.

Sweet heart you need to get out of that house and away from him. I am 26 yrs. half mexican and white. i know how some mexican men can be. they want their women at home preg. and taking care of their ever needs. that is not the kind of life you or your kids should be living. If he is not willing to change or help out with his kids then you dont need him. you can always find someone who will care and help you and love you for who you are. you are not someone slave. i wouldn't take that from anyone. do you want your babies growing up seeing how a man treats a lady? i don't think you want them to. call a family member and see if you can stay with them. if i was you if/ and when you get out of this marriage don't let him know where you are going. always agree to meant somewhere if he wants to see his kids. but i wish you the best of luck with whatever you decided to do. i will keep you in my prays. god bless.

First I have to say that you are an amazing mom and very strong, But you should not have to put up with that kind of behavior There are plenty of good hearted men who would treat you a million times better. just because you are married does not mean you have to be his maid or cook. I totally understand about the Spanish background I grew up in the same situation my mom did everything for my dad and even had us serving him as we got older now that I'm married she gets mad at me if I don't serve my husband his meals or get him drinks or anything he needs. I'm constantly arguing with her that now a days women and men are equal and I sometimes serve dinner and he sometimes servers dinner. my husband is constantly working also but he always manages to help me when I need it. you just need to ask your self what is best for the kids and what is best for you to be happy. No matter what you'll always have support here.