My beautiful 2.5 yo son just gave away his shisher (pacifier) last Wednesday. He has had one since birth and it is the ONLY thing he has attached to (besides parents). He has not been too interested in special blankets or stuffed animals.
Well...We had a VERY rough night Wednesday - crying, screaming, throwing a fit for 2.5 hours total (at two different points during the night). Thursday and Friday went beautifully! - Not a single tear or scream and he slept all night! We were so excited. BUT...Saturday and Sunday were horrible again!
He's been mostly okay at nap time. It takes him a long time to get to sleep...but he doesn't freak out like he does at night. I knew this wouldn't be easy...but I never thought it would be this hard - with screaming for (literally) hours, sobbing, jumping up and down in his crib, throwing things out of his bed...he even started hitting things (including his head) on the wall to get our attention! We moved his bed into the middle of the room to keep him safe.
We've tried going in to comfort him during these screaming fits, but it just seems to make things worse and last longer. We've started trying to ignore them as much as possible (although that is quite difficult at 4am!).
Anyway...I know we should have done this earlier, in my head I know it is not going to last forever, but is there anything else we should be doing? Even just some general reassurance would feel nice.
Well...the end seems to have come! Your positive thoughts and words were appreciated and helped me make it through a couple of those tough nights! In retrospect, he actually did pretty well. We had three really terrible nights spread out over a week...then that was the end. He is going to sleep quickly and easily now. He actually didn't even mention his pacifier after the second day without it...even though he had a difficult time getting to sleep. It was nice to hear other moms who had been through this situation before say "it will get better" and "you are doing the right thing". I think we all have to keep in mind that this forum is for us to support one another - not criticize - and that virtually every parent honestly does the best they can with what they have and know at that moment. Although some didn't think taking away the pacifier was the "right thing to do" - it was for us and I knew that even during those tough nights! Thanks for your support, ladies. :o)
My son loves his Pacifier also, he is only 10 months. Just keep at it and eventually he will forget about it. Good luck
My boys both loved their pacifiers as well. I think some children are just more oral than others. Around age 2 or 2 1/2 we started just having them at night. By about age 3 they were completely ready to give it up on their own and we had virtually NO issues. He may just not be ready for it yet? I just always thought of it as a comfort thing and what harm can it really do? I say let him keep it a bit longer at night but the rule is that it has to stay in his bed. When he gets out of bed, the pacifier stays on his pillow. It worked great for us! Good luck!
It will end.... I nursed my daughter until she was 26 months, and I was pregnant and it was painful. She was very attached to nursing--kind of like a pacifier. She was nursing 4-6 times a day still and several times at night. Night time weaning was the hardest. She would wake up and just cry, and ask for "nu-nu." I would just go in and sit on her bed (she was in a double bed by then). Holding her made it worse. I would just sit and pat her, and then she would eventually (45 minutes later) calm down and want to be held. Then I would hold her until she was asleep. The first four nights were awful. And the first two weeks were still tough. Eventually though, she began to sleep all the way through the night without waking or asking to nurse. I don't like leaving her alone to cry, so even though she didn't necessarily need or want me, I would sit there and tell her things like, "I love you. I know it is so hard to grow up." Or, "Oh, sweetie, I am sorry you are so upset." It is really tough--hang in there, though, it gets better. But at 2am, it sure seems like it will never end. Good luck.
There most definitely is an end!!! Our first daughter was about that age when we got rid of her binkies - she was way attached. We had bad nights for about the first week...but for months after, when she was upset, she would ask for it. I decided we had waited way too long to get rid of it...lesson learned, I guess!
Hang in there - all things come to an end!
We had the binky fairy come and take it away (and give it to some poor child who had no binky - kind of gross in retrospect). In exchange, he got a gift. Once it understood that it was gone, it really turned out to be no big deal for him - probably closer to 3 but only had it for naps and bedtime. Luckily, my twins never liked the binky, so I only had to do it once.
Good luck!
S.
There is an end. My 3 year old gave it up... 10 days was the turning point... much easier after that (easier every day up to 10 days, after about day 5) So, hold on, and soon he will forget!!
Yuck. Yes these phases really suck because all you want to do is comfort. The reality is he is re-learning how to comfort himself. Which he needs to do. It is a life long skill. If he has had a couple good nites, then they will increase. I promise. I would not hold or rock until he falls asleep, your are just replacing pacifier. My 2yr old has started falling asleep on the floor by the door, not sure why... but it seems to be more comforting for him. ugh. But we make him wake up and put himself to bed or we would be putting him back in bed all nite long.
Good luck, and this too shall pass. Opening a door for a new challenge. I am learning!!!
My heart goes out to you--those long nights are tough. Have you considered a replacement security item? Maybe you could take him to the store to pick out a special stuffed animal or soft blanket to sleep with...?
Our son had a really hard time giving up his pacifier too. So we got him something to replace it. He has a teddy bear that has a night light in its tummy. He loves to cuddle with it and it helps with his insecurity that he feels at night.
You can tell him that since he is a big boy now, he needs a big boy toy. Take him to the store and let him pick it out. Then he gets something good to help him with his loss and does not feel like he is being punished for growing up.
Maybe if he only uses it at night, it isn't so bad. He'll grow out of it. I tell my daughter to leave her paci in her crib when she wakes up and she exchanges it for her Bunny. She's fine with that. She's 20 months and the doctor said it was fine. 2 1/2 is a bit older. I'd ask your doctor.
could it be something else? teeth perhaps? 2 is a super rough age to have such a cold turkey change, you could see if he's interested in the paci, and try again at 3 when things in a tots brain and world are less confusing. . .good luck
Hi Elizabeth,
I am willing to bet you are going to receive many responses to this because most of us have been there. There is absolutely an end...IF you stick to your guns. I remember how very hard it is. This battle is so difficult because it hits you when you are tired and vulnerable and because you feel sad for your poor child who is understandably having a hard time soothing himself. First, don't blame yourself for any of it. He needed the pacifier...you needed him to have the pacifier, and now it is time to put in the work to get rid of it. Doing it sooner probably wouldn't have changed things that much. Second, know that this could take weeks and the process will have good days and bad ones. He may be fine without it for two weeks and then get sick or something and start crying for it again. If you expect those set-backs I think it makes it easier to tolerate when they come. Third, only you and your Husband can decide how best to handle the crying in the middle of the night. Don't let others tell you that you are doing something wrong. Try their strategies only if they sound good to you. For me, I actually ended up sitting in my daughter's room on a chair or on the floor for the first little while and calmly reassured her by telling her stories and humming to her. Then after a few nights I limited the talking and just reminded her that she was okay but that it was sleep time. Eventually I was only in her room for 15 minutes before she fell asleep. I enjoyed that time and it worked for her as well. When she was about 4 she was able to be tucked in and I would just leave. I actually missed the time that she needed me, but it was very nice to be able to walk away and have some time with my husband in the evenings.
You will bet through this! Take care,
B.
My question would be why does he have to give it up??
He is only 2.5!
I mean the simple idea is yes we should never give our kids things that sooth them, but we do and then at random we ask them to be adults about it and give it.
I just don't get it.
To me he is just a little boy not a man. He isn't in school walking around with his friend using a paci. He is now home with you and even if he was as a sitter, still makes no difference.
Kids do outgrow attachments like this at their own pace.
I think it is pretty rare to see a big kid walking around with a paci, thumb or blanket in public. Yes in private they can last a bit longer, but they eventually go away.
My sister did the thumb and blanket thing well into elementary, but we never saw it. It was her private thing at night. I on the other hand woke up on my 5th birthday and declared myself all grown up and never sucked my thumb again.
Of course it did help that my parents always said things like big kids don't suck thumbs, but they NEVER made me give it up. They just planted the seed that helped me to realize on my own terms what needed to be done.
Even though my sister took a bit longer, she got the message as well and that is why it became her private thing.
I mean you have already taken it away, so I hope others can help you now with advice, but I guess this is for others- ask yourself why?? Are you trying to live up to the moms next door or some book that tells you to make them give it up. If so I would say trust your gut and heart. Kids these days seem to be a mess... we need to ask ourselves why? We just don't allow them to be kids...
Anyhow I do feel bad for your hard nights. I hope they get better! Good luck.
It won't last forever, maybe another week. He is mad, upset and I totally get it is so hard hearing him all worked up. Remind yourself it is really a positive for him not to have it and as hard as it seems, just keep reminding yourself what a good thing you are doing for him.
Some may say give it back to him, but do not do it. Habits like this are not easy to break after the year mark and you have to hang tough so he understands fully and not a bigger battle later.
I would take him to the store, have him pick his own "snuggle buddy" out. Both of my kids got attached to specific things later when they were around your son's age, my daughter a old baby tshirt , my son attached himself to his baby blanket. They still sleep with them. So he can redirect his security on an object at his age. Just let him pick it out.
During the day really talk about how proud you are of him and what a big boy he is. I suggest doing a chart too, put it up so every night it is less chaotic and less screaming give him a visual reward, a sticker. Tell him if he gets 10 stickers you will take him out and get him a nice big boy surprise. Having something you can remind him about and something to see and strive for can help. Another suggestion is if you celebrate Christmas, have a family male friend or relative and call him telling him it is Santa and how proud Santa is of him being a big boy, re inforcement from the outside sometimes is a huge thing for kids.
Give it time, stand tough and do keep reminding yourself it isn't forever.
It will pass. It's so hard not to try to figure out how to control it or make it easier. Stick with the same bedtime routine for the feeling of stability and security. You can always put the same stuffed animal in his bed everynight without trying to push it on him...it's just there. I've done that with two of my daughters. Somehow, they've attached but not...they don't need or have to have it, but they like that I put it in their beds...it's routine. They like it, but don't have to have it. You don't have to talk him into being happy without his binky. You can accept his tough time and sadness with a hug and reassurance to him that you know how he feels and it will get better.
There is an end. I went through this with my daughter. I agree with Amanda R - with one twist. It really seemed to help when we would go check on her periodically & reassure her that we were there. But we would only stay a minute or two & we wouldn't get her out of her crib. Instead of going back every 5 minutes, we started at 5 and each time increased the interval by 5 minutes...so 5 min, then 10 min, then 15. She knew we were there and cared, but she quickly gave up the screaming - it just wasn't worth screaming that long to make us come back for nothing. It also helped my frame of mind because I immediately saw progress. The screaming lasted less and less time each day until it stopped altogether. Hang in there!
Hi. My firstborn gave up her binkie around the same age. She didn't have too much issue because we "made it her choice". We let her put them in a bag, hang them in the tree outside and told her that the "binkie fairy" would come and take them to the tiny babies in the hospital since she was a big girl and didn't need them anymore. In the morning she was surprised with a big gift.
Good luck, and remember you are doing it for his own good. Be strong mom!
Hi Elizabeth,
Yes, it does get better. We did the same thing with our little girl when she turned 3. She too was extremely dependent on her binky. She also had many fits during naps and at night. After about a week of trying to ignore her and reassuring her that she is a big girl and only babies use binky's she finally get used to soothing herself to sleep. It has now been 4 months and we don't even think about it anymore. In fact she found one under the couch the other day, stuck it in her mouth and ran to me and said, "Look Mommy, I'm a baby!" Then she spit it out and tossed it in the trash! After all we went through to break her habit, I almost broke into tears when she willingly chucked it! :) So stick too it, be calm and reassuring and be confident that you are doing the best thing...and that it WILL get better. :)
You know I have a daughter who will be 3 in February, and I still let her use hers for bed-time and in the car. I'm really not too worried about it, because I sucked my thumb for a very long time, and turned out okay.(Probably shouldn't admit to that) I gave it up when I was ready. I do plan on trying to talk her into it at 3 because it is kind of a pain if you can't find one. She also though does have a special blanket that I'll let her use for as long as she wants that might make my transition easier. My problem of course is I have a younger child that uses them, and she likes to revert back sometimes. So we'll see. Maybe he just isn't ready. Especially if he doesn't have anything else to soothe him. Hope that helps
I would take him to the store and let him choose a stuffed animal, blanket or something else that's safe to sleep with. Even though he hasn't gotten too attached to these things in the past, he may now since he doesn't have the security of the pacifier. Good luck to all of you, I'm sure it must be breaking your heart!
Yes there is an end! Hang in there, it is better to do it now while you have the momentum, you can do it! Maybe a few more rough days but it will over soon! Good luck!
When I took away my son's bottle, way past when I should have, it was a really hard night. The first night he cried for three hours straight. The next morning I called my mother and told her that I didn't care if he always used a bottle, that had been too hard. Her reply impacted me and I have applied it to so much since then...She said if you give in now, you have made him suffer for no reason. I didn't want to make him suffer for no reason and so I continued on and it got easier. My one bit of comfort, is that he most likely will not remember any of the hardship. You are doing all of the right things.
Yes, there is an end. Our son & his wife went through this with their son. What they wound up doing is cutting off the end of the pacifier. He could still hold it in his hand but didn't like the way it felt in his mouth.
Hope this helps a little bit...
I am so sorry. I know what you are going through. Been there 3 times. My oldest was the worst and I had to cut the tip of the binkie and then still give it to him. He hated it cut and didn't get any suction. So, he decided after a week that he hated it. Everynight he hated it but everynight he wanted a binkie so I kept giving him that cut one. So, he realized I wasn't giving in and he was getting the broken one. But, he watched me cut it and said bye bye to it. So, hang in there. It will pass. I know it seems like forever though.
When he starts to throw the fit I would wait a couple of minutes, then go in and lay him down and say bedtime and walk out. If he continues screaming and throwing a fit go in after 5 minutes and lay him down say bedtime and walk out. I would keep doing this every 5 minutes just so he knows that you are there for him, but that it is also bedtime.
