Please,I Need Advice About the Terrible Two's!!

I can't really help with the tantrums part, because I am still working on this myself. Isn't 2 fun?! Mine talks a lot and is still a little monster lately.

I did want to reassure you on the speech thing though.

I think that teaching 2 languages does delay a little bit. NOT to say you shouldn't do that, it just takes them a little longer to learn language in both and learn to process it and say what he wants. Once he does all that, he will be at an advantage knowing two languages, but in the meantime I have read that it can make them talk a little later.

Boys DO talk later on average, and 2 is still pretty young to be worrying about this.

And last, signing with baby can cause language delays also. Again, not to say you shouldn't do it. But it is the same as the 2 language thing- he is having to learn more than most kids. In your son's case- 2 or 3 words to my son's 1 word.

Tantrums can be worse due to not being able to express themselves. They get frustrated even more than another two year old, and they aren't known for their patience and self control anyway- lol.

You don't say how much he is talking, but if you are really concerned, you can go back to your pediatrician and tell the doctor you want to have him evaluated and possibly get early intervention for speech delay. I'm sure one of the moms on here that has done this will be able to tell you the process for this. I think some doctors like to wait until 2 1/2, but yours might go ahead and refer you now. I'd start making a list of all words that he does say, and include both languages plus the signs he knows. The doctor will want an accurate idea of his development, and so will a speech therapist if you do end up doing that. My nephew has a slight delay and at 2, my sister's pediatrician told her to start making a list, and she had a certain number of words he should have been able to say by 2 1/2.

I hope you get some good terrible two's tricks. Try not to worry too much, and just remember to take a deep breath (or 12) when he is acting up. I do a LOT of deep breathing these days :) Patience isn't really my strong suit either.

Here are a couple of things that has worked for me regarding the tantrums with my 2.5 yr old boy. It's usually about control, he wants it and I can't always give it to him, so try to give him a choice whenever possible. I pick out two weather appropriate shirts/pants and say "which one do you want", "blueberries or strawberries", "wagon or stroller". When there is no choice I try to transition him whenever I can. I'll say, "in a few minutes we have to go put your clothes on so we can do errands." or "on the count of three (in a fun playful tone) you need to get in your car seat". The car seat is my biggest challenge because he always wants to get in it himself and absolutely goes hysterical if I put him in it. I try to always keep it fun and when we have to hurry I tell him so and then make the rushing into a game.

All of this can be exhausting. Constantly thinking, what is he doing, how hard is it going to be to get him to do what we need to do next, giving him a heads up and choices seems to be the only thing that keeps our lives as drama free as possible.

I remember one day about 8 months ago, when my husband was home alone with our son all day and when I got home he said "I'm a terrible father." I was shocked, asked him why he felt like that, and he said that our son has just cried and screamed all day, all the things that he had set up for them to do that day just made him cry. When we got into the details, I said "He's a two year old now and we have to change our strategy." and that's when we started our tricks. Funny to think of it now but it was kind of shocking when we noticed he was becoming strong willed.

The language thing could be frustrating him too. He wants to talk, knows that everyone else can do it but he hasn't quite mastered that skill. Poor little guy, it's so hard to be 2!
I wish you all luck.

Relax. My daughter was not speaking sentences until 25-26 mos. It happened overnight, literally. She is 3 now, and her speech is above and beyond most children her age, so really...you should not be worried, I am surprised any doctor was really concerned at all, especially when you say he says a lot of different words, thats odd to me. Remember that it may take him just a tad longer than others...I am talking maybe a month here or two I am guessing because of the 2 language thing. I would hold off on the signing if I were you, it may delay his talking even more, if not overwhelm him completely at this point.
As for the tantrum thing, you HAVE to ignore it. When he starts, start a convo with your hubby. He needs to know that his screaming will NOT get him what he wants, ever. You can never let yourself reward whining or screaming by giving in, even if its just to keep him quiet, because he will just continue to scream because it works.

My daughter turned 2 in March and up until the beginning of May, she was the most even tempered, affectionate, non-temper-tantrum-throwing girl I ever saw...I was so proud!! THEN, she changed literally over night. Screaming, throwing herself down, going completely crazy over the smallest things and never wanting to hug or kiss anyone. I think the change was a combo of us just moving, terrible two's, and me being stressed which she was apparently very sensitive to. After a few days of this I decided to really pay attention to what was going on when she had her tantrums and 99% of the time, it was always something that she was trying to take control of. I decided to give her choices. Wow, did that make things easier. She felt she had control when really I did. Also, kids thrive on routines and schedules, so everyday, all throughout the day I would let her know what we were going to be doing. Also, I used humor, which at times was the most difficult thing to do when all I wanted to do was strangle her!!! If she was having a tantrum and she started jumping up and down and kind of throwing herself around, I would say "Are you dancing?!" and then I would start bouncing up and down like her and most of the time she would stop and start to laugh. The other thing I do that I know doesn't' work with every child is I would hug her. If she would start up, I would just kneel down in front of her and very gently grab her and hug her. It immediately works. Once she is calmed down, we talk about what was upsetting her. These strategies are not successful all the time, but most of the time they are...for me and my daughter. She is now, so much better with her tantrums and I am so happy because I was really caught off guard with her new personality!

As far as the talking goes, DO NOT WORRY! My daughter (27 months) just starting talking in two word sentences and then very soon after three word sentences which she now strings together in paragraphs. My husband and I were worried about her, but all of the sudden she started talking more and more and now, she talks non-stop and you can actually have a pretty good conversation with her. Your son will start talking and you will wonder why you ever worried. Good luck!

Two and three are the most frustrating possible time to be a person. The world is filled with tempting, fabulous things to do, see, and interact with. But parents have their own agendas, and the child doesn't have the language or the power to get what he want so badly. Some things he can't do because he doesn't have the motor skills. And when frustration hits, it hits really hard, and he has no impulse control, so it comes out as screaming, flailing, throwinghimself on the ground in rage and despair.

If you can keep that in mind, perhaps you can sympathize with the little guy, and not be so burdened by his negative behavior. Some kids get a bigger dose of frustration than others, or have shorter fuses, especially if they're hungry or tired or have had too much stimulation or too little unmanaged play time.

You say the Happiest Toddler approach doesn't always work. That suggests that sometimes it does. What any child this age needs is repetition. He'll learn self control only gradually over several more years, but it does get better. By four or so, many kids emerge into a more mature ability to reason, compromise, delay gratification, share. None of those are within the average two-year-old's reach, so it's up to the parents to anticipate their needs and keep the frustration levels down.