Postpartum, After My 3Rd Baby

I think, there is a misconception about taking meds. They aren't to make you "feel better." They are to fix an imbalance. Medications are NEEDED, for thousands of people out there. They aren't taken to make them feel good, they are given in appropriate doses, for medical imbalances. Will it make them feel better, yes. Because the medical need (imbalance) has been addressed. It's not like people are popping feel good pills. If you are truly depressed, something needs to be addressed. Postpartum depression can very quickly spiral into a dangerous mental state. (I'm not speaking of violence, or anything like that.) You should see a Dr., or therapist. You can specify, that you want to seek all other therapies, before medication is suggested. Either way, depression can't be left alone.

I agree with many of the posts. You need to force yourself to get out - simple as it may be. A Moms group, MOPS, or just going to the mall and letting the kids play at the "kids area" and talk with other moms and split a piece of pizza! I like the getting outside idea too. I had two kids 18 mos apart and put more miles on my double stroller that I wore the wheels off; I was so lonely! So no matter the weather, bundle everyone up - collect leaves and do leaf rubbings, crush them, jump in them, talk about all the different colors, go to the playground.
I also encourage you to do something for YOU. We give and give and give all day and then there is nothing left.....thus the blah feeling you may be feeling at the end of the day. I like the Yoga idea; or perhaps cake decorating, calligraphy, knitting, whatever interests you.
You may want to check into any "moms afternoon out". Our church has one for $5 just for some time alone.
You do sound like you have quite a bit of anxiety and I encourage you to speak with a counselor or trusted physician about that.
Us moms must care for ourselves!!

I don't take meds either so I hear you there. Do you have anyone other then the moms here to talk to? Does hubby know how you are feeling? It's important to make sure that you have shared with someone how you feel. I would suggest finding something for yourself. Like most SAHM you probably don't take a whole lot of me time and after a while it gets to the point where you feel like you've lost yourself completely. I get the mail every day. Yeah I know so do you but when I say I get the mail I go outside away from the kids, house, animals, dishes etc. I walk outside and it takes me maybe 5 minutes total (the kids can survive for 5 mintues without killing each other) I breath in the clean air, feel the sunshine if it's out and just enjoy being alive and alone for a few minutes. Days that it rains (or worse snows) I don't feel as centered because I lost that time. I would love more then 5 mintues a day but being an Army wife I tend to have no help with the kids so I can't take more. Try to find something that helps you feel like you are a person as well as a mom and make sure you talk to someone you can trust. Good luck!

Those of us who are go getters are at a higher risk for postpartum anxiety/depression. I think its because the hormones in our system take over our normally put together selves and we are not used to being out of control.

Just remember, its hormonal, it will go away. Focus on keeping active and talking with your friends and family. I have pretty bad pp anxiety, it hit initially and lasted over 2 weeks. I did go on xanax as I could continue breastfeeding on it, but was pushing myself to get off of it. My DR. was a bit concerned that I'd try too hard to get off against my better judgement and warned me it could go away for a while and show up later on. Thankfully it didn't and I ended up being off all meds at 2.5 weeks and was able to flush the rest of my initial 1 week supply without anxiety.

I don't believe in medication to solve true depression since its caused by stuff you're dealing (not dealing) with. If you really think that this depression is hormonally based and NOT about other issues in your life, I would not feel guilty for getting a very small dose of something to pick you back up.

However if there is a chance that this is bringing out some true issues, I'd go see a counselor and try to work through some stuff. See if you can find someone who does cognitive therapy, it works with thinking through your thought patterns and being sure you're not telling yourself lies. My mom is a counselor and does a lot of this type of work and has great results with both depression and anxiety. Unfortunately she's in KY or I'd pass along her phone number.

In my case it was totally hormonal because I didn't have any anxious thoughts, just a physical reaction of my heart racing and my brain firing so quickly that I couldn't think straight. I just felt like I was going to explode. It did help a ton to call my mom or other friends and just talk about how I was feeling, get all that worry out, and then change the subject and talk about something lighter. By the end of a 20 min conversation I was feeling so much better. However this was towards the end when the physical reaction was much less then initially. Initially I couldn't even lay down because it would make my symptoms worse, so getting sleep was even harder. But that did go away in a few days.

I just want to give you some hope, it does get better. Keep reaching out to your family and friends. Confide in your husband, find out how HE's feeling. Mine was a nervous wreck! He was used to me keeping the home functioning, he's the spastic one, and when I couldn't do it he freaked out. It helped a lot to talk through his feelings and mine together. And when I was most anxious it was wonderful to just lay in bed together with his arms around me, that was really comforting for both of us. And talking to him didn't make my anxiety worse, it helped us both calm down to know how we were feeling and compare them to the FACTS.

Best wishes!

After I had my second child, I was a wreck! Went back to work part time, my baby did not sleep through the night, at work I felt like I was demoted (I had worked at this company for 15 years full time), and taking "natural supplements" that I found out hurt me.

All of this made me a very unhappy person, to say the least. I realize this isn't exactly like your situation but looking back I believe part was post partum depression.

Having another child and since you have 3 it is a huge job. Stay at home moms and not appreciated. Also, I was laid off from my job when my daughter was 1 1/2 and son was 4. Big change for me. But LOVED being at home with them.

Here's what I did. I found out that not all things that are natural are good for us. Found whole food supplements from a reliable company, got on an anti depressant (only for 6 months), and prayed.

That was 13 years ago. I feel great today!

I understand you don't want to get on meds, but you may need something to kick start to feeling better sooner.

If you want to know what supplements I take, email me or call me at ###-###-####.

YOU'VE LOST YOUR "ME"!

I had a difficult delivery and went into a depression....I felt much the same way as you. Turned out it was not PPD, it was clinical depression - for which meds were necessary to combat the imbalance. I did feel down that I had to start taking meds, but they corrected my condition. Since then (my son is 8) I have tried to get off the meds and find that the imbalance comes back when not on them - definitely not PPD!
If I were in your shoes, I would try counseling......and getting out to regain your own person (separate from the Mom persona). When you have another hat to wear, it takes the pressure off losing your "me" identity by becoming a mom and letting your life revolve around the kids.

I have 3 kids who are similar ages to yours, and one on the way. We'll have 4 ages 4 and under in March.

When my second was born, he didn't sleep for 9 months straight and I felt a lot like you described - always an edge, always needed, always spread thin, always made to feel guilty. It was a tough chunk of time - and one I never thought would end. It finally did end, and I returned to feeling "normal" -- but that was after he started sleeping, and after I started reaching out for help!

I would definitely see if you can connect with other Mamas - play groups, story time, MOPS, coffee hours, etc. I know it's a lot of work to get out of the house with 3 kiddos so small, but it's worth it!!

I would also suggest some "ME time" - a night out with your girlfriends, mani/pedi/massage, going to a bookstore and curling up with a (decaf?) coffee and a favorite book. Basically anything that is "good for the soul" - and you don't have to worry about wiping noses or changing diapers or cutting up someone else's food :) Set a schedule to do this regularly. Just like you have to stay connected with your husband during early childrearing years, you also should stay connected with your girlfriends.

Talk with your husband about how you're feeling. Find a time when it's just the two of you and it's quiet (or as close to those as possible, haha!) and share your thoughts and feelings. Tell him you're not asking him to "solve your problems" (men have a tendency to want to "fix", no?) but that you just want to be heard, and understood. This might also be a good time to talk about scheduling that ME time, and get him on board!

While I don't believe medicines are the "be all, end all" to one's struggles, they certainly can help - even if they are temporary. What you're describing sounds like a chemical imbalance, resulting in anxiety and depression. I totally understand not wanting to take meds, so if that's not an option for you - can you meet with a medical professional to discuss your feelings, and point you in the right direction? Your OB, family doctor, Nurse Practitioner, a therapist. Or you can call your insurance company to find out what the coverage for a therapist. I think it's definitely worth finding someone who would be able to listen to you in an unbiased way, and help you build up some coping skills for when life gets stressful. Sometimes it's not enough to feel like you can just fix yourself...

3 young kids is a LOT of work, I totally understand Mama! Hang in there, you're doing a great job!!!

(((Hugs)))

I had PPD and felt very similar. At the end of the day, it would have taken a bulldozer to get me off my bum! I talked to my OB. He said that I was welcome to talk to a counselor, but after delivery, there are so many hormones going on, that it needs to be chemically balanced or talking won't help. I was on the medication for about 3.5 months. I hate medicating myself, but if it could help me, and make me a better mom, it was worth it to me. My baby is now 5.5 months and while I still am not awesome, I know it is because I don't get out enough, or exercise enough.

As for the SAHM, you just can't please some people. You feel that people look at you as if you sit on your bum all day. I feel that people look at me as a bad mom because my kids are in daycare while I work. You just have to let that go. Easier to do when you aren't PPD.

I've had PPA/PPD (post partum anxiety / depression) with both my girls. With my first I tried to tough it out and it almost ruined my relationship with my husband and my baby. It wasn't until about 6 mos pp that I finally started to feel "normal" again (and bond with my baby). The difference - was medication. With my second, I was proactive and got on it right away - VAST difference. I know we mamas like to be superwomen - and we are - but no different than diabetes or a heart condition, this is an imbalance in your body and you need medicine to get it back on track. I really hope you do check with your doctor about something for your anxiety. It will make everyone's lives so much better!

(Oh and just FYI - it will not turn you into a "zombie" or someone "not you"! I honestly forget that I have it in my system until something happens and I think "Wow - a few months ago I would have come unglued about that"!) My newest is 6 months and things are great. Best of luck!

I would still visit a doc, but in addition to that, get out with the little ones and go for walks. If you don't have a double stroller, pick up a mei tai carrier and pop the little one in (great workout, by the way). Nothing works better to clear your mind.

D.,

First, **hugs** for reaching out and asking this. I had pre-term labor and bedrest with both pregnancies. One thing they did not tell me with the first bedrest pregnancy is that high-risk pregnancies, births or premature births etc have an increased risk of PPD/anxiety. The hospital I delivered at has good support groups and the PPD support group had a "mentor" I could call, a mom who had been through it and got beyond it. It helped me a lot to talk to other moms who've experienced similar feelings. Check with your doctor or local hospitals to see if they offer any support groups.

Many women won't admit to it, but once the subject came up, I was amazed how many women had some sort of PPD/anxiety. Don't be embarassed about it and don't feel bad if you do end up taking any meds.

It's hard to get the ambition to do anything that will help yourself, but what helped me is forcing myself to go outside, get some fresh air and sunshine. If I felt really ambitious, I would put on a favorite upbeat song and make myself dance with the kids. They had fun and such a simple thing greatly improved my mood.

You will need to be honest and direct with your husband and ask him for help. Tell him specific ways he can help and tell him you are a caretaker all day but you need a little break and some TLC yourself. I gave my husband a book, The Postpartum Husband. If you have a family member that can come over and watch the kids while you nap, go for a walk by yourself, etc, ASK them and do not wait for them to volunteer.

My mom and I are close, but it took a lot for me to admit to her how I was feeling. She didn't completely understand, but she could at least relate and was more supportive and helpful after that (even though she lives on the other side of the state). I agree with others here about trying to find a local moms group too. It's a lot of work to get out of the house with 3 little ones, but it will be worth it.

Please try to get as much sleep as possible (ha ha), eat healthy and contact your doctor to find a support group and ask if there are any natural supplements that might help. Know that we here are all supporting you and your efforts to get feeling better. You will feel better. Hang in there!

I think you have many good responses from moms out there. For the sake of your kids, as well as you, see someone for help. That does not necessarily mean meds. There are support groups and talk therapy, which I think you would benefit from.

I think it is very hard to have three babies in three years; interestingly, it seems to be very common right now. I don"t know why this is such a trend to place your children so very close together as it is very hard emotionally, financially etc. This is not meant to be a criticism, but I think it makes motherhood less enjoyable and more stressful than it needs to be.

I been in your shoes after my 3rd child also. I have all 3 of mine kids close in age also. I,Now have a 5 year old,4 year old, and a 2 year old. So you can imagine when my 3rd child was born i had a newborn baby,2 and 3 year old. I had the WORST depression i ever had. I had bad thoughts(which I'm not going to say) and I prayed alot that it would all go away.I was blessed with a wonderful husband(whom we been together since highschool) had 2 beautiful girls and a newbaby boy and still didn't know why I had bad depression. I didn't tell anyone what I was going threw til after my depression went away. I didn't want to be on medicine and didn't want people to look at me like I was crazy. I think it was the stress at the time,that go ahold of me. My husband went back to work a week later after our son was born. I had a c-section that I was still recovery from. I was left alone bymyself after 4pm-1am. I had to fix dinner for the girls,bath them,feed the baby,bath the baby,cook my husband supper(for his lunch break),feed myself in between,wash clothes,clean and etc etc etc. Lucky after a few months my depression went away. THings started going back good for me again. I had everything planned out and schedule out also, that work for me.And just getting out of the house helps too....Hope things start working out for you!! If you need anyone to talk to,I'm here!!! :) I love someone to talk too!!! :)

I didn't have time to read the other answers, so this might be a repeat.

Have you joined any mom's clubs that meet during the day? I found that I feel much better now that I get out, with my kids, at least once a week. It gives them social time and experience with other kids their age...and it gives me girlfriend time with women going through the same experiences.

I've tried MOPS in the past, and now I'm in MOMS Club. The MOMS club you can look up online by your zip code. There's also meetup.com. I didn't have as good of luck with that one though. The other two are international clubs, and I enjoyed the structure.

Good luck. It must be tough raising such little ones. We're contiplating having our 3rd now and I still can't muster up the courage to even try. (my youngest is 15months).

Hi D.---I can empathize with your frustration. I remember not liking anyone or anything for a while after my second was born. It was a long time ago so I don't really remember what happened or what I did to get over it. But I did and I am fine, the kids are fine and my hubby and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary next year. But there are times...

You are right that meds are not the answer. Research shows that most meds cause more problems than help. I would recommend getting a book about cognative behavioral therapy...a basic philosophy is that you need to learn triggers and then 'stop your stinking thinking'. A central idea of CBT is that our perception of an event or experience powerfully affects our emotional, behavioral and pschycological responses to it. Of course you don't sit on your bum all day. Why would you ever let someone make you feel guilty about staying home?

My husband passed up many career opportunities by not acquiring an MBA. He stated that his legacy to this world would not be gauged by his job, but by the contribution and success of our 3 children.

First and foremost, you have the most important job in the world right now, caring for and teaching 3 little ones how to be functioning, contributing human beings. It is very easy to feel isolated with 3 that young. So, get yourself out of the house, with and without the kids. Join some sort of group, go out and volunteer. Hire a babysitter for a couple of hours a week. It will be far better, and cheaper, medicine for your mental health. EXERCISE. Research shows it is just as effective as drugs, without the side effects. Do some things for yourself. Think of it the same way as when flying. You are supposed to put your mask on first, then the kids. If you pass out, if you are no good for anyone! Same thing with needing to get out and away from the kids once in awhile. Doesn't make you a bad mom for needing to get away. Getting away makes you a better mom overall.

Please do NOT feel bad for your choices. But do be sure to evaluate those choices and then move on from there. It does no good to look back, that time is gone. Make moving forward, looking forward to what great things you will be able to do that day the priority. That attitude of gratitude will help to shake that 'stinking thinking'.

Lastly, be sure you are not eating negative foods that might contribute to bad moods. Feel free to contact me and I would be happy to share what constitutes an optimal diet. I am taking a series of classes taught by a Naturopath who has her PhD in Nutrition. We can see if any of her strategies may work for you...and your family!

Be well, why not? D.

I am the same way no meds thank you, but sometimes that is exactly what is needed. Please do not refuse it if that is exactly what is needed. I still have times like that ALOT. Please see a professional and have "you" talk time. You can sit and talk your feeling out with someone, maybe meds are not needed but a shoulder, that can give you excersises to correct things.

Good luck and I hope this is only a short time for you.

I think this is a totally normal thing to feel.
I have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I worked through my entire 1st pregnancy and a few months after my son was born. I LOVED my job. But had to quit because my son was too attached to me and would cry the entire time i was at work. So my hubby couldn't handle working all day then coming home to sit with a crying baby for four hours. So i quit.

I've been a SAHM ever since. Do I love being home with my kids...totally. Do i Miss having a job..OH YA.!
MY hubby is also a great man, works a lot at a horrid job, but really helps out as much as he can.
BUt I do sometimes feel the same way you do. I'm ALWAYS on the move. As mothers our job doesn't end. Its 24/7. And ya sometimes it feels like I'm always taking care of everything & everyone with nothing in return.

What really helps me get through it sometimes??
When the babies are asleep. I go for a drive. I go get coffee and chat on the phone with my mom or sisters. I also love to draw. So I will leave my hubby at home with the kids, grab a coffee, & sit outside and draw for an hour. Any little bit of time I can get to myself I TAKE it.
Try going for a walk alone. Go for a drive.
Or if you have any hobbies, ie drawing, reading, sewing etc take time to yourself when the babies are asleep or when daddy is home and do something alone.

Every once in a while, pamper yourself. And if it really is a problem you can never go wrong with talking to your hubby about it. If he needs to do more, tell him. Even if it's just giving you a 10 min massage to help you relax.

oh p.s. Please don't let people tell you that you need meds or a therapist etc. You aren't ODD for feeling this way. But I would say TALK to people. Hubby, mother, sister etc