I like Don C. Dinkmeyer's description of guilt: an expression of intentions we think we should have (or are expected to have) but do not in fact have. Often the result of pressure (from someone else, from something we said or did earlier or from oneself), guilt is used as an escapement -- a way of doing exactly what we choose to do, in spite of knowing perfectly well it is the wrong thing (for us) to do as we do it.
Diapers are to keep the volume of laundry and upholstery cleaning to a minimum. They are not a punishment (even for moms) or a reward for children.
I'm confused, though -- you are taking a child requesting to use the toilet appropriately to the toilet when she indicates a need and that's a problem how?
Often, smart little people work out that 'some' of the family gets to stay up as late as they feel like, and 'others' have to go to bed at some artibrary hour, unrelated to sleepiness, the day's activities or the position of the sun in the sky. That this feels arbitrary (and sometimes insultingly personal) to a child is understandable -- it is arbitrary.
I am not suggesting *not* having appropriate bedtimes for a child, if that's what a family chooses to do... but ensure that the child can't see the hypocricy in the 'tiredest people not going to bed at a reasonable hour.'
One of the happiest and most balanced and settled mothers I have ever known had 5 kids under 7 when I met her... and explained how relaxed and well-slept she was simply with this: I was enormously happier with my life and my family when I gave up on the ludicrous idea that I could have time 'to myself' after the kids went to bed.
Really... is getting enough sleep a visible, real priority in your life, or just for the children in your life?