Potty-Training

Hi, I recently spoke to my doctor about this issue. He said that potty training very much depends on the generation. In the 50's, children were potty trained by 1 1/2 because of cloth diapers and the larger families, that potty training was a necessity. In the 80's the typical age was 2. Now, the typcal age for potty training is 3. Hope that helps give things a different perspective.

Lynda,
There is nothing you can do to hurry your friends along the potty training trail. Its their family and their decision. If you dont like it... dont invite them over.
T.

Hi Lynda,
You do have a delimea...... I am a mom of 12 and I can tell you from experience all children do not "potty train" the same. My girls were potty trained before or at two- my boys sometimes at least 3 and maybe 3.5- but my boys were atleast in 'big boy pants" before age 3- no more diapers for me- and this was all before disposable diapers...... I would simply suggest that your friends use the bathroom floor to change diapers of any age child- and dispose of the dirty diapers in the outside trash themselves.........just simply ask" would you mind changing your child in the bathroom so the child can have privacy and dignity..... or something to that effect- then I would simply say- the container for dirty diapers is outside- would you mind using that......if it offends them ...sorry....but you have the right in your own home to set the rules in that regard. I think you can do this without upsetting your friends. Good luck

Hi Lynda,
I'm an early childhood development and education specialist, specializing in infants, toddlers and preschoolers and have been for 25 years.

I think you should be aware that your experience with your children is extraordinary and not the "norm" at all, not now or ever....you're very very fortunate that your children put up no resistence to potty training at such a young age. So, it's really not unusual for your friends to have children as old as 3-4 just now potty training. However, that doesn't mean you have to put up with feeling uncomfortable in your own home....different issue altogether. THere's no need to judge the mother's on whether they are potty training at the correct age....you only know YOUR experience with it which is not a "normal" experience.....you can and should judge them on whether or not they respect your home with regards to your boundaries with changing their child's diaper. Any conscientious and considerate mom or dad will take a poopy diaper home with them or ask where the outside trash is and take it out there. If you don't want them changing the child in your room, tell them where the changing area is (maybe keep a small blanket handy and lay it down in a corner somewhere that IS comfortable for you and direct them to use that area for changing. Give them a plastic bag when they start to change the child and non-challantly tell them where the outside garbage is since you are very smell-sensitive and would prefer the diapers be kept outside. Some gentle "hints" about your boundaries will probably do the trick but judging the moms about THEIR child's potty training time-table is only going to put them off the same way you'd be put off if someone judged you for YOUR parenting choices.
It sounds like your friends just don't know what your boundaries are so they can't comply and you're wishing they'd know without your having to tell them just by virtue of the fact that their children are "too old" in your opinion, to be wearing diapers...fact is, they're children may be right on target for their bodies and the real truth is you'd probably be just as offended by a one-year-olds smelly diaper in your home as a 3 year olds. You have a sensitivity to smells and cleanliness and your friends should be told about it clearly so that they can try to accomodate you and be sensitive to you. But I agree, they're being extra UNsensitive if they're leaving poopy diapers in your trash.

Good luck to you. You really were blessed with the early potty trainers. Some children are like that but in my years of training hundreds of children I can tell you that some children's bodies are just not as developed at 2 as your childrens' obviously were and some children are not in the emotional phase to accept toilet learning at that age either.....some are younger than your children....16 months for one of my little ones because HE wanted to, like your children. Mostly, little ones DON'T want to at 2...you were lucky.

Good Luck.
L.

I think often times parents are lazy. My son was trained by 2 and we're working on our daughter who will be 2 in Jan. I have a gf who's son was not trained until 4 and it was because she didn't know what to do. (weak excuse I know)

As for your friends, I suggest buying cheap ziplocks and having them dispose of diapers in those, I keep them in my car so we don't gag on the way home when there is no trash can around. And as for changing on your couch, just tell them you'd prefer they didn't. Your bedroom is fine off limits! I've changed all of my kids on the floor 90%, even in my home, just in case, it's not a big deal. Keep a towel around to offer for under the kiddos for those accidents.

There's isn't a nice way to tell people that kids in diapers aren't welcome in your house.

That said, it's your house and you can make whatever rules you like.

If you do have anyone with children in diapers over again and you smell that the kid needs a change, just say "Oops, smells like someone needs new pants. You can change them in the bathroom, there's an old towel and some plastic bags under the sink. And I'm going to ask if you could take it outside to toss it out." Most moms of diapered kids won't even blink if this was said to them. I know I always ask where I can change my son and where to toss a diaper.

Or, meet them at the park or the mall or somewhere outside your home where you don't have to deal with it.

Hi Lynda,
I can honestly say that your question baffled me because I was unaware there were moms who are still changing diapers of near 5yr olds. That is why they call it teaching or training. Many people don't want to do something that involves effort or vigilance. It is easier to ignore it. Not many children want to practice spelling or time tables but that is what is required to learn them. Any day care facility will not take a child who is not potty trained between ages 2-3. Of course I am not addressing children with special needs or handicaps, but the average child.

When my friends and I had diapers to change, we took along plastic bags to place the soiled diaper and wipes in then placed it in outside garbage can as a matter of consideration to the person whose home I was visiting. We placed a towel or changing mat down first to lie the child on in case of wiggling or other which would have soiled the friends couch or bed.

I suggest you close and lock your bedroom door to keep visitors out of your private space. Have a towel or such available and some small scented garbage bags at hand when the friend begins to change her child. Tell the mom it will be more comfortable for the child. Then hand them the plastic bag to place the soiled diaper in. You can then go to the restroom or to get snacks or whatever while they tend the child. Tell them to place the diaper in the wastecan just outside the door. If you must explain, tell them you feel queasy. I would avoid giving instruction and advice with your friends unless they ask.

If that doesn't work, call and ask them to meet at a park or public place. Tell drop in friends you were just on your way to the store or such. Then you can arrange the length of time they stay or where you visit.

A parent who does not make the effort to train a child in whatever they are at an age to learn is doing the child a disservice. IMO if a child "refuses" to learn, perhaps it is because the parent "refuses" to teach.

Peace, C.

I haven't read any of your responses, but yes, it is more common. Pediatritions tell moms not to event hink about potty training until they are 2. Many don't start until after 3. They wait until the child is "ready".

Personally, I agree that this is gross. My daughter was done by 18 months. I started at 9 months and made it fun and I never pushed her, I TRAINED her.

Before the invention of disposable diapers, 95% of children were trained by two. Many by 18 months. Children have not become stupid. Hoever, how much can you do when the pediatritions are even recommending to wait? People are always so amazed when I tell them you yound my child was, and then make excuses. Oh, she's a girl, they train early. Oh, you stay home, you have sooooo much time on your hands. Oh, you started so early, I'm not willing to deal with that hassle.

They are all excuses as to why the parent doesn't want to take the time to potty TRAIN their child and instead they wait until the child has decided they are done being in diapers.

As for your friends, I would simply tell them you cannot handle the smell of their older children's poop. They either need to not bring them until they are trained or maybe they need to remove them to change them in the car? And leave the poopy diaper in the car as well? I'm pretty blunt and have no problem telling my friends when something bothers me. Good luck!

I'll be honest, I think we as parents are lazy!! Myself included!! My first son was almost 4 when he was trained. But, I will add he has autism, we lived in Germany and were moving from there back tothe US, from Michigan to Louisville to Houston and now to where we live. Potty training in the middle of all that was torture and something I was very careful about. Then, I missed the boat with my little one. He had to be trained by three so he could go to preschool. That became my motivation. I think today parents are afraid to *make* their kids do anything. We are now taught, they will do it in their time. Well, with kid number 2 who is neuro typical, he was a nightmare to train. He just had no interest. So when push came to shove, it was two weeks to toilet boot camp, more for me than for him. After two weeks he was trained. He may need therapy when he is older but he got into preschool!! So, again, from my personal experience and in my own opinion, we are lazy. Woman from the early 1900's and much earlier had children trained asap, there were no disposable diapers. They coudln't be wahshing laundry all the time with all the work that they had to do. Today, disposable diapers make it impossible to train a kid. Pull ups are even more of a joke. Toilet training is about the parents and not the kid, and I was one of those lazy parents!! LOL. I say this all the kindest way people, please don't take anything personally. I think once you get your kids past being potty trained, you realize it is you that is trained not your kid. Now if I coudl only get them both to wipe their tushies better.... got any advice on that?

As far as changing their kids at your house... hand them an old towel and a grocery bag and say, if you do not mind, please chuck the diapy in the outside trash. I am past that age and over that smell!! They will understand. I always took my diapers with me or asked for an outside can or how to dispose of it.

Thats crazy! I've never heard of such a thing...5? REALLY? Their children REFUSED? Hello! You're the parent, people.

I would tell your friends just what you said at the end of your post. It MAAY come off as rude but I'm sure they will get over it. Or at least tell them to bring a towel and their own bags to put the poopies in...and to take them out THEMSELVES!

I'm a very blunt person so I think the exact words you're looking for shouldn't come from me..lol. But I just wanted you to know that I agree with you. And 4 or 5 is way too late. Three I can understand, if the parents have, at least, been trying to train. 4 and 5 is school aged..

Alrighty, I hope you get this straightened out with your friend. Sounds like a serious confrontation is at hand. Good luck to you fellow mother of two.

Sorry I can't give you the potty training info you're looking for, but I can't help but get the shivers from your request. I'm not out to attack you so don't please don't take this the wrong way, but I would say you need to relax a little bit and stop being so judgmental. I know you want answers on why your friends children aren't potty training as fast as your kids did so why don't you ask them? I'm not saying asking moms this from this source is a bad thing because you will probably get some valuable answers, but your friends may not know that you are looking at their choices with what sounds like some resentment and contempt. If they are your true friends they will welcome your questions too. Furthermore, I think you need to be honest with them but not deny them visitation rights. These are your friends and a little diaper now and then isn't worth isolating yourself from your fellow moms. Ask them to dispose of the diaper away from your house and not leave it behind. I don't even bother to ask where to dump my kid's diapers unless a friends has a diaper pail to stuff them in. I always take mine with and dispose of them later. Along with you being a little more open minded to your friends they need to be opened minded to your sensitive nose. Also, provide a towel or something for the to do the deed on. It's a necessary evil, you know that. So just walk into another room while they are changing them. They don't need to go to your bedroom, I agree, that's personal space that just doesn't need to be invaded.

Again I want to stress the fact that it sounds like you're stressing out more about the fact that they are changing the diapers in your house and not why they are still diapering their children. I'm sure they have a good reason for it since no one really wants to change diapers for that many years. You just need to be honest with your friends and ask them. And try to be kind when you do it. They may be struggling with the issue and could be embarrassed by it. You don't want to hurt them further. Maybe they will want advise from you on how you got yours trained so fast. You never know what will happen in that conversation.

Oh, my sis-in-laws 3 daughters all started training around 3 yrs if that helps at all.

Good luck
Jen
http://www.mommysjoy.com

I don't know what to tell you about your friends. Maybe the children have learning disabilities? Not to be trained by five seems a little extreme. My pediatrician told me that boys generally are ready to train by three, girls earlier. We have two boys and the older one was ready by his third birthday. We tried to introduce the potty earlier than that, but he just wasn't ready. I have a two year old now that wants to do what his brother does, so we are hoping for a early training. I'm not going to hold my breath, though.
I'm with you on the privacy thing. You have every right to refuse your bedroom as a changing station. Why don't you try meeting your friends outside your home or at their place.
Good luck.

Hi Lynda,
I feel your pain especially when it comes to your privacy. I am a very straight foward person, I tell it like it is. My friends know me and know me well. I am a very frantic person and like for others to do the same with me. Tell your friend(s) how you feel. You can't force the potty training issue but you can say that they need to start bringing their own bags and to dump it in the trash outside. I hope this helps good luck.

Elisa

My son just turned 3 in November (5 days ago ) I plan to work with him in January after the holidays and when it is normally cold and wet. I am not lazy I talk to my son about it all the time he is not ready and I even bring up the fact that 2 of his cousins boys are potty trained. He will ask me several times a day to go potty on the big boy pot but he is not ready to wear under pants for some reason. I have stuggled with this and I also realize the only time I truely have a problem with myself is when others make me feel inadequate about my children. I am about to have my 3rd child and I would like to not have to buy diapers for him anymore.

Now telling people not to come over no more cause of dirty diapers would probally leave you friendless. The siuation can be handled as listed before. supply them with a plastic bag and plain just tell them the diapers need to leave with them. Please do not make your friends feel less than you because they have not met your time line standards. Unfortunately we are under to many people eyes of critisism. We either are to tough on our children or we are not tough enough and personally I get tired of feeling like a puppet to others. Please I am not being ugly to you I am just telling you how you may make your friends feel and is losing them over a few dirty diapers really worth it to you. Also you can tell them your bedroom and couch is off limits. I get on the floor with my children and I carry my own plastic bags that have an odor to them and I do not leave my diapers at their house the smelly ones go outside till I leave cause some smells are not able to be masked. Hope you have received any amount of help with your delima not necessarily from me but some of the previous advice you have received

My daughter was done at 20 months, but between myself and her daycare provider we were really determined. I intoduced the potty a little after she started walking. Just so it was there. And she was always interested when I went. So it just sort of came naturally. I've heard of kids not "wanting to" or "refusing" but I think a lot of it has to do with the parents. And there is some new research out that I don't nesiscarily agree with that you shouldn't force your child to potty train, but I think a three or four year old in diapers is ridiculous. My suggestion to you, because you can't control your friends lives would be to do a few things. If you want, and don't mind it, put a potty chair in your bathroom. It might spark some interest. Second I would have a larger sized folding changing pad or a folded up towel and the scented diaper baggies on hand for when they came over, it shouldn't be to hard to get them to use them if when they ask to use your couch or bed you set those things out for them. Personally it doesn't bother me to have kids changed either place in my house as long as they are respectful to my things and don't get feces all over my furniture. I can understand the smaller ones (especially the boys) getting a little wee on it. Just let me know so that I can put the linens in the wash or steam and lysol the couch. Hope this helps you some.

I don't think you are being rude or impossible about your feelings regarding the diapers. I have friends and relatives who think nothing about changing a diaper and putting it in a trash can that doesn't get emptied often. I don't like changing on my sofa or my bed without a changing pad.
I do know of a lot of kids that aren't potty trained by the age of 2. One of my son's was very difficult to train, he just wasn't ready. You were either lucky or very dilegent to have your children potty trained at an early age. Explain to you friends that the bedroom is off limits and just where they can change the toddlers and provide a sealed bag to put the diaper in.
I wish you much luck and hope it gets better.
Blessings
D.

Hi Linda,

I'm a 33 yr old mom of a 19 month old boy. My husband and I have already started to train my son. Excitingly enough he has already used his little potty once to pee!! He was saying "pee" and my husband told him to go use his potty, and well, he did! So I am totally in agreement with you. 4 and 5 are and should be ready to use the potty, and I didn't even know they made diapers that big?! WOW! I don't know about these other moms, but I am ready to get him out of diapers as soon as we can. ( they are so expensive) Potty trainig definately takes commitment and time....maybe these moms are too lazy to take the time and effort, and that's sad. I would explain to your friends your problem with the smell of dirty diapers, and toddler poop is not like baby poop, after all it is your house and they should respect it. I don't think there is anyway to sensor your feelings, just be honest. well good luck!

C.

Ignore Mona. Small minds. As for encouraging other parents on how to raise their children, well you can't. You can offer support, you can help problem solve in a helpful manner. If you choose to associate with people who have small children, then you get all their baggage in the association. Next time ya'll get together, do so at their house. IF you smell a stinky diaper, tell them "hey, your kid has a stinky diaper". Its all perspective and approach.

There is no way to tell your friends that they have to potty train their kids. Unsolicited advice is never welcome. I raised four sons, who are now adults. I "trained" the first one, and the others did it on their own between 2 1/2 and 3 years. Guess which one wet the bed until he was almost 6 yrs old? Kids have to be ready to potty train, just like walking, talking, etc. Maybe you can forge some friendships with people that have children closer to your own children's ages.

Lynda, I certainly don't want to be rude or offensive. You just can't tell you friends not to bring their children to your home. THAT would be rude. Provide a designated changing area and some plastic bags for toddler diapers. The age at which children train varies widely according to individual personalities and physical maturity. Different parents have different philosophies about this too. No right or wrong, just differences. My most "difficult" child trained with no problems at all. My other two, otherwise lovely compliant little girls, had their own timetables. Please try to be flexible with your friends while asking them to be respectful of your home.

Lynda,

FYI...Most children do not potty train at 2 years. I have one who did early at 18 months, but still wets the bed at 14 once a week. I didn't push him to potty train, he wanted to. Most children I know train sometime during the 3rd year, but all are different. It seems like all you need to do is explain to your friend that she can change their diaper, but that you have no way to dispose of it properly. She can take it to her car and dispose of it in her own garbage when she gets home. This way you don't to smell it and she won't get offended.

C.

First of all posting this IS rude & tacky....and YES IT DOES question other parenting skills. It's GREAT that you had no problem with potty training, but not ALL parents & children are the same. I have 2 children that were trained by 3yrs old, 1 at 2yrs old, & we're working on my 2 1/2yr old. If it's such a big deal then ask then not to come over.... I'm sure they wouldn't...can't say what that'll do to your friendship though??? Basically how other parents choose to take on this task is up to them, not to you.

I do not think this is rude, but I do not think it is any of your business when other's children are potty trained. As for not wanting non-potty trained children in your house, well, that is something you will have to address with your friends. Good Luck.

I am not trying to be rude or tacky, but most experts (besides the "potty train your child in one day" people) believe that children should potty train when they are ready, at their own rate, whether that is 18 months or 4 years old. Much of it is physical readiness, while a lot of it is emotional readiness. My son didn't potty learn until he was 3 (we had a new baby right after he turned two and I certainly didn't want to push the issue then!) and it was quite easy because he was completely ready. Until then I would have been the one "trained," not him. I believe that is true of a lot of parents that train their kids super early - the parents are trained, the children haven't necessarily learned until ready. This is probably why you've seen many of your friends without potty-learned children - they are trying to respect the fact that their children aren't ready. Potty training is hard, so if you can wait until THEY'RE ready, it makes a huge difference. *I am not saying that parenting should be easy (and i think the other responses that say parents are lazy to wait are off the mark), but why struggle with a kid that is only going to give opposition and fight for control when a little bit of waiting until they are DEVELOPMENTALLY ready is all it takes?!?

I don't think it is at all appropriate for you to tell your friends they must potty train their children before coming to your home. I don't believe there is a nice way to question someone's parenting and tell them what to do. I DO, however, think it is FULLY WITHIN YOUR RIGHTS to tell your friends to take their diapers with them when they leave. Provide a plastic grocery bag for them to get the message across nicely.

Personally, I use cloth diapers and when we're at someone's house, i have a special bag that seals in any odor and wetness that I use to carry the soiled diapers. They go in there, zipped, and into the car. When friends are at my house I can't STAND the smell of disposables in my garbage (since we don't use them, the smell really gets to me) and, if they don't have a bag, I'll go dig out one of the plastic bags I have (from those rare times I forget my cloth grocery bags and was forced to get plastic) and just hand it to them. They seem grateful for the bag, and happily slip it into the diaper bag with them. It also reduces stink in the garbage if it's bagged like that. i am not a proponent of waste, but a little extra waste to keep the house smelling ok is fine occasionally!!!

Good luck with this. I understand your concern, but the current thoughts on the subject are that parents should wait until the child is ready, though there are still some people who use the potty training quickly and bribe methods. I don't think there is a nice way at all for you to tell your friends to potty train (think about how it would have felt for someone to tell you that - it's like they are questioning your parenting), but I do think it's appropriate to ask them to take it with them and not leave it. I don't know what to tell you about your bed (though that is understandable) and couch except to loosen up a little bit - they are thinking of their child's comfort. Provide an old towel to keep your couch safe. I think it's fine for someone to do it this way. The only other suggestion I have is visit at their houses if it's that bad at yours.

Hi Lynda,

If this helps, I was advised by our pediatrician, and this is consistent with much of what I've read, not to force potty training. My daughter will be 3 in March and she started expressing an interest in using the potty when she was a little over 2 (2 and three months). We encouraged her interest, but didn't force it and it all moved along naturally over the course of about six to eight weeks. However, we have many friends (and most of my daughter's pre-school classmates) whose children aren't potty-trained or are in the process and so this doesn't seem to be out of the ordinary at all.

I think that you are perfectly within your rights to ask friends who change their children in your home to do so in the bathroom or wherever you're most comfortable with it. And you might offer them a plastic bag and say: "I know you'll need this for the diaper when you leave."

After that, though, it's kind of a, "to each her own," thing, I think. There are many different philosophies and approaches and I always find it best to be neutral on this sort of thing. I know people who did the potty-train-in-one-day thing and people who seemed to go on with it forever.

Cheers,
J.

Wow. You're very lucky (or very good at it) to have potty trained your kids so quickly. My son wasn't potty-trained until he was 4. I had a hard time with it. He is hard to convince of anything. I couldn't force him to use the potty. Finally, he decided he was willing to learn. He especially like the Peter Potty (portable, flushable urinal) and Potty Power dvd. Anyway, I don't know if there is a nice way to tell your friends not to come over. Good luck.

My MIL used to hand me a towel and a plastic bag every time I started to change a diaper! Keep an old towel or changing pad and some plastic grocery bags in your kitchen and be prepared! If they ask to go to your bedroom just tell them where they may change the child (hall or wherever) and give them the 'tools.'

I do think asking your friends not to return until their children are potty trained is rude and unfriendly- I would drop you immediately!

Children all develop at their own pace. They DO seem to be potty training later these days. I think some of it may be environmental problems (diet, pollution, ect) or neurological problems (children with sensory issues and/or autism potty train later and there's a huge increase of these children!)

My oldest was over four before she stopped wetting in her pants. She always wore diapers while out because I thought people would RATHER her wear diapers then wet in their floor. My second will be 5 in February and is still not completely potty trained. I refuse to beat my child for peeing in her pants (but I know some who do.) She knows what the potty is for and how to use it, I don't need to traumatize her to get her to use it.

My third started potty training herself at age 1 1/2 but is now 3 1/2 and still not fully potty trained.

My fourth is 1 1/2 and is potty training herself as well but hasn't yet peed in the potty. She takes her dry diaper off, sits on the potty, stand up and looks in, sits down again, ect but never does anything in the potty. We joke that she will be potty trained before her sisters but as I said, my nearly 4 year old started doing this at 1 1/2 as well.

I am now pregnant with #5 and only one of my children consistently uses the potty. We've tried all kinds of praise and incentives and discipline but ultimately I decided that they will not do it until they are ready.

S., mom to 5, some or all on the autism spectrum

Could you visit their houses more and invite them to your house less often? If not, maybe you could make it a point to ask the parents to please use the restroom (or alternate spot of your choice) to change their children while visiting you. Just explain what you stated in your post, that you don't allow others in your bedroom/your sanctuary (even your own children). I think they will understand this. You could even put out some deoderizer or air freshener for them to use when they are finished in the restroom. (By the way, I wouldn't wait 20 minutes to speak up if it's that smelly. I have a sensitive nose, and I would say something within a few minutes of smelling it. Just try to say it as nicely as possible, something like, "Uh, oh. I think somebody needs a new diaper.")

As for the diapers, I am rather surprised your friends aren't disposing of them appropriately. Your best bet would be to simply ask them politely, when they are headed for a diaper change, to take the diaper outdoors to the can when they are finished. You could even offer a plastic grocery bag for them to wrap it in when taking it outdoors. (That helps with the odor a little.) One place my family and I visit has a little sign near the bathroom's trash can that says, "Please take all diapers outside."

I don't think it would be wise to tell them they aren't welcome if their children aren't potty trained, unless you really don't mind losing their friendships. I don't know many people who take criticism of their parenting skills well. Also, do any of them have children under two? What about them? I'm sure you wouldn't expect a one year old to be potty trained, since yours were trained at the age of two!

I don't know the specific children and parents, but do any of them have disabilities? My daughter is three and not completely potty trained. She is developmentally delayed and just began talking in May and walking in August. But that doesn't mean I'm not trying or that I'm a bad parent. (I realize that this may not be the case you are talking about, but it's something to consider.)

I hope you find a solution!

Alright, I understand your feelings and physical disgust. I was potty trained very early, but our daughter decided just before her 3rd B-day she would use the toilet. She had 2 bed wetting accidents; that's it! She just wasn't ready and that's all there is to it. Period, the truth.

i'm glad you didn't have those issues with your children but you need to get some empathy for your friends. do you really think they like cleaning up after their kids who are 'big' enough to use the potty and won't? you ask for compassion from us yet I see very little when you talk about your friends and such.

i think you should just have those special scented diaper bags you throw your diaper trash into for them at your house. or as they are on their way to change them let them know the trash is out in the garage. show some compassion and empathy in return and i think you will be happier all around.

Children aren't generally developmentally ready to be fully potty trained until age 3 with some exceptions. Before that, they are in training and the parents are well trained, but the child (on his own) isn't usually until around age 3. Unless they are MR, they should be potty trained by age 3. (And I'm not talking about night time.) If not, it is usually the parent's issue and not the child's. Most parents are too tired or too lazy or too kind to force the issue. I would suggest that you assign a specific room, offer them a special baggy that they can put it in and ask them to not put it in the inside trash. Tell where the outside trash can is. You shouldn't require the kids to be potty trained - you will alienate your friends. But, you can ask them to put the dirty diaper in a sealed bag and throw it outside. I did that all the time and the host never had to ask me. Your friends are just unaware and being inconsiderate of that fact. Many are. So, come to a compromise where you won't lose your friends, but the trash is put outside. Also, keep a spray (or match stick) close at hand. If you light a match, and the blow it out, it will do WONDERS with any smell you may have - better than any spray.

I understand your problem, you went to the effort of working with your children to get them trained to not wear diapers. Your friends are not willing to go to that effort at this time. Their children may not be ready at this time. However they will be forced too when they are the only kinds in kinder garden or preschool in diapers. The schools will not put up with it. The teachers and other staff do not have the time to change diapers it is hard enough to get them all to the bathroom before they have wet clothes. If they have not been told already they do need to know this is a fact. Hope they learn soon for their children's sake. In the mean time tell them to change them quickly and take the diaper outside. But not in your bedroon. Good luck.

There are many posts and I didn't have time to read them. I am thinking that maybe a good compromise would be that you could ask them to change the children in the bathroom then bring the diaper to the outside trash can. They may be upset if you insist that they potty train the kids before they can return. I hope you find a way to work through this that can make all involved happy. Best of luck to you!!!

Hi there Lynda,

most children do not have full control of their bodies (daytime only) until the age of 3. Before that age, it's only the parents that are trained to get the child to the toilet ever 2 hours or so. Anyhow, since I don't your know your friends or their children, I can't give you any insight as to why an older child (4 or 5) would not be potty trained; but I do know that some children are not ready when adults think they should be.

I have a friend whose son was 5 and kept having potty accidents. They took him to the pediatrician who ran tests and nothing came back abnormal. Finally one day, a friend of theirs (also a pedi) asked him one day if he feels the urge to go potty and if so why he doesn't go. His response was yes he feels the urge; but chooses not to because he's busy with other things. These friends bought their son a digital watch and set the alarm to go off every hour or so and insisted that he try to use the potty whether he was busy or not. After a month he decided that he was a big enough boy to remember to stop doing whatever and use the toilet when he needed to.

Another friend of mine has a son that was 5, at the time, and STILL not potty trained. I didn't realize this until I offered to babysit one evening. Anyhow, I asked the child point blank "don't you think it's time to learn how to potty on the toilet yourself so you can go to school soon?" He responded very matter-of-factly that he chooses NOT to use the toilet alone because he simply doesn't like to wash his hands by himself. He clearly had given this some thought! Anyhow, I mentioned our conversation to my friend, who just about died! She started making him wash his hands by himself more often and after a little while he decided that he liked washing his hands by himself than with his mom, so ending his toileting issues.

My point is that potty training is different for each child and it's okay to show interest and concern for your friend's children. It is not, however, okay to criticize or compare children or their abilities. You can, however, suggest that children should be changed only in the bathroom and that the parents should take the diapers to your outside trash can. Your house your rules!

My son potty trained himself right when he turned 3. He asked to quit wearing diapers and wear "big boy underwear". We had only one accident after he started wearing "big boy underwear". And he was sleeping all night with out accidents. I have found with friends who train earlier, that it is the parent that is trained to moniter child and constantly ask/take them to the bathroom. Some kids are ready earlier, but it was so much easier for me that he was really ready and we just did it!

Good Luck,
L.

Lynda,

Hi! I know you've gotten a lot of feedback. I just want to say that I agree with you that there seems to be a trend of children getting potty trained later and later. My four children all were potty trained by 2 1/2 (one was 2 weeks before she turned 2). The main thing is finding out what will motivate a child to want to be potty trained. It was different for each one of my children. It's just so important to make it a positive experience. It's true that you can't force a child to potty train when they refuse, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying. There are so many resources/information out there at the public library alone that there is really no excuse for giving up because what you tried didn't work with that particular child.

Setting some boundaries about where your friends change their children is great advice. Also, letting them know as soon as their child begins to smell and offering a baggie and information about where to dispose of the diaper will help you to feel less resentful.

As far as broaching the topic with your friends, it's easy for the subject of potty training to come up when moms get together and start discussing motherhood. When it does come up explain what you did to potty train your children and what you've heard works best and see where the conversation leads. This may allow you to gain some insight into why your friend's children aren't potty trained yet. This may also allow you to gently and tactfully offer some advice. Perhaps you may find yourself feeling greater compassion for the difficulty they may be having.

I have a developmentally-delayed child who is not fully potty trained at 7.

That being said -- from the time I first started taking him out when he was an infant, I took gallon zipper bags with me to put used diapers in to minimize the stink and the possibility of transmitting anything to anyone else who had to deal with the garbage.

I would calmly inform your friends about where it is appropriate to change a diaper (I don't allow it anywhere in my house except the bathroom, never had), and I would keep a box of gallon zipper bags in that bathroom and ask them to use those for disposing of the used diapers.

I would not say anything about when they're going to potty-train the child in question.

Hi Lynda,

Looks like you've received more than enough responses here, but I just had to weigh in on this topic.

I agree with alot of these posters. Potty training was THE #1 most challenging thing I have EVER done!!! My daughter, now 9 1/2 years old almost put me in the looney bin while I was trying to potty train her at 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child. Yes, it finally happened, but she was 3 years and 1 month old and still had accidents for awhile afterwards. My best friend is pulling out her hair with potty training her almost FOUR year old!!! He does pee in the potty no problem whatsoever, but he WILL NOT NOT NOT poop in the potty!!!! EVER!!!! She is not happy about this and believe me she wants him trained. Her 8 year old daughter was a nightmare too. So, please don't think that we mothers don't care when our kids are trained. We do~ but you cannot force a kid to do it. It has to happen on it's own.
And, as far as telling your friend "nicely" not to bring her children over until they are trained...seems to me you're getting ready to lose a friend. :(
Good luck with your quest to find the magic answer to your inquiry.

I am on your side! I taught two year olds in SS for a while and was surprised that one of them was not potty trained. Like you, I had only experienced children who were ready by the age of two or even earlier. When our granddaughter was 22 months old, she got a pair of her brother's underwear and put them on........... smile. Needless to say, by the next day her mom had gotten her some undies of her own.

For your sake and the sake of the little kiddoes wearing those dirty diapers, I hope your friends see this and "clean up their act". ... smile

OMG. I don't even know why their are parents on here validating how or when they potty train the children to you. Each parent/child does their thing their way. That's why they raise their own children. Great your kids are grown, maybe you should invest in some friends with grown kids, since the ones with little ones seem to be so much of a problem for you.

Wow! I'm glad I don't have such judgemental, high-maintenance friends! Chill out!

I would find a place you are willing to have a diaper changed and have an old towel to lay down. I would also have a plastic bag for the diaper to go in so that can go outside ASAP. When I visit someones home I travel with a plastic bag and a changing pad. As a parent we forget other people are sensitive to our childrens diapers. Just let us know. Good luck.

This past holiday I had to change a very dirty diaper in front of some friends but warned them and gave them time to leave the room. I have to save solid food diapers suck!