When our son was very little, he never engaged in potty talk the way it seemed a lot of his friends did. It was so easy for us to think we were awesome parents! In hindsight, I think it was because that he only had his dad and me as his audience, and we never encouraged it. Now, we have two kids. Our daughter is 3. Any illusions I may have had about my little girl being a dainty flower with delicate sensibilities have long since flown out the window. All day long, my two children are constantly cracking themselves and each other up talking about poops, pee pees, burps, toots, bums, boogers, and boobies.
Personally, I hate it. I find it annoying and not at all funny. However, there is a part of me that wonders how hard I should work to shut this down. The kids seem to have such a great time saying "naughty" words. I imagine the fact that they are semi-forbidden makes it that much more fun. They make each other laugh just trading potty talk, and it may almost be the only type of conversation they can have in the car that doesn't result in one of them yelling at the other one. I remember being in fifth grade, and all the kids finding toilets and underwear hilarious. So I know it's most likely just a phase.
I don't tolerate this type of talk at the table or in public. But in the privacy of your own home or in your car, would you just let it slide? Or do you shut it down?
I have to admit, when I went into a store and saw a typo on the price advert for the pop tarts and they were advertised as "Poop Tarts", I had a giggle fit then elbowed my husband and told him not to eat the fudgy ones. He was not amused. At least my daughter gets me! She thought I was hilarious and we laughed all the way to the produce section.
There's a time and a place for it and anywhere/anytime I can hear it is not the time or the place.
I expect greatness from my son.
How great is anyone going to be if they talk like that?
Take care of your Thoughts because they become Words.
Take care of your Words because they will become Actions.
Take care of your Actions because they will become Habits.
Take care of your Habits because they will form your Character.
Take care of your Character because it will form your Destiny.
And your Destiny will be your Life!
Dalai Lama
Since it bothers you, it is a problem and you should tell them they can't speak that way in front of you. For what it is worth... I wouldn't like it either.
My rule is that if they're going to talk about bathroom words, they can do that in the bathroom. My 8 year old is in a phase where she finds potty talk hysterically funny, and I'll just ask her, "Why are you talking about bathroom stuff... in the KITCHEN?" (*overly horrified look*) She will start giggling, and the potty talk ceases. I think with this, as with many things, the more forbidden you make it, the more they want to do it, so if you give them somewhere they can say these things (like in the bathroom), you'll hear a lot less of it in general. (So far, so good on that here, anyway?)
I do not ban any words. As long as they are being used in the correct context and with the correct audience they are fine. Children need to learn to use words, including slang and "naughty" words appropriately. We all use different language with our friends/siblings/peers than we use with our boss/grandma/minister/teacher. Look at the Captain Underpants books. They are silly and a little gross, but kids enjoy them and they get kids to read. Kids need to learn to use their own filters. Just because you read something in a book, or can say something to your sister, doesn't mean you can say it at church.
if you are a good enough parent to make sure that i don't have to hear it when you're in a restaurant or grocery store, you can enjoy the results of your good parenting yourself.
it's offending you. you're in your own home, and having to listen to nasty talk that's displeasing to you. why should you have to?
i do agree that it's not world-shattering for littles to giggle over poopy talk. they all seem to go through it.
but you don't have to listen to it. tell them in the same no-nonsense tones you use for the table or the world outside your door for them to knock it off. if they want to put their heads together and tell silly booger jokes to each other in one of their rooms, or quietly in another room, or outside in the yard, of course they can. but they should not be yukking it up in your earshot.
you deserve consideration too, mama.
khairete
S.
For a long time, I felt like you. "Hey, if they're at home or playing in the woods or in their room, what's the harm?"
And then they were 8 and 10....and cussing. And I felt far less certain about that. I realized that potty talk is not too far from cussing, especially when potty talk is used to call names.
The Bible says that we should not speak in such a way. There are several verses that cover "unwholesome, crude talk." Now, I know I'm not perfect. I cuss on occasion. When I'm really frustrated, or when I stub my pinky-toe on the wall by the bathroom for the 10th time. Cussing and being a Soldier are nearly as much a cliche as cussing and being a Sailor.
But I also know that I cannot condone such speech with my kids. I don't cuss in front of them. It's not in keeping with the values we want them to hang onto. I want them to be better than me.
Ephesians 5:4 "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving."
Colossians 3:8 "But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. "
It's a normal phase but it's annoying. If it plays itself out, great. If not, then try not to overreact but also try to channel it. I agree that talk about bathroom stuff belongs in 2 places: the bathroom, and the pediatrician's office. So send them to the bathroom for that talk. If it goes on in the car, tell them you don't want to listen to it. Don't be horrified, but be bored. Tell them to stop. If they don't, pull over and get out of the car. Have a book ready or a crossword puzzle or play a game on your phone, anything. Remove yourself from the car, stand where they can see you but you cannot hear them. Turn the car off unless it's incredibly hot, in which case obviously leave the AC on. Stay out of earshot for 5 minutes and tell them they have 5 minutes to finish potty talk. Be clear that you are occupied doing something else and not that you are steaming mad and that they got your attention - instead, put your attention on something else.
After 5 minutes, get back in the car and start on your way again. If they start again, pull over again. Really. Be prepared to not get to your destination on time or at all. That's okay. You have the right to peace and safety in the car, and letting them do endless potty talk just because they aren't fighting is still giving them the power to determine the rules. We always taught our son that it's not "funny" unless everyone is having fun. That also stops bullying behavior, when kids make others the butt of their jokes just because a few kids think it's funny.
At home, send them to the bathroom or their own rooms to talk that way. Be bored. You have the right to be at peace in your home too, and decent manners.
If they do this at play groups or social situations, take them home. Let them know that other people don't find it fun, that it's bad manners, etc. Again, let them talk that way to themselves but not to others.
If you are consistent in not being part of their audience, they'll stop.
I agree with the others about telling your kids they may talk about that kind of stuff in the bathroom and at the doctor's office. Set limits.
The important thing to remember is that now, while they're young, you're establishing rules and boundaries and structure and security that are intended to help your children develop into productive, polite, well-functioning tweens, teens, young adults and mature adults who can carry on an intelligent conversation and who know how to behave at school, have a job interview, and all the other social things we have to do as we grow up.
Right now, it's "boogers" and it's funny. But if you don't establish limits now, what will you do when the words are more objectionable? What will you do if they laugh at someone's body part or get more comfortable with that kind of talk in public?
So although the words are pretty harmless right now, the more important thing is the teaching of self-discipline, of privacy, of politeness, and of the proper place for silly words. I encourage you to not shut it down, but put it in its place.
My son went through a huge potty talk phase in kindergarten. My rule was absolutely none of it, under any circumstances, at the table when people are eating. Otherwise, I acted bored and refused to give him an audience. (Granted, he's an only child, so my situation was easier than yours.) But it played itself out, and now he has no interest. I'd be inclined to look at your situation as hey, this is a surefire way to have the kids get along great and not fight. Sometimes you have to pick your battles.
To me, it's no big deal. When it gets excessive, and you've heard enough, just tell them okay, it's time to talk about something else. A little bit, though, is fine and normal.
My almost 5 yo has started doing this. Seems he and a few boys @ preschool find this hilarious! But I don't want him to seem crass and/or rude. However, I know that the more I protest, the more he will want to do it. I am looking forward to reading the answers you receive. Let's hope it's a phase!!!
