Potty Time!

My child didn't want to potty train either. Finally at 3 and a half I put panties on her and clothes and told her she had to use the potty. If she had an accident she had to help clean up. It was only 2 or 3 accidents before she started going. We also did rewards.

I have had a similar problem with my children, I was seriously ill when they were ready to be trained and it has been a long struggle. My little girl was finally trained right before starting kindergarten. From about 3 on she would occasionally go in the potty, but would often just forget. Even in panties, she didn't care if she was wet. My best advice is to have himn in underware whenever possible because he will be more uncomfotable. At home have him wear underware only so it is easy for him to get to the bathroom. And the only method that really worked for my daughter was to take away a toy every time she had an accident. She could have one back if she stayed dry all day and all of them back after being clean for a week. We had a very large collection of toys before we started giving them back. We would also take whatever she had been playing with most recently to make the biggest impact. However, it is incredibly important that you balance this "punishment" with extreme verbal and physicall praise anytime her uses the potty. Give hugs and high fives, cheer and clap. Do this beyond the point where you feel incredibly silly because one of the problems is attention with the new baby. I had this with my daughter. He needs to have way more attention for going potty then not. When he has an accident. don't make a big deal out of it, clean him up, take a toy, explain the consequences and then let it go. When he uses the potty give him attention until you feel crazy.

Does he go the daycare and do they indulge this? Most will not. He is being manipulative to get your attention (which 3 yr olds can do). Do not change him anymore. Don't buy anymore diapers his size (be sure he knows this) Set up a house rule (no diapers for big boys)and reinforce it verbally that you will not change him anymore - then don't. After reinforcing verbally for a day, then remind him of the house rules. After that, do not even respond verbally. It will be unpleasant for a few days up to a week, but I would be willing to bet that behavior will stop. When he does go to the potty on his own, be sure to positively reinforce him. Maybe some one on one activity with Mom. He is wanting your attention, even negative attention.
Stay strong, you are in the middle of a battle of wills.

my son is 2.5 and we are potty training now. We are leaving him naked. He has been naked from the waist down for a week now. WE are just about there. When we go out, he still won't ask, but holds himself, so we know. So, start on the weekend and leave him naked and he will figure it out. Then we do pull ups in case when we go out, cars ones because he really likes them and cried when I threw one out because he pooped in it while we were at the park. But we are at the point now where we can leave him dressed and he won't go in his pants. We had tried the naked several times before and this time it worked, because he was ready. Oh and we still put a diaper on at night and nap time in case. Boys have less control, especially if they are heavy sleepers. Good luck!

Your little guy has regressed because he sees how much attention the baby gets. This does not mean to cut down on attention which the baby obviously needs. You need to make your older child feel like a big boy. You could try giving him a responsibilty with the baby. He could be in charge of getting his sibling's diapers or making him/her laugh while you start dinner or run to the restroom. But remind him that it is a job that only big boys can do and big boys have to use the potty. I do agree that you need to take a couple days off to do this. I would also have a frank discussion with your daycare about being diligent to continue your hard work. He isn't going to be able to keep up if he isn't being supported where he spends a lot of time. Good luck and I hope this helps.

alot of centers say that children must be trained by 3. kids will only do what they want to, so my advice to you is keep trying, don't loose your cool. You are doing what is best for him by trying to get him to the next stage. So when he yells and screams just stay calm and in control of yourself and the situation, and keep putting him on the potty. one thing i have noticed is children who wear pull ups and diapers take alot longer to trian then those in underwear. fact is when the adults have to deal with the mess they are more likely to stay on top of it.

My son was 3 years and 3 months when he finally became potty trained. Boys just learn at a slower pace. Stop using diapers on him and put regular underwear on him. Take him with you, when you buy them. They get pretty excited, because they choose the ones they want. Get excited and remind him that he is becoming a big boy. My son hated it when he would pee or poop on himself and that is what made him start using the restroom in the toilet.

How active is your daycare with assisting with potty training? The fact that many of his classmates are also not potty trained would cause me some concern. As a working mom the daycare center has to be just as diligent and consistent as you are with the training or it will not work.
Good luck!

My first two daughters were 4 by the time they were potty trained- there's nothing that says they have to be potty trained at 2. There may be some deeper emotional issues he's dealing with, as it is totally normal for a child to regress when a new baby comes into the family. My 20 month old did- she potty trained herself and then when the baby was born, she stopped using the potty. She's now almost 3 and is finally using the potty- it took her nearly a year!

Give him lots of cuddles and praise and some 'big boy' tasks, especially some that help him feel a part of caring for the baby. Bribe him to SIT on the potty, and if he actually potties in it make a big deal out of it. Go all the way back to square one. You may even need a big prize- if you use the potty all week without pottying in your diaper or underwear or floor then you get (a spiderman cake, a game, ect.)

For my almost 3 and 4 year olds I did this with the cake but I also have had to let them go bare bottomed. panties don't work- they pee in them. But if they are naked they are much better are going to the potty. I also have to remind them everyonce in a while but they are getting pretty good at going to the potty on their own.

S., mom to four girls ages 1-5

You might have some accidents with this method, but I agree with no more diapers. Switch him to undies and he'll figure it out real quick.

Best wishes!

A.,

I know it is frustrating, aggravating and expensive to have 2 babies in diapers. I am a grandmother but I learned with my 2nd child. I just didn't worry about it.
I came to the conclusion that life is too short to worry about a kid pottying in their pants. He quit ruining his pants about 3 1/2. When he started Kindergarten twice I had to leave work and go to the school (and I took a diaper)with a change of clothes for him. When I threatened to put the diaper on him and send him back to class he totally stopped wetting his jeans. He is now 36 with a 16 year old daughter and twin 11 year old daughters, so pottying in really a minor problem. Honey, learn to love life and stop sweating the small stuff. There are really a lot more serious problems that can arise in your children's life time besides potty training. I'm not saying we shouldn't potty train, but lots of kids revert back when a new baby arrives. He'll come along, so stop stressing and enjoy life.
Take it from one who has endured and learned to laugh at the fun times and cry silently at the bad times.

Just posting to let you know that my son turned 3 in December and he pee pees in the potty when he thinks about it and sometimes he doesn't. I'm thinking I might try that $1 toy reward method . . . and soon!

This might sound gross. But, get rid of the diapers. It will be much harder for you since you have to work full time. So I would choose a time when you have several days or weeks off. A good long 3-4 day weekend, etc. Don't plan anything. Stay at home. Show him that he has no more diapers. "Throw them away." (including pull ups) You could let him run around naked, I heard of one mom who did that for 1 day and it worked. And buy him some really adorable underwear. Totally reward him with praise, etc. when he does it properly. You may even have to resort to punishment when not. But I wouldn't resort to that yet. I had to though with my daughter eventually, and using both praise and punishment it worked almost immediately. This is going to be especially hard since his buddies aren't trained either. But, I would really start trying. Make sure he is on a schedule. Don't wait for him to tell you. Take him. If he responds well, then make sure the daycare keeps him on that schedule. If he doesn't have a choice, and he is physically capable, he won't like messing on himself. But, you have to stick to it no matter how tired you get of cleaning him up. Do this initial part in an area easier to clean, outside even if you can. You will have to be more stubborn than him.

He is at a difficult point--he probably sees his younger sibling in diapers and doesn't understand why he is in underwear--probably just confused. Please don't call him lazy--kids will go at their own pace. If you are trying to get him to go at your pace, you will constantly be frustrated. Work with your daycare closely about how you want to handle it--it's important that home and day care are consistent. Perhaps going back to underwear and bring lots of extra clothes! I can only imagine how busy you are, so maybe ask your pediatrician for some help to make a plan and stick to it, even if it does mean some extra time spent with your boy at the beginning. Also, make sure you give lots of positive praise when he is able to do ANY step in potty training. Even if he can take off his diaper, that's a good step. You may then have him go to the toilet and empty it himself. Maybe if he can have some small safe job when you are changing your other baby---make him feel like he has some responsibility--control. hope this helps! good luck!

Maybe encouraging him with saying he is the Big Brother & can help when his brother/sister needs to learn to use the potty. He needs to feel important & most kids are wanting to be helpful but need attention too. Maybe he feels like he's being left out & that is the way he is responding to it. Also, it helps if they know they are going to be wearing Big Boy underwear.

With my third (of six) children, I started using the following method that worked wonderfully. First, block out as many days as you can when you'll be home to work on this. A week is best, but being single I know that may not be possible. Second, put him in a double cloth diaper (to save your carpets) but no plastic pants, so he can feel the wet. Third, watch him closely and feel the diaper VERY often. As soon as it is wet, say "Wet! Wet! Let's run to the potty!" Get him on the potty as quickly as possible, verbalizing (simply and enthusiastically) each step of what you are doing. Although this may seem backwards, it only took a half to one day for each child to figure out that they should run to the potty calling "Wet! Wet!" BEFORE they actually wet. Fourth, when that happens, be ready with the treats and praise! Fifth, stay consistent all week and you should be ready to return to normalcy. With one child, after a couple days I had to tell her that she MUST run to the potty calling "Wet! Wet!" as soon as the diaper got wet. If I felt her and found her wet, she got a spanking and I made sure she knew it wasn't for wetting but for not running and calling when she wet. So I wasn't holding her responsible for staying dry, only for not taking immediate action once she did wet. Within hours she was running and calling BEFORE she wet. This is especially good for a child who knows what to do but won't, because since they have to do the whole thing anyway, why not run there beforehand and get the treat?

if there are other kids their age that aren't potty trained either i would seriously consider new child care. if you are the only one working on potty training and you work full time it will take forever. he needs to be consistant about it.

Maybe you should make a huge deal out of wearing big boy pants and not baby pants. Let him do something that only he gets to do and not the other little one when he is a "big boy" and goes in the potty. I would not let him wear diapers. He doenst like to feel wet or poop poop in his diapers so he should really hate it in his pants. I know its harder on you but it might help. I would also force him to sit on the potty every hour. Just a couple of ideas....good luck!

A.,

I have some advice...Honestly advice is only words...i can fill you in on what worked for myself and my 3 year old. He potty trained in a week and 1/2....i was truely amazed!! Going outside worked for me..my son loves to go outside, i live in the country, so this may not work depending on where you live. The day care he attends was extremely helpful, when i let them know he was trying..they jumped in and we went through only one bag of pull ups...i was dreading potty training...but once we worked together and saw others doing the same he took to it amazingly. My older sister has two boys who learned without the help of Day care...with sinking Cherios in the potty...just toss a few in and ask him to sink-em....becomes fun for them and not so much of a chore. Honestly, one mommy to another, with the daycare rates, I believe the teachers should be more involved to help! I don't know what area you are from, but i am in south Texas, and in a small community. Our daycare her is very mommy friendly! A bit of advice on that note would be to visit more with the Daycare Director or teachers to find out why so many of their 3 year olds aren't potty trained. my son is still in the 2 year old calss at his school, and has 12 others with him and only 2 are still in pull-ups. Hopefully some bit of this will help!! Good luck !!!!

My son at 3, was potty trained during the summer. Was ready when he went back to daycare but he refused to go with anyone else but me. One teacher suggested to put the diaper over his underwear. It lasted a good week before he got tired of walking in his wet underwear. It worked for us.

It is very normal for the older child to revert back to diapers when a new one comes. After the new wears off and he feels secure that the baby won't take his place, he will go back to using the potty again. Lenghts of time vary, but Mommy time is a huge factor in how long it takes.
I have experienced this twice. With my oldest when our son was born and then with our son when the youngest was born. It took my son 8 or so months to feel secure again. He is a very snuggly child, so the baby really threw a wrench in his daily plans:). Be patient and remember it is just a season of life. Enjoy them while they are young. They will all be out of diapers way too soon!

Hi A.,
I feel your pain! I too have 2 younger children and had very much the same problem while going through potty training. My son was 15 months old when my daughter was born, and as a result he was very delayed on potty training and bottle breaking. My pedi assured me that this was very normal and to avoid resentment issues between the siblings later to just "roll with it". I know that it's hard...my son was to the place that he wouldn't wear a diaper all day, and would ask for one when he needed to go! Eventually we conquered the "tee-tee" diapers with cheerios in the potty. He enjoyed sinking them. It took almost a year to resolve the pooping. I tried everything! It got so bad that he would hold it until he was impacted if I didn't give him a diaper! After going through anemas and the screaming and crying(that would be BOTH of us crying) he stayed on Miralax for about 9 months. My daughter was completely potty trained by this time. Finally, just before his fourth birthday we planned a trip to Disney World and HE decided that he wanted to try the fancy pull-ups with designs (Cars). I explained to him that he couln't poop in them, and could only wear them at night for tee tee when he slept. I don't know if it was because it was a change in environment for that week we were in Florida, but he never pooped in his pants again. He wore pull ups at night for about 6 months, and then it was all done! I remember the looks I used to get from people and I think my family was the worst. My heart goes out to you, I know it's hard and frustrating. I promise it will get better though. My "babies" are now 9 and 8 and are very close, there's no resentment between them, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know if this will be helpful to you, but just know that you aren't alone, there are many others that have had to fight this same battle! And really, it does get better!

I am the director of a local preschool and can tell you that boys are typically not devolopmentally ready to potty train until 3 1/2. You can teach them to go but mentally they are not really ready until they go and have no accidents. Take a deep breath and know that while a little more expensive right now he will be ready soon. He is not stubborn he is just not ready. Hang in there.

Hi A.,

I went through the exact same thing with my little boy. We did the stickers, rewards, etc. and nothing worked. Finally I discussed with him that he was a big boy and that he was completely capable of using the potty instead of diapers. I gave him notice that when the diapers ran out we would only use underwear. If you haven't already let him pick out big boy underwear then make a big trip to Target or wherever so he can feel special and in control. Once he's in underwear take him every 45 minutes and have him sit on the potty. As he gains more control, take him every hour, every hour and a half, etc. Accidents will happen. Here is the part that worked. If he refused to sit on the potty when it was time I explained to him that wet or soiled underwear were dirty and unhealthy and that they were not acceptable in any part of our home. I explained that the carpet, the furniture, etc. was not the appropriate place for soiled underwear. I gave him the power to make the right decision by giving him a choice: Sit on the potty as requested or stay in the bathroom. I did this nicely and calmly simply explaining that we could not dirty the house. If he sat on the potty then we went back to playing until it was time to sit again. If he didn't sit on the potty than he stayed in the bathroom until he realized the power of his choice. Keep in mind that your son won't always pee when he sits because his bladder is still learning.

If my son had an "accident" after trying to pee than I changed him and applauded him for trying when he sat on the potty. I reminded him to concentrate on what it felt like right before he peed and encouraged him next time to use the potty. If he had an "accident" after he was not willing to sit on the potty than we discussed that it was not really an accident because he did not try. Rather it was a consequence of making the wrong choice. He was not scolded, but he was reminded that it was now his responsibility to follow the rules and the rules clearly stated that dirty underwear was not okay in the house. He was placed in the bathroom to clean himself up. Be consistent and try to pick a time when you'll be in the house for a long period of time, such as the weekend, etc. Good luck!

Hi A.,

My daughter did not start using the potty until she was three and a half. We used Dr. Phil's technic of talking about a "Potty Party" and resorted to was bribery...and I am not ashamed to admit it :-) We put several toys on the back of the toilet (small plastic dinasours that she loves). She knew that when she went potty she would get a toy. Whenever she would go we would dance, sing and cheer for her. It took a couple of days, and about 6 toys and then were all set.

Best wishes!

No more diapers!!!! i know its gonna be messy but just put underpants on him and he'll eventually get tired of the icky feeling. pull-ups are the worst thing ever for potty training. and for stubborn children its gotta be cold turkey!

This is something that my doctor told me to do with my oldest child. Put him in underware and his pants, and if he wets himself then make him in charge of cleaning his mess and himself. He would have to change his own pants, and if he decided not to and went out in public then someone may stair. This may make him realize that he needs to be a big boy and go in the potty after all. It really did work for my oldest child who was really lazy when it came to potty training.