Potty Training 101

STOP!!!! Most doctors will tell you to let them do it at their own pace. My daughter was just over 3 and it happened so fast and so easy I was happy I waited. The more you rush it the more accidents and infections you will have. There is no shame for a child to be 2 or 3 or even older and be in diapers. Trust me it will happen, give her some time.

Hi A.,

When you say you are "desperately trying" to train a 1-year-old, it sounds as if you are pushing too hard and, even more, too early. Why? If you are consistent and persistent, she will get it. Two is way early enough.

Good luck,
S. F.
mom to two big boys who didn't really get it till they were 3+!

I've been trying to potty-train my son for about a year and a half now. My best advice is to be consistent for about another few days, but if she's really resisting sitting, take a break for a few weeks and try again. She's probably not ready yet.

Use an 2 minute egg timer. Put her on the toilet about 6 times a day. Generally 20 minutes after a meal is a good time for a bowel movement and whenever she wakes up. Tell her to sit there until the sand runs out. Do not pressure her or comment on how great she is doing. She is trying to control YOUR emotions. You need to be matter a fact with her. Tell her that she does not have to go potty or poop if she does not want to, but that she does have to practice sitting on the potty with the sand until it is all gone. Tell her you really don't care if she pees or poos. (even though you do). Do not let her know that it makes you happy, sad, angry etc. She cannot control much in her life but she is figuring out how to make you feel certain ways. Even if she actually goes, just say " oh you must feel better not having wet pants, or Oh you really had to go, I bet you feel better" Then CHANGE THE SUBJECT! Do not place such importance on this.
I am a mom of 3 older kids. I lived and learned with my first daughter who would hold her poop for days. I am a nurse and had many support people. Once I learned what she was doing, it took about 3 days to end my stress. My second two children were trained and 22 months and 28 months. What a breeze!!!!! Good luck, do not react. It is their deal wether they have to go or not. Make it theirs!
By the way, potty train at two is easier than at 3 because at age 3, the kids get smarter at controlling you. I disagree with those who wait past 2 1/2. Also, if she is holding her urine all day, then she has bladder control and is ready to train.
D.

i agree with the post on the timer and practice of putting child on potty. i would also add to leave her in her undies when you are home and accept the fact that there will be accidents. this is how children learn! people get dogs and accept that dogs will go around the house until their trained, why can't they accept at least this much from children? also, not sure why people don't want potty training to be encouraged at this age. don't push it, but i don't see why this can't be encouraged. both of my girls were trained at 27 and 26 months. we don't give children enough credit. have patience and good luck! (it's definitely worth it!)

I think it is too soon and I would advise waiting until she is ready. My daughter would tell us when she had to go poop on the potty for about 7 months from about 14 mo...then she got sick and stopped telling us. I tried for months to get her to go and she would yell no! It was very frustrating for me but..... one day when she was 2 years and 4 months old she told me she didn't want to wear a diaper anymore and that was it! She will be 3 this Sept. She is totally in undies (except for bedtime). I have always heard people say to potty train when they are ready....now I understand what they mean.

What is your rush!?!?! Everyone wants to rush their kids through milestones. relax and it will happen.

If the book toilet training in less then a day is still at book stores,i recommend it highly.
It is written by 2 doctors there names are azzren and fox,i believe thats the proper spelling.
I used it over 30 years ago and it works like a charm,you'll be surprised.i had success with it 5 times on all my children.
Good luck
P. v

Often kids around your daughter's age will seem interested in the potty, some may even appear to be potty trained for a short time, but they are not actually ready to really give up diapers. I have had friends whose kids went on the potty for a week or two when they were about 20 months, but then totally rejected it. When the time came to really potty train, it was a tough fight.

My theory is that you should not push it. When they are ready, they will do it with ease. My twins potty trained completely around 2.5 and they were well before any of their friends. When my third turned 2, I put a potty chair out in the bathroom but didn't do anything with it. I thought since he was a boy, I would wait until he was closer to 3 before we attempted the potty. He turned 2 in Oct. and by New Years he had completely potty trained himself. It took him about three days to get it down, before that, he paid no attention the potty I had left out.

Your daughter is young, if she doesn't want to go on the potty, don't try to force it.

She's not even 2 yet? You're setting yourself up for failure. Don't push, she will potty train on her own time. At this age, she is not physically ready to hold it in and potty on command.

You should try again when she's closer to 2 1/2 or maybe even 3.

Why the hurry? At this age its going to be a long and frustating experience. Give her at least another 6-8 months before you seriously try to train her. If she shows interest, encourage, but don't 'force' her, she is still very young and she is not ready. Have patience, and enjoy her at this age, she'll get it soon enough.

Wait....she is too young to start potty training. Wait until she is 2 1/2 years old and can understand more...it was save you and her a lot of frustration!

Hi A.,
My gosh what's the rush, she's not even 2 yet. Most kids don't potty train until 3.

I would just leave her. She is still pretty young for potty training. She will do it when she is ready. No reason to force it. The other option is to set aside a week when you are home and just take off the diaper and keep putting her on the potty. There will be lots of accidents but within the week she will be trained. but personally, I would let her wait a little longer as she may not be quite ready yet.

Have a "pee-pee" day. I think I saw this on Dr. Phil, about potty training in a day... Pick a day where all you have planned is getting her to pee in the potty. Saturate her with drinks, and after the first hour, start putting her on the potty every 1/2 hour for a few minutes each time. Give her a snack just for trying (something that makes her thirsty, like pretzels) and if she's drinking enough liquids, one of those times she really will go! Then Have a Major Celebration--bust out some M&Ms, have a parade, call Everyone and tell them she peed in the potty! Worked like a charm for my daughter!

I hate it when people give me this advice, but I think it is appropriate here - you need to relax a bit about this. Your daughter isn't even close to turning two yet (at this age, a few months in their life is LONG time and they develop a lot in that short period). Why the desperation for potty-training so soon?

Pediatricians say that most children are not potty trained until sometime between their 2nd and 3rd birthdays. They also say that most children will learn it in one week - because they're ready. You can drive yourself crazy trying to force your child to be potty trained before she's ready, or you can relax and enjoy the ease of diaper life until she tells you it's time to move on.

Just remember, as in all things with raising a child, there's trade-offs at every stage. It may seem like potty training is the be-all end-all, but once it happens you'll be at the mercy of your daughter's bathroom needs. You can't leave the house until she's peed, you have to pull over to find a rest-stop so she can pee, you've got a child sitting on a dirty public toilet touching everything in sight. Believe me - it's disgusting.

Changing diapers may not be glamourous, but it does have its advantages. Enjoy this time and give your baby time to be a baby - you don't want her growing up too soon.

My first point has been made already but it is worth saying again, I think.

If you wait until she is older and can understand, communicate, control her body, etc. better - it will take days/weeks vs. months & months & months. (I can't tell if you want to get this over with because of daycare rules, a sibling on the way, because of mainstream society's idea that it should be done by 2, high cost of diapers - or some other reason? - but I truly think you're both better off if you wait. Find a different daycare, figure that most newly potty-trained kids regress when a sib is born, don't think of age 2 as a deadline, try cloth diapers...there are alternatives). Also - if you are feeling desperate, she is feeling that anxiety too. Give her (and yourself) permission to relax about this, and make going potty an exciting thing rather than a high-pressure thing.

When she is ready...
You may consider a brief time in cloth diapers if you do not use them already. Modern diapers are so absorbent that they really have to be soaked to be uncomfortable. Kids wearing cloth diapers usually want them off as soon as they're wet and this may motivate them to get out of diapers faster.

If she's bigger, you might consider giving her the option of the potty seat that fits on your own toilet. My daughter (at 2 and 1/2) much preferred this option and we pretty much skipped the stand-alone potty (fine by me not to have to clean that thing out!)

Finally I would recommend keeping "potty books" near the toilet - my daughter liked "A potty for me" by Karen Katz, "Time to Pee" by the guy who did the pigeon-drive-the-bus books (that one comes with stickers if you're into that approach), and "My Big Girl Potty" (this one includes handwashing!) My kid loves books so it was a treat to spend extra time reading these books on the potty apart from all her other regular "storytimes" during the day - just make sure there is a place where you can comfortably sit too!

hope this was helpful!
O.

Hi A.,

My girl is the same sge as yours and she is in the begginging - middle stage of training. She will sometimes tell me when she has to go, she will try when I ask her if she has to go but is still has a wet diaper inbetween occasionally. She is moving at her own pace with this and I am not pushing her since I have heard that starting too early is not good. I am so glad you brought this up, I could use the advice too. For your daughter though, maybe some reward system would get her back on the potty. A friend of mine put a candy jar filled with whatever treat he liked (can't remember)on the counter in the bathroom and whenever he went on the potty, he got a treat.It worked great for them but her son was a bit older...closer to three. Good luck to both of us and our girls.

A.

This is a more complex issue than you might think. For one thing because our babies wear such wonderful disposable diapers and pull-ups some of them actually don't make the connection between the feeling of peeing and wetness. When I finally trained my oldest child (I've had 5 and do daycare so I've had lots of potty training experience) I was utterly amazed to find that she really only went pee every 5 or 6 hours. So putting your child on the potty cannot make her body start to urinate. She has t o learn to recognize the feelings that go before peeing and then put herself on the pot, or tell you she has to go. The most important advice I can give you is not to make it a battle of your will over hers. Actually, other cultures have better ways to train kids. The child has to become a willing partner in the task.

I suggest to continue her to try sitting on the potty and when she tells you she wants to go put her on it. Talk about it. But keep her in a diaper or pull-up. I put my kids on the portable kiddie potty during diaper changes. I would take off her diaper then sit her on the potty then put the diaper back on. She never did anything but she got that it was all connected because one night she was running around naked. The next day when I went to put her on the potty there was urine in it. I asked,"Did you go pee-pee in the potty?" She answered, "yesth". So that day we packed up all her diapers and gave them to our baby friend, got panties, stickers and princess figures for rewards. She was potty trained in three days. This was in April she just turned three two weeks ago. She sleeps without a diaper and doesn't have many accidents-since april she had 2 night time accidents and one day time accident. The first day was the hardest. I would ask her if her panties where dry every 15 minutes then I would check every 30 minutes. Each time they were dry she got a sticker and every time she urinated or had a bm I would give her a princess figurine. I put her on the potty on an interval time thing as well. The second day I asked every 30 minutes then every hour. So I would continue to be casual with the potty training in the sense of giving her many opportunities to use it but not to make a deadline of when to be potty trained at this point and to keep her in a diaper or pull-up. She herself will let her know when she is ready to make the final transition into panties. Actual potty training takes a long time, but when they are ready to get rid of the diapers it has to be in their time and it will not take long if it is timed right. Good Luck

I potty trained my son "early" in other's eyes as well. We didn't pressure him, but did move him to underpants and allowed him to have accidents but we tried to sit on the potty every hour- even if it was a minute. Eventually he figured it out. The hard one to get was pooping. I finally figured out that he was completely controlling it and so I put him in underpants with plastic covers(he would go with a pull up on at nap time). It took just a litle while. As long as you are not punishing or pushing her too hard I see nothing wrong with potty training early. My niece was potty trained at 18 mos.

let her go naked for a few days or a week. you'll end up with some extra messes to clean up, but chances are she will like making messes on herself even less than you do. otherwise, you can't force potty learning. kids do it when they feel no stress or pressure coming from anyone -- think about trying to pee in front of someone!! sounds like that might be what your daughter is doing if she's holding it for most of the day (which is no good for her urinary tract!). you could also try taking her to the bathroom every time YOU go... i've got to go pee, let's go to the bathroom and see if you do too. try to relax about it and act like it's no big deal.

Why are you so desperate to potty train her?!?!?! She's not even 2! Her span of attention isn't enough to have her trained. I would suggest letting her figure it out in her own time rather than stressing her.

I would say don't push her. She is still young for potty training. The best thing to do is let her take the lead, if she wants to sit on the potty, let her. If not, she can go in her diaper. If you push her, she may resist later on.

Hi A.!
I personally think that when they are ready they will do it. 2 year olds seem too young to me- 3 or 4 months after the 2nd Birthday make a huge difference. My daughter did it at 2 years and 7 months over a long weekend and we just never looked back (never gave her diapers again even if she would have an accident). Our neighbor is struggling with the same scenario with her almost 3 year old (she will hold it for hours, but won't go on the potty) and her doctor said that you can't make them- it's a battle you won't win. They decided to stop pressuring and to revisit the situation in a month or so. Who knows right- every stage is so difficult!! I hope this helps to know you're not alone!

C.- mother of a beautiful 3 year old girl!

A few years ago I read the conclusions of a study that said the average age for potty training in the US was 3 years. It pointed out that, by starting early, you can get your kid to train earlier but that children who trained later trained somewhat easier (which they didn't define, but I suspect that means they had fewer accidents). Thankfully, I read this before our daughter (also A.!) first peed on the potty right when she turned two, but didn't choose to use the potty on a regular basis until a few months after she turned 3. She's strong willed and it was just a matter of waiting until she was ready to use the potty all day in exchange for wearing princess underwear, though we spent a whole year trying rewards, encouragement etc.

Please be patient! Most girls do not 'master' toliet training until about age 3 and boys often take another six months or so. She is a two year old! Do not expect her to sit ANYWHERE for more than five minutes.

My mother often bragged that she had my brother 'trained' by 14 months. Then she changed wet bedding for 14 years!

Patience in this area now will pay off in years to come, for BOTH of you!

When we were potty training our daughter several months ago we would let her bring in one baby and a book and then she would sit on her potty and myself or my hubby would sit on ours. We made a huge deal over anything she did in there! We gave her rewards like high fives and clapping and jumping up and down. She would also listen for us to go and then make a huge deal over us as well. It was cute! We also made sure she would go on there every time she got done with some water or juice and as soon as she woke up from her naps or in the morning. So about every 2 hours or so she sat on there. I also watched for signs when she was about to go- she would grab herself or stop and look like she is really concentrating! lol

She was doing pretty good from 15-18 months then she stopped completely and has refused to go back on there- she was traumatized! One day she was saving her poop in there to show Daddy when he woke up and while I was drawing up a bath for her she lifted the lid to look and make sure it was still there and started to clap and say YEAH! Well that was when the dog came in and stole it like it was a Snickers bar and ran away with it and me and her screaming NOOOOOOOOOO! So we have not gotten her back on except for a few times. I am going to watch this one to see if I find anything else that might work for her!

Good luck to you and many blessings!

*** WOW!! you have gotten a lot of advice that I plan on taking this time around. I will again wait to see signs from her that SHE is ready (she did show signs the last time)! I was so disappointed that we did so well and then she regressed (I did not let her know this though)! Oh well maybe after she is 2 she will show interest in it again. For now I am putting the seat away and will wait for her! Thanks for asking the question!!!!

Even though she understands the concepts, it sounds like she's just not ready. Most children are not developmentally ready to be potty trained (physically and emotionally) until between 2 and 3 years of age. By forcing this on her before she's ready, you may be setting yourself up for a power struggle which will make the process a great deal more complicated. Wait 3 -6 months and try again.

Hi A.,
Relax :) I'm on my fourth child with potty training. He turned 4 in March and this week he decided he's ready for underwear. He's been dry during the day and at night.
My two older boys were done by age 2 and my daughter was a little over 3.
I've seen parents push their children to learn too early and as a result they have kidney and bowel problems as a result of holding things in. It's so not worth it! My neice is now 11 and has problems daily. Don't do that to your daughter.
She'll let you know when she's ready. For now keep her in a diaper and when she wants to sit on the potty let her.
In the mean time take a deep breath and relax, it will happen.

Hi A. -

I am not sure if this will help because my son is not yet trained. He just turned 2 but we started trying when he was just over a year. I don't push it too much but I don't really see the harm in trying. We have special books that stay in the bathroom. My son tends to sit on the potty longer and sometimes actually go if we can look at the books. Is there a reason why you want to do this already. I wanted to get my son done before the next baby came only 16 mo. later. I am actually glad that it didn't take because it would have been so much harder on me. Good luck!

Hi A.,

What is driving you to potty train so young? Potty training is developmental as well as training. Most kids don't potty train until 2 1/2 - 3 1/2, with lots of variation of readiness.
I'm sure you'll get many more detailed replies. Please consider not pushing your daughter
before she's ready and be very positive and relaxed with her. There are some kids who
are ready earlier, but if she's not even two yet you might consider waiting.

Good luck.

Cheryl

I just potty trained my 18 month old son. We basically let him go "commando" all day at home. There were a few accidents in the first 2-3 days but once he saw what he was doing and how he felt just before eliminating, he started to get the concept of "needing to go". We taught him the sign for toilet ('t' sign, shake at wrist side to side). He'll do it when he gets the urge to go. Don't stress about it because they tend to pick up on it a lot. She may be holding it in because she senses your anxiety about her having an accident. They don't want to be wet or make a mess on their own. If you react overtly every time she has a miss, you are unintentionally conditioning her to tense up and hold it in. She needs to be able to relax while on the potty. Try to make it fun for her to sit. I used to blow bubbles, play peek-a-boo, read books, etc. Also, consider moving the potty to a different spot now and then. My son had a potty strike for a while. I moved the potty to the shower stall and he loved it (go figure!). Now, he'll use it on the sun porch and look out onto the yard. He even wanted to take it out to the front porch the other day (too funny!). You might not want to go that far, but changing the scenery sometimes will help. Good luck!

p.s. I'd be a little skeptical about the whole "wait until they're older" philosophy. It is mainly pushed by diaper companies and their sponsors - they WANT you to stay in diapers for 4 years instead of 2! Before disposable diapers became the norm, babies learned to use the potty at around 1 - 1 1/2 years old.

Hi A.,
I have an online book I can sent you (for free) about potty training. I bought it for my son. Maybe it has some tips for you. Sent me your email and I mail it to you.
Mirjam

Encourage her when she does want to. Based on what you said she is not giving the green means go light to go all the way with this. There is a social-emotional component to potty traiing (knowing how to social prompt someone else and herself when she has to go). Many mom's suggest all sorts of techniques that include negative reinforcements. I an not one to critique if it works (in longe end). There is bunch of reserach on potty training and doing it to early because of the social emotional part. I know there is a great deal of pressure about when we potty train, but I would go by your child's signs if they are ready to give you verbal or non-verbal promts when it is time to go and physical both. Pysically, my older daughter was not wetting through the night. If you feel most of the go's are there you might even need to train your daughter on what your cues will be using when it is time for her tell you or another adult when she has to go "potty". Do some role-playing.

Thankfully, you have received numerous responses that echo mine: under two years is too early to potty-train. Unless a child exhibits a desire to train early, it is not wise to pursue it; more damage than good will come of pushing her. My daughter potty-trained at a place called "Booty Camp" in West Chicago, IL, which I highly recommend for older ones. My daughter was 3 1/2 at the time, and the pediatric nurse who runs the program would not take a child under either 2 1/2 or 3... I can't remember the exact age, but it was nowhere near your daughter's!