Potty Training - Battle Creek, MI

I've heard of mom's just getting rid of diapers... a few times of peeing or pooping on themselves and they don't do it again..

I can imagine that's super frustrating.. hope it gets better soon.

Hi K.,
My daughter was the same way! We had starting training her and she was ready, but then I went on bed rest for almost 5 months, so with all the changes we decided we should wait. Well, then she learned about control and was not about to give it up! I was at my wits end too! I had tried everything that was possibly out there, and no luck. She didn't go to 3 y/o preschool b/c she wasn't potty trained. It was time to start going to preschool openhouses for 4 y/o preschool. I had the teachers show her the potty and explain it to her. The very next day, she was trained! She was capable of doing it, just didn't want to. She peed in the potty from that point on and only took a month or so to have her trained at night time. Taking her to school and showing her the potty that was her size and the sink that was her size and showing her how fun school was just happened to be magic trick for her. I hope it gets better soon. I definitely know how frustrating it can be. Know that you are not alone. ~K.

3 AMAZING Potty Training DVDs/Videos:

1. It's Potty Time (For Her)
2. Elmo's Potty Time
3. Bear in the Big Blue House Potty Time

My kids absolutely LOVED these shows...and got them way interested in the potty early! Good luck!!

How about having her carry her diaper bag and wipes with her wherever she goes and change herself? Sure it's messy, but maybe she'll get the message. You could take her to the store and have her pick out her own potty chair/seat and underwear. There is a great video called Potty Power and it shows a little girl who is a princess and how she learns to go potty--all of these things encouraged my son to use the potty. This might make you feel better: I've recently heard from a group of moms at preschool that the later a child potty trains, it means that the child is highly intelligent:) Don't know if that's an old wives tale or not, but it's interesting.

Eventually she will learn....no kid goes to 1st grade with a diaper bag!

:)MC

I know it's sooooo hard when you're frustrated, but positive and patient really is the way to go. One trick that worked with our kiddos was to have them wear underwear under their diaper. Pull-ups and diapers are so super absorbent that toddlers never "feel" the consequence of their action (great for diaper rash, bad for potty traiing). Underwear under the diaper introduces them to the idea of cool big kid underwear, but allows them to feel wet and want it off immediately.
Good luck to you both. She really will get there (probably much sooner than later).

Stop buying diapers and pull ups...if she doesn't have them she can't use them. You will do lots of laundry for a while but she'll figure it out. Also, to start preschool she'll have to be totally potty trained, using that might help her along. My kids REALLY wanted to start school so it helped them figure out the potty faster.

It sounds like you have tried some good things. Unfortunately, I don't have many suggestions. Sometimes I think we don't give things enough time before we say "this isn't working" and sometimes I think we wait too long before we say this. I do know that in reality as parents we have no "control" over potty training, so to push the issue is like banging your head against the wall. I know we always hear, when a kid is ready they're ready and while I think you can gently encourage her, until she decides when, it's sort of a losing battle. All kids grow and develop at different reates. I wonder if she thought you didn't care about this, if it wouldn't speed it up?? I think parents are the best detectives and experts with their own children, so I encourage you to take a step back and a deep breath and see if you can figure out what is going on or a direction to go. I know it will work out for you.

K.,

I feel for you as my daughter was the same age before was could convince her going to the potty was a good thing and we tried everything in the books and everything that was ever recommended.

What finally worked was a long tshirt and no panties. When she started to feel it going down her leg she decided it didn't feel good. We encouraged good behavior with dresses (she's a girly girl). If she stayed dry she got to wear a dress, if she had an accident she had to wear pants.

Our pediatrician said this was a way for them to be in control of a situation. Give her reasons why it will work for her i.e. if she wants to be a "big girl" , so she can go to preschool, big girls get to do things that babies don't, etc.

My daughter is now seven and sometimes still has accidents at night but it was something she had to "buy" into before she would make the effort.

Hang in there! :)

Sounds like your little one is as stubborn as mine is! My daughter wouldn't go potty for me without a fight (but she would go for Grandma and Daddy without a problem!). Her pediatrician said to put underpants on her and let her wet herself (we never had a soiling incident) because most kids don't like that feeling and try not to do it after one or two times. I think the idea of her carrying her wipes and diapers is a great idea, and in theory having her change herself is also a great suggestion (not sure how that would work out in practice, though). Another thing that works for my daughter is for me to lay off my bugging her and just leave her alone. This was SOOOOO hard (and frustrating, because I had to keep my mouth shut), but it works in some instances.
Good luck! Hang in there!

I am in the same boat, my daughter even tells me when she has to go pee or poop but refuses to go on the potty. Everyone tells me to just relax and that she will go when she is ready. She goes to school and even tells me about the other kids and their big girl panties. She just doesn't want anything to do with it. She has panties, pull-ups, special potty seat, etc. She just wants to be in diapers. I am trying to just let her do her thing but is very frustrating b/c she knows what to do. You are not alone...good luck!

Have faith she will learn to go on the potty. First she has to be physically ready. The nervous system must be developed for her to know when she has to go. Anything before that you are training yourself. My granddaughter was almost 4 when she potty trained. Also I would think about talking with my babies DR. He can give the best advice as he works with this all the time.

A.

If you haven't yet, take her to the store and have her pick out a couple packs of "big girl" underwear and just completely do away with diapers and pull-ups. Sure she will have some accidents but she will soon get the hang of it!
I wish you the best of luck!

My son turned 3 in October and I am having the very same problem. He is extremely intelligent for his age. But......no matter what I do, refuses to use the potty. He will stand and pee in the mornings, but after that, forget it. I put regular underwear on him and he pees and poops in them and doesn't seem to mind a bit. I am also at my wits end. I even bought the potty book for boys and he loves it but still doesn't want to go potty. His best friend across the street goes potty and it doesn't even bother him. My ped. says that I shouldn't worry until it's time for him to start school; however, I would like for him to begin preschool and he is unable to attend because he is not totally potty trained.

I would suggest quit agonizing over it. What is the rush? None of my kids were potty trained at 3.5. And they're fully functional, fully normal adults.

The heck with what the magazines say. They fail to convey that ALL kids are different and have their OWN pace. Push it and you will regret it, as you're already stressing over it.
When a child has a reason to use it, she/he will. When my middle son was faced with going to preschool or not or even kindergarten or not, he put in the effort to learn the use of the potty. He liked being around other kids and the learning aspect.
But he was also a very deep sleeper and still had accidents up until he was around 12. So he learned it but his body wasn't all at the same development stage.
You're obsessing with one area of development. Why not try to focus on what she DOES do, like recite abc's, count to 30, count in Spanish no less....and these aren't something to be proud of and praise her for? She's picking up on your obsession and trying to tell you to back off. She's got time before starting kindergarten. Allow her that.

K.,
I know you have tried everything to get her to use the potty. They say some are harder than others but it is time for you to get down to brass tacks now. You may have to swat her on the bottom and let her know you mean business. Right now she thinks it a game between you nad her. I sure you have rewarded her for going when she does go and that is good but now you have played around long enough. Time to show her your in charge. Hope this will help.

I noticed that you are at home working mom. Do you mind me asking what you do. I need to find something that I can make money from home. I have had a spinal cord injury and can't really hold down a real job but on my time I can do it at home. Please let me know I would appreciate it. Thanks alot and hope what I told you will help.
Pam

K. -

She will go when she is good and ready. It'll be like switching on a light switch and she will be trained. i'd keep her on a schedule to at least sit on the potty for awhile and while she is sitting there try running some water to see if that helps. Did the trick for my boys. At first I'd also let them play in a little bit of warm water while on the potty to try and stimulate a response as well. Don't get yourself frustrated over it. She will sense it and will end up fighting you to the end. When you use the bathroom have her come in with you to see how it's done then give yourself a "treat" she would really like to have and see if that gives her some initiative. Above all else, be patient. It will happen. Sometimes later than sooner but it will happen.

S.

Big power struggle going on here!Been there! All 3 of my kids were late potty trainers, not until around 4. Are they in preschool? That peer presure could help, if they aren't already. One of my kids would just throw off the underwear. I had pull-ups for night time because that control came later, which didn't help because she knew the pull-ups were there. But I just refused to give her one during the day, she went without underwear if she threw it off. It took a few days and she gave in. My other daughter I just had to wait until she was ready, it wasn't worth the struggle. If you are sure that she is ready, I would let it go for a week or two to diffuse the power struggle, then pick your strategy in advance, get everyone in the household or taking care of her on board with it (grandma/grandpa,sitters, etc) and then go for it full force. If you think it won't result in a power struggle, you could set a date with her, and then give her a family party after 1 or 2 weeks of training without an argument (you have to allow for accidents). Good luck!

Your daughter sounds like a very smart girl who has a need to feel in control and has gotten into a power struggle with you over this. My doctor daughter was closing in on 4 when she gave up the fight. I see now that all my efforts, as sweet as they were, lengthened the battle. I'd just give up and let her stay in diapers until she decides she wants to do this - peer pressure or something will put her over the edge eventually. She needs to own this and take responsibility for it at this age. I have a grandson who did this and was nearly 4 then suddenly took charge of it himself with no problem. I'd pull your troops out of the war zone and let her decide. She'll do it before she has to go out on dates, believe me! Hang in there, Mama!

Now it's a control issue for her.The more you push the more she'll fight I'm afraid.

Wow...it really sounds like you've tried everything!
I hate to say it, but tough love sounds like a decent answer at this point. Let her wear "big girl" regular underwear, and tell her that she has to use the potty otherwise she'll be wet and yucky....
It will be more laundry on your part, but at this point, what other options do you have? Unfortunately, this may mean more time at home too...
With my daughter (just turned 4) she wanted to go to school and do gymnastics. We told her she had to use the potty all the time before she got to do any of that, and she wanted it so bad, she potty trained in about a week.
Good luck to you

OMG, I could have written this exact question! I also have an extremely smart, extremely stubborn 3 and a half year old girl who won't even consider sitting on the potty. She tells us all the time all the fun things that will happen when she does (prizes, new underwear), and that she will go on the potty "soon"... Anyway, I just wanted to share that you're definitely not alone... I also have been considering tough love... maybe 'accidentally' running out of diapers and seeing what happens ????

Hello K.-

i can relate. My now 4 yr old has only been trained for 5 months and i was one of those who never thought she would ever get out of diapers/pull ups. But i learned quickly it it all about control and power. I surrendered control to my daughter and as soon as she felt like she was in control she made the decision to wear panties and use the potty. This is what i did and it worked for me, and i am sure it might work for you..

As soon as your daughter wakes up in the morning, offer her the choice [ choice is the key] if she wants big girl panties or a diaper. Do not say another word to her or make her think you are forcing her to wear panties. If she chooses a diaper/pull up then put one on her and let it go. Ask her several times if she needs to use the potty, and allow her the choice. If she goes, fine, if not then let it go. I know it will seem like you are being weak, but in actualtity you are giving her the control of her own body. As soon as she figures out she is in control she will do her own thing on her own terms. If she poops then take her in the bathroom and allow her the opportunity to assist in cleaning herself. Hand her the wipes and the pull up and let her. After she is done then finish wiping but make no fuss about it. If she chooses undies and pees, then congratulate her for being a big girl and tell her that accidents happen. No biggie. I hope this helps... She will train soon. Some kids are more strong willed then others. She knows you "cannot make" her go on the potty and this is the one thing in her life she has control over.

HI K.,
I agree with a lot of the other responses. It sounds like a classic power struggle. My niece just about drove my brother and sister-in-law insane when she was young- she had to do things her way. They finally sought counseling and let her be. She is now a beautiful, brilliant medical researcher. I think if they had constantly fought with her, she would have rebelled. Your daughter is very smart and wants to do things her way. You need to just give up on this for awhile and she will eventually come around when she sees that it doesn't bother you anymore. I know- easier said than done. I like the suggestion that she has to change herself- give her the wipes and pull-ups,and tell her she is such a big girl now that she can take care of herself. Be very positive about it, but leave some nice underwear in the bathroom, too, so maybe she will put it on one of these days.
Good luck~ parenting isn't easy!
M.

My best friend had the same problem with her child and recommends going COLD TURKEY!! Just take her diaper off and she will see that it does not feel good to be wet. Eventually she will be forced to use the potty. The only bad part for you will be cleaning her up until she gets the hang of it.
Good luck.

I think I wrote this six months ago! My now 4 year old has been going on the potty about 5 months now. I know how much of a struggle and frustration it is. I even tried running out of diapers! She peed on the floor and then cleaned it up herself. I was at the end of my rope and gave up trying for two weeks. I'd still tell her that diapers were gross everytime I changed her though. During the two weeks I stopped nagging, she went potty! I think partially it's a power struggle. kids wanna do it by themselves and the potty is better when they think it's their idea. I say let it rest for a week or two and maybe she'll come around. Also, my daughter never used a potty or special seat, just the regular toilet. Don't know if you've tried that yet but she might like to go where mom and dad do.

On a similar note, at her father's he'd make her stay on the toilet until she produced. Obviously it was an awful thing to do to her but really there was nothing I could do. To this day, she holds her urine and poop at his house. She'll only poop at my home when she returns from her dad's. So please don't make the same mistake her idiot father did!

I don't have any advice, but I'll be watching your responses. My son is 3 1/2 and he's the same way--knows where the pee and poop go (in the potty!), understands how it's all supposed to work, but absolutely won't do it. Says he'd just rather wear diapers for now. He's also smart and stubborn. I've had to just drop the subject for a while out of fear that it will make him more determined not to use the potty. Good luck to you, and like everyone says, no kid goes off to first grade in diapers...

Sounds like you have a strong willed child just like me! But what worked for us, finally, was taking away the pull ups & buying 'big girl underwear'. This was a recommendation my niece made because it worked for her son - and sure enough, it was the magic I needed! I simply started putting underwear on her, or allowing her to remain in the buff, if at an appropriate time - and it worked! I went right for the jugular & bought all her favorite characters - Dora, Princess & Max & Ruby! Good luck!