Potty Training - Carlisle,PA

Has he given you any reason he doesn't want to grow up? Is there a new sibling in the house (by new I mean born any time since you started training him)? Any other big changes? If not then it is a matter of picking your time and switching to underwear.

At this point maybe you want to take a potty training vacation and start again after Christmas. Maybe after a break you will both be more willing to try and cooperate. That is kind of what I did with my son. I had him in pull ups from 2.5 but he wasn't ready at first then I had another baby and that whole adjustment. My son is a February birthday so he was just under 4. I put him in underwear and was able to be mostly home for the Christmas vacation. The first 2 weeks there were a lot of accidents and I went back to pull ups one week when he was sick that winter.

I read one of the sites posted by Peg M. I think the author is right--frequent reminders to use the potty fuel the power struggle. That was part of the problem with my son at least. At 4 my son could go 2-3 hours and stay dry. When I figured that out I cut down the number of potty breaks substantially and tried to use natural breaks in the day. I tried for a while using a timer for every 2 hours so I wasn't nagging him about it (it helped a little). He still argued (he is just that kind of kid). Eventually I did give him time outs for refusing to follow directions and take a potty break--but not for accidents. I'm not sure how much it helped; that was partly my frustration. I also gave consequences for when there was an accident and he didn't change immediately or ask for help changing (like at preschool).

Anyway, I don't know if any of the above will help but you are not the only one struggling. I'm kind of dreading the process with my daughter but at least she is a more cooperative kid most of the time.

Get rid of the pull ups! Underwear only! Do not react when he has an
accident. Make sure he helps clean up when he does have an accident.
Stop discussing it, just expect it and hopefully it will happen.

First of all get rid of the pull-ups. Put him in underwear and have him clean up his own messes. You can also give him pennies for when he does go on the potty. The pennies worked for my 2 year old. Good luck!

Your son sounds like he's become reactive to what may seem to him like constant pressure. If this began before he had the necessary development and maturity, he may be completely turned off to the whole process. Here's an excellent educational website that explains all things potty: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

Since you are now in a category that might be considered "delays and problems," you might get good results from this approach: http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm. It will take the pressure off your son and give him a chance to decide for his own sake that he is willing to use the potty.

No pull up. Not at all. Don't ask but say it's 'today' and it will happen. Then do it. I had a grandson I babysat and he, too, had the idea he would NEVER go in the potty but when the day came he was shocked to see I meant business and he had one accident and that was it. He even slept at naptime and woke up dry WITHOUT a pull up. It all in how you present it to the child and who is in charge. I doesn't have to be awful either. I gave some of my kids a toy at the end which they picked, charts and stickers for others, one got marshmallows each time ( one or two miniature ones ) and I set a timer every 15 min. to start with and when it went off they sat on the potty even if they said they didn't need to go. When they did start going I moved it to every 30 min. and so on. It should only take a day with a child this old. It takes a day or so out of your life though so be prepared. Do not go back once you start and be consistent.
Remember though, no pull up. They will use it as a 'crutch' and not go because they don't have to.

I would simply use reverse psychology. Put him in a diaper, then plan many fun things to do that only "big kids" get to do. Take your other child with you...have fun, eat cotton candy, go to parks, etc. Leave your boy home with a babysitter or dad and talk a lot about the fun the big kids had at the park/movie/etc. Very quickly he will understand that he is being left out as the activities are simply for older kids.

My daughter would NOT give up her pacificer. She wanted a cabbage patch doll in the worst way but I told her that those babies were only for big kids. Three days later she told me she was a big kid, threw her pacifiers away and off we went to Toy's R Us. Never looked back.

This doesn't have to be (nor should it be) a punishment. Be very matter-of-fact about what activities are appropriate for kids in diapers and those in big boy undies. Make this HIS choice, not a power struggle between the two of you.