Potty Training - Massillon,OH

I feel for you guys. I have 6 year old twins and a 2 1/2 yr old. I just potty trained my 2 1/2 year old in a different way. She would not poop on the potty. She would go and hide and then poop. I tried everything from M and M's to I will buy you a Dora doll. Nothing worked. The twins were losing their teeth and getting a visit from the tooth fairy. My 2 1/2 year would get upset and wanted the tooth fairy to visit here. She kept trying to pull out her tooth to put under her pillow. I came up with the potty fairy and said if you poop on the potty the "potty fairy" will come see you. I started out if she did not have any accidents with pee (b/c she would not poop everyday) she would get a visit from the potty fairy. I would put a dollar under her pillow and when she woke up I will help her find the money. She loved it. Now she did not know that I would reused the money every night. I did this for 2 weeks and it worked for her. Also, I did not asked her if she needed to go potty I just put her on the potty. Now she goes on her own. Now every child is different. The twins I just had to say "we can go to Chuckie cheese when you don't have any accidents" and that worked. Good luck and I hope you find something that works.

It took my daughter 6 months to finally train. I just kept the cotton training underwear on her and changed many wet undies. There were many naysayers who said it wasn't working. Well, it did (she trained herslef this week without my saying or doing anything differently). Like anything else (crawling, talking, etc.) she did it in her own time. The key was, though, she needed actual "practice time"--wearing the undies day after day. I think too few parents are willing to put up with messes, but that goes hand-in-hand with the learning. This is my 3rd, and I was the complete opposite with my first. Oh--also gave my daughter an M&M in each hand every time she even tried to go and sat on the potty. Therefore, she got a lot of practice in!

The messes may be a problem w/ your sister-in-law on bedrest, though.

I must also add, my first is somewhere on the spectrum (ADHD. . .) and potty training was very difficult. He was 4+ before totally trained, and that was with a lot of angst. So, I don't know that I've given any answers, but hopefully ideas and ingsights.

Good luck!

J.

It does not say where you are located at, but i would suggest looking into the Headstart program. That is the only pre-school program that I know off, that will take children that are not yet potty trained. They also have highly qualified teachers that do a lot of assessments that might give more proof to your thoughts on the little girl having autistic tendencies. If you are right in your thoughts that the girl has issues, then the potty training will be a big hurdle to get over and it would be really important to get intervention before she starts "school" and get's self esteem issues on top of that. Good luck to you and your niece.

wow you are going to have your hands full. My son is autistic and was not totaly potty trained till he was 6 1/2. Unforunately if she is not ready there is not much you can do except be pateint. If you bros doesn't want to see what is going on with her (it is a hard thing to accept) when they put her in pre-school the teachers will be quick to point it out to him and try to help them adjust and do what is best for her. Find some thing she likes and create a reward system with her, if you only have her on Saturdays be consistant every time you have her. Routines are key for autism.

Two things that worked really well for us....
1. make it fun. Pick a day and devote the entire day to a tea/cookie, etc day. Put all the stuffed animals and any kid you can find and have a "water", "juice" "kool aid", etc day. Drink out of fun cups. I can't tell you just drink, drink drink.
2. Let her see other people using the potty. She will want to be like the older kids and do it too. It may feel funny to have this little one around while peeing but it's good for them to see other people doing it. (Peer pressure really works in this area).
3. LOts of praise and treats when she does accomplish it. M&M's work great, since they melt in the mouth. (I used Gummies life savers but the dentist advised chocolate since it melts). Stickers, etc.
You may need more than a day though, a long weekend. My son was potty trained in 3 days doing this, but of course, every child is different.

Good Luck and I commend you for taking on the challenge to help your family in this situation. It takes a village!!! It will be a huge burden lifted from your family if she gets potty trained!!

My sister's son is autistic, so she had some problems potty training, but he trained at about 4 1/2 yrs. old. He is a huge Wiggles fan, and she found some
wiggles underwear that he didn't want to get dirty. So you might try a favorite character underwear. But if she doesnt' care, there isn't a lot you can do. You might try training underwear with rubber pants over them is she will tolerate it. If she has issues, sometimes textures on clothing can cause problems. Good luck and good for you for being such a help.
R.

Preschool is still a long way off, so do yourself a favor and don't stress out. It is great that you are helping your brother's family out. Just do what you can for them. While this child is not out of the normal range for potty training yet, being autistic may cause a delay. You might want to do some research on autism. Children potty train when they are ready. Maybe having you as a source of stability in her life will help her along. For now just change the pull-ups. Look at previous suggestions on Mamasource for some tips, but avoid shaming, pressure, and punishment. Good luck!

My son is autistic as well and potty training just seemed to take forever. He is almost 5 now, and yes... it took until about 4 to get him potty trained.

Those with autism often require very strict routines and schedules. Thus, you need to make this a stringent part of the routine. Try talking about potty training, that you will be beginning to try to go to potty and what the potty is for. I brought my son with me whenever I had to go. We would go at certain times of the day... when he first woke up, at AM snack, lunch time, PM snack, dinner and before going to bed. That is the schedule I stuck to for a long time... until now... when he can tell when he needs to go and does so on his own.

Thus, try talking about it for a week. I suggest buying books on potty training, download pictures she can color, tell stories about it, maybe take her shopping for a potty or training seat cover. I purchased stickers and candy to reward my sons with. At first, any time sitting down on the potty, reward a sticker/candy. Try that for a couple weeks. Then reward additional stickers for pee-ing, pooping, wiping, pulling up underwear, pulling up pants, using soap and water to wash hands. I made a huge deal with hugs, kisses, congrats and told everyone (make a big to-do) about going potty.

I bought like 200 stickers for about $2.00 at Wal-Mart. They were things my boys were interested in like sports, thumb up signs, stars, animals, holidays, etc. I also bought small pieces of candy such as DumDum suckers, sugar free suckers, bite size mini-Reeces cups, chocolate kisses, Sweet Tarts, etc. My girl friend would give M&M's. Another friend would tell their child... let's go to the potty and see if we can make bubbles. When they would pee, they could see the bubbles in the toilet. Odd... I know... but whatever works...lol.

It's really important to get everyone in the child's life to incorporate a strict and consistent schedule and encouragement of going potty... or really any change in the schedule. Transitions are difficult for autistic children. Often talking about big changes a week ahead of time... consistently... helps to ease the emotional breakdown and fits. They know what to expect and feel supported. Also, you need to talk about the event directly before trying to do whatever new thing it might be.

Many autistic children have occupationational needs, so lightly brushing the skin while doing a new event can help lessen stress. Some people also benefit from wearing a tight shirt or weights put into a shirt. The constant pressure and tension on the skin helps to reduce emotional reactions and reduces stress. Try the brushing and pressure clothing about 10-20min before the activity and see if that helps to cope with the stress and transition.

Your niece will potty train when she is ready. Saturdays only is not enough to help her. If you really want to help then you should continue with whatever the parents' request is regarding the potty. If they're using pull-ups then use them. Why are they hard to change? You pull it up and pull it down. Treat it like underwear--that's what they're for.
And as for asking her to go...when potty training, it is always best to just have the child go and sit every 45 minutes-1 hour and to make it a fun activity. Books, toys, whatever, but you have to stay there with her, talk to her about the process. Don't ask if she has to go because she may not realize it yet or realize it soon enough to make it to the potty. That is a difficult thing to learn. Also, realize that sometimes, the WORDS you use will trigger a potty response. If the person teaching her says, for example, "pee" while she's peeing, then if you ask, do you have to pee, she may just pee. BTW, this is HUGE set of skills for any child to learn. Potty training truly takes time and a lot of it. Even children who train easily will have accidents and difficulty, especially with other changes that might be happening in their environment (like a new baby or TWO! and how the people they love are responding to those changes). Potty training typically takes place between 2 1/2 and 5! She is not behind in that regard. I have 4 children and my middle 2 did not finish potty training until 5.

This might be irritating you but this is not your place. YOu can help by encouraging her but you need to make sure that you are the aunt and not the mommy. It might "freak" you out about the pullup but there might be other issues going on that they may feel are not necessary to share with others. But also if you feel she is autistic tendencies you might feel that way but you need to let them find out on there own.
I have a brother that has a child with problems also but I have never said anything to him because I think he knows that already. Each child grows at their own rate and reaches their milestones at their own rate. You need to help them by watching her as an aunt.

I can understand having some problems toilet training a child who has some issues, however, I have a 10 year old with Aspberger syndrome and the 9 year old neighbor boy is Austic and we have another boy of 9 in the neighborhood who has severe Autism and they have all been toilet trained for years. This is just laziness on the parent's part.
They have to be consistant with the child and your sister-in-law is obviously in no position to be consistant. She needs to sit on the toilet first thing when she gets up in the morning and every 45 minutes to hour after that until bedtime. Running water will help her go if she has the slightest urge. She needs to be rewarded for going on the toilet instead of in her pull ups. After a couple of weeks when she has gotten the hang of it then they need to explain she is a big girl now and not a baby or toddler and only big girls have certain types of toys, games, and are allowed to do certain things. Only babies were diapers, etc. Then it becomes a contest of wills. If she uses her pants instead of the toilet she loses a big girl privelage and earns those back only if she uses the toilet two times in a row. Call it bribery if you want.
No, as a pre-school unless it is one for handicaped children they will not accept a child who is not toilet trained and they shouldn't have to.

Wow - this is definitely not your place at all. I think some of the other responses assumed this was your daughter you were speaking of. You need to mind your own business. If you just have SUCH a "hard time" changing a pull-up and it's causing you so much "worry" you need to tell your brother and sister-in-law that you can't "help". Get your nose out of the air, lady. They have a lot more to worry about than your probably unfounded criticism and non-medical observations. Rediculous. And I will say also that if you are just SO SO worried that she will not be able to get into preschool in the FALL (do you realize how far away that is?) there are preschools that will take children that are not potty trained - many of them. Because potty training is individual and varies so greatly and it is perfectly normal to be the age of this child and want to stick to the security of her diapers. Especially when the rest of her world is changing, her mama is on bedrest and she has to deal with an aunt like you every Saturday.

Hi A.,

Sorry, when I first responded I thought that she was identified as autistic, but if she is not, and your brother does not want to see it, there is little you can do but support him until he does. but even so, kind of what you said is, I think she has autism, but can't she be typical because this part is driving me crazy...no, probably not, but you, as a relative can be a beam of light for your family by educating yourself about the autistic spectrum and being supportive and compasionate.

Autsim is a developmental disablity, she will develop, but will do so at a slow or uneven pace, and she will need direct instruction on some things to do what most children do naturualy, and will need more instruction to do the things that even typical kids struggle with. It is not unusal for children on the spectrum to have anxiety about toilting issues and to require a great deal more help with this than most of us would enjoy giving.

I hope that your family sees that even mild issues will cause her a great deal of difficulty later, and early intervention will help those with mild issues to over come many as they age. She is elegible for early intervention programs throught the school district, if your brother ever comes around. It is free, and although not as much as she will need, is very helpful early on. As soon as they enrol her in preschool, the problem will become more difficut for them to ignore.

Good luck to you, and be as compasionate as you can.

M.

if she has some problems you could get her in roled into a head start program they will work with some children with problem as long as she is in the process of bring potty trained , just keep re a suring her that the potty is a friend maybe find her some special books and have her use the potty for a special place to sit to her some stories .. with a sippy cup and maybe she will start usuing the potty while telling the stories and you can make a game of it and she can catch on that way , try doing it at the same time every day ... good luck

you might want to try some potty training videos and books, that encouraged my daughter to start the process!

You might need to get the help of a doctor or psychologist/psychiatrist.
I know a family that had similar problem and they took their daughter for counseling and she was potty trained within a week. For this you would have to have her parents permission.
Have you tried rewards? Try putting jar with a penny slot in lid in bathroom and give her a penny each time she sits on the potty. Let her put the penny in the jar.
To change the pullups, lay her down and just rip the sides, then change like a diaper.
However, you might want to try underpants, training pants of course. These are more effective than pullups.

What we did with our twin daughters at about 2.5 was bought a kitchen timer and started it at 30 minutes. The first time it rang, it startled the girls, but i said it was the potty clock. Every 30 minutes we went into the bathroom and sat on the potty - whether they had to go or not. We did this from the time they woke up til the time they went to bed for about two weeks. We also bought the huggies clean team soap (has a hippo head that lights up while they wash) and that "excited" them to go potty to get to use the soap. We then bought the huggies clean team wipes and call them the "poopy wipes" and the girls only got to use them if they went #2 on the potty. We still do the soap and the poopy wipes, but we eventually stopped using the potty clock. Of course we gave M&Ms or gummie bears at first too if they went potty, but that eventually stopped on its own. Good luck.

The book, Steps to Independence: Teaching Everyday Skills to Children With Special Needs by Alan J. Brightman is excellent

or

(This author, Teri Crane, also really struggled with the whole issue of having her son potty trained by preschool. Your brother will be able to relate to her).

Men’s Health Magazine (Sept. issue) recommends Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day: Proven Secrets of the Potty Pro by Teri Crane. My husband picked us up a copy after reading the article. IT REALLY WORKS!!

Everyone is talking about throwing a "potty party" to potty train a child. I was so desperate; I was willing to do anything. Her book outlines 10 themed parties. What kid doesn't love to play and pretend? All my mommy friends have successfully potty trained their kids with her book too.

Honestly, when I first learned of this book, I thought NO WAY! Maybe this would work on a little girl, but NOT a BOSSY, 2-1/2 year old BOY. NO WAY! Guess what? It REALLY WORKED!!! Teri Crane SAVED MY SANITY!!! Her book was easy to read, funny and extremely helpful. I can't thank Teri enough. I would HIGHLY recommend this book to EVERY parent. It will save you much grief and frustration. Potty training shouldn't be difficult, we as parents make it difficult because we don't know what to do. Teri teaches you. Buy the book, it's the best money you will ever spend

Most amazingly, I had some questions, so I called the author, and she CALLED ME BACK!!