Potty Training - Wahiawa, HI

You certainly have not failed as a mother. What a huge change for his little self to go through. I would guess that once he gets comfortable with the new routine he might just want to try again. I wouldn't make a big deal about it though and maybe ask him what he prefers in the meantime, diapers or pull ups. This might afford him a little feeling of control in his world. I would just chill out and wait for him to let you know when he's ready. If you think he might be close ask if it feels yucky to wear a wet diaper. Leave it at that and let him think about it. It really is a lot easier when they feel like it is their idea.

Hi A.,

You and your son are both going through a stressful situation. You haven't failed your son at all. Two is actually quite young for a little boy to be completely potty trained. Don't stress over this one for both your sake. If he needs pull-ups for awhile, no biggie. He'll let you know when he's ready to go back to using the potty. When you are settled in your new home things will straighten back out. Relax, enjoy your son! He needs lots of positive attention from you right now. I've raised 2 boys, they grow up way too fast. Enjoy him.

Best of luck to your family!
T.

A.,
I am the mom of 6 kids ages 12yr-1mo. My husband is in the Navy. It is totally normal for a child to regress on a skill when there is change in the home whether that is a new sibling or daddy is deployed. My advice to you is to not worry about it and give it another try when you are settled in your next place. If your son wants to use the potty again before that he will let you know. When you are ready to go back to the potty you might try the DVD "Once Upon a Potty" This last time we just got it from Netflix. It is available for boys and girls. My kids have liked singing along with the story while they sit on their little potty. In general I would say just relax you have enough going on if your husband is not home he will go back to using the potty eventually and is not worth adding extra stress in either of your lives right now.
Steph C

Hey A., my name is L. my husband is in the Navy. I know how hard it is to have a toddler and deal with the day to day struggles of potty trainig and keeping the kids busy. My son Zach will be two at the end of the month, and was using the potty daily(pee pee only) and then just quit. I also am looking for ideas on how to keep it up. Also the military lifestyle can be very diffcult I am 28 and been married for almost ten years and hubby has been in since we meant. I also love my family very much but hate being away from them I wish sometimes it was easier, but know that our guys are doing a great thing for our country. Hope to keep in touch. I too am a SAHM the toughest job I think!!

Hi A.,
First I wanna say I have high respects for you and your husband!! Him joining the service and you raising your son!! That is alot! Now as far as your sons potty training, DO NOT FEEL that you have failed as a mother!!! I'll gaurantee you he is just having a hard with daddy being away! Pull ups are great! If and when you do use them still encourage him to use the potty still! When I was potty trainging my daughter she was doing very well until my nephew came along, then I started having problems. So what helped me was I went to a craft store and bought a good job chart. And we would sit down together and write out things we would work on. Well using the potty was one of them. So everytime she used the potty she would get a sticker on her chart. Then at the end of the week we would count up all of her stickers and I would give her like a dime for each one or I would take her out and do something! This had really encouraged her. Well I hope this may have helped some!! Good luck and keep your head up!!
C.

A.,
It's not uncommon for kids to regress in times of stress. You are not a failure. I'm sure you love your son and would do anything in the world for him. Sometimes being a good mom is knowing what battles to pick. I know it is hard to go back to changing diapers but I would just let it ride right now. Don't push James to go to the potty because that could cause you more headaches and challenges. Even if you got him to start going again chances are when you move he might regress again. Listen I promise he won't be going to kindergarten in pull ups! I never thought my twin boys would ever learn to use the potty. They were finally 3 1/2 with preschool looming when they decided they were ready. Potty training can be a control issue sometimes and sometimes it's better left alone. Let him take the lead on it. Gently ask him if he would like to use the potty and if he refuses just let it go. Right now just enjoy your son and don't put that added pressure on yourself. You have enough on your plate being a "single mom" while your husband is away. I promise this too shall pass and you'll laugh about it when you are telling his girlfriend about it! :-) Boys just tend to be lazy in this arena. Good luck and keep me posted.
M.

Hi - God bless your husband and bring him home safely. You are not a failure at all! No matter what you think you have done a good job and as far as potty training goes some kids who learn too early (TWO is too early for it to be perfect-it's rare for it not to take a turn the other way!) do not keep doing what they were taught but the good news is they will - it's just a matter of time. Your son has had a big upset in his life but that will be OK when your husband comes home or when he decides he would like to use the potty again just because he wants to. The worst thing you can do is force it or punish him because then it becomes a control issue. Just genly remind him that he used to do it and can-if he wants to - again. It really is psycology. I raised two sons and neither one was potty trained until three. But it was fast because they were finally ready. I used to talk about it in a general way and even had a cute little book about being potty trained. The good thing is since they were older than 2 or 2 and half ince they started they didn't backtrack. They liked feeling like ''big boys.'' Good luck and remember - even without training kids learn to use the potty. We moms never have to worry about having school kids not trained. Just a joke. Don't worry. Someday that little guy will be a daddy with kids of his own asking you for advice on how to raise his child! Have a great 2008!

I'm a retired Clinical Social Worker, a grandmother and a foster mother to young (birth to age 8 when they come to me). I have found that there are somethings that you simply can't force and potty training is at the top of the list. It seems to me that since your James was trained before age two and only regressed after Daddy went away, the regression is primarily a control issue. His world changed drastically and he likely is frightened, feeling insecure, and feels his world has gone totally out of control. Going to the potty is one thing that he can control though. In my opinion the best way to handle it is to put the pull ups back on him and when you change him say things that reinforce that he is still a big boy and can control things. For example, You might say something like: Honey, you know you are my big boy. When you want to go the potty and wear your big boy underware again, you can tell me. Then we will get them out of .... and you can put them back on.

Other than that, I would ignore the problem but keep on telling him what a big boy he is, particularly when he does things of his of his independent volition....eg., help pick up the toys, help you put the clothes in the clothes dryer, etc. I bet it won't be long before he returns to the potty. It may not happen until your husband returns home, but there is a good chance it will happen sooner. At age two, children are just starting to realize that they are separate people from their parents and that they can control somethings.They are starting to like to "help" and while this may slow down the completion of the task, it helps the child develop the needed sense of control and to begin to develop a healthy sense of independence. If you have a rocking chair, hold and rocking is a wonderful way to help him regain his sense of security.

Be patient and good luck.

C. B

That happened to my son when my husband deployed to Iraq when he was 2 1/2. I felt guilty, my husband felt guilty and the whole thing got a little too emotional. My suggestion is to let it go. Can you ask James what he wants to do? My son continued to pee in the potty but not to poop so he could wear pull ups. He's now potty trained but it took some time.
I had to remind myself (and my husband) that he'll be a grown up that uses the potty. Most do! For our son, he still wanted to be a baby. We've found other ways to help him feel secure (I hope!!!) I hope your son is able to let you know what he needs.

I would not push it. Your son is still young. My daughter was not interested in potty training and our pediatrician said don't push it or they will resist. Finally when she turned 3 it was so simple.......told her there were no diapers and she had to use potty. As I said, he's still young for it. He probably just misses daddy and that's such a change, that's why he does not want the potty anymore. He's going back to a comfort zone. I don't think you should worry. He knows the concept.

Your son, in effect, lost his daddy when your husband left the 1st time, then he comes back and now you are moving. Maybe he fears you will "go away" also. Just let it go, James will retrain himself when he feels more secure. You haven't failed - help him find his confort. Maybe in Jame's mind,being in diapers or pull-ups gives him a closer connection to you. (You have to change him rather than him just taking care of things himself)
Give him lots of love -
Nana G

I just wanted to echo what the other moms have said, and to add that one thing you do NOT want to do is to make potty training a battle. We made that mistake with our first child, and it was not pretty. Let your little guy figure out when he's ready to give it another try and meanwhile, don't stress.

Do what your husband said. Your son most likely upset because daddy was gone & had no control over it. But he does have control over using the bathroom. My son was completely potty trained until he was 2 1/2 yrs old. Just give it some time for him to get use to all the new things going on. I won't worry about it at this time. Good luck.

I hope you receive lots of responses telling you that you have not failed. Your husband has the right idea, I think. Don't make a big deal out of what your son is doing. Your husband leaving is a huge change for him and not a pleasant one for either of you. Your son will try the potty again. It doesn't matter that it will be later. Be kind to yourself and gentle with him.

Hello. Please don't feel like a bad mom. I honestly feel that 2 (especially for a boy) is too young to potty train. You should take cues from him and when he is ready he will let you know. There is no rush. If you rush your child to potty train you can cause them to become very angry and aggressive. When your child is ready to be trained it should only take about 3 days. If it takes longer than that they are not ready. I would suggest waiting until he is 3 and then take about 3 days, stay at home with him, put him in just underwear and take him to the potty every 15-20 min. at the end of the 3 days he should be totally trianed. Also there should be no other big changes in his life. Wait until you and your family are settled and there will be no big changes in the future because that could derail him. Good luck and never think you are a bad mom again!!!

Hi A.!

Children are creatures of habit in routine. When that is broken it can throw things off for a moment. However, IMO I do not think that you should put your DS back in pull-ups. That will be hinder and not help your situation. I think this is a good opportunity for bonding and will breaking. As parents it is never our goal to break our childrens spirits, it is the goal of the parent to break their will. It sounds to me that your DS is missing daddy and being stubborn. Always remember, you are the parent and the boss. Your are training him not him training you. If this means he may have to walk around wet and stink sometimes them so be it. You may have to do a reward system/consequence system or something. My son likes cars and stickers. As used those things as rewards and made a chart to he could see his progress. What does your DS like? Use thes things to your advantage. This is coming from A SAHM who has potty trained a boy and a girl who are 13 months a part. The question you have to ask yourself is do you or don't you want your DS to be potty trained? If you do then be strong and stand your ground. Certainly, do not battle with him. If you would like to talk about this privately let me know. Keep your head up and hang in their. You CAN do it. I will be praying for you. One last thing, you may want to think about getting your husband involded eventhough he is not physically there. Have you husband call and talk to him and tell him how proud he is that his big boy is still using the potty. Let his dad encourage him via phone, mail, etc.