Potty Training - Decorah, IA

Honestly, I would say to just let him continue with diapers at this time. For whatever reason, he is not ready and he's telling you loud and clear. I know it's frustrating, but he's still well within the normal range for potty training. You don't want it to become such a huge issue for him that he starts holding it in and becomes constipated.

I don't have a ton of advice other than to try not to compare him to his older brother. Just letting him know that when he's ready, so are you might be a help. You could also only change his diaper in the bathroom so he begins to associate going potty with that room and only that room.

Hope that helps and good luck!

I feel ya. Boys are so hard to potty train. With my step-son, I finally had to just take away the diapers. If he had an accident, he had to clean it up himself. It seems harsh, but I had a 2 month old also. I didn't want 2 kids in diapers. He needed little help cleaning up. He could do it, he just didn't want to do. About a 2 weeks of this and he started not liking to have to clean himself up. He just started going in the potty. He has only had 1 or 2 accidents since. I used to make him sit on the potty and he would scream and kick and yell. Trying to get him to go in the bathroom was horrible, because he would just run away and cry. So I was at my wits end. This was what worked for me. I don't know if it will work with you. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/06...

Hi J.,

Here is a link the method/book I used with my 20 month old. She was potty trained by the end of 2 days--it probably would have been sooner but my husband and I kept missing steps--there was a bigger learning curve for me and him than for her! She is presently 22 months and has very rare accidents. You can read the reviews on the above amazon link if interested. This method helps to avoid a power struggle. The author is a doctor who synthesized this method from clinical trials (originally developed to potty train the mentally disabled with iq's of 25 within 4 days--when tweaked and used with a non-mentally disabled child it takes 2 hours to 3 days --often depending on age of child and parent's ability to carry out the method). There is some dated language in the book, but I think the system is timeless. I bought a peeing baby which they recommend at Toys R Us. Beware (if) when shopping for one. I first bought a “peeing” baby at Target and in reality it only pooped on the potty and peed in its diaper. It was useless. I sewed a few sample diapers for the baby doll to use during her training. Many of the negative reviews were incorrect in their disapproval. In example, the book NEVER tells you to be belligerent with your child. They specifically talk about the importance of being calm and loving throughout the process. People also complained that you were supposed to make your child sit silently on the potty for 10 minutes and that isn’t true either. The book says that you aren’t supposed to talk about anything during that designated time but potty oriented things like how proud you’ll be when they go pee in the potty. My husband and I read a potty-related story to her as she sat on it and that is when things really clicked with her. I think it helped her even more than her training the doll. We read Once Upon a Potty (girl) by Alona Frankel. Lastly, I don’t think this method is for everyone. It is very exhausting training for the parents for those hours(at least when training a 20 month old and frustrating when you think it isn’t working during the training and when they have accidents during those first days it is very discouraging, but if it is something you decide to try, in the end, it feels so rewarding and is actually shocking when your child “gets is”. She got it after the second day of training and by the third day began initiating all of her potty uses and by the 5th day stopped having regular accidents and now rarely has accidents. So, then again, it could be more frustrating to spend months training with out a system or changing 2 young children's diapers (I am due with my second soon--hence the urgency to train the eldest).
Waiting till the child is ready will work for children, obviously,(there aren't many kindergarteners in diapers) although strong willed children often are ready far earlier than they will act on it. The power struggle with parents is far more interesting to them (I have friends who had their kid changing his own diapers at 4 plus because the child refused to use the toilet and they told him they wouldn't change his diaper anymore). With this method of training, there are still signs of readiness/ability that the parent watched for before attempting to train and one trains no sooner.
Potty Free Before 3 is a book that explains that that philosophy (when the child decides he/she is ready)is dated and based on unsupported evidence. (Although I thought that woman's actual plan was ridiculous--I really shouldn't call it a plan, it was totally random and clueless.)
It is true that a child feels an incredible amount of independence and accomplishment as soon as they learn much like learning to ride a bike. Kids can learn much later in life to ride a bike, but think of how it feels for a young child (who has the ability) to be coached lovingly by the parents to learn to ride. Not quite the same as teaching yourself to ride when you are a teenager, is it? The earlier they feel that, the better, I think.

By the way this is the research and book that Dr. Phil copied his method after.

Again, I have no quibbles with people who let their child decide when they are ready. Every parent, raising their children all different ways, creates a beautiful collection of children who learn to get along in the end. My parents raising me one way, and my husband's parents raising him another way made us perfect for each other :o)

You need to back off. It has become a power struggle and guess what...he'll win. He will do it when he is ready. Now that being said in a month or two switch over to training pants and rubber pants. All my kids(3 2 boys/1 girl)finally trained when I got them out of diapers and pull ups. It is a pain for a while, but it feels icky to them and very soon they figure out they don't want to be wet. I would be very casual about it and say things like oooh that IS icky isn't it? I'll change you in a minute. Make it his decision, not yours. Have a payoff, even if he only makes it a time or two. Also, have your older son and dad go do something that he can't do because of "diapers". Going to a special movie, etc. "sorry you can't go because there is no place to change diapers there, when you wear big boy underwear you may go too " Stay positive in your tone, but emphasize that gosh you feel just as bad as he does! Good luck! J.

Maybe he just isn't ready. I would just relax on it and wait a little longer. My son was 3 1/2 yrs old before he decided he was ready and when he was he did great and did it fast.

It also sounds like it might be a power struggle now. Just let it go and try again in a few months.

I went through the same thing. I decided not to push him and he finally decided that he was ready at 3 1/2 months.

Maybe let him run around naked after his bath. He might not like weeing down his leg. Our son was naked (after bath) the first time he told he had to go pee. We went with it then and he did great, it went very fast. But we had to wait until he was ready.

I hate to be so blunt but why are you giving your 3 year old son the choice as to whether or not he wants to wear a pull up? This is not his choice. Put the child in big boy pants and if he when he wets them the first thime tell him that was naughty, and he needs to go pee pee in the potty. Let him know if he does this again he's going to end up in time out, AND THEN FOLLOW THROUGH.

Dr. Phil suggests letting them run around the house naked(bottomless). I did this with my son and he was potty trained right when he turned two ( he'll be three in Feb). It can get a little messy that first day (make sure you do the naughty thing again and show him where good boys go), but by the end of the day he should have the hang of it. Also, MAKE SURE that when he goes on the toliet, you make the BIGGEST deal out of it. Dance around, sing a song, let him know that he has just accomplished the greatest feat on the face of the earth and how proud you are of him.

im going through the same thing , but almost in reverse...there wil lbe days hes gung-ho to use the potty an will sit there for a loooong time if we let him an theres other days hes like forget it!...my son was 2 may 24th and we have recently begun trying potty training...my friend tried the whole fruit loops in the potty thing and it worked for her... also maybe a sticker chart in the bathroom at your sons level where if he goes he can choose a sticker and put it on...in addition to the sticker chat make it where if he stays dry for a weeks time he gets a special treat..but its true that all kids will train when they are ready...my daughter was out of pull-ups used only at night by her 3rd birthday...good luck! ps- theres a new kind of pull ups (not sure if thats the brand) that gets cold when they are peed in (worth a shot)

Hello. My son just turned 3 in October and he too was a handful. I had in my head " OH my God, my son will be 5 and not potty trained!". Like someone stated before, dont push it. Let them tell you when they are ready. One weekend my son and I were home alone (did not go ANYWHERE) and he ran around without a diaper on and he did awesome. At first I had to ask him to go potty but then he got the hang of it and would run in there. When he started going he wanted a reward after and I was ok with giving him the chocolate that he wanted if it would help him to go potty. Find something that your child likes and say..If you go potty you can have "that item", but if you dont then you cant have it. It worked well with my son. Good luck, I know exactly how you are feeling.

My oldest was trained by 22 months, I think people have it in thier heads that kids, especially boys, can't train before age 3. But I think by that age, it turns into a power struggle.

I think that is happening ot you, its turned into a power struggle. What you need to do is get him up in the morning and first thing take him to the toilet, and put underwear on him. Put a nice bowl of M&M's on the bathroom sink and inform him that he can choose two if he goes potty and keeps his undies dry. At 3, he can totally understand it. If he has an accident, have HIM take his wet undies off, have HIM help wipe up the floor, and have HIM put new dry clothes on. After a few times of this, he'll soon realize its much quicker to just use the potty.

Good luck.

You got a lot of good advice here. I also advise big boy underwear and rubber undies to go over it...

BUT there is also a GREAT video, Bear in the Big Blue House, I think it's called "potty time". My two youngest LOVED it and watched it every day while sitting on the potty seat. It was a great aide to the process. It's not a "cure all" but it really did help.

My son was also not trained by age 3. One day he announced he was going to go to school just like sissy! I told him they don't allow diapers at that school and as soon as he was wearing big boy panties every day, he could go to school.

The next day (it really was) he just started using the toilet everytime and never had an accident after that either.

He just needed to choose his own motivation.

try putting a potty chair in the room your child spends the most time(put some kind of hard palstic underneath it to stop leaks on your floor). and then every hour put your son on the chair while he is maybe watching tv? and he won't even know that he is on the chair and using the potty chair. this worked for my son and he is 4 now and had very few accidents!! this job has always been a challenge for every parent so good luck and don't get too fustrated!!!

They are ready when they are ready. My son was almost 4 and my pediatrician's son was 4 1/2! Starting preschool was a big help. I told him he couldn't go in diapers. We recently went on a road trip for Thanksgiving and we wanted him to wear a pull up just in case and he refused! He made the 15 hour drive w/ no accidents. He was sure to tell us he had to potty so we could find a rest area or gas station in time.

Relax, don't push it and most of all...don't listen to anyone who gives you grief about him not being trained!!!

Hi J.--I am a mom of 3 sons and I would like to say first that it is true when they say "they will train when they are ready". Don't get discouraged. Second, I would suggest that maybe you get a small stool to set by toilet and see if he might want to stand there "like the big boys do" and pee in the toilet. Give suttle hints but don't make it a huge thing. He will come around. Also, it would be helpful if dad would take him in when he went.
My youngest boy wasn't ready to train when I was ready for him to train. It was funny how we got him to start. We were camping and he had seen dad pee in the woods so he followed him the next time and dropped his pants and went "just like dad did." We were thrilled that we were on our to potty training!!! Well, when we got home that weekend, guess what! My sun went out the back door and peed in the yard!! That's when we started him on standing in the bathroom and going in the toilet. We explained it to him and told him that this is how the "big guys" do it when we aren't camping.
Hope I have been of some help to you. Good luck.
M.

My 2 1/2 yr old is the same way. I have even tried putting him in underwear... and even when it is wet, he would rather sit in it than have it changed. He also doesn't mind wet/poopy diapers either. I tried a few months ago to get him interested, and instead, I made him hate it. He didn't want to do it, and I tried bribing him with treats if he sat down, and a package of fruit snacks if he went potty. He did great for about 12 hours... and then didn't want to do it anymore. He would scream for sitting down... and then would say he is done, and put his underwear on and pee in it and refuse to let me change them. I finally decided to wait until he gets older, because if he has no interest in it, he isn't going to do it. He knew how to control it, and could make himself go potty if HE wanted to. He just didn't want to sit down to do it, and didn't even mind it running down his leg (I have heard a lot that that works well.. but so far it didn't for him). For the last few months he would go on his potty chair every once in a while, and would always go when he sat down. Lately I have been feeling like it is time to try again, and have been having him sit a few times a day the last few days. I was getting frustrated... he wanted to sit, but would say he couldn't do it. After dinner tonight (around 7) he asked me to change his diaper. I was going to, but it was completely dry. The last diaper change was after nap at daycare... around 3. So I thought... perfect time to go potty! He still had a hard time getting himself to go, but after sitting long enough, he finally did it, and was really excited with his reward afterwards. I think it may be the right time for him now (maybe!), so we are going to start working on it more again. He has had a completely dry diaper every morning, and has stayed dry a lot during the day.

If he isn't ready... he won't do it. You will just get frustrated trying to make him, which will frustrate him too, and make it really hard on both of you. Diapers aren't fun, but it's better to keep him in diapers until he is ready, than try to force him to do something he isn't ready for. When he is ready, you will know. Good luck!

J.

My son was the same way! The pull-ups training pants were the problem. Why should he want to sit on the potty when he can just go in his pants and still stay dry. My suggestion... Get some cloth training pants, and some rubber pants to go over them. It may mean a bit more laundry, but it should be worth it, in the end. If he truly doesn't want to use the little potty, get a stepstool, and let him use the big one. You can make it a game (put cheerios, or fruit loops in the toilet and let him practice his aim).
I hope this is helpful.
---K.

The more you push it the more they won't want to do it.

What worked for me was I was working at a inhome daycare and somehow it turned into a competition between 3 kids. My daughter and two other boys would FIGHT over who got to go first and who went the fastest and yadda yadda. I just kinda sat back and let them be competative we had 3- 2yr.olds potty trained in 2 weeks. I had tried alot of other tactics and stuff and my daughter is very bright and was stubborn. Pullups are so horrible in my opinion they make the kid to comfortable and are a pain to put on if a child is already dressed. Maybe you could have the step brother help out and make it competative.

I have 3 boys and each one was ready at different ages. They wont do it until they are ready. We waited until summer and let them run around with out anything on except a shirt and a lot of sunscreen. (it helped we lived in the country!) But they didn't like the feeling of it on thier legs. When in the house we made a game of it... see how many cheerios he could hit while going. It helped out alot that they would go in with dad and they could "shoot" them together. (be sure to keep the cheerios in a sealed dish where they are with in reach when they are ready to go). With in about a couple of weeks they were dry all the time. Making it fun they were alot more interested in trying to go. If they did have accidents, I would just remind them to try to make it next time and give them a hug. When they were in "big boy" underpants full time we had a "big boy" party with them. Just seeing how proud of themselves they were for being a "big boy" makes it all worth the work.