My son (2nd child) is 4 1/2 yrs old and will not ask to go to the potty. He understands what to do in the bathroom but thinks it is much funnier to have an accident. I am now pregnant with my fourth child, and can't stand that he poops in his pants and keeps on playing like nothing happened. I'll ask him if he pooped and he says no, you did, and smiles big. He is very defiant and also my only boy...help. btw, his doc says it's not a big deal just keep on trying, I have tried rewards and punishments. He is just stubborn.
I put him in a school when he was 2 yrs old and about 90% potty trained, they ruined him. He was embarrassed to tell the teacher so he had a couple accidents in front of friends and that was it, he was 100% un-potty trained and back in pull ups. If I praise him for going he gets really upset and covers his face so I let it be. He cleans up his mess by the way, wipes himself, cleans his inderwear, and showers independently. Once he peed on the floor in the early morning and told me he cleaned it up with a towl and spray from the bathroom. He did a good job too. I said if you can do all that why not just use the toilet. He told me he can't because it is too boring. He is something else.
Thanks for all the feedback. Well things are not perfect yet but what he really likes is using the computer and watching spongebob. So I basically told him that only big boys can use the computer, not little boys who poop in their pants. So I take the mouse away and when he uses that toilet I let him use the comp. for a little while. The problem is now my husband who gives in to everything. If I'm not watching he lets him play and I'm the bad guy who takes it away. Well I'm not giving up. There's gotta be a light at the end of this tunnel. :)
I feel for you--my little one was like that and he is 3 1/2 and in school...he still does at home, but never at school....every 20 minutes and start taking toys and tv or anthing else that he likes when he does it...explain and be patient...I know it is tough and cant imagine with another baby...put him in day school with others or try a mommys day out...it will help--good luck and try a sticker chart..really works wonders
H.,
I had girls, so they were by far easier, BUT, a couple of strategies that helped us:
1) sticker chart with a reward at the end. Whenever he goes in the potty, he gets a sticker, and when he goes in his underwear, he loses one;
2) start throwing away his poopy underwear (be sure and get some cool ones that he wouldn't want to lose). I told my youngest, that "Mommy doesn't clean poo-poo panties," and after seeing a few of her favorite princess panties go in the trash (I even went so far as to making -her- throw them away), she got the message;
3) Several have suggested making him clean it up, and I always did that when my girls left a puddle, but as far as the poops, I'm thankful that I didn't have to deal with that a lot.
In my humble opinion, at 4 1/2, he's plenty old enough to comprehend actions and consequences. Make him deal with the consequences. If he leaks onto the floor, give him the supplies and make him clean it up, ignoring the fact that he has a load in his pants. If the mess is contained in his pants, just ignore it, so that he'll be forced to clean it up himself. If he comes to you and tells you that he's dirty, hand him a package of wipes and a trash can (for the wipes -and- the aforementioned cool underwear). Escort him to the bathroom, make him stand in the tub/shower, and let him find out just how gross it is to have to clean that up.
Best wishes and luck!
M.
H., I too have a VERY stubborn 4 year old boy (almost 5). Much of what you describe sounds exactly like something my son would do! He is potty trained (through bribery, unfortunately) but because my son sounds a lot like yours, it seems so clear to me that he really enjoys the control/power and seeing you frustrated with him because you are not winning this battle...he is! It's negative attention but it's still attention. Another common interest in our two is praise. My son very often gets mad at me if I praise him or say I'm proud. It has really thrown me for a loop. I eventually talked to him about it enough that I have determined he feels embarrassed. I didn't think there were kids out there who didn't LOVE attention and praise but I know now, they do exist. I have toned things down a bit and often only give him a little smile and thumbs up. He likes this better. As for potty training, have you tried manipulation. I know, that sounds so bad but hear me out. Maybe sit him down when you are both really calm and ask him what he would like to do (be very respectful when you go about this, don't sound fake and don't sound frustrated. You want him to believe you). ex: Would you like to start wearing pull-ups again or do you choose underwear (...and you clean up the poo/pee if you can't make it to the potty in time)? I realize now that you are old enough to choose where you would like to go potty and I won't tell you how to do it anymore. If you choose pull-ups, that's okay with me; if you choose undies, that's okay with me too. Then stick with what you two agreed on and whatever you do, do not make a big deal over any accidents. ...and don't give in. Oh, and don't tell him what NOT to do or he'll probably do it (for ex: as long as you don't have any accidents on the carpet, please). Once he feels like he has the control and you don't care anymore, the game will no longer be fun. I'm learning how my little one's brain works. I have to give him a lot of control to get any cooperation. It's a daily battle. It's hard since I'm a control freak myself. :) Good luck; he'll get there. Lastly, he may be the one who is secretly struggling with the fact that a new baby is coming (and not even be aware of it). Why certain behaviors are happening are not always obvious until after it is resolved. Try to spend a lot of 1x1 time with him over the next couple of months as well. I find that my son is terribly jealous of his sister and I just don't understand why. We flood him with attn. He just needs a ridiculous amount of attn and the behavior is always better when we go above and beyond.
I like the suggestion of an older boy. I think potty training is a lot easier when they see others accomplishing something and getting positive feedback. Daycare is great for this...
You can also have him go with just a tshirt.. no bottoms..
and you could put him in charge of cleaning up his own poopy underpants when he is wearing them and makes a mess....
I think keep trying rewards but maybe a different way. I'm sure you are exhausted being pregnant with number 4!! Guys are visual so maybe they are as boys too...I used a chart for my daughter and it worked great. I made a chart-pee pee & poo poo...made columns and got some smiley face stickers. For every 5 times she went pee pee and every 3 times she went poop I let her pick a gift out of a goodie bag. I got like 15-20 things...I was going to go to the dollar store and get a bunch of junk then thought, we don't need a bunch of junk so I did things like gum, lara bars, cool soap, new plate set-stuff she could use and would still be excited over-I wrapped everything and put it in a bag. When it ran out she didn't go crazy she was just like okay, I can go pee and poop now! I put the chart on the wall right in front of the toilet so she could see it and right after she went she'd get to put the sticker on by herself. Your boy is older than my daugther was (she was 3) so maybe start him a collection of something if you can't think of other goodie prizes? I always made a big deal of her going to...potty dance. :) Try and let go a little because I'm sure he's getting your attention obviously and he likes it so just try another approach-if you have the patience!!! Let him know verbally what the new plan is-maybe he'll get excited too.
you need to put your foot down!!4 1/2 is too old!!! kids start kindeergarten at 5!! tell him if he doesnt go then there will be consequences like not playing outside or being grounded to the room. he is playing you!! all of my children were potty trained by 3!! He knows exactly what he is doing--he is being lazy. make him take that poopy underwear and dunk it in the toilet to get it off. he is too old for that!! props for putting up with it, i know that it can be soooooo frustrating
o my! I am a BIG believer in waiting to potty train- but maybe this is a bit long. Now it is just a game for him it seems. Is he in Mother's Day Out or Day Care? Peer pressure can be a REALLY helpful. My son wore Pull Ups at night until he was in Kindergarten- just lazy- until the week another kid asked him to sleep over. He couldn't go that night- but I think he realized if he was in Pull Ups it might be embarrassing to sleep over-so he was dry at night and out of those Pull Ups within the week. Of course, sleeping voer and wearing Pull Ups NEVER fazed my daughter- who stayed in them at night until she was 8- but she was a heavy sleeper. She really needed them, my son was lazy. But pooping in his pants- he knows when that is going to happen and he just doesn't have the right inspiration yet to not do it. Good luck- I'm thinking peer pressure may be the trick. Or maybe sit him down and say "I know you can do this. You know you can do this. This is how it's going to be. These are the consequences if you don't follow through." and then stick with it.....
does he go to daycare>? that helps if they get embarrassed in front of peers
The key is to not respond to him going in his pants (or on the floor if he is naked)negatively or positively - simple just clean it up, with his help. What finally worked for my daughter was to tell her, that big girls wear panties, not pullups, and they go potty in the potty. I told her we were headed to Walmart and if she decided to go potty in her pants, she would have to ask someone to help her clean it up, then we would go and change her in the bathroom. She wet her pants and the floor, so she had to ask someone to clean it up and then stand there while they cleaned it, then we calmly went to the bathroom and changed her without me changing my tone or saying anything other than 'oh well, we need to get some help and then now it is time to change.'
I reacted very calmly like it was an everyday thing, she got no big reaction either way. That was the last time she ever went in her pants.
Good luck! I have yet to potty train my little boy so I am sure it is going to be different!
Something that worked for us was having a slightly older BOY cousin spend a few days and nights with you and your son. Have the older boy take your son to the bathroom every time he goes. Your son will want to be like the older boy. This worked on a kid who was almost 4, he was potty trained in 2 days. Also make a big deal out of superman or some other character underwear, that only boys who use the toilet get to wear. Hope this helps.
