Potty Training Advice. - Osgood,IN

Hi, I'm a mom of 4 grown children and a daycare provider for over 21 years. There are 2 things you cannot control - eating and pottying. Put him back in Diapers/Pullups and stop the process. If he goes on the potty, he goes and if not, he doesn't. When HE is ready he will go and do it on his own. It might be tomorrow, it might be 6 months from now. But it will be HIS accomplishment. Drop the stress, it's only making it hard for you and for him. You say you don't know what else to do? The answer is easy - do nothing. Good luck.

Forcing a kid to poop, will not work.

Some kids, when this "battle" occurs, they will simply "withhold" their poop, and NOT poop at all. Even if they have to. Then... what occurs next, is Constipation problems. And, this is not easy, to problem solve. Because, a child who withholds their poop, is doing so because they are not allowed to poop or go at their own ability or pacing. Then because constipation occurs, they get internal pain. Then because they have pain, they don't want to poop. Then that creates internal medical problems, and impaction of poop, internally. And bulging bowels and in some cases, "Encopresis." Which then needs medical attention.

When my daughter was a Toddler, although she was pee trained, she had anxiety about pooping in a potty. We didn't force her. Ever. But, for herself... she simply was not at the point, of pooping in a potty. So then, she started to "withhold" her poop. She had stress and anxiety about it. And then all the problems occurred, which I mentioned above. We had to take her to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. And he said, MANY Toddlers are like this, because they are not "ready" for the pooping in a potty stage. And until then, allow them to poop in a diaper. They will then naturally transition to pooping, in a potty. And they won't go to Kindergarten in a diaper.
He said: that once a child refuses to poop in a potty and starts to "withhold" their poop, it is then a 2-pronged issue: medical and emotion based. And my daughter had constipation. And, we had to, per the Specialist... give her prescription remedies. And it took her THREE months... in order to improve her constipation and the internal impaction that occurred, because of it.

Giving rewards or punishments, does not work.
It is their body.
They won't poop on demand.

Let him be.
He seems to have so many "expectations" on him.
But he is still just a little kid.
And he has a new sibling in the house.
Kids take TIME... to adjust to a new baby in the house.
But yet, a sibling creates other expectations, upon them. Even if they are not developmentally, ready.

My son, began to potty train at about 3 years old. On his own.
Then when he was about 4, he got the pooping down.

Then there is night time dryness. And this does not occur, until even 7 years old, and this is normal. Night time dryness, is entirely different, than day time pottying. It is a physiological, development of the organs/bladder/brain/myelin nerve sheath.

Kids, make mistakes, they are learning, and no kid is 100% accurate or perfect, about pottying. It is childhood.
Even Kindergarten kids, have accidents.

It's common for littles to seem to "get it" with a day or a few weeks of successful experiences. And it's exceedingly common for those very same kids to lose interest, or to seem suddenly baffled by the whole process.

Parents are extremely reluctant to let a child "regress" and will often fight that with every tactic they can think of. Or apply every possible strategy to get to the goal of an accident-free, independently-potty-trained child.

But this is more likely to harm the process than help it. Your son may simply realize in some deep, genuine place in his little soul that he's just not quite ready to accept that long-term commitment to getting to the potty every time without accidents. He may need some time to reconsider the advantages of potty over diapers. Readiness is both physical and emotional.

Sensing your tension or disapproval can easily drive a bigger wedge between him and the potty. He doesn't 'think' about this so much as he feels it, but this process must be about him, not about you, or he will begin resisting more, and you will begin pushing more. This is NOT the key to success.

If I were in your shoes, I would soft-pedal the whole thing for a few weeks or even months, if that's what it takes. August is a very long time away for a 2yo. A great deal of physical and mental development will take place in that time. Boys not uncommonly take longer to train, and three is still well within the normal range.

Meanwhile, keep all potty messages and education calm and positive, but not pushy. Too much parental eagerness tends to thwart children, no matter what it is they are trying to master. It takes inward focus to succeed with a new skill (and this is true for grownups, too!). And children who are forced before they're ready, emotionally or physically, often experience more severe problems, like constipation, painful bowel movements, withholding, and encopresis – a medical development that can really make pooping a problem.

While you're considering options, here are two extremely thorough, fact-based websites that you may find helpful. The first one gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html.

The second one deals with potty delays and problems, especially pooping difficulties, and offers an internally consistent method for empowering a child to make this great step forward as soon as he is able: http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm.

My youngest didn't potty train until he was 3.5

I say back off and wait for him to show you some signs that he is ready.

ADDED: here is my answer to a similar question yesterday:
He will show you some serious signs when he is ready! My oldest told me at 2.5 that he wanted to pee like Dad. It was that easy and he was fully trained in under a week.
My youngest was reluctant when we tried to introduce that potty too early. He'd stand/sit, much like your son, but not do anything. Finally I told him that he was a big boy and he could decide when he was ready and to just let me know. He looked at me and said "I'll start Tuesday" :) so the next Tuesday I told him what day it was and he said "ok, mama, today I will start to use the potty" and he did! It was on his terms and he was ready.
Both mine trained standing ~ they wanted to be like Dad and big brother.

We started PT 2 or 3 times starting when our son was about 2-3...and each time it was frustrating for all...we decided to back off and take a wait and see attitude. Last summer when he was 3 1/2 one day I noticed him pull his diaper out so he could watch himself peeing..I capitalized on the moment and got him to the potty. It was all systems go from that point on. He has (knock on wood), had any regressing, pee'd standing up from the get go and had no issues with pooping on the pot.

He's not nightime trained, but I understand that especially in boys can take until they are around 7 because they need to wake themselves up, etc.

When I hear mom's, (like mine), talk about how their kids were PT at 2 or younger I tend to think they have blocked out a lot! Kids at 2 or younger still don't totally understand the signals so I don't believe they can be completely trained.

It's soooo much easier and less drama filled if you wait!

You need to let it go!!! Fighting him every hour to get on the potty? Girlfriend, he is NOT ready. Trust me, when he is ready he will potty train in about a day or two. Seriously. Be really careful about making this a battle. You could wind up causing a lot of damage. One thing that could happen - he could begin withholding the poop altogether. You DO NOT want to go down that road.

I actually feel really bad for the little guy! Taking away treats and privileges? IMO, that's going way too far at this point. Leave the kid alone. He'll show you the signs of readiness when he is exactly that - READY. Good luck :)

There are two things that children can control in their little lives - eating and pottying. And he is showing you point blank that since he can't control ANYTHING else in your household, including your baby usurping his place, he will resist you at all costs over this pottying thing.

So what are you going to do about it? Fight him harder? Pull more muscles?

You are making a BIG mistake in your thinking. You should never have tried to train him when he didn't want to be trained. You were trying to train him to make your life easier. You wanted him to do it for YOU, not for him. Now you're paying the price.

Stop all the training for now. Put diapers, and diapers only, on him. No Pullups. Don't put bigger diapers on him either - let them be a little tight and uncomfortable. When he pulls at them, tell him that when he is a big boy, he can wear big boy pants and they will feel nice and soft and comfy! And say NO MORE than that. Wait til he has had his 3rd birthday. And THEN take him to the store on a Friday afternoon or night and let HIM pick out big boy pants, with any character on them that he wants.

From today until August when you buy him the big boy pants, don't give him ANY candy AT ALL. NONE. On Saturday morning right after breakfast, the morning after your buy the big boy pants, sit him down and show him a big bag of M&M's. When he sees this bag of M&M's, his eyes will POP! Give him ONE M&M. He will love it. Then ask him if he would like to earn more M&M's. Pull out the big boy pants and have him take them out of the wrapper. Count 5 M&M's out of the bag and line them up in front of you (no touching!). Tell him for peeing in the potty, he gets 5 M&M's. Then count out 5 more and line 'em up - for pooping in the potty, you get 10!! Wow! And he can wear his favorite big boy pants while he is earning his M&M's. Which pair do you want to wear first?

Then ply him with water and milk throughout the day, fiber and prunes to make sure his poop is soft, and use a timer set every hour to ring in front of him. When the timer goes off, ask him if he'd like to try to earn his M&M's. Even if he dribbles a couple of drops, make a big deal out of it and give him 5 M&M's. The prunes and fiber and water you give him will keep him from getting constipated, so don't worry about the candy giving him trouble.

Stay home all weekend and do this. If he has an accident, don't fuss or make a big deal of it. Just help clean him up. Put a diaper back on him for night time. Night time training is not the same as daytime and you should NOT try both together. He should be very comfortable pottying during the day before you even begin to try night time training.

After about a week of success, don't mention the M&M's unless he asks. Then at some point, you have "run out". OR, you can say "Well, honey, you don't really need any more M&M's - you are a big boy now. But would you like to enjoy some with mommy after lunch?" Then share some together, and voila, the bag is empty and there are no more M&M's anyway. (At least, that HE knows of!)

DO NOT MAKE him go to the potty. This idea of him pooping on the potty at least some of the time is for the birds. You don't start until he is ready. You give him an incentive for wanting to go and for trying to go. You make it stress-free. You give him accolades for going, you tell him that you know he is sad that he made a mistake, but it's okay, because everyone makes mistakes sometimes. You never punish because he didn't make it to the bathroom. You let him figure out that being wet or dirty makes him feel uncomfortable. If you put him in Pullups, he won't learn that uncomfortable feeling. If you put bigger diapers on him that fit, he won't learn that uncomfortable feeling. If he never gets his sheets wet, he won't have any incentive to learn to sleep train (when he's older - 3 is too young to expect that he can hold it all night.)

You have to let him OWN this and learn it. And that means several weeks of giving him incentives and letting him handle his emotions and being willing to try without YOU jumping on him. Take yourself and YOUR wishes out of this. This is all about HIM.

Changing your point of view and your attitude is what will make him decide to work with you. I hope you are willing to do this.

Dawn

S. ~

A) He's not ready. Mentally, emotionally or physically, but he isn't ready.
B) He just had a major change in his life, a new sister. Congrats!! Experts advise waiting 3-6 months after a new sibling arrives before training or resuming it.
C) The more you insist, the more he will resist. It isn't worth it.

Peg M may have already given you these sites, but they're worth repeating:
http://www.parentingscience.com/toilet-training-readiness... ~ Potty Training Readiness
and
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm ~ For Poop Refusers. Read this, it offers a wealth of information i wish I'd had before trying to deal with my little guy.

I used the Roger Knapp site and my 'poop refuser" was literally running to the potty to poop within a little over a day of implementing the "power incentive." And only YOU can decide what that incentive is for your child. The key is that YOU retain ownership of it, he earns use time (30-60 minutes) for pooping in the potty/toilet.

Take a deep breath and a step back. Take in the information, regroup, and start anew in a few weeks.

I am the mom of 4 boys and I know where you are with this. I didn't even try to potty train until they were 3. Boys take longer than girls for this. My oldest would pee on the potty and then hide when he had to poop and then hold it in to the point he was miserable. Stool softeners and laxitive kind of miserable and then he was afraid to go because it hurt.

My youngest was easy. He turned 3 mid-may and we went camping the middle of June. All the big kids got to go to the bathrooms and he had to stay in the camper with me on both friday and saturday evenings before bed. I saw the look in his eye. So the next weekend I said, how bout getting rid of these baby diapers and using the big boy potty. He said yes and we had 4 accidents on Saturday and 4 on Sunday and then 1 or 2 a day for the next couple of days. He looked at me one night and told me that big boys don't wear pull ups to bed either and that was the last of those too. He decided that he was ready.

We also let the boys pee on the back fence because it was cool to see the color change or we had toilet targets for the bathroom because again, it was cool to drown the target.

It is aggrevating and expensive to have 2 in diapers, but unfortunatly, you just can't force this issue. Congratulations on your baby girl.

I think that it's ok to wait and give some space...it's not worth it to force the issue if he's not on board. I think that the more you push, the more he will resist.
Just wait awhile; leave the potty out and let him try it on his own.
As summer is coming, give him time without anything on - even let him pee in the yard if you're ok with that - that's what helped with our son.
It really did just happen for him; he was wearing pull-ups and we had bought underwear and one day he just decided to wear the underwear instead of the pull up. He was over 3 years old.
Give it time.
Good luck!

When I worked in day care I had a little boy in my class that was afraid to sit on the potty so we started to make a game of it.

Instead of sitting he wanted to stand up and pee like his daddy. So we had him do that for awhile and nothing-but at least he was trying. Then we put a few cherrios into the potty and told him to try and hit the cherrios and he LOVED it. He had fun with that.

Other things that you can try. I've heard that kids in cloth diapers learn to potty train sooner than kids in regular diapers because they feel it when they are wet or poopy and don't like it. You can try that.

You've been working really hard on this. I have a three-year old boy. Personally, potty training him is not something I'm going to fight with him about. We use encouraging words and fun underwear to keep him peeing on the potty but, like yours, my son prefers to poop in a diaper in private. Ok fine! In the summer, when school's out (he has two older sisters and a younger brother), I'll push a little harderr. But there are other things to worry about for now. Pooping on the potty doesn't make the top of our list (yet).

I suggest relax and stop fighting with him about it.

He's awfully young to expect him to follow your timetable of when is potty trained. I would put it off until he is showing more signs of being ready.

One thing you might do is put him on the regular toilet facing the tank. He will get used to the idea of standing this way since it is the way he will eventually face.

Buy some Cheerio's or off brand circle shaped cereal. Drop a few in the toilet and tell him to sink them...or take a few toilet paper squares and cut/tear them into about 4-6 pieces, use a Sharpie and drew simple boats on each tiny piece. Drop a couple of them into the toilet water and tell him to sink the ships....

I made potty training my D as fun as possible. I started before 2. And she wasn't quite ready. I let her get used to the potty seat. We watched DVDs like Potty Power and Elmo's Potty Time. We read books. Oh and I had a little potty party for her where I gave her her potty seat and a potty book. I kept it positive. Over that summer we "worked" on it. By 2 1/2 she was pretty much potty trained, with pull ups in bed. It's a process. But I let her show readiness to be potty trained.