My 3 and a half year old has finally started using the potty. In fact, she's been daytime potty trained for about a month. However, in the past few days she's had numerous "accidents". Are these legitimate accidents or is she just doing this for attention. She's been so good with potty training, I am guessing it's just a ploy for attention. But what should I do? Should I ignore the accidents? Confront her with it? Take a reward away? Advice Please!!!
Thanks for all the advice, I'll try all of it to find something that works. The thing is that yesterrday and today, every time she has an "accident", which i know now is not an accident, it's in the same spot. She goes and stands on the floor by the foot of the bed. it's like she's marking territory! so i know there is something up with her. i don't know what though, because there haven't been any major upsets lately. things have been smooth for a few weeks now, which actually isn't the norm in our house. in any event, i am going to try to be patient, just clean up the mess and get on with my life. every time she does use the potty, i've been giving her extra praise. so we'll see how it all goes over the next week or so.
i've also noticed that she is less patient with my 1 year old, adn the past four nights when we put her to bed, my husband and i go downstairs as usual. but then two minutes later, i hear her get out of her bed and fall asleep in ours. we've left her there, and when it's our bedtime we move her back to her bed where she stays till the next morning. so all of this must be connected. maybe all just a phase.
if anyone has other advice, please pass it along. i'll keep you all updated.
Hi W.,
Children do have accidents. There is a web site which teaches about potty training.
http://www.parentingtoddlers.com/pottytraining.html
Hope this helps. D.
After struggling with the same issue,(I have a 3 1/2 year old boy) I read a book written by the American Academy of Pediatrics on potty training. From the book I learned that it is VERY common for children in this age group to have accidents. It often occurs when the child is playing or doing some other activity where they are focused on the activity, instead of the need to use the potty. The book actually gave me more wonderful information into the development of children, which made me more understanding when accidents did occur. Gaining this information was helpful, however it did not help the fact that he was still having accidents so my husband and I came up with a plan. We set a timer for 1 hour and have taught our son that when he hears the timer ring, he must stop what he is doing and use the potty. (The hour time limit worked for us, however I would assume that other children might need it set for every 30 minutes, 45 minutes, or 1 1/2 hours....all depends on the child.) After he goes to the bathroom, we just reset the timer and he goes back to his activity until the timer rings again. (It is a reminder for both us and our son, which is helpful because we have an 8 month old also.) This strategy has helped tremendously! NO MORE ACCIDENTS!!! He has even figured out how to reset the timer on his own.
With both of my kids, even after they were fully daytime potty trained, there were days (and days and weeks) where they would have numerous accidents. Its a good thing my DD had 6+ pairs of underwear because sometimes she'd make them all wet. Not huge accidents but just a little wet, time for a new pair.
Some of it was definitely just being too busy to stop and use the potty. Even now I can often tell when DS has to go before he notices, though at 5.5 he no longer has accidents, just doing the dance. With both of them, though I did show them I was disappointed, I didn't really punish and mostly ignored and did more laundry. Over 6 months the little accidents slowed and stopped completely.
One other thing to consider with a girl is bubblebaths. I am convinced that my DD had more accidents the day after bath from sitting in soapy water and having it irritate her privates. Now we rarely use bubblebath and only scrub right at the end and drain immediately. Sitting in clear water doesn't bother her.
hi W.,
it's only accidents. she's too little to be totally 'trained' right out of the gate. i would make very little fuss about it at all. 'uh oh. we need to go clean this up.' and then go on about your day. you certainly don't want to ignore it totally, she should know that it's not a GOOD thing, but there's no need to turn an accident into a big deal.
:) khairete
S.
I would have to totally agree with the mother that advised using a timer.
We incorporate the same conditional training in our home and have seen wonderful results. We have a digital kitchen timer that sticks right to our refrigerator. I set the intervals (either 30,45,60 mins) based on how much they have been drinking that particular day. They (my 3 and 2yr old) know that when the "potty clock" beeps it's time to go potty.
The particular type of clock that we use is small and portable so we can take it with us when we leave the house or go visit a relative. I haven't been using it lately because the girls have been doing so well that they don't need it anymore. Whenever accidents seems to be popping up, we just go back to using it again.
Finding out that other Moms use this method as well reassures me that I'm not alone and not weird. LOL.
When I potty trained my son, he did the same thing. At first, I would put him in bed with me after an "accident". It wasn't long before I realized that he was wetting the bed so that he could get into bed with me. Once I realized his motivation, I sat him down and explained to him that I was very excited to have a big boy who could use the potty and that I was proud of his accomplishment. I also reassured him that Mommy loves her big boy just as much as she loved her little boy. Then I told him that he would no longer be able to get into my bed if he wet his. That same night, we had another "accident". I kept my word and instead of putting him in bed with me, he slept on his little couch in his room. That was the last time he did that.
We have had a few accidents since then. Usually following an upsetting time (my husband is in the military and is currently deployed). We have gone to a reward system. Every night he does not wet the bed, he gets a sticker on the calendar. If he fills up the whole week, he gets a prize that we have previously decided on (a day at the park with the two of us, a special toy he wanted, a trip to the movies, dinner at a favorite restaraunt, etc). The final thing that has seemed to help was telling him that his matress gets dirty when he pees in it and that his friends will not be allowed to sit on his bed when they come over. All of these have seemed to really help. I'm happy to report that we have not had an "accident" in about 5 weeks now!
One other way to help if it is truly an accident is to wake your daughter up at a specific time each night. My son goes to bed at 9, so I would wake him up at 11-11:30 (right before I went to bed) and take him to the potty. Since his last liquids are given to him at 8, I knew when it was a legitimate accident or just a cry for attention.
I would start out by ignoring it. My daughter did the same thing from time to time. Normally it happened if something was going on that was exciting. like if we went out to a park or we went to someones house or there were kids over. The forget. Normally they remember but sometimes they forget at this point they are remembering to go for the most part but when things are happening out of the ordinary they forget. I wouldn't punish for making a mistake. My husband wanted to do that also and i told him "No" you only punish if it keeps up for more than a few weeks. I would consider saying since you got this reward for doing such a good job going potty we might just have to take it way but i wouldn't out right punish. Good luck R.
W.,
I have a DD and DS. My DD is almost 4 and is trained but I think it was the hardest part of being a Mom up to this point even after the months of colic. My DD had lots of accidents but Stephanie's advice is right on the money. Reward for when she does use the potty and use lots of praise. Maybe she has a tiny bladder. Has she had a growth spurt? Sometimes that can effect her ability to hold her bladder or wait.
A lot of times my DD is just wrapped up in her playing that she does not want to stop long enough to potty. I often, after being trained for a year, catch her doing the "potty dance" and I have to tell her to go to the bathroom.
I would not ignore the accidents. When the accidents happen, remind her that we use the bathroom when we have to go. Remember 'ACCIDENTS HAPPEN'. When it got really bad with my DD, I had her help me clean the mess. No chemicals of course.
I hope this helped. I am getting ready to start training my 2 year old DS. He shows all the signs but we will see how "easy" it will be.
GOOD LUCK!!!
Does she have a reason to be seeking extra attention? Is there anything new going on in the house? If there are changes then it is normal to back track a bit and it sometimes just happens anyway. Instead of taking a reward away I would offer a reward for each time she uses the potty. i.e. stickers, 1 or 2 m&m's and I would also try to give her extra positive attention if you think that is what is going on. If you give her positive attention she won't need to seek negative attention.
