Potty Training --- AGAIN!

Being that she is 4, are you still trying the potty chair, or just the regular toilet??
That may make a difference.

There's no hard and fast rule on potty training. They get it when they get it. You can't make her "get it" anymore than someone can make you IE: eat or sleep. PLEASE do not punish her for having an ACCIDENT. Kids don't have accidents just to make us mad, some are just slower at it than others. My son wasn't fully trained til almost 4 and yet, my daughter, at about 17 months started trying. They are all different. I truly believe that if parents stop making it such a bid deal, the kids will show more interest. Patience, time, and more patience.

Oh boy-didn't I feel your pain on this one! I struggled with my daughter-offering her every incentive in the world. I finally asked the doc at her 4 yr. check up about it. He said not to worry-she'd go when she was ready and by all means, keep it positive. He has a child who followed the same "timeline" so I didn't feel quite as bad. Long story short, what FINALLY worked was me NOT talking about it anymore and stumbling across Hannah Montana panties at the store at the start of July (now 4 and a half). I gave them to her and she said that she still wasn't using the potty. I said fine and left it at that. The very next day she woke up and told me that she was going to wear her "Hannah Montana's." I said that was great but still didn't push. She started dancing around later when she needed to go and I said we needed to get to the potty so her panties weren't ruined...we haven't looked back! I still put a pull up on her at night and she's only gone in those twice-my fault for being on conference calls when she needed to go when she woke up. She now complains that the pull ups are itchy and she can't wait to wear her panties at night too.
Hang in there-you will suddenly discover what will help the situation and then it will probably go smoothly. I think the key is to stay positive and let her think she's in charge.
Best of luck!!

I am sure you have tried lots of different strategies by now. I have read other people's comments and I agree with all of them. One thing that has not been mentioned yet and I think it might work is to have Kendalls' friends who are potty trained help her get excited about using potty. I worked at Daycare before I was married(16 years ago)and kids at the Daycare potty-trained easily because one wants to go potty and they all want to go potty. If she sees her friends use potty(like a big kid), she might get motivated to do the same.

Good-luck!!

M.....I have a four year old son and we had the same problems. My problem was he was not aloud to move up in daycare if he was not potty trained. Finally they decided to move him up for short periods of time around the older kids to let them be an influence on him and that worked really well. Being around kids that know the routine made it click for him. I also quit putting diapers or pull ups on him. We put him in underwear so when he had an accident he felt it. Hope my advice helps. T.

I have a four year old and had the same issue... Try lots of stickers.. She finally sat on the toilet and now hasnt stopped.

I remember the feeling. My now 5.5 y/o started going #1 on the toilet when she was 2.5 yo...then quit and refused too. She got so bad that she would pee in her underware and refused to let me change her and had a diaper rash ALL down her legs. So, I had to put her back in diapers. OUr family members were always making comments about how she should be potty trained, and even made them to her. I screamed and hollard on day to everyone to leave her alone, and NEVER mention it again, and they didn't. She was almot four (less than two months after everyone stopped talking about her still wearing diapers) when one day she wanted her diaper changed and I wasn't moving fast enough. She had taken her diaper off and had to pee...Oh mi (I remember it like yesterday) she laid down on my living room floor and put her own diaper on, as soon as it was on, she peed and pooed. That was IT..I took the diapers away and she ran around naked for two days and that was that, she didn't wear another diaper. However, I did 'let her' (was completly my idea) sleep in her sleeping bag on the floor at night so that in the am I just had to strip her down and throw everything in the washer b.c she peed every night. The cleanup was much nicer. Now during those two days, she did have a few accidents on the floor, but she was way old enough to quit the diapers and she knew when she had to go and knew how to use the potty.
Remember, every child is different and there might actually be something medically wrong. But no matter what, this is a stage and it will pass. And when our kids are grown and we are OLD, they can help change our diapers :D

When our son was almost 4 we went through pretty much the same thing. We, out of desperation, one day told him we will no longer be buying diapers or pull-ups, your a big boy and you know how to use the potty the right way. We stuck to it and never bought another diaper. He did great! I don't know how or why it worked but it did. I don't know if it will work for you but that's what did it for us. Just remember this too shall pass and very rarely does a child begin kindergarten in diapers.

Having potty trained 3 children (1 girl 2 boys) and read lots of literature about raising kids and potty training, this is my advice, take it or leave it: Start punishing her for not going in the potty. Don't go back to diapers. She knows how to do it, she knows when she has to go. She is obviously "getting to you", now you need to get to her. Time out facing a corner or wall, or alone in her room are the best punishments. Start with one hour and increase it for every time she repeats the offense.
This works for everything your children will do that they are not supposed to do. If you want her to mind, which she is perfectly capable of doing, you have to take control.
Parenting takes effort, don't dispair.
Oh, and while your at it, go ahead and potty train the 2 yr old. It just might make the 4 yr old more willing to go, and 2 yr old girls are usual more than ready to use the potty.

Hi M.,
I'm kind of having a hard time with my 2yr old now. She does go to the potty when she knows we don't have diapers, but like yesterday she had diarreaha really bad so we went and bought some just in case she doesn't make it and we're out at a store or some place public. Than there are times she'll just tell me that she don't want to go potty in the toilet, she wants to wear diapers. When I tell her that they are all gone and that she has to potty in the toilet, she gets mad at me. BUT we try to stay with it. Once the diapers are gone, she has to potty in the toilet. My sister had to do the same thing with her little boy. He wanted to be in diapers all the time and wouldn't use the potty, but he was interested in it. SO when they ran out of diapers, he started to potty in the toilet. Most kids don't want to take a number 2 in the toilet because when they do that in their diaper, (now this is what I've been told) that they feel like they are losing a part of their selves. BUT eventually they will start doing it. Try and encourage her to just sit there and read for a bit or do a puzzle..we give my 2yr. old a book or a crossword puzzle that she can just scribble on. And you know what she had done it 2x's now. SO hopefully she will start. Don't fret..my 10yr. old was doing great when she was smaller, I started training her when she turned one. She started doing well and all, than her dad ended jup leaving us and put us in a really desprate area in life, than she started having accidents really bad. So when she finally started trying to potty in the toilet again, my neice and my oldest daughter had scared her about the toilet monster...she regressed again and how frustrating it was, I had understood, others didn't and had made us feel horrible, by the time she started trying again, she was 4yrs. old and her grandmother would make fun of her for using pullups, thinking that it would make her stop wanting to use them...but it made her go back into diapers. SO finally when we moved away from all the negative people, we were ready to try again, and she did awesome, she has a few accidents, but its fading. Thank god! Good Luck and another thing, your not the only one!

It sounds like you have somewhat of a hectic schedule. You say you spend alot of time on the net due to being full time college student. I wonder if she is doing this for attention. It doesn't matter to her whether it's good or bad attention it's at least getting mommy's attention. If you would take one week and focus only on that, meaning you tell her you're not buying anymore diapers, pull-ups, etc. and take a week of doing nothing but potty training, I guarentee she will do it. If this is something you've battled for awhile she knows that eventually you're going to give in and put her back in diapers. Potty training is something that they have to be ready for (which at that age she is), you have not make it a bad experience (no matter how frustrating it is for you), and you have to stick to it. So, that means if you're going somewhere you've got to take a potty chair, seat, whatever it is you are using with you or you stay at home for usually about a week and get it done.

We were having issues with our oldest too. She'll be 5 in October.

What we started doing was telling her whatever it was she wanted to do - she had to go potty first. If she wanted to go outside and play - you have to go potty first. If you want to play with mommy's computer, you have to go potty first. We're getting ready to go somewhere, you have to go potty first. Of anything we tried - this had the most effect on her.

AND we had to make sure we were paying attention. Meaning we couldn't just let her go in there and trust that she was "doing the deed"...we had to keep an eye on her and make sure she wasn't going in there and sitting down to read a book before realizing "Oh yeah, I had to go potty when I came in here..." and by then it was too late and she'd have an accident.

Good luck!

There may be a physical reason for her not using the toilet but it sounds more like a physcological situation to me.

Have you tried bribery? I know it sounds bad but it can work. For instance take all candy, desserts, treats out of the daily schedule, if she uses the toilet she can pick out a piece of candy or a cookie she would like. If she goes in her diapers you need to express your sorrow that she is unable to use the toilet and really praise the younger child when she does and reward her.

We went from the big sucker my daughter wanted from a paticular store (if she used the toilet for 3 days with no accidents she could have the sucker), to a trip to the zoo (she had to use the toilet and no accidents for a week) to a bike (this was a two week project) to a swing set (one month project). If there was an accident we went back to day one.

All of my children were toilet trained by 2 years old, but I am older and it was a bigger issue when I was raising my children. Most of the pre-school facilities would not accept a child still in diapers.

I will pray for you both.

I know this may sound crazy but in desperate situation it may work, I did it for my girl and it worked. Leave her naked as long as you can everyday, either she will poop on the floor and get scare (like my daughter did) or she will hold and you run her to the toilet. Also I got the toilet she liked (Dora's) and I used to take her with me when I was doing it and show her " look mama is pooping" lol, you just have to make it a fun thing for both of you. Make sure she gets hydrated, sometimes if the stools are hard they are afraid to poop. Also some kids take longer than others there is no rule that saysyour kid have to be potty trained by 2 or even 3, it ranges in age and up til 4 is ok. Positive reinforcement, consistency and control. Take her to the potty everyday at the same time, sit her there for a while even if she does not do it, it is just to give her a pattern. Don't punish her for not do it, she may think is something bad and will fight more. Take it easy and don't get frustate.

hi, i have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. both in diapers. my five year old has some developemental delays and is deaf but in the past year he has gotten up on his own and peed in the potty . one day he did it all day. he will go a week and at least do it once a day.you can sign potty and he goes and runs to the potty . and when he has to go he will pull down his pants after he goes in his diaper. but it is so fursterating i know he knows now where it goes at. and he stayes dry for a couple of hours so i know this insides are ready. and my two year old tells me when he poops. but is completely not wanting to go to the potty. but nephew it almost four and just now pooping in the potty. ONce... my neighbor promised her daughter they would go to chunky cheese if she pooped in the potty. i think you have to find what they want bad enough to do it.but all that being said you are not alone. i know how you feel. i say i am going to have a party when my boys are potty trained. i have been also leaving my boys in there poop and pee for a while to see if they will get tired of sitting in it. my five year old is starting to come to me and want to be changed. so that is a good sign. but not my two year old. also you would think that her seeing other kids her age would make her want to use the potty. did she go to preschool? i know with my son other kids ask why is he still wearing diapers. but he can't not hear it but iwould think if he did it would bother him. it would me if i was there age. would you let me know what the dr said. i have been to the dr for my child and because he has issues they say it will take longer and four is the age to start to be late. but i would love more answers.

Hi! You are not the only one, I feel your pain! My daughter was not pottytrained until after she turned 4. I tried everything! She would pee in the potty, but refused to to poop in the potty. I would ignore it and it didn't go away and I would constantly be on her about it and it didn't go away. I did finally find one thing that worked. My daughter LOVES dresses and always wants more dresses and talks about wearing dresses. So, I finally told her she was not wearing another dress until she pooped in the potty...and stuck to it. Then I went and bought a very cute little dress that I knew she would just have to wear and hung it in her room. I told her that she could see it, but couldn't wear it until she pooped in the potty. She went in the bathroom within the hour and pooped in the potty. No lie. Then I bought another and told her she had to go three times in a row to get that one. She hasn't had an accident since. Maybe it wasn't right to bribe her, but it worked..and saved my sanity! Dresses may not be what works for your daughter, but maybe the strategy will work if you find the "magic" thing that works for her. Good luck!!!
Kris

What worked for us was making it a game. She loved to win at games, so we put a "Poop Chart" on the frige with all the families names (even the pets). Everytime someone pooped in the right place, they got a star on the chart. She loved it! We had to come look at her poop so she could get a star. She would even try to poop when she didn't have to in order to get another star. The winner of the game got to pick where we went for dinner, or what movie we saw, etc. Each child is different. You know your child better than anyone....you'll find what works. All of us are just giving you ideas. Good Luck!..D.

Did something scare her in the bathroom, or someone?
A friend of mines'child went to the bathroom at their pet store (owners) and his big brother had put a snake in the toliet. Needless to say this child was back in diapers

My suggestion though it will be hard on you. Put her in regular clothes with a plastic pant over it. Let her feel the wettness. Talk about how gross it is. Have her help clean herself up. Sounds like she wants to be a baby again. Start talking about how much you love having a big girl when either go potty. Don't make a big deal about it as she wants the attention..... but don't let her feel comfortable in a diaper that draws the wet etc from her. let her feel it in her big girl panties (with the plastic pants over them.)
Good luck this is one area she has some control

I know "they" say never to use negatives when potty training. However,at that age they know what they are suppossed to do and when they don't it is defience. Outward disobedience needs to have a negative consequence. My son was 3 1/2 when we went through this. He would pee, but was afraid to sit on the potty and poop. We did the running around naked thing and he would go behind a chair and poop! That was it, the animals are not aloud to go in the house and neither are the kids :-). I got a book and can't remember exactly what it was something about potty training your resistant child? Because he was obviously afraid to sit on the potty and have something fall out :-)...I let him have a diaper to poop, but he had to go into the bathroom to do it. He had picked out a red plastic wheelbarrow and it was his reward for pooping in the bathroom. He had it taken away when he did not go into the bathroom to poop. Then he had to sit on the pot with his diaper on to poop. Again, if he didn't go to the right spot to poop he got the wheelbarrow taken away. It was put on top of the fridge where he could see it. Eventually he did go on the potty without a diaper. He had his older sister hide in the closet the first time LOL! Anyway, I hope this helps. He is 10 now and uses the potty just fine :-)....

Just wanted you to know you are not alone... our daughter will be 4 in October and refuses to go and really hasn't ever done #1 or #2. Our 2.5 year old is making more progress than our older one and that is the only thing that seems to be getting to her, she shows a bit of jealousy when we concentrate on pottying with the little one. But we have yet to master it and are still trying... the only thing that I have been told over and over (by the DR too) is they will when they are ready and you can not force them. I have also had several people tell me their child woke up one day and never turned back... but I feel your frustration and we too are still waiting on that magic day.

My son was the same way. I started bribing him so everytime he went to the bathroom he got a little toy (hotwheels worked for him). Once he got in the habit It was a toy a day if he tried real hard for no accidents, than it was once a week. and so on.

OK... first of all I have read the responses and I think many are helpful. I would not, however, take the advice from the woman who thinks you should PUNISH your child for not going in the potty, no matter how many kids she had. Something is up if she started going and then has stopped. Punishing her is only going to make it worse. You don't want her walking down the aisle in diapers because mommmy yelled, screamed, spanked, or whatever because she had an accident. As hard as this is, patience is the key in potty training. They will go when they are ready. My daughter started going and then just stopped. I was so aggravated but never yelled at her. And then one day, when I tried to sit her on the potty (don't give up trying)she refused and had a fit. I let her sit in her wet pullups for a while. A few hours later she went in the bathroom by herself, and the rest is history. She decided when she had to go and wanted to do it by herself.
As for the diapers, I wouldn't use those either. You are taking steps backwards, not forwards. Your daughter is going to start taking advantage of that and it will take even longer to get her trained. A friend of mine was having trouble potty training her daughter, which started out well, but it went in the wrong direction. She used pull-ups when they went out (and in bed), but the panties went right back on when she was at home.Her daughter HATED it when she had an accident but her mommy explained that she was a big girl now and had to start using the potty. She also used different rewards, such as stickers, then M&ms went she went #2. Another suggestion would be to go to the $1 store and buy some toys that can be taped to the wall and that she can have once she goes #2 in the potty. A frind of mine did this with her son when he wouldn't go #2 in the potty and it worked (she used hotwheels).
Defintely start potty training your 2 year old. As others have said, she may decide to go if her little sister is doing it. And she will also have a bathroom buddy. My friends daughter always went potty when my dughter was at her house. And she would never do it on her own until my duaghter came over. It was just a chain reaction. It took a little while longer, but it helped that her friends were also pottying.

Good luck! I know you are going crazy, but relax and don't stress out or your daughter's potty training experience will be stressful too.

Congrats on baby #3!!!

I know how exactly how you feel. We are currently at week 4 of our 4-1/2 year old not being in diapers. He was the same way - he refused to go into the bathroom, and when he went in his pants, he wouldn't tell us. It's like he would have rather sat in it all day instead of being changed. We took him to several doctors - he had a bunch of testing done and nothing could be found wrong with him. We finally took him to a counselor to see if there was some psychological block from getting him to potty. One day I was fed up with him and told him if you are going to potty in your pants, you are going to clean it up. After a few times of that, the switch turned on and he started using the potty without any fight at all. Yes, he has had a few accidents over the past month, but overall, he is pretty much trained. Even the doctors told us it takes some kids longer and that using the bathroom is the only thing a child can control in their lives and you have to show them that you are in overall in control of that too. Try having her change herself (with you cleaning up if she doesn't quite get it all) and having her clean her own underpants out. It sounds disgusting, but I finally told my son I was tired of cleaning out his pants and if he wanted to potty in them, he had to clean them himself. Good luck!