My 3 year old daughter is pretty consistent about going to the bathroom by herself at home. Even when we are out somewhere she will usually tell us that she has to go. School is a different story. Her teachers say that she still won't tell them when she has to go to the bathroom - they are having to ask/remind her frequently throughout the day so she doesn't have an accident. Back in October the school required us to put her back in pull-ups while at school because she had 2 accidents within a week - even though she had gone weeks before with no problems. All progress we had made halted including at home. We've tried encouraging her to talk to her teachers. Apparently she doesn't even talk to them much in general unless a group of kids is around. She's not shy in the least and doesn't hesitate to strike up a conversation with people even if she doesn't know them. I'm hoping someone will have a suggestion or two about how to get her to communicate with her teachers especially when she has to go to the bathroom.
Maybe you should try another daycare, one that will help you work with her instead of putting her back in pullups. Incentive charts, prizes for dry days, anything would be better than going back to pullups if progress was being made prior to them.
As a teacher of 27 children, 2 accidents in week. That would be a dream for me! I have some children who have 3-5 accidents a day,and I'd never suggest to put the child back in diapers! School is a differnt setting, and because of this children, get involved and forget , it is life! You should set up conference and talk to the teacher about this issue, there are some 3 year old children who are just leanring to use the potty,a gain from experience , that seems an unrelastic expectation. May I ask what type of school is she enrolled in? Is it just a preschool/ day care or is some special school. I teach at a Montessori, and paretns would never be encouraged to allow the children to regress , instead if we have cronic wetter, we instead send him/her to potty every 30minutes to hav ethem try, they eventually get into the routine, and become more self-sufficient. How long has your child been at that school or classroom, that maybe part of the prolem. Finally, ask your child about why they are not talking in school, there maybe a conflict between the child and another child or even the teacher, see if that helps with the problem, or you may want to look into finding a different school if all else fails.
Hi D.,
I am a teacher and I would suggest asking your daughter why she won't tell the teacher. I would guess there is a problem between the teacher and her. I would also sit down with the teacher and come up with a reward system for your daughter each time she asks the teacher to use the bathroom. Kids are going to have accidents and 2 in a week is not bad.
I may be completely off here, but I would wonder what the SCHOOL is doing wrong. Maybe she doesn't like her teachers for some reason. She could be being stubborn because she doesn't like them or because they treat her like a baby or they just don't give her the attention she wants and that's her way of getting it.
You could possibly offer some kind of reward, like a special toy or going to chucky cheese for dinner one friday night if she makes it all week without going. Maybe try this a few times and then explain to her that this is an expectation and next time she does it she'll get in trouble. Or you could skip the rewards and just tell her she will be punished if she does it again...just make sure you follow through on the punishment.
When my daughter was in childcare she would refuse to go to the bathroom because they wouldn't let her shut the door. I decided to observe the schools procedure regarding the bathroom and I definitely understood my daughter's complaint. They lined the kids up to sit down 2 feet outside the bathroom door and made them go one at a time with the door left open. I don't know about you but I've always told my daughter/son that the bathroom is a private place and the door needs to be closed. No one wants to see their stuff, nor should they want to see others private body parts. I went to the director of the school and had to write a short letter giving my daughter permission to close the door when she went to the bathroom.
I would worry that maybe her teachers aren't real patient with her about it & it sounds like they don't make her feel at ease & comfortable enought at school to tell them, or talk to them. If she talks to anyone usually, but won't communicate well with her teachers, that would worry me. espcially to put her back in pull ups after only 2 accidents, I would say maybe she feels intimated. I would find a school or teachers that are more supportive of the whole potty training issue. I know if can be tough, my 3.5 yr old boy still has the occasional accident at school & they aren't bothered about it all. The last thing you want, too, is for her to maybe regress at home as well. I would talk to the schools director about working out a more positive way of handling the issue at school & if they are not willing to work with you, I would consider switching schools, if that is an option. I worked in day care for 5 plus years & taught 2nd grade for 4 years, so I have seen it all by way of good vs. bad teachers. Good luck !!!
Many small children have a phobia about using public bathrooms. Could that be the root of the problem with your daughter? If not:
Have you tried non-verbal forms of communication? For instance, a special signal could be arranged between your daughter and the teachers so she need not talk to them at all. This worked very well for my daughter. She used the actual ASL sign for "restroom" but it could be any signal everyone is comfortable with. Good luck!
(Special education teacher and mother of late-talking daughter)
I think that maybe yo should take a day or two to watch her up at school to see how they ask and wait on her to use the restroom. you might if you are unable to do that send a note to the school stating how your daughter acts when she has to use the restroom and how much time it usually takes for her to use the restroom. You might also ask if she is going to the restroom with several different grown ups. Your daughter my feel uncomfortable when they change teachers each time. My son had the problem of teachers changing each time he went to the restroom. I finally when up to the school and saw for myself. Now my son goes to the restroom with one of his friends and a teacher to make it easier. Just adding another child has made it to were he hasn't had a accident since the begining of the year.
I hope this will help you in some way.
I work in a school with 3-5 year olds, and we would NEVER ask a parent to regress and put their child in pull-ups after being trained. If you are looking to compromise if you really are set on the school, maybe put a pull up on over the underwear so she still feels it, maybe the discomfort would encourage her to not have more accidents but the school wouldn't have to clean up as much of a mess. Positive reinforcement is great, but there are other ideas, I believe a parent already recommended a sign to indicate she had to go, but there are also switches (or oversized buttons) that schools can buy and record "I need to go potty" or whatever on so that children with shyness or speech issues can press and indicate their needs, or just a reminder of the words they need to use. You as her parent know her best. We do have some kids that do need to have negative reinforcement to stop them from accidents, sometimes its just an attention seeking thing kids do, but you would know her best, don't let the school force you into regression.
This is actually not a respond to your question but, I have
a 4 year old grandchild who holds his poop all day long while in prekinder school. I have tried everything to help him overcome his problem. Everything I do has failed.
Doctors and counselors have told me it's up to him and I can't do much about it. He is under control and he will decide when he's ready to change. Any good suggestions any one has, please send them. I appreciate anyone's input.
Very sad and tired Grandma
