Potty Training Discrepency with Teacher and Doctor

cheryl kids will tell you when there ready for potty training watch for sings like if he wants to go on the potty , otherwise don't force them if he is not ready , cause it will only make him not want to longer.
C. N

Potty training is easily the most frustrating thing to deal with when it comes to parenting toddlers, in my opinion. I was also concerned about potty training with my daughter. She was almost 3 years old, knew what she had to do, and sometimes she would let me know or go to the potty on her own and sometimes she would go when I'd put her on the potty at regular intervals, but mostly, she chose to not go to the potty because she just didn't want to. Honestly though, the best thing I ended up doing was getting the Royal Potty and setting it out in the living room. It's a potty that has a sensor and when a child sits on it and when they go potty, it plays music and the sound of applause. Freaky sounding, yes, but it worked. My daughter wanted to sit on it and go as soon as I pulled it out of the box, and we got very excited when she actually went potty in it and made a big deal about it. Then, by leaving it out in the living room, she never felt as though she had to stop what she was doing to go potty.......potty time was never really interrupting playtime or movie time or anything else. VERY quickly it became habit.....I never really had to push her to do it, and I think we had a grand total of 3 accidents after we got it and she was potty trained. Once not going potty in her pants was habit I moved it and she started going in the big potty. End of story. Some don't like the idea of having a potty in their living room....let's face it....it's gross, but to kids, it eliminates a barrier and makes the act virtually effortless.

Have you tried rewarding him for going potty in the potty chair? I know with my almost 4 year old that is what finally worked....candy didn't work but I bought a huge pack of little cars and if he went potty in the potty chair all day and didn't wet his pullup than he would get a new car. He was excited about that...otherwise I don't know if he would be trained yet!! Hope this will help.

I am sorry and I know I will get a lot of flack for what I am going to say, but no child over three should still be in diapers/pull-ups. All of my children are potty trained (during the day) buy the time they just over 2, it can be done and it doesn't have to be stressfull, If you are willing to dedicate at least 3 days where you are going to be home then give this a try...........

Let him be naked, nothing on bottom just a shirt, remove the pull up, keep the potty close, remind every half hour, walk him there if he needs that, get a cute cover for the lid of the toilet or buy a potty seat that can be located in sight, it makes it more inviting. By letting him be naked he learns/feels exactly what his body is warning him of and what will happen next, we know he gets the concept that the poopy goes in the potty but know he needs to feel how to get it there. Pull ups offer a false sence of security, you will have some mess, get some carpet cleaner, when he has an accident make it no big deal, walk him to the potty and let him know next time you hope he gets there fast enough, have him help clean it up, kids really don't want to mess themselves, but diapers and pull ups restrict just how "dirty" they get. If you have more questions feel free to message!

Some might call it demeaning but kids love to be naked and they enjoy the game aspect of it.

My little girl was awfully late with potty training, and after I saw a mag article about a little boy whose mom had even hired a therapist to help him use the potty I realised that like that boy, my girl could actually be frightened - as opposed to stubborn. It turned out she actually had an imaginary monster living under the rim and she was sure it would suck her down there. It had never occured to me to ask HER what the problem was - I thought it was my job to figure it out...but I'm glad I did eventually just ask her.
I tried the potty movies, I tried chocolate, I tried bribery and gifts. I thought I had tried everything
I'd guess his teacher wants him potty trained for her better convenience - most do, (I guess I wouldn't blame her with a class full of toddlers) but after battling with my girl for months, our situation resolved in a couple of days with some supportive talks, oh and she also cleaned the potty with me so she could be sure it was gone.
A very-experienced-at-fatherhood friend told me his little guy had done the same thing, but it turned out he didn't want to give up the warmth and comfort of diapers. Blankets helped him.
Your paediatrician's advice is great - and it works across the board on a variety of issues -
I know I hate to be told to do something... especially if I was already planning to anyways, and kids are just as intelligent as grown-ups - just not as experienced, so he'll figure it out.
My girl chose her own kiddie seat and big girl panties and we did the potty song and dance routine when she had success (made her laugh if daddy did it too.
Good Luck!
S.

I struggled with this same thing when my son was younger. At 3 years old he showed no interest in using the toilet. I knew that he knew how and when to use the toilet, he just refused. I heard every possible idea on how to get him to use it. Our doctor said pretty much the same thing yours has said. It really bothered me that my son would not use the toilet and at first I really got frustrated. I had a great friend that helped me to go with the doctor. She was very supportive of both me and my son and also very encouraging. I stopped worrying about it and about six months later I had a diaper free son who believed it was all his doing. Just remember that every child is different and your 3 1/2yr old wants to be in charge and do things in his time. Hope it helps a little. I completely understand the frustration and concerns.

when my eldest (who is now 40!) was a baby, my mother started bugging me almost as soon as he was born to start potty training him....she claimed she had me trained at 7 months!!....(yeah right!!)....so i started putting that poor little baby on the potty before he could even sit up properly....and i was constantly in his face..."DO YOU HAVE TO GO POTTY???"....poor little kid got so paranoid about his bowl movements etc that once he became mobile he would hide in closets to go in his pants....i was really freaking out....finally when he turned two and wasn't trained yet, i went to the pediatrician and asked him about potty training and told him what was going on...he said that we had made such a big deal out of it that we'd made him self conscious and guilty....then he asked the question that turned my whole mind set around...."have you even seen a normal 20 yr old in diapers?"....he told me to back off and not say anything about the potty....but to leave it where he could find it....and with in six months he was going potty just fine....all by him self...

and we just let my second boy alone....didn't even mention the potty and after a while his desire to imitate his big brother took over and he trained himself....

keep in mind too, that little kids go thru a period where they consider their urine and bowel movements to be 'theirs' and they don't want to part with them.....

i would offer one word of warning tho....using candy for a reward for going potty might not be a really good idea ...you may come to regret it in the future....we didn't use candy for my boys....'because they could see what they were doing'....but we did keep a potty training candy jar for my daughter (my third child)...bought special candy just for her and kept it in a specially labeled jar....when she went potty we paraded thru the house singing "jennifer gets some candy!...jennifer just went potty!"....when i was a child, my parents also rewarded me with candy etc for good behaviors and to soothe painful things like shots from the doctor or drilling at the dentist's etc....my boys are both slim...and do not use food for 'comfort'....my daughter and i are both 'big girls' and still reward ourselves with food....

Hi Cheryl,
I had the same problem with my 3 yr old--we were starting to think she'd never potty train! What finally worked? We made a large "big girl" poster and hung it in the bathroom. Each day of the week was listed at the top of a column and then open squares underneath for her favorite stickers. Every time she went on the potty we let her stick one of "big girl" stickers on a square for that day and of course we lavished her with praise. She sure was proud of that poster (we spent a lot of money on stickers--make sure you pick their favorite characters or design). She also wanted to attend a ballet class, but we made sure she knew only "big girls" were able to go to this class--incentive plus immediate reward-a good combination. One thing we discovered which was great news--she trained in only 2 weeks and we didn't have that "accident" problem that so many so called early trainers have!
My niece used M&M's in a funny dispenser for her son--it only dropped out a couple candies at a time, but he sure loved watching them roll out!
By the way, the stickers were only played with when she went potty, she couldn't use them any other time. The same thing went for the M&Ms--no candy at any other time! Good luck!

Cheryl-
Try this, I have 3 boys, 10,8, and 6. I had them all potty trained by 2 yrs. Except for my oldest, he was 22 months. I put a container filled with his favorite candy, and told him that when he goes potty in the toilet that he will get a piece when he is finished, but that's only if he make's "potty". Buy the "snack size", you don't want anything too big. It worked for all three of mine. He will try and tell you that he went when he really didn't the first couple times, but stick with your guns and do not give in even if he tried, only give him the treat when he does go potty. It worked for all three of mine within two weeks they were all potty trained.

Good luck!!
D. Q

My opinion would be to stop mentioning potty training and follow your pediatricians advice. Years ago my neighbor's son was the same way, he eventually potty trained. It took longer than I would have liked but it was accomplished.

I would go with the doctor. My son was 4 when he decided he was ready and at that point it was like ok mom lets do this. I was worried he'd go to kindergarten in diapers. We tried before that with no luck. You do have to wait until they are ready. Good luck.

It sounds as if you have done your job, showing him the purpose of the toilet. Relax. It is now his job. I had three boys, all of whom are grown with their own children, and potty training went differently with each of them. It will happen when it will happen.

It is a pity that you are getting pressure from his pre-school teacher. I understand her anxiety and her wish for him to be potty-trained, but perhaps she is in the wrong position and needs to take care of older children. That is her problem, not yours, don't make it yours.

What you can do is offer quiet encouragement to your son but remove the anxiety, that obviously isn't doing any good for anyone. I promise one thing, you will all get through this and eventually your son will be out of diapers.

I would definitely agree here with the majority, as much as I pushed my son to potty train, it wasn't until he was ready that it finally happened. He was approx. 3 1/2 years old and I had friends who had sons that were already there before their 3rd birthdays, every single child is different. I'll tell you though mine was ready the day I took him to school, he wasn't quite there yet, but as soon as he was in school he never had an accident and picked it up from the older kids. It was stressful at the time because other kids, who were younger, were already potty trained and he wasn't, but mine has never relapsed, never had any accidents and so forth where as some of the earlier potty trainers relapsed later on. I would definitely listen to your doctor and I would most certainly question your preschool teacher and her "advice". The teacher should know from experience, every litte girl and boy in her school is completely different and they all progress at their own speed. This is an issue that does not need to be done by the time they are two or three on the day, they need to be ready mentally and physically and it will happen for them. Your son is totally normal and will be ready to potty train soon. I did use the sticker method with my son which definitely gave him something to look forward to and he got so excited each time he got to pick a sticker and even more when he got to pick two for going number two. It was just a sheet of paper with stickers all over it, but at 5 1/2 he remembers exactly what that paper is and tells his almost 3 year old sister too. Good luck, it will happen.

Every child is different, & some are more stubborn than others! With my first 2 children potty training got to be a real power struggle between them & me. I wanted them to do it & they didn't! It wasn't until I backed off about it that they did it. So I learned my lesson (finally) & with our 3rd & 4th we were like, "Look, here's the potty; you've seen what we all do with it; when you're ready, go ahead & use it." & they did. Our first was over 4 before she trained, our second was 3 1/2, & our 3rd & 4th were both 2 1/2 when they trained, with a lot less hassle & grief (all by themselves basically).
Perhaps the power/control issue is what is going on with your son, & taking a step back & letting him do it in his own time would work better for everyone. If the Preschool has an issue with him not being potty-trained, then don't send him! They should know that kids do things at their own rate, & if they don't except that, it wouldn't be the preschool that I would want my child in.

Hi cheryl,
I know exactly what your feeling. My son wanted nothing to do with the potty. I quit working in dec so for me that was my new years resolution. I got up Jan 1 and started. It was met with some resentment but he's done really well. I had tried since he was 2 not interested at all. I firmly believe it is when their ready. I did put him into a moms day out/mini preschool(2 afternoons per week) and they worked with him to by taking him potty with the other boys . (Alittle peer presure)My doctors nurse swore to me he would be potty trained by the time he went to school.I had a alot of pressure from grandparents to train him early.Like I said I do feel its when their ready. I hope you know youir not alone. D.

I don't really have to much advice for you. My son will be 2 on friday and we have been introducing him to the potty for a few months now. At first a little potty but he didn't like that he always wanted to get on the big potty. He sits on it backwards facing the tank so it's easier for him to feel like he's not going to fall in. He would go pretty much whenever we would put him on there but isn't yet to where he tells us when he has to go. Now all of a sudden he doesn't want anything to do with it. I'll put him up there and he won't even try. We were giving him stickers when he'd go but that doesn't seem to matter now. I would normally say go with what the doctor says especially since they say this is something the child will do on his or her own. Yes you help teach them but it's not something that can be forced but on the other hand alot of preschools or preK whatever will not take children if they aren't potty trained. I they will take him still in diapers or pull ups then i would just let it runs its course and it's eventually happen if they won't take him then i would just keep trying. good luck

The person toting the degree.... The more you push him, the more he is going to refuse. Get everything put away and out of sight for at least 2 months, then you can try again but for no more than a week.
C.

Hi Cheryl,
I agree with your doctor. If he isn't ready pushing him isn't going to make it better. I would wait a couple weeks and hopefully he'll come to you wanting to use the potty. When my son was training we tried to get him excited about the potty and I think we put so much pressure on him that he wanted nothing to do with it. I dropped the subject and about a month later he started using the potty. He was excited because it was his choice to use it not my pushing. Good luck.
Chris

Hi Cheryl,
Try the naked and 75 method....sounds crazy I know. You have to be able to devote at least two days to this or it won't work. Let him round around with nothing but a t-shirt...he will feel the urine run down his leg...nasty, they don't like it. After a day or two of this he will start to use the potty. The 75 is how much money you will spend to have your carpets shampooed after the fact. We did it with our daughter and she was totally potty trained before the age of two, and within a week-end. Good luck.

Hi Cheryl
I only have one son,now 12 yrs old, and his cousin thought he didn't have to potty train before 3 yrs old, because he didn't. Well, I didn't challenge him and one Saturday morning before 8am, I was watching a ped doctor on a TV show and this is how it went. When he got up that morning, I handed him a pair of his triple lined underware and told him that his brain is the thinker and his brain will tell him when he has to go potty. I told him he would have to run 100 mph to get there in time. Well, it worked. He would come running thru the room sharing he is running 100 mph and he was a successful trainer only during the day. We had a few night accidents with liners under the sheet for dry mattress and then my body went on an auto 2-230am wake-up and would carry him into the bathroom and tell him to go potty. He never remembered doing a potty break at nite and was trained by the time he was 6 for nitetime. Yes, it was a long nite time training, however, we never turned on any lights, only nite lites. I also did this for my daughter and she was trained by 2... even with a disability, she did great...
Enjoy training time.
S.

I guess it boils down to who do you trust more? Daycare provider or pediatrician. My oldest was 4 years old before he would even think about getting near, and then it seemed to take forever. We also had a relapse when some things happened that changed his life, but day care was a positive thing for him, and being around other children who were potty trained really helped. My younger son was 3 and the day care trained him for me. I just told them not to force him and they were really good. They had me send lots of clean clothes and no diapers. Then they told him when he was fully trained and had no more accidents they would graduate him into the next class. It worked. He had a positive experience and wasn't forced into something he wasn't ready for. The daycare also has toilets that are his size, and I had a small port-a-potty for him to use, then gradually transitioned to a seat you put on the toilet seat, and now at 4, he just sits on the toilet, and he just frequently wants me (or his brother-or other family member) near him-and to help him (turn the water on to wash his hands). I say don't force him. It doesn't matter what you do-until they are ready, it won't happen, and I DO believe in the negative potty training theory. In my daycare certain teachers can't have kids in diapers-they have an area for kids in diapers and an area for kids not in diapers and they do not mix them.
Good luck, and look long and hard at which source you have the most trust in. How much training did each have?

Being a mom of four and three of them being sons, my advice is go with the advice of your doctor. I had one son who was 4 1/2 before he got the whole concept and another who was ready at 2 1/2. we will be working on the third soon because he is starting to show intrest. Your son needs to be ready, this is one thing that they control and you can not push them into it until they are ready. All kids develope at a different pace. It will be less stress for you in the long run.

I just recently had the same situation with my almost 4 yr old son. This is what we did: told him that the dr. said he needed to go poop in the bathroom. He could do it in his diaper but he needed to go and be in the bathroom to do it because thats where prople go poop. We made it sound like there were no options that was just what he was expected to do. This got him into the habit of recognizing the sention, stopping what he was doing and going into the bathroom. Each poop in the diaper in the bathroom was rewarded with a piece of chocolate (or whatever your son likes). He did it perfect for 4 weeks. Then we told him that the dr. said that he was ready to go on the toilet now...very matter of factly. We put a potty chair in the bathroom and also put a little seat on every toilet in the house for him. He was scared at first, but after a few times saw that it was really great. We kept rewarding him with treats for every ppop on a toilet. After about 3 or 4 days he also started peeing there on his own. It's been 3 weeks now and he hasn't even had any accidents...not even at night! It worked really well. Hope this helps you!

Right now he is controlling you because he can. Look at all the attention he is getting from you and Dad. And he does respond for a while until the attention becomes an irriatant to him and he takes back the control.

So, put it all away. If you have been using Pullups, stop using them and don't ever use them again. Don't say a word about it. He will notice that the potty is gone and if he asks you about it, you respond that it wasn't being used and it took up too much room in the bathroom.

Then wait.

In about a month, or sooner if he brings it up himself, take him to the store and purchase the underware he likes best be it Superman, Spider Man, etc and get at least 12 pair.

Take them out of the packages and put them in his dresser. If he says he wants to wear them, tell him that is fine, but if he gets them wet or poopy, he has to wash them in the sink.

REMEMBER - NO PULLUPS EVER

So, he puts on a pair of the underware. Now the potty chair is still in the closet - not in the bathroom. So he has on the underware but wait till he asks for the potty chair to be put back in the BR. Remind him ONE TIME that if he wets or poops his underware, he has to wash them in the sink. Don't say anything else.

Wait. If he comes and tells you that he is wet or poopy, take him to the bathroom and have him take them off. Make him try to clean himself if poopy with the wipes. He won't like it. Then finish cleaning him up. Now he has to rinse out the underware, first in the toilet and when the poop is off and all is left is the stain, he then needs to put it in the sink and you put in some soap and he has to scrub them as clean as he can. Then you put them in the wash as usual.

If he has a fit and won't do any of it, then you clean him up and put him back into diapers.

If he cooperates but doesn't like doing it, put on a clean pr of underware.

Repeat as above.

However, if he pees or poops in the potty, you make it the best thing ever. You go around singing - Billy went potty today, hurray, hurray!! repeat many times. Do a Potty dance and have him do it too. Have him call Daddy and Grandma and anyone else that would give him more hurray's.

Now there is the little $1 presents that can be included in this. Before you buy the underware, go to a dollar store and get 5-10 $1.00 items when he is not with you. Wrap them up and put away where he can't see them. You can use them as an incentive to not have accidents. But it is good to have him cooperating first. Accidents are because they wait too long to go - not that they are refusing to go.

So if he is going in the potty for a couple of days, and you have been doing the singing and dancing, then bring out the little presents and put them up on top of the frig where he can't get them himself but can see them.

Now you tell him that since he is being such a big boy that when his "accidents" are less than a certain number you pick, he can have one of the presents. Each day the number of accidents goes down so pretty soon he gets one only when he hasn't had any accidents all day.

When you are down to only 1 or 2 presents, then you have to switch to another incentive. Like if he goes potty all week, then on Saturday he can go visit grandma, go play with Sam all day, he can have Sam come spend the night with him, you will go to the park, you will take him to the movies, etc.

Then after 2 or 3 weeks, it changes again to larger and further out time wise. If you have been thinking about a Disney land type trip, that could be the next incentive. However, you have to be pretty sure he isn't having accidents unless he is in a place where he can't get to a bathroom or he is sick. We know that you aren't going to not go on vacation so there has to be some leway built in. Most of the time the whole potty thing goes away. He is just a little boy and it is now a way of life. No more incentives or praise.

BUT AS EVERYONE SAYS, if after a few days, a week at the most, you aren't making headway, put away the potty, hide the underware and use diapers NOT PULLUPS. (A diaper at nap and bedtime are still used until they have been dry for a good month.)

Wait for him to bring it up and start again. Good luck.

Marciab
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Hi Cheryl,
I know exactly what you mean about who to go with on the problem, doctor or the experienced!
I would say due to the fact that your son is in daycare, it is a requirement to have him potty trained as its understandable, unless you can take time off of work and wait for a year!
I know one of the things I tried with my son at that age was doing the "potty dance" everytime he went poop or pee in the potty, we danced and celebrated to everybody in the house & company that came over. Sending out that positive praise to him that going potty was a big boy. Also, another suggestion would be encourage being a big boy by going potty, and if he wants to continue acting like a baby then babies don't get to play with certain things. My little nephew is going through this now and is giving him a hard time, so when he comes over I encouraged him with the toys he played with and that only big boys can play with those toys, because babies can hurt themselves. So I asked him if he was a big boy and went potty in toilet, or if he was a baby and went potty in his pants! I continued to give him praise and told him that he needs to be a big boy when he goes home and I will ask his mom!
Hope that may help you. Good luck!

Both my boys (now 5 and 7) were slow to train. I truly believe that it is an issue you can't force. I tried numerous times with my second child only to cause more frustration for both of us. When I backed off and let him take the lead he trained within a week at about 3 1/2. I would go with the ped.

My son was potty trained at preschool by the preschool teachers and fellow classmates. He learned and was motivated by them, not us. He'll do it when he's ready and not before, no matter how much anyone else wants him to.
Good luck.

I'm going to agree with the other mothers (and doctor) that you need to drop it for now. Although I think you can try again in a few months and if it's not working, drop it again. Your son won't potty train if he not ready and willing and no amount of pushing and proding is going to change that. It will only frustrate all of you.

As for the preschool teacher, I would just explain that you've taken the advice of his pediatrician to let it go for a while. Did you ask her why he needs to be potty trained? Obviously if they accepted him as a child still in diapers, I don't see why all of the sudden it's important to them that he use the potty. (Although our preschool wouldn't take kids who aren't potty-trained and that was what FINALLY motived my son to use the potty. And when HE decided he was going to do it, it only took a week.)

Best of luck to you.

Your pediatrician is right! Forget what the pre-school teacher says. I was totally stressing muself out with my first child when my ped also said the samer thing to me. I did it, and it worked! I couldn't believe it! I thought this child would be going off to college not potty trained if I did not initiate it. I was shocked when on his own he actually showed interest, and was completely trained w/i a few days. Trust me on this one. I saved myself the stress with my other 2 and it worked exactly the same way. So much easier. Don't even buy training pants. And when the pre-school teacher tries to put you on a guilt trip, just tell her you are the mom, and this is the way you have choswn to do it.

My doctor said the same as yours - don't force them. They wil do it in their own time. I think maybe the teacher wants it done so they don't have change diapers. My daughter is 2 1/2 & I wanted to start her in pre-k3 in the fall, but they told me she couldn't start until she was potty-trained. Well, I am not going to force her, so if she isn't trained by then, then school will have to wait. In the long run, it comes down to what YOU think is right for YOUR child. In my opinion, you might cause more harm then good by forcing the issue with him. Good luck!!

Your Pediatrician is right. And I find your pre-school teacher questionable. The teacher seems to be looking out for herself instead of your child. One of the signs of not being ready to potty train is being resistant to potty training. From what I have read, forcing a child who is not ready to potty train can be detrimental to the child's well being. This is about your child's body, and his/her ability to control his/her own body. I totally agree with your Pediatrician.

Hi Cheryl-
I have boy/girl twins, now 5 years old. My girl was ready to potty train much earlier than my boy... but she verbalized that she would wait for her brother. Once it appeared he was ready, I set a deadline for when we would no longer buy diapers (I said it was their 4th birthday) and reminded them of this deadline when changing their diapers. The boy was first to decide (well before the deadline) that he was done with diapers & started using the potty seat on the big toilet (neither of them liked the pottychairs separate from the potty-rings) & then the girl started shortly after. Hardly any accidents. Their pediatrician had previously commented at their 3 year old check-up that she never knew of a kid who went to kindergarten in diapers & not to worry about it.

I have not gone through the potty training yet but just wanted to add something...

The preschool teacher is probable pushing it because it is easier to have a child potty trained then having to stop and change a diaper. I know of many preschools that will only accept potty trained children, I use to work at one like this. It is fine that they ask for your child to be potty trained but the teacher should not say “it has to be done now” if this is not the rule at your son's preschool. It is not like you haven't been trying, each child will "go" at there own pace.

I do agree with the other mothers and your doctor that it should be put on the back burner... sometimes the more we stress something the less the child will want to do it. My guess is once you stop stressing using the potty your son, in a few weeks, will become curious about it. Once he is ready he will let you know and more then likely he will want to be like daddy and big brother using the potty in no time.

My little boy just finished going through the same thing. Honestly- it's up to your son when he is potty-trained, and all the wishing and hoping from his preschool teacher will not get it done. I cried and begged and thought I was a horrible mom who must be doing something wrong- why was I the only mom I knew who didn't have him potty-trained by his second birthday? It's frustrating- I know. But I would go more with your doctor. Quit talking about it or even mentioning it for a month or two or three. Then try Dr. Phil's method- of the one day potty training. It doesn't really work in one day, but it is the best jumping off point I have found. Search his website to find it. And from there- don't go back. No matter how many accidents or messes, once you decide to go for it, keep at it and even with these stubborn ones, after they've had a break from it, they'll be more apt to take the leap.

I say don't try to please everyone.
With my youngest, I just went to training pants. I told him the diapers were all gone. Somehow, I managed to find one more every night at bed time for a while.I had the stash hid in my room. One day he told me we had more in my room and I said - OK - go get one if you can find them. He didn't find them and that was that.
My 13yr old kept having accidents until he started preschool at 4. Not sure what did it - but starting school stopped the accidents.
My 12 yr old DD had accidents until she was well into the 2nd grade!
All children are different, and will train when they are ready. If you push too hard and they are not ready, they will just regress if you have younger children in the house.
Don't beat yourself up over this, just take it a day at a time. Who knows, one day you'll say "need to go potty?" and he'll say "yes"!
Keep asking, and someday it will happen. I hope I've helped you "relax" about this a bit.
And maybe - who knows - making it fun with a chart with a goal to look forward to may help too.
Good Luck!

Hi! I am the mom of 4 yo twin boys. From my experience with my boys I would say that you can not force the potty training. I tried to potty train the boys at 3 and they would have nothing to do with the toilet. It was a disaster and very frustrating for me and my boys. My son, Jacob, finally cried out and said "Just give it back" and I said "Give what back?" and he said "my diaper". So, we went back to pullups. Then a few months later I tried again. It didn't go smoothly... but at least they tried. The thing that finally worked with them was the fact that they couldn't go to preschool until they were potty trained and they really wanted to go to school. Maybe try to tie the potty training to something that he may want. Just so you know, I read all sorts of different books and methods and it really just came down to when the boys were ready and wanted to be potty trained. One thing that helped was that they got a "prize" when they went to the bathroom. I just went to the dollar store and bought some different toys and put them in a clear bag on the bathroom door so they could see them and want them. All kids are different, especially boys and girls. My friend's daughter potty trained herself at 18 months. If only!! You may want to stop for a little while and then when you try again make it as positive as possible and not put the pressure on him or yourself. I hope this helps a little!
S.

I side with the Dr. Leave him alone about it- it will happen in HIS time. :) It's not like it takes a long time to accomplish, when they get it-they get it and it's done. If he's getting ready for Kindergarten or PK and he still isn't trained, then you may have a problem. Let nature do it's thing and you will be ok.

I say your Dr. He is right.

No sense in mentioning it if he just is not into it now. You'll be surprised, as soon as you lay off, he'll want to go--and then the teacher will get what she wants!

GL:)

Hi,

I have a stubborn 3 1/2 year old too. He is officially potty trained. My doctor said to put underware on him and no more diapers. That he wouldn't like pee or poop on him. Then for rewards we bought stickers. We took him shopping for underware. He is really into little einsteins and cars. So we bought that kind of underware.

We started on a Saturday morning and made a big deal of no more diapers...that he was a big boy. He had accidents for the first 2 days but when he tried we would give him a sticker or a peice of candy he really likes. We kept putting him on the potty every couple of hours.

That was 3 weeks ago and he is doing great. I wish you luck. 3 year olds can sure be a challange!

Y.

listen to the doc. teachers just want them trained so they have it easier and so the kids arent "different" and possibly picked on for being "behind"

my husband wanted to train at 2 and i refused so he tried it- after 48 hours my husband was distraught and tired of it and my son couldnt care less.

at 3 1/2 right before a long vaction of a 6 hour drive and touring Washington DC my son announced he wanted his big boy pants that we had bought a few weeks before in preperation. i said ok- when we get back but he wanted them right then.

although we were ready for anything-- we had no trouble. no accidents the entire trip.

when they are ready - they are ready. forcing only stresses the obidience end of it and not the growing up and controling yourself part.

there will be plenty enough power struggles in the future.

hope this helps :)

PS neither of my 2 boys ever had a night time accident.

Cheryl,

Your doctor is right. Stop trying and you will be surprised how quickly it will go. Every child potty trains in their own time. Just leave the potty out and have it available, but stop trying. You are just getting in a power struggle that you can't win. The teacher just wants convenience of not changing diapers.

I am a mother of 2 adult children and a granddaughter. I found as soon as I stopped trying so hard, things came naturally.

L. :)

Well, I have two things to say and they might seem to contradict eachother but I think they are both valid. First, and probably more importantly, I would trust your pediatrician. We have 4 kids and one on the way, and our ped. has always said the same thing - if they don't get it now, they will when they're in kindergarten and everyone is using the toilet! It's not necessarily what a mom wants to hear, but I think it's wise. If we put too much pressure on our kids to be potty-trained when we want them to be, I think it can backfire and because of the stress, they won't do it. That said, one idea we've used with our son and one of our daughters, was to have a "potty chart", and whether it was for poo or pee (whatever they needed to work on), every time they did it in the toilet, they would get to put a sticker on the potty chart. When they fill up the chart, they get a small prize. We never did large prizes because if they stopped doing it after the chart was full, we could make another one with a different prize until it "took"! I think the biggest thing to remember is that kids are kids and some take longer doing things than others. You have to decide if this is a battle you want to win. For us, the answer was no -it wasn't worth stressing over - they're still pretty little at 3. Hope this helps and good luck!

~ C.
(wife to Rick and SAHM to Christopher 12, Brianna 11, Hayley 8, Alayna 7 and baby boy due the 18th!)

I think that your doctor is right. Every child is different and does things when they are ready for it. I know it's something you want to get done, but you don't want to make it a horrible experience. I thought my three year old would never potty train either, but eventually they show some interest and then you have to stick with it. I had to stay at home for the whole time, and if I had to go somewhere I would have a friend come over and stay with him so he could stay close to the toilet. We let my son run around naked for three weeks and after that he was ready for underware. It was the only thing that worked pullups were too much like diapers and real underware he'd go in too. After he had it figured out we went straight to underware and it has been great since.

I agree with your doctor. Continuing to push will set up a power struggle you will NOT win. Actually, I think that he refuses to even sit on the potty, you're already in a power struggle. I think you need to back off for a few months.

I also have two boys, ages 7 adn 5 now. i can relate totally! The 7 year old was finally potty trained when he was 4-1/2 and wore a pullup to preschool. My now 5 year old was 4 when he was fully potty trained. I tried not to feed him too fiberous of foods right before school so he would more likly have a bowel movement at home where I could take care of it. I took comfort in the saying, "You know for sure that your kids wont walk down the graduation line in Huggies" I would disregard your childs preschool teacher or find another preschool that is not so concerned about it. Listen to your pediatrician. All kids are different. Our pediatrician said that if my boy (s) were not potty trained by the time they were 5, then we needed to talk about some things. I really wouldn't worry about it. He knows how to use the potty and might surprise you one day. I would keep a potty chair out and visible, but I wouldnt mention anything about it.
S. F.

I agree with the doctor. My opinion is that the preschool teacher isn't interested in what is best for your son - she wants what is easiest and most convenient for her. I think the best thing you can do right now is back off. He will be ready soon. When my oldest son was 3 I pushed and pushed with no luck. I backed off some, and he was pretty much trained. then after two weeks, he announced that he was tired of being a big boy and wanted his diapers back. I said fine, and we diapers for a couple more weeks, then he decided that he was done with diapers and that was the end of that. With stubborn kids, the more you push the more they refuse. Good luck. I know it's frustrating.

Hey this is michelle, I have a daughter that is 5 now and she had the hardest time getting potty training. Every one in my family thought there was somthing wrong with her because she was a little over 4 when she got potty trained. We went on a trip and when we came home we didnt have any diapers, my husband and i both work in a grocery store. well my husband forgot when he came home at midnight that night but i bought some diapers when i came home but left them in the trunk so she wouldnt see them. Well she said thats ok i can wear big girls pants till we go to the store and she went in the potty well we let her wear a diaper when she went to bed but the next day she said i will just wear big girl pants from now on. So i think that they just have to be ready them selfs you cant forse them to be potty trained. But i know that it is very frustraing. Good luck and i hope that this helps.

We are currently working with our son to go potty on the chair. I'd just follow your child cues...if he's not ready, I'd wait maybe a week, a month, and try again. The teacher saying it needs to be done---if only it were that easy, right? This will be my 4th go round with our son. In the past he gets excited for awhile, but then he lost all interest. So we took a break, and tried again. And again. Maybe this time will be it, maybe not. Frustrations are not going to help, so if you can take a break, give him some time, eventually he'll be ready. Only you and him can know that...Also, have you tried giving him an incentive? Stickers or special snacks for going? Maybe something to try...

No that I want to repeat the rest because I completely agree with them. But a story to help. At two my son was almost potty trained...we moved and it came to an abrupt halt! So I kept pushing for almost 1 year with no success...just pure frustration on my side! I let it rest for a few months and got myself distracted (I was dealing with morning sickness). One day while at the store, he was admiring the cars (he Loves cars). He was doing the usual beg and plead to get a car. I finally had a thought that we could both win something. So I bought a few cars (about $5 worth), found a set of cars stickers and we went home with a plan forming in my brain. I put the cars up high so he could not get them and got on his level and explained to him the rules of the game...every time he pees in the potty he gets a sticker, and every time he poops in the potty he gets a new car. He took one look at me, looked at his awaiting new car, looked at me and smiled. He run up to the toilet immediately and got some pee in the potty. I gave him a sticker. About one hour later he ran for the potty yelling the whole time that he wanted a car. So he pooped in the potty and got a car! I think I had two maybe three accidents after that, but it was basically done! Be ware though, he wanted cars so bad that he pushed himself to poop causing diarrhea from going so much:). If he had an accident, wet or poop. I took his most recent car away from him. He did not like that, and so he worked even harder to make it to the potty.

Give it a few months and try some incentive that he likes. Bribes are given before the chore, rewards are given after and are beneficial to both sides!!

Your doctor is correct. Boys do not potty train sometimes so early. One son was potty train by 2 yeas old. My other son could not get him to go potty until after he was 4 years old. Every so often I would try and he did not want to do it. I let it alone. When he was 4 years old try it again, he did it with no problem. He would let me know when he had to go when we out, at home he would just go potty by himself. However I did buy a small potty chair for my sons. Toke time to get then to use the toilet. Hope this helps.

Think about it. With three kids this is the biggest thing he has going in his favor right now. He gets extra attention, more time, and more control. Take it away. Drop the whole thing.