Potty Training for the Strong-willed Child

I think I would give him a break for right now, and see what happens..It seems like he is having a conflict with himself. Give it a few days to a week without making him go potty, and see what happens..This is only a suggestion, as I have never had that problem

Just like everything that children learn - using the potty is something that develops. They have to be ready, just like rolling over, sitting up, holding a cup. You just have to wait for him to be ready.

I know you are on a schedule, but almost every book you will read will tell you that 2 3/4 is VERY young to potty train. He just isn't ready. It's not really about being strong-willed, although his behavior/reactions might be due to that personality trait. It's really about the brain not getting the signal from the bladder that it's time to pee! It's a developmental issue, it has nothing to do with personality or intelligence or anything else. Every child does some things earlier than others - yours has done many things earlier than his brother, but maybe this isn't one of them. The stress isn't helping either of you.

Maybe you can talk to the preschool - I can't believe that all of their 2 3/4 year olds are potty trained. Maybe they will let you send him in a pull-up. He may see the other kids going to the bathroom and decide to give it a try, but otherwise, maybe you need to take a break, try another program (I know, it's August already - it's not easy), or look into day care instead of school. You just can't rush potty training, eating and sleeping - all three are developmental and pretty much up to the child!

My son was a late-trainer but he didn't go to kindergarten in a diaper, and I promise you that yours won't either.

Hi S.,
It sounds like your guys is not ready.I think potty training a boy before 3 y/o takes an act of God. Maybe you got lucky with your older son.
You may find that once your sons is around the other kids that are potty trained he will be ready. Once he is, it will happen over night with very few accidents. Maybe just give him a break for now. In September send him to preschool in a pullup. I know that the preschools say no diapers but when they are dealing with 3 y/o they are generally pretty flexible. Good Luck!

Hi S. - Yes, I must agree with the other moms here, maybe you guys need a break and to take your mind off of the potty for a bit. My son is about the same age (will be 3 in 2 mos) and literally just this weekend spent a whole day in 'big boy underpants.' We're nowhere near done with diapers, and he isn't consistently using the potty, but the interest and success has literally come overnight. I honestly haven't pushed it at ALL up to this point... my philosophy has been 'when he's ready he's ready.' Now we do reward him with a tiny piece of chocolate when he uses the potty - that's been a helpful motivator to a kid who eats no junk food/candy at all. But I really see that as a secondary motivator - he is more excited to be called a big boy and hear how proud of him we are & how excited we are. Good luck! He won't be in diapers when he goes off to college :)

I think your instincts about giving him a break are correct. It just sounds like he's not ready yet.

i have to agree with Jane M. Put it into his hands. Tell him were not going to talk about it anymore but he will wear underwaer every day and thats the end. Hopefully he'll catch on and that will be the end. I teach toddlers and the question I get asked the most is this one. Everyone thinks that their child is the only one not trained, WRONG. Its just that no one brags about the fact their child isnt. The school thng may be tough, he definately doesnt sound as if he'll be ready for that. Can you call the school and feel them out, or start him later? Most schoold now are hurting for money so they wont turn a child away whos almost trained. Good luck we all feel for you!

Hi- I have a strange suggestion that was given to me and actually worked. My son who turned 3 in April sounds very similar to yours in the potty training area. The same with the excitement of using the potty and having so so many accidents right after. I gave him a break and didn't push or talk about it and then I actually told him while buying a box of diapers that they won't be making them anymore so he really had to try to use the potty like a big boy. He asked a lot of quesitons like why won't they be making them-I saw an effort in him right away and finally something clicked. We didn't even finish (not even half) the box of diapers. He kept dry for the most part and made it to the potty right when he realized he had to go. Although timing himself took alot of practice, at least most of the accidents were in the bathroom in front of the toilet which showed he was trying- pulling down the pants is a big lesson in itself.
Sounds strange but it helped in my situation.
Good Luck.

A little about me:
I am a Mom of 2 great kids, Sarah 5 and Daniel 3

Hi S.!
He's probably just not ready yet. Put it on hold for a little bit and try again later. Sometimes enlisting Dad's help with a boy is something that makes training easier. Is it possible for you to take him to the school for a visit so he can see it and get excited about going? That might be motivation enough for him to want to use the potty.

You might want to look into doing the 3 day plan where you don't leave you house, and take off everything from the waist down. It makes them aware of their bodily urges. It worked for our daughter, but you must complete the entire 3 days. I think there is a book about it.

A school or preschool cannot REQUIRE that a child must be potty trained to attend the program. It is against the law and can be discriminatory. I learned that from my son's preschool. Thay can suggest this but cannot throw the child out or punish him if he is not. I say keep doing what you are doing but maybe not using candy and sweet treats but an activity that he loves...like plying outside or going for a walk (walking the dog is my 2 1/2 year olds fave new thing). My niece was not potty trained until 4 1/2 years old. We are starting potty training with our daughter who will be three in January. your child will have a lot of changes when he starts school so most children regress in thier use of the potty once they ar eunder stress of going through a life change. Remember Lsow and steady wins the race...so take the pressure off of yourself and yoru son and continue praising him for even the littliest progress.

-N.

S.;

Some kids will just do it when they're ready. I had a similar issue with my now 4.5 yo son, when he was 2.5, and the pediatrician told me NOT to PUSH it! If you keep pushing him to do so, he may rebel and take even longer to train. If I were you, I would give it a rest for a while. My son just sopped wearing pull ups to bed like 2 weeks ago and is still having accidents at night. Like anything with the little guys it is a learning curve, but I certainly would not push the issue, especially where you have already tried so many other tactics.

I would also speak to the director of the daycare/pre-school facility, and explain the situation to them. I know the pre-school my son goes to and has been attending since he was 6 mos, is extremely helpful and willing to work with families on a one on one basis. If your school is not, I would think about bringing him to a different one that is more laid back. I mean after all, these are our children not books in a library. Each one is different and unique and has their own set of "instructions".

Good Luck!

My son is 3 and he could care less that everyone is doing it. We told him that if he went potty he could go to Chucky Cheese. Well when he was pooping in his pants he said i guess im not going to CCheese. He goes off and on but no commitment. It is hard but when he is home take his pants off and let him run around until he has to go.
Good Luck we both need it*-*

We used 'screen time' for our son. We really limit computer time and tv watching, so it was an effective reward, and immediately available ( we didn't have to run to the store for rewards, or keep toys/treats on hand in the house.) We allowed 10 or 15 minutes of computer time for going on the potty.
I read a book, Potty Training 1-2-3, that has an interesting method. One theory in the book is that staying dry should be rewarded, not going in the potty.
Good luck!

Try making it a game. At almost the same age, we let my son aim for Cheerios and he thought it was very funny. Also, when he had an accident we wouldn't get upset, but he would have to stop what he was doing, help clean up (get paper towels for me, etc. - easy things), and get clean dry clothes, put the wet ones in the laundry. After we did this a few times (I kind of drew the process out a bit too) I explained to him how much more time it took to do all of this, when if he had just gone on the potty he could have gone right back to playing very quickly. My son really seemed to get it and now we rarely have an accident, even at night. Good luck!

hey may have fun if you put targets in the toilet and let him pee standing up they also make a toddler urinal now. My oldest wouldn't use the potty untilwe started letting him go standing up my other son gets a kick out of using the potty and has to go everytime someone goes in the bathroom. Good luck.

Hi! I can sympathize...Take a break and don't push it...My son (now 7) is also very strong willed and wanted no part of the potty until he was 3 and 3/4...he'll train when he's ready. Regarding the school, talk to them. We were fortunate in that we found a wonderful preschool where potty training was not prerequisite for admission and the staff would work with each child (and family) when the time came.

M. M.
Mom of a great 7 year old boy

The only thing that worked for my daughter was to put it completely in her hands. We changed her into underpants, and tried pretty much everything. She was okay about peeing on the potty, but pooping - forget it. I finally said "you know how to do this. We're not going to talk about it any more. When you have to go, you go." It was the hardest thing to retrain myself not to ask her anything when she was hopping up and down on one foot, but it worked. We didn't insist she go before we got in the car, anything. When we were out sometimes I would say "I really have to go to the bathroom now" to give her an in, but I never asked if she wanted to come along. It was a control thing, totally. When we put her in charge of her own body, she was much more compliant. You might want to try this since he needs to be potty trained for september. Good luck!

Take a break and try again in a few weeks. It definitely sounds like he is not ready. I am going to bet that he does know how stressed you are about it as well- kids are great at sensing such things. It's partly a power struggle on his part, but also partly him just not being ready.

Ask his school how strict they are about the "must be trained" policy. Some are very strict, some are not. My son's prek will allow children in with Pull-Ups on the first few weeks and they make an effort to have a potty routine a few times each day for all kids. Most kids who are partly trained or needing more time, etc. will catch on at school and get into a routine and want to do as their peers- so it actually helps them to become fully trained. Not all schools are willing to do this, but some do. It's worth asking how strict the policy is.

I feel your frustration as my son wil be 3 in Sept and has ZERO interest in the potty. He has sat on it and peed a few times, but nothing consistent and every other time I put him there or suggest it he screams, so we stop. I haven't tried in weeks. I know he's not ready. There is NO way I could imagine forcing him to be ready in just a few weeks- he wouldn't do it. Nor would I expect him to.

My older son potty trained on his own when he was ready and self initiated it. He asked for the potty one day and told me "no more diapers" and that was it. It totally caught me off guard. I know that every child is different, but I am waiting for my younger son to do something similar- even if not as clear cut. I really believe that kids will train only when they are phsyically and emotionally ready.

Take a break for a few weeks and mention NOTHING of the potty. Put all of the potty stuff, underwear, etc. away. Try to reintroduce it gently in a few weeks and he might respond better. Once he is responsive, it will be SO much easier.

GOOD LUCK!