Potty Training Help - Ames,IA

Updated on August 23, 2007
K.L. asks from Story City, IA
17 answers

My daughter will be 3 in November and we have been potty training for quite awhile now. But it just doesn't seem to be taking. She loves sitting on the potty and would sit there for hours reading books if we would let her. She has gone a couple of times, but just by pure luck. She still doesn't come to me and tell me she has to go and she recently stopped telling me that she had gone. I have tried having her wear 'big girl' panties, which some days she loves to wear and others she freaks out and wants a diaper. She did have an accident in those too. We are very good about not pressuring her, but we are starting to get a little frustrated with her(not in front of her of course!). Does anyone have any suggestions on what else we can do, or is it just a matter of waiting for her to be ready? Thanks!

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So What Happened?

I want to thank everyone for the help and ideas to try with my daughter. After just 3 days, she is doing much better with the potty training! Because of all the rain in Ames this week, we have pretty much stayed home, so I have just let Kenzie run around naked and she did really good at telling me when she had to go potty. She only had 1 accident too!!! Thanks ladies!!!

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J.M.

answers from Billings on

I have started potty training my 3 year old son too. One thing that we have found that is working is to reward him with one gummy worm (fav treat) for going potty and 2 gummy worms for going poop. Also we have bribed him with bubbles. He can blow bubbles after he goes. Hope this helps!

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L.M.

answers from Boise on

I think every child is so different and she just may not be ready yet. Keep up what you're doing and it will all come around. Does she like stickers? Have you tried a reward system?

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J.A.

answers from Des Moines on

Hi Kim,
I'm a big fan of waiting until the child is ready, especially once he/she starts "back-sliding," as it appears your daughter might be doing. I had an experience with my older son much like you're having. We were frustrated and went through many, many pull-ups and pairs of underpants with accidents here and there and bribes for going on the potty, etc. Finally, I put a big bribe out there (a toy of his choice at a favorite store once he kept his pants dry all the time - deliberately vague), backed way off, and he potty trained around 3 years old. With our second son, I barely brought it up before his 3rd birthday. After his birthday, I started talking about it and letting him sit on the potty when he asked. One day (at the mall of all places) he piped up that he wanted to be potty trained. I reminded him that meant no more diapers and he'd have to use the potty every time but could have a pull-up at naptime and bedtime. The next day, he started wearing "big boy pants." I think we had two or three accidents (not counting the ones where he couldn't get on the potty quickly enough or had boy issues with "pointing") and it was done. He was 3 yrs. and 2 months old. In retrospect, I would have saved myself the worry and frustration with my older son and let him pick the time for potty training.
For what it's worth, I hope that helps.
J.

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K.D.

answers from Davenport on

Hi Kim! I thought I would chime in here and see if I can help at all. I'm a SAHM and a licensed daycare provider. In the last year, I potty trained 5 children, and they were all completely trained by their 2nd birthdays. I did have two kids who were "scared of the potty" when I started and there just was no other option besides making them face their fears and sit on it. It took about a week and they were over their fears.

Here's how I do it:

First, and I think this is the most important thing, once you decided to start with big girl panties, she should be in big girl panties. There should be no going back to diapers - the only exception to this would be bed time. Sometimes it takes longer to train their little bodies to hold it that long at a stretch. If you give up and put her in a diaper every time she has an accident, she will learn that if she doesn't want to use the potty or wants to be the baby or wants to be lazy, whatever the case, she can just go in her pants and you'll put her in a diaper. Once she's in big girl pants, there should be no turning back as it can raelly confuse the kids or they can use it to manipulate.

Second, only allow liquids at meal times and snack times, and don't let them walk around with a sippy cup all day. Cut off all liquids at 7pm. I promise you, she isn't going to dehydrate and die and if you don't let her slurp on a sippy cup all day and night and she definitely doesn't need one at bed. If she fights for one, it's a habit, and it needs to be broken if you are going to be successful at this.

Third, I have potty charts and every time a child goes, they get to pick a sticker to put on the chart. Once their chart is full they get to pick a prize out of the basket - usually a car or bubbles. Now, if they go in their pants and then sit on the potty, they don't get a sticker - it's only when they go in the potty.

The most important step is consistancy. You are going to have messes and accidents and the important thing is not to give up. I start out with the kids putting them on the potty every 15 minutes - that's right, every 15 minutes all day long. It makes it hard to do anything all day but potty train, and it is tedious but it works. Then, once we are going in the potty most of those 15 minute times then I stretch it out to 20 minutes, then 30 and then once an hour. Eventually they started telling me when they had to go and I didn't have to make them go all the time. I also have everyone try to go after lunch, before snack and then again as soon as they get up from nap.

Lastly, I know there are lots of great books and things out there for potty training but honestly, I have found that they are distracting to the kids. If I take a magazine into the rest room with me, I am inevitably in there longer reading than I need to be to do my business. So, I don't allow any toys or books in the bathroom. That way they learn that they are in there for one reason, and one reason only. And they want to get done so they can go and resume playing or reading or whatever we are doing at the time.

Wow, didn't realize there was so much to it until I sat down and typed it out! lol Hope something in that book helps ya! Just remember, get started and be consistant and dont look back. She will probably fight you at first because you will be changing the rules but I promise you in a few weeks it will be all over and you will be so glad you did! HTH K.

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K.P.

answers from Davenport on

I know it's tough but what worked for us with our boys was ditching the diapers and pull-ups and they only wore big boy pants. We made a big show of "No more diapers" Man did I have tons of daily laundry for a while. Consistancy worked though and after about a week they did not like what they felt when they had an accident and started telling me. Rewards and sitting them on the potty first thing in the morning, after meals and right before bed helped too. Oh, and get a protective sheet for her bed! Good luck and I hope this helps!

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D.C.

answers from Iowa City on

It may be a matter of just waiting for her. Or it may be a medical issue. Our daughter is 4 1/2 and is still having accidents. Come to find out, she has a UTI. The doctor said that sometimes constipation and/or UTIs can effect the way a child potty trains. If you have noticed any fevers or her unwillingness to use the potty, it may be due to a hidden infection. Those UTIs are sneaky!

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A.B.

answers from Fargo on

I started potty training my now 4 year old when she was around 2 years old. We started with the pull-ups and she did really well, then we regressed for a while because of a new baby and then she was staying dry most of the day. Around 2 1/2 she started just going in the pull-up instead of the potty. I was frustrated and done with buying pull-ups so I told her she no longer got pull-ups except at bedtime and we've only had a handful of accidents since. You need to be consistant with what you choose to use (pull-ups vs real underwear) and go with it. They'll learn. With my 2nd we're starting with pull-ups to make sure she's really ready and when the time is right, we'll switch to underwear and she will not get pull-ups except to bed.

Good luck!

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B.K.

answers from Cedar Rapids on

The frustration is huge, I know, but they learn on their time! I have 3 kids and one learned by age 3 and the other just decided it was finally time. (He is 4-1/2) I kept hearing from mother in law that it was our fault he was not potty trained, but anything we did, did not help him train any faster. I truly believe that as long as you teach them the necessities of going to the potty, that they will eventually get it.

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J.H.

answers from Boise on

Our daughter will be 3 on November 9. She just got potty trained starting in July. You really have to wait for them to be ready or they will regress. She still has issues with pooping on the potty sometimes but for the most part, she has it down. We tried several times before July and she wasn't ready. When she decided she was ready, it was very easy. I would suggest buying her potty books and movies but not pushin her to hard. Have you tried a star chart and rewards? Is she in pullups?

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A.W.

answers from Pocatello on

Kim,

You have a bunch of responses and I thought one more might help. With my daughter she was 2 when we first started on it and we worked on it for 10 months, before it stuck. We found that what finally worked was we would call grandma and/or nana, and/or aunts or uncles and tell them the good news about her being a big girl and going potty. We would also call daddy at work and tell him. We tried several things first like stickers, icecream, candy, riding bikes, just about anything and I found this worked best, because praise is always the way to go with my daughter!! You know yours best. If she likes to be a "big" girl, then every time she does something "big" make sure you tell her and anyone else that you can think of. With mine it was all about everyone being proud of her being a big girl!!

Good Luck!!
A.

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J.M.

answers from Des Moines on

Our daughter will also be 3 in November and right now what seems to be working well is letting her be pantsless. we also leave the little potty chair out in the middle of the room and she'll come running over, "i need to potty" and go.

A few times she wanted to wear underwear but then we have to get in the car or it's nap time, and she just hasn't mastered that part yet.

If she's not interested right now she may be working on another skill and she'll come back to it. When Lillie would do that, we just say "your potty is there when your ready because big girls like dry pants."

Today she went 4 or 5 times all in the potty. she also like to dump the potty.

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S.S.

answers from Omaha on

I would suggest just keep doing what you are doing. They won't train until they are ready. I have a son, but we would put him on the pot first thing when we got up and put him in big boy pants and tell him not to pee on pooh or whomever the character was-made more of a game of it. I do know the pediatricians say not to stress, it will happen.

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J.R.

answers from Omaha on

One thing that I found worked: get some colored marbles or stickers, and for each time she tells you she has to potty (and then does like a big girl) you reward her with a sticker/marble, and then after she gets some many she gets a prize (like she needs to get 10); like popcorn party, picnic at park, or other small incentives. We did this with my niece and she loved it and then she wanted to go potty!

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S.M.

answers from Omaha on

Kim,
We had luck training my little girl by having her run around naked. I didn't let her wear any pants when we were at home. She did have a couple of accidents, but it didn't take many before she realized that she didn't like the feel of potty running down her leg and having to get cleaned up. She eventually just went to the potty chair on her own so she didn't have an accident, or she would ask for a diaper. When she asked for a diaper I knew that she had to go! Then I would take her to the bathroom and I just told her that she was a big girl and that a diaper wasn't an option any more. I also rewarded her with a treat that she got to pick from a bag. ( I know that some people say that you shouldn't reward your kids with candy, but it worked for us!) She got to pick a treat and got a stamp on her hand. We also read lots of potty books and videos from the library. Just remember, if things aren't going well, back off for awhile. Some kids need more time before they are really ready. In fact, I think that the longer you wait to start potty training the quicker kids catch on, and it makes the whole task easier for everyone! Have patience and it will happen...I haven't met anyone who isn't potty trained by the time they go to kindergarten! :)

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D.V.

answers from Des Moines on

My daughter is 3 1/2, and just this week she "got it". She also would sit on the potty, with no results. I had to keep backing off and would wait a while to try again -- my frustration was coming through, and I knew we were getting nowhere. I finally bought training pants, let her know that she'd need to learn before starting preschool at the end of summer, and found a week we'd be mostly at home. In one day even though she sat on the potty at least once an hour, we went through 4 pairs of training pants and 4 pairs of "big girl" underwear, but didn't get upset when they got wet, just explained that she could do it if she kept trying, just like when she learned how to do other things (riding her bike for example). By the end of the day she was making the connection, and one week later got through the whole day with no accidents! For us, the combination of her readiness to try and the right incentive (preschool and friends!)combined with my patience and positive encouragement -- "you're such a smart girl, I know you can learn to do this!" -- as well as "bragging" conversations with friends & family -- "guess what she did today!" -- finally made it all happen.....take some deep breaths, it will happen eventually!

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D.W.

answers from Omaha on

Kim,
I'm going through the same thing with my Son, he turns 3 Friday.I've talked to my health professionals and they say paitence and encouragement is essential. I did go to the store and get bear in the big blue house potting training video my son shows alot of interest in this. Hope this might help you.I agree with you it is very frustrating. Deb W I'm 42 happily married for 23 years in Oct. and have 1 son 3 years old

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A.P.

answers from Omaha on

What fun, potty training is every parents nightmare! I have 4 kids 2 that are potty trained and 2 still in diapers. And the only advise that I can give you is give up diapers completely. With both of mine that is what I had to do. I just had them wear underwear all day long even if that meant I was changing them 50 times a day. In about 3 days they start to really get what is going on and that it's not so great having wet pants. Also don't even do pullups unless it is nap or bed time. This helped me out a lot also. To help my kids like the potty we let them pick out some stickers and they decorated the potty chair. This kinda made it something that was all his. I also would reward him with m&m's. He got 2 for trying and more for really going and so on. When she is ready it will all just come together. Good luck and have fun!!!!!!!!!

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