Potty Training - How to Train HIM Instead of ME

Sounds totally normal. This is why so many people think you can't start training at two (or even before) because they're not "ready" (meaning they can't always tell you when they need to go) but it really is a matter of you taking him often and watching for his cues. He will eventually know when he needs to go on his own, it just takes some time.
And, hey, it beats changing diapers, right?
My MIL also trained 8 kids by two, back in the 1950's/60's. When you are literally boiling diapers clean every day it's amazing how motivated you can be lol!

This is going to make me sound like a backwoods hillbilly but let him pee outside. He can work on aim and flow without the mess and plus, its fun for little boys (no matter what age they are ;))

Once he gets the hang of it and if he likes doing that, tell him if he pees in the potty then he can pee outside next time.

It's your initiating because he's not yet ready to totally potty train. And that's okay. He is still young (boys often potty train closer to 3...)

Just continue doing what you are doing and don't worry about what the doctor said about him being advanced in other ways. That doesn't always translate to potty training early.

If you push, you could end up causing him to regress rather than PROgress. Pottying is something that you cannot control. Let him control it at his own pace so that he can feel happy about his efforts. If he has an accident, don't make a big deal about it. He will eventually do this on his own, and that is ALL that matters.

Dawn

Well since you specifically asked in your post how to train him instead of you I'm going to tell you to wait until he's 3. It will be much faster, easier and calmer for you. Can he do it now...probably, but it really will be more about you staying on top of it than him recognizing the cues. Yes, even at 3 you will have to do that for the first couple days, but trust me it will be MUCH easier. I just trained my 3 y/o and I was so afraid it would be a nightmare, but in reality it took him 3 days and he was totally trained. We have only had a handful of accidents after that and we haven't one in probably more than a month.

I find it possible that your mom and MIL may have skewed memories about exactly when their boys were trained. And it's possible they were trained that young, but it was a different time and cloth diapers were not as nice as they are now. Plus it seems to be one of the mothers' jobs to tell us how easy it was when they did it, even though it probably wasn't! ;)

Normal, normal, normal. It may be another year or more before he feels the urge to urinate in time, every time; please be aware that you simply cannot teach him how to feel that. Only time, maturity and experience can teach him that -- you cannot control his body. Parents really want to get through this stage fast but it can take a very long time for him to learn this feeling and act on it in time.

I'm sorry that mom and MIL have said their kids were trained by two. Frankly I would bet that the moms thought of their kids as trained when there were still accidents the moms have forgotten! Many boys tend to train a little later and his body has not caught up with his brain -- the fact he is "advanced" in language etc. has nothing at all to do with his ability to listen to his body's cues, so don't feel that he "should be able to do it" because he's smart; he can't because his body, not his mind, rules this process. He may have the best intentions in the world and really want to please you by getting to the toilet on time but that does not mean his body can do it.

It sounds like you would like him to train ASAP so it'll be easier on you but I'd prepare for a long time yet before he is fully trained. I would probably not go backward and forget the toilet, but yes, you need to keep taking him for a long time to come. It is not a negative reflection on your ability to train him or on his ability to learn.

There is a mental connection that has to be made for him to know he is "about" to pee. The only way for that connection to happen is for him to notice the sensation and then the immediate feeling of wetness that happens after it. To facilitate that process, I switched to cheaper diapers. Have you ever noticed that the "good" diapers can hold a LOT of urine before they even feel wet? Yeah... well the cheap cheap diapers don't do that. They feel wet right away. They catch the urine, but they feel wet inside. And your son will notice it and start to make that connection.

I would try that for a package of cheap diapers worth of time and then make the switch to the thick "training pants".

My son was trained at your son's age. My daughter was trained at age 2. And I am not a grandma or the "older generation" that remembers everything being roses and all kids potty trained by 18 months. There were plenty of people saying "not until they are ready at age 3 or later" when mine were trained. But mine were ready enough and they did it without problems. My oldest is 14 years now. Youngest is 11.

Good luck and buy some cheap diapers and/or training pants.

When he is ready, he will do it. I think you are on the right track. Keep reminding him.

First, forget what your mom and MIL say about their successes. Each child is different.

If you son does not have a sense of the bodily cues and signals, you will be keeping track of time until it happens. This is one of the most fundamental pieces of the 'potty training' puzzle, and believe me, you can't *make* this happen any sooner. It's more to do with their physical development (feeling the urge to go, and then being able to have that feeling *in advance*, to cognitively understand "I need to go" in an anticipatory way, getting to the toilet in time, etc.).

So, you have a couple choices: you can keep on as you are, giving support (because yes, this IS in one part US being 'trained' to get our kid to the toilet in time) OR you can wait.

One somewhat puzzling thing for me is this question: why do you have your son still in diapers if you are wanting to potty train him? The ideal experience is for him to be in training underwear, to wet, and to actually feel the wet on his body. THIS experience is what is informative, and if he's having a diaper catch the pee, there is little impetus for him to want to pay attention to this stuff, to want to learn his body's cues. Why? Because, ultimately, the 'reward' for using the toilet in time is *staying dry*. If you are letting him feel like he's 'dry' instead of having him experience the inconvenience of being wet, I can tell you this will take longer.

So: if you are really ready to dig your heels in and *really* potty train, take that diaper off when you are home. As a nanny and a mom, when I first started with potty training kids, I had them in underwear at home/in the neighborhood and in diapers on outing. They need to know and feel the difference between diapers and underwear. I avoided pull-ups like the plague (too many problems with them-- kids can't truly get 'wet' from accidents, they are like glorified magic underwear because they go on/off like undies but absorb like a diaper, etc.).

For what it's worth, after helping LOADS of kids with potty training over the many years I've worked with little ones, when it came to my own son, I didn't start until he was three, and saw ZERO interest. At three years, four months, I simply told him "well, cloth diapers or cloth underwear, take your pick. No more paper diapers." M., after this, we had about a small handful of accidents and he's been largely successful; he was staying dry all night after two months in underpants during the day. All that to say, despite everyone else's success stories, if you feel like YOU are driving this train and your son isn't interested, it's okay to wait a while. And when you resume, take those diapers/;pull-ups and put them away during daytime/at home hours. Once he really learns his bodily cues and puts together "bodily cues=have to go= must go OR wet pants", he's likely going to sail ahead. But if he's not getting that most important signal from his own body, and not feeling the natural consequence of not using the toilet-- if these two things aren't in place, YOU will continue to be doing the 'training'.

(Sorry-- in short, they aren't ready until they're ready.)
For fun:http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/8907917772613353473

There is a signal that goes from the brain to the bladder, for many kids that signal isn't mature enough until the age of 3, other kids its ready around the age of 2.

If your serious, ditch the diaper and have a carpet cleaner handy. I have always found the best way for a child to recognize the before/after/end feeling is for them to feel it fully. A diaper catches it, a diaper is safe, a diaper is their best buddy.

All of mine were trained just after their second birthday this way, well the oldest was 3 but hehas some learning disabilities and the youngest was 2.5. She could be potty trained only she liked to pee in or on everything but the potty...the puppies, a cup, a plunger laying around...you name it she'd pee in it lol

Next....stop listening to the older generation. Everyones kid was potty trained before they could walk, at least that's what they remember anyways ;-)

I would tell the grands that each kid is different, please don't compare your son to theirs. My DD is very smart, but not physically advanced and did not train til 3.5. At her 3 yr checkup the dr expressed no concern about her not being trained, so don't fret 2.5. There's a wide range of normal. We tried a few times before that and it just didn't happen.

One thing I did start doing is finding a natural pattern vs setting a timer b/c I was always wrong. When she got up, when we go out, when she eats lunch or before she goes to bed...usual times that you or I might need to use the restroom vs every 30 minutes. You might keep mental note if the times he says "Me peed" are routine and place him on the potty around that time. I think you are off to a good start and it might just take more time. When I really dove in with both feet, I got some Nature's Miracle and a bunch of underpants and did a lot of laundry....but she did get the idea better than I think she would have if we tried pull ups only. We still use pull ups at night.

He may be a little too young to do it. All of my kids were advanced as well, but they all trained at different times. My daughter was 2.5, oldest son was 3.5, and baby son was 3. It happens, but not until they are ready. My niece was well over 3 and I firmly believe it's because they pushed her so badly to do it so young.

We let our kids run around the house naked, set up the kiddie potty in the living room, gave them peanut m&m's, and tons of water. We made them try every 15 minutes. It takes only a few days, but that is ONLY if they are ready.

Also, if you are potty training him, get rid of the diapers. Of course he will use those, he's only ever known those. So get him some big boy underwear and that might help. But like the others, I really think he is a bit young.

He is still a little young, IMO. I didn't even think about it until my kids were 3. I didn't want a long, drawn out training process, so I just waited until they were ready for sure. Then it was easy and done very quickly. My cousin started teaching her kids very young (just 2) and she basically potty-trained for a year. No thanks.

After we started and I knew they were getting the hang of it, and knew how it worked, I had them help me clean up the mess they made in their underware. Take the poo-pants off and put the poo in the toilet where it belongs. A lot of talk about how if they told me before they went in their pants, we wouldn't have to clean up the mess and the poo would just go in the toilet where it belonged. They didn't like this and were more motivated to tell me before hand. Lots of positive reinforcement the moment they did, and how easy it was and how there was no mess to clean up! This worked great for my kids.

Ditto Mamazita. You ARE training him, by taking him consistently until he "gets" it. That's how it works.

I have potty trained my 8 kids and 1 grandchild and you can NOT do it with a diaper or pull up on a child. They will go in it as a 'crutch' and they need to know that is not there to depend on. Probably where the name for 'depends' for the elderly came from. You know it's there so why bother to rush to the potty. Take it off and buy him some big boy underwear and if you want let him pick it out. Then start from scratch by telling him he is going to wear these and set a timer and take him every 30 min., or less if needed, and if he goes praise him. If not just clean it up and start over if he has a accident. He'll catch on very fast. Kids can hold the bowels very well and they can hold the bladder usually well by this age. It does depend on the child though and I found 2 years 8 months to be about the 'perfect age' for most of my kids. You might wait a few months until he's about that age and start from scratch. Don't stop and start though because then you've 'lost' a battle. I think if you get the underwear though it will be a new beginning. No diaper and NO pull up.

You're trained to change diapers, right? So for now, you get to parent him through the transition to full toileting independence. Every flush is one less diaper to change!

Keep doing what you are doing and he will get it. He will when he is ready.

An important developmental step for every child is potty training. Most children begin using the toilet as toddlers, usually between 18 months and 3 years old. (Note: It usually takes a little longer to potty train boys than girls. Boys, on average, can be successfully potty trained in 12 weeks. Girls, on average, can be successfully potty trained in 10 weeks.)

Signs that your child may be ready to start potty training include:

Staying dry for at least two hours at a time.
Having regular bowel movements.
Being able to follow instructions.
Being uncomfortable with dirty diapers and asking for them to be changed.
Asking to use the potty or saying that they need to urinate or have a bowel movement.
Showing interest in the toilet and/or wearing “big kid” underpants.
When you begin potty training:

Dress your child appropriately for potty training. Garments with elasticized waists, Velcro, and snaps are usually easy for your child to take off and put on.
Choose a potty seat that your child can easily use on their own.
Your child may want to personalize... http://tinyurl.com/ybyxqhu

W didn't even have a bathroom in the 2 year old classroom. Lots of times people don't even start until the kiddo's are 3 so he's ahead as far as I am concerned.

BTW, it's very hard to do this during cold weather. I am not sure why it's so much harder but it really is. Keep doing what you're doing but wait until it is much warmer in the spring and I bet you'll see a lot more progress. He'll be older and it will be warmer.

Making the switch to real underwear is what did it for us with my older daughter. Getting ready to start the process with the little one... :) Round 2, here I come! :)

With my son, I set a kitchen timer. Every time it dinged, he knew it was time to go potty. At first, I set it for 20 minutes, and gradually extended the time. That taught him to go with intention instead of just peeing a few random drops in his diaper. By the time it was set 40 minutes apart, he would tell me if he had to go in between. It took about 2 weeks. Good luck. This can be a very frustrating experience, but eventually he will get it!

I would definitely make the switch to underwear so he can feel wet. I don't remember exactly how much time it took for my kids - seemed like FOREVER! I really hated potty training.

But, it'll happen. Just keep doing what you are doing, slowly transitioning from taking him, etc. to telling him it's time to go and for him to let you know if he needs help. Good luck!

Perfectly normal for a 2 year old. In fact, even kids that tell you before they pee, have accidents at 2 and 3. It's a very distracted age.

In any case, just keep on taking him to the toilet and he will get it. You can either encourage him to use the potty or you could stop mentioning it at all and just let accidents do the teaching.

He is more than ready. The rest of the world trains by 2, with an understanding that kids have accidents due to the distracted nature of their age.