Potty Training.... I GIVE UP!!!!!

He's not ready - and with a baby due in a month, he might regress.

Having two is diapers is not that bad. Just wait a bit and try again.

He's not ready. You might be but, clearly, he is uninterested.
Back off for 2 months. Make him *think* it's his idea!
Good luck!

Potty training is when the child is ready, not when the parents are ready for the child to be ready.

Those are your goals mama...not his. He can probably sense your desperation! Put him right back into diapers and let him come to you when he is ready. He would probably regress anyways when the baby got here! lol
Since you say he is a smart boy and I have two smart boys as well. I just told my son, about the same age as your son is now, that I was going to put him back in diapers and when he was ready to come and let me know. A week or two before he turned three he told me that his diapers felt tight. I said, "oh son, I am sorry. Those are the biggest diapers they make! (total lie) If you want we can put on underwear or you can keep wearing the tight diapers." About an hour later he told me he wanted underwear. He had three accidents in three days and then he figured it out and we haven't had an accident since (day OR night) It worked out well and was TOTALLY not stressful.
L.

I am sorry but you need to let it go. Kids will only learn when they are ready. One month after my son's third birthday and voila he was trained. One day he just decided he loved the idea of wearing big boy pants and he was hooked. The same with my daughter. it is so much easier when they tell you they're ready.... Relax and encourage him to use the potty and praise him but do not force him. Sorry Mama you are not going to win this battle

It sounds like YOU are doing everything right. But at only 2.5 years, HE just doesn't seem ready. That is okay. You can't force him. Try again when he turns 3. It is not that hard having two kids in diapers. I did it once, those kids were 17 months apart. I will be doing it again soon. These two will be about 29 months apart. She is just not ready, she goes in the potty a lot. But I can't force her to be fully potty trained just because we are having another baby.

To give you an idea.. Our daughter walked unassisted at 6 months. She could speak in full sentences at 1 year old.

She was always way ahead of things development wise.. But she was NOT interested in potty training until she was almost 4. Not for the lack of my trying.. She was just not ready..

She was in day care and seeing all of the little potties lined up in a row and kids going to the potty on their own.. did not phase her. But one day she came home and told me she saw a child reading a book while going to the potty and asked if that was ok.. I told her yes, of course.. So slowly worked up to it.. I guess she mulled it over and became more clear to her what was going on with her body.

She potty trained in just a few days. Very few accidents.

Your child will let you know when he is ready.. meaning when he understands what it feels like and how to have body control.

Just back off, watch for his readiness. Makes a huge difference.

It ain't gonna happen.
These 'goals' are yours. Not his... nor is he ready.
Boys OFTEN train later.
It is about their body's biological development/bladder & brain connections and nerve connections etc.
Then, 'night time dryness' is a WHOLE OTHER realm.
Night time 'dryness' does NOT even occur, until even 7 years old, and this is NORMAL.
Daytime pottying and night time dryness are 2 separate, things.
At naps and bedtime, the child will still wear a diaper. And this is normal.
Just get a waterproof bed pad, (I got mine from Amazon), to put under him to make leaks easier to clean up. I have 4 that I rotate as needed.
My son is 5 and still in night time diapers. Because he is still wet at night and naps. My daughter was 5 and still in night time diapers too.
My daughter even at 7 years old, had night time accidents. Normal.

Your son, has to be ready.
It is not about how intelligent the child is. It is about their biological maturity of their organs.
Forcing it or pressuring them or what not, will not work.
And, it can take time. Lots of time.
Then the baby will arrive, and your son will NEED, more attention and may even regress. Which is common.

And keep in mind, that EVEN if a child is potty trained, they WILL still have accidents and they still will need to wear diapers at night and for naps. The child will NOT get 'confused' about it. For me, I simply explained to my kids, that their body is not ready to be dry at night, yet.

ALL of my daughter's Preschool/Kindergarten and 1st Grade Teachers, ALL said unanimously... that kids these ages, have accidents. It is childhood. They have accidents. They are not yet rocket-scientists about their body.

*Adding this: SOME kids, when pottying before they are ready, will get CONSTIPATED... and actually NOT poop, at all. This then is a MEDICAL problem, of which constipation is very bad and can even develop 'Encopresis.' I know, because although we did not force or pressure my daughter about pottying, she got constipated and did not want to poop... because of the stress and anxiety of just THINKING about it. We had to take her to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. And HE said, just let the child go at their own rate and poop in a diaper if they need to. BECAUSE once they start to "withhold" their poop, ON purpose, it can take MONTHS for the constipation to normalize and for the child to get over the psychological fear of it.

Yup. Your goal-setting is what is wrong. You apparently forgot to check to see whether your son was ready. "Understanding the concept" and expecting him to use that knowledge in an adult way is like knowing a kid has seen how other people swim and throwing him into the water. That's not how something as complex at toileting happens.

Readiness occurs on many levels. It's not only physical and neurological (complex in themselves), it's also strongly emotional. Your full-bore push may have had the unintended consequence of keeping your son's focus on you and your goals rather than giving him a more relaxed and natural chance to determine that he'd like to have that goal for himself.

And kids DO decide they want to use the potty. When they are ready, toileting is just as natural for them as learning to walk and talk. They go after that achievement with as much determination as learning to run. (And like other skills, they may have to overcome numerous accidents as they perfect their techniques.)

Your son is still young – some kids (especially boys) are not really ready on all fronts until they are three or older. If I were in your position, I'd back off completely, tell my son I'm incredibly proud of him and assure him that he WILL want to learn to use the potty someday soon. I'd keep up gentle, un-pressured positive messages about the advantages of using the toilet. I'd be careful to keep those messages down to one a week, maximum, and if he expresses resistance, even less than that. Give him time to get over his early failures and your early frustrations and disappointments.

On this previous mamapedia post, there are no fewer than 7 moms telling how successful this approach was for them: http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/6651391040949452801#re...

Here's another informative website you might find helpful. It gives a few variations on"readiness" checklists, plus tips on various training strategies, the best ages to start them, and the advantages and disadvantages of each approach: http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html

The only thing you are doing wrong is forcing a naturally occuring event to happen. Potty training cannot be forced. His body is not ready for it. It is not about him understanding the concept--it is physiological. Trying to force it, especially with a new baby coming in a few weeks, will be disasterous. Even if you do experience some success, he will most likely regress when the new baby comes.

It it ok for you to set goals for yourself and for things that you CAN control, but this is not something we parents can control, so it is unfair for him to drive him to your goal. I know how you feel, though. I have 2 in diapers right now, and my 2 yr old is just starting to express interest in the potty. I look forward to the day that he is diaper-free, but I also know that forcing it will only cause frustration for everyone in the home.

I guess I don't really understand the concept of letting kids decide if and when they're going to master basic, necessary skills. In my view, potty training is one of those skills, and your son IS old enough. Before disposable diapers, all kids were routinely potty trained before 2 years of age, some MUCH younger. When I decided it was time for my kids to be potty trained, we got rid of the pull-ups and diapers. Yeah, they cried about it and let me know they didn't like it, but pretty quickly they got used to the new world order. The hardest part was that *I* had to be ready for it. Potty training is exhausting even if you're not 8 months pregnant! Pretty much, you have to take him to the potty every 20 minutes ALL DAY FOR DAYS ON END. Set a kitchen timer and when it goes off, say, "Okay! Time to sit on the potty again!" He won't like it, because it's much easier to just poop in the diaper that's on him, but in my view, making a child poop on themselves when they're past the age of 2 indicates to the child that you just don't think they're capable of figuring it out, and they ARE capable! They're 2, so they will fight everything, but seriously, can you imagine changing a 3 year old's diapers? Those are going to be man-sized poops! Get it over with now. Just take him every 20 minutes until he figures it out. Get rid of the diapers. If they aren't there, he can't use them. Period, end of story. (Yeah, I'm a mean mommy, but hey, my kids were potty trained before they were 2, right? ;)

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Yes. He isn't ready. It doesn't matter how intelligent he is - if he isn't ready then he isn't ready. Boys do usually train later. You can either continue to fight it or you can accept that you have an unattainable goal and move on with life. My son didn't begin to use the potty until right before he turned 3 but by 3.5 he was totally trained including nights. He is 5.5 now and we have NEVER had an accident since he was 3 years and 4 months old.

I would leave the potty chairs out but not force the issue. He might decide when the baby comes and he sees you changing the baby that he is a "big boy" and doesn't want to wear diapers anymore. He may decide that he gets some undivided attention when you change his diapers and he does want to wear diapers. If it were me though, I would back off and try again after he turns 3 if he doesn't initiate himself.

Congratulations on #2! C.

You're going to get alot of the same answers here but like the others said he's just not ready. It has nothing to do with how smart he is. The more you push the more of a struggle its going to be. Relax and back off from the "hard core" training for the time being. Keep the idea/concept of going potty in his brain.... i.e. read potty books, have him watch you or other children use the potty, talk about it, etc. I understand that having two in diapers may be costly (and inconvienent) at times - I have twins! - but it will be temporary. Target brand diapers are GREAT and very inexpensive. I know its frustrating to potty train because I'm going through it with my kids. But I promise you it WILL happen! In a perfect world it would happen when YOU wanted, but unfortunately its going to happen when the child is ready, not you. Best wishes and hang in there!!!! :)

Hi,

I ditto everything everyone else said, but also wanted to offer this.... LOTS of time the really intelligent ones do stuff "later" because they are the ones that figure out early on that it's something they can control. And they want the independence! That's actually a good sign, but will mean you have to manage him differently than you would a 'compliant' kid. Know this, so that you can make your goals accordingly. You'll have MANY struggles after the new baby is born if you try to get HIM to adapt. He'll do this with tying his shoes, learning his address and phone #s for k-garten and pretty much anything YOU want him to do that he figures out he can control.

Again - just remember that this is actually a GOOD thing!

Now is the time to start GIVING him control over pieces of his life that he can control - it will make it MUCH easier for you with 2.

Just a side note..... I never felt like "I" potty trained my daughter. Just like I didn't make her walk or talk. These are PHYSICAL milestones. I just held out my arms, encouraged her, clapped when she took a step or said a word and hugged her when tried but didn't do it right or fell down. Potty training is actually EASIER for them, because there is a mental component as well. My daughter trained in about 2 days. Not because of anything I did - just because I waited until SHE wanted to do it (which, incidentally, had EVERYTHING to do with Gabby's princess undie pants - a girl at her daycare). So, find something he wants and let him learn about goal orientation.... his way!

My son will be three next week and it was just the Sunday before last that he told me very matter of factly "No more diapers Mommy". Monday - Wednesday of last week, he had an accident each day at daycare, but we have been accident free since last Thursday :) He has napped on the weekend in his BBUW (big boy underwear-pretty sure I wiped out Wal-Mart of every pack of BBUW they had in his size once he said no more diapers), but we are still putting him in a pull-up at night, as I had just bought a pack, so I've told him once they were gone, we would try BBUW at night. Every morning, he takes his diaper off, goes to the potty and picks out his BBUW for the day! He is my only child, but from experience from the last year of trying to get him out diapers, he didn't do it until he was ready. There's hope Momma, I think he'll tell you when he is ready:)

Neither of my boys were trained until they were almost 4. They COULD do it, they just wouldn't, it didn't matter what I did. Then one day, bam, they were ready and wearing their big boy underwear with only a few accidents every now and then.

I've been in your shoes, trying for over a year on and off to train my daughter. Finally, I gave up and told her the decision was hers, she could do it when she was ready. At almost 3.5, she decided she didn't like Pull-Ups any more and wanted to only wear undies, and that was it. I think they have to feel like they are in control of it, so make it his "choice". I know it's frustarting when they don't follow our plans, but I learned that I just needed to be patient and let it happen, I couldn't force her to do it no matter how hard I tried!

Mine are 15.5 months apart so both in diapers at the same time and it's not really harder. In a way it's easier. No panicked stops to find a bathroom when you're driving, no having to run home from the park that doesn't have a bathroom etc. I wouldn't rush it. My sister had told me how her friend did and then it was a constant emergency of "I have to go potty now!!" So I let my oldest totally take her time. Geez - I think she was over 4 when she was completely out of pull-ups. My youngest was way quicker. Either her personality or she saw big sister so she copied. But until they really have good control and some maturity, I think diapers are easier than constant emergencies...

If he's aware enough to ask you for a pull up then he knows what he should be doing. However boys do train later, closer to 3y.

He could also be sensing your stress over your approaching deadline. Part of him may still want to be in diapers so that the new baby doesn't get all of the attention.

My suggestion isn't to go back to diapers, but don't rush the pull-ups. The less stress you put on him about it, the more interested he will be.

Some things that helped my son. We had tried around 2y, stopped, then tried again at almost 3y.
1. Moved the potty to the open laundry room instead of the dark bathroom
2. Each time he messed, I would make him take a shower, and change his clothes in the bathroom.
3. His friends at school that were trained got to move up to the bigger kids room at daycare. He could move too once he wasn't messing his pants.
4. This helped my daughter - the DVD Potty Power.

Every person who went through this eventually backed off, and their kids just got it one day. The longer and harder they pushed, the more the parents regretted it later because it just stressed everyone out, and didn't seem to make a difference. When they do decide they are ready, it is like magic. Very few accidents, and no stress.

I have been traing for too long. She is a smart cookie(my daughter) I began researching poty trianing the older child. 3 almost 4. Something I found was to make it her decision to potty in the potty. If she potties in her pants she cleans it up. If she goes in the toliet she can paint with water collors for 30 mins. but that is the only time she can. This is a reward she gets asap. Hope this helps

the problem is you had a plan and a agenda.. you are not following hte childs lead.

My son was potty trained at 2 years and 10 months in 3 days..

when the child is ready it is easy.. when the child is not ready it is impossible..

I had my kids 18 montsh apart so I had 2 kids in diapers for many months it really is not a big deal. I would rather change a dipaer than spend months potty training.

You're a little mixed up about whose goal it is. You think it's yours (and yes you have to change diapers, I get it. My 2 are 2.5 years apart too). It's his goal. He'll get there when HE'S ready, not when you are. Sorry if I sound harsh. If it's any consolation, we let our older one go at his pace and he was potty trained by shortly after 3.

He's not ready so why don't you put him in the pull ups so he can get them up and down easier when he does choose to go and wait until Spring. He's going to get chilly during the Winter months and have accidents anyway. He will more than likely be ready all the way then.

If you insist on doing it now then try some little candy for going, we did one jelly bean for pee and two for pooh in the potty. My friend did Hershey's kisses instead...heck...I'd go on demand for Hershey's Hugs. We also did M&M's, Brach's candy from Food Pyramid/Albertsons where you buy by the pound, any small candy that he loves and keep it totally separate, he can't have it ANY other time.

With a new baby coming he would likely regress during this time even if he was fully trained. He sees the baby getting a lot of attention during changing time and he subconsciously wants the attention too so he would start having some accidents. It will be better to just wait until at least after New Years but I would give it until the weather starts warming up all the way.

I agree with many of the answers already posted. 2.5 years old is still young for potty-training (especially for a boy). I noticed many of the girls in my son's daycare class were trained earlier than the boys. Since about 2 years old, my son understood the concept and went on the potty a few random times, but really didn't seem interested. All of a sudden, at 3 yrs/1mo he decided and said, "I want to wear underwear." It's been a few weeks and he's doing great, minus a few accidents which is to be expected. Just don't push it- wait until he decides he's ready. We had two in diapers for the past year; no big deal.

The answer is in the title of your question! GIVE UP! It's nice that you have a goal, but it's not your son's goal. He's 2.5 years old and he's just no ready physically/developmentally. His brain isn't getting the "full bladder" or "full colon" signal - it's a bit rare before age 3 anyway. All you are doing is setting the whole family up for disappointment. I doubt he's being oppositional or defiant - and it absolutely has nothing to do with intelligence. He may be asking you for a pull-up but I'm guessing it's not every single time or right away. He just knows he's supposed to be in a pull up. His growth and development are going into all the other things you are having him work on - numbers, shapes, etc.

My son was nearly 4 and we went to both his pediatrician and a pedi urologist. We learned a lot about developmental stages. If you turn this into a battleground or a set-up for frustration, you will make things much harder. Stop for a while, let him know that he will do it when he's ready. See what happens in a few months.

He just might not be ready. My son was 3.5 when he was potty trained. I tried rewards too. Finally, I just put him in under ware and in a week he was trained. He did have a few accidents, but got it quickly.

Your son is only 2.5 years old and regardless of YOUR goal, HE may not be ready. Pushing will only make things worse. Take a deep breath and accept the fact that the diaper crossover may happen. But you may be able to work with him and ease the transition. I think the only thing you're doing "wrong" is expecting things to happen the way you want them to ; )

I was intimidated by potty training so I felt very blessed when my son and I were trained at his daycare. They had me switch to pull-ups during the day and diapers at night. Pull-ups were to help my son practice and get used to pulling his pants up/down. Once he got that down and seemed ready, then we switched to underwear during the day and nighttime pullups. There were accidents, but he was pretty much fully day trained by 3.5 years old or earlier.

If there is a part time daycare you could use when your baby is born, and if they help with potty training, maybe that would help you, plus give you baby-time alone. Good luck!