Potty Training in Public

Updated on July 27, 2008
M.L. asks from Tucson, AZ
25 answers

My daughter is almost 3 years old and is doing really well with potty training. At least, she is at home. She is absolutely terrified of public toilets. I can kind of understand her apprehension. Public toilets are generally much bigger than our toilets at home and she doesn't think she can hold herself and will fall in. I've tried telling her I will hold her up to make sure she doesn't fall but she still refuses. Also, the flushes are really loud and hearing toilets flush when she's not expecting it really makes her jump. I don't know what to do about it. She doesn't want to wear training pants when we go out of the house because she says she's a big girl but she refuses to use a toilet in a public restroom. I don't really like the idea of making her use training pants either because it's sending a message that it's ok to just go in your pants when we're not at home. Any suggestions? I'm tired of planning my errands around potty time!!

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K.B.

answers from Tucson on

I had my daughters sit on the toilet backwards so that they could hold on. It means totalling undressing them from the waist down but they felt that they had more control. I also did not flush until they were outside the stall door. If you have an automated flush toilet then put a piece of toilet paper over the sensor. Good luck

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C.F.

answers from Phoenix on

All of my kids were like this to some degree or another. My daughter especially. The easiest thing to do is carry one of those seats that sit on top of hte big potty to make the hole smaller. I know it is a little inconvenient but it solves the problem. You can put it in a plastic bag and just carry it with you. Good luck.

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J.C.

answers from Phoenix on

We bought a foldable potty seat that we can take with us in a ziploc to the store. My daughter was the same way and this has been the only thing that has made a difference. Last weekend we took it with us to go out of town and she even told me that I didn't need to hold her anymore! Good luck!

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A.V.

answers from Phoenix on

Two options I used

Take along the seat you put on the potty to make the hole smaller (just stick it in a backpack and take it EVERYWHERE... you won't have to do that forever)

Keep a child size potty seat IN YOUR CAR. Take her to it whenever she needs to go. Use the same one in your house (or buy 2 identical ones)And if you line the potty with trash can liners, it won't leak, and the mess won't be in the potty getting well, messy when you drive around.Inconvenient, heck yes, but IT WILL NOT LAST FOREVER.

I did both those things, but am now able to simply "hold her" on the big potty.

As for the flush, you could have her flush it herself if shes willing, or, after making a point to mention that wow, toilets are sometimes loud aren't they) She can chime in with yeah, and you can show how understanding you are.allow her to move as far away as possible and do it She will get over it eventually.

Hang in there!

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S.P.

answers from Las Cruces on

Hello M.,

My daughter was like yours, I bought Dora the Explorer or Sesame street disposable toilet seat covers, it helped a lot, also we got rid of her potty chair, so now she uses only big toilets. In 1 or 2 weeks she was ready. Good luck!

Have a nice day, Sylvia

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M.L.

answers from Phoenix on

our first public success was at olive garden, they had an "Erin sized potty" It was closer to the ground. Keep trying, it'll come. I've also used the toilet liners and called it a princess potty.

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M.C.

answers from Tucson on

Pack one of those portable potty toppers that fit on top of the toilet, you know the little seats. Then she has something that is hers and familiar to use in the public restroom. You might want to find out if she is just flat out embarrassed to go potty when there are others in the same room. My son was mortified and we had to talk him through the fact that each stall is his own private bathroom. I had a sign that I put on a magnet with his name on it. We would put it on the door to remind others that this was his stall while he was there.

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L.E.

answers from Tucson on

Myself and a mommy friend of mine used this same trick when potty training. She drove a minivan type vehicle and I drive a wagon. We both carried a small child's potty in the trunk/back of the car. We kept wipes, t.p., plastic produce bags, and a towel in there also. The towel was mostly used as a screen or over their laps as they sat. There are several brands out there. Make sure the one you choose is high enough, and chair like that they can comfortably sit on it before going out in public. My daughter is 5yrs and is comfortable going on a public potty now, but gets very nervous when they are the auto flush type. She prefers the kind where a person (mommy) flushes while she leaves the stall with her fingers in her ears.

S.D.

answers from Phoenix on

My daughter absolutly hates the public potties to and she is afraid of the flush. We bought her a portable little potty that folds in 4's , plastic , brown and you place it on the toliet seats. We keep it in a plastic zip lock freezer bag and it is like taking her little potty on the go. My daughter is 8 now and we still use it for sanitary issues in public parks where the bathrooms are silver and gross. We love it. You should be able to buy it at baby r us or toys r us or Target.
We just always flushed the toliet for her and I would put my hand in the automatic area to keep it from going off until she was free and clear. It is a pain, but no way around it.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

OMGsh! My daughter had the same exact issue!!! She just recently (within the passed month) has begun to use public toilets. You know, I never really had a concern with her fear of public toilets because: 1. they're gross and I didn't want her sitting on one and touching it everywhere (you know how they hold on for dear life), and 2. I didn't want to push it any further than it already was. Plus, I can remember being afraid of falling in when I was a little girl too, so I could relate to her fear. So, we would leave the house after going potty (or at least trying), with panties on. I packed Pull-Ups in the diaper bag (I still carry one since I have a 1 yo), and whenever she needed to go potty out in public, we would go to the bathroom and I would un-stick the sides and put on a Pull-Up for her to pee and then I'd remove it, and put her panties back on. Sounds like a lot of trouble, but it's actually really easy, and she got to the point where she was pretty good at controlling her bladder and would prefer to just wait until we got home or to a private home (if we were out visiting friends/family). Well, one time we were out in public, she had to go potty, and once we were in the stall, I opened the diaper bag to find it empty of Pull-Ups! She had NO option but to go in the big toilet--and she did! I was so proud of her! She got praise like there was no tomorrow. It made me think that perhaps I should have "run out" of Pull-Ups earlier...

We originally used one of those fold up seats (I got mine from Babies R Us) and my daughter did not like it at all. It never fit quite right and would slip on the toilet seats. It also would bow under her weight (she's an average 3yo in size). She did not feel secure and would hold onto me with dear life. Even I felt nervous about putting her on it, thinking it was just going to bust apart and she'd fall in. The last time we used it she got her finger pinched in-between the two seats. I despised that fold-up seat--it was nothing but a nuisance, and just made her fear even worse.

My daughter doesn't like the loud flushing either and will cover her ears when I flush after she finishes. Kids are too funny...

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B.P.

answers from Tucson on

You could try bringing a little plastic potty in your car, and then take her outside to go in there if she needs to. I know some friends that did this for their daughter and it worked for them until she got a little older and ready for the public potty. My son is also very scared of the flush, I think that is pretty common.

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R.E.

answers from Phoenix on

Babies R Us has these little plastic fold up seats that fit over the toilet seat. They fold up to about the size of a wipes container. May be worth a try until she gets used to going on other toilets!
Good Luck!!

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C.W.

answers from Tucson on

Hi,M.:

We had the same problem with my son. A lot of people recommend you take some post-it's with you to cover the sensor that flushes the toilet when they move. Another thing that worked wonderfully, is a potty seat, I found one that folds and you can put it in a tote bag. Follow this link to find it, or I can sell you mine, my son doesn't use it anymore. http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Folding-Potty-Seats-...

We also took a 3000 mile trip last summer. I took his potty chair with us. I also carried zip-bags, which I used to cover the actual potty. I carried some old newspapers to put in there so it wouldn't be so obvious when I carried the dirty baggy to the trash can. And if he needed to go, we pulled over in a safe place, opened up the potty chair, and he'd go there, but inside the van, so he didn't have to expose himself (he's very shy). We also used it in the city, 'cause for some reason he wanted to go as soon as we got out of the store. Just remember to clean it up right away (that's without a question, of course) but also to put the new bag right away, instead of having to rush when she has to go again.
Good luck, and I hope this helps.
Also, let her get out of the enclosed area before you flush it, that way she won't be so close to the noise.

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C.D.

answers from Phoenix on

You may want to invest in one of those fold up potty seats for public toilets. I don't know if BabiesRUs carries them, but OneStepAhead.com does.

I HATE how loud public toilets are! Always made my babies cry, and I anticipate it scaring my little girl, too, who is getting ready to potty train.

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C.K.

answers from Phoenix on

Here is what I did with my daugher. We would always go in the handicapped bathroom. I would turn her sideways on the potty and have her hold onto the grab bar that is always next to it. I also would put my hand over the "eye" so that the flush would not happen until I removed my hand. This way, she felt secure on the potty, and she knew that the flush wouldn't come until she was as far away as she wanted to be from that potty!
Can you blame her? Those flushes sometimes seem like they are going to suck your kid down! She needs to feel like she has more control of the situation.
BTW - this too shall pass. And you will remember it fondly.

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A.M.

answers from Phoenix on

I have four children and the most helpful thing we've done is keep a potty seat similar or the same as the one we have at home, in the van. I keep a paper grocery bag in the car to place the bowl that they potty in so that I can carry it to a public restroom and clean it. This helps with the transition of going on the BIG potty. Hope this helps..A.

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M.J.

answers from Phoenix on

M., I am having the same problem with my daughter right now. She even screamed terribly to even walk into a public restroom for awhile. She also wet herself in a booster seat at a restaurant. The only way we got over it was to start bringing a portable potty with us. I was so against doing this but it is the only thing that works for her! I got mine at One Step Ahead online. It folds up like a suitcase. My husband and I are super embarrassed to carry it in, but we take it into restaurants and everything so she gets used to being in a stall next to the big potty. Next step will be one of those fold up seats, but until she is ready I am not going to push her. She keeps going through different fears and this week doesn't use the big potty at home either. We will see what happens next week! We just take it one day at a time. Thankfully she was easy to train and holds it well! Oh, also, I called my dr after posting a similar question before. Many people were telling me she could get a bladder infection from holding it too long. My dr said she is likely to wet her pants before that happens.

Just thought I would let you know we had success last night!!! I am so excited I wanted to share! My husband took my daughter to the public restroom last night and took a good amount of time trying to make her comfortable. She has recently been looking up to him and is a Daddy's girl so I think this made the difference. He said he kept reassuring her and first sat on the toilet himself and held her, both dressed. Then he pulled her pants down and had her sit down while holding her hands and reassuring her. it worked!! She even asked to go back to the bathroom with me...I think she likes to show off how she conquered her fears! Oh, and she told me I did the toilet seat cover wrong!! :-)

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R.C.

answers from Phoenix on

M.,
One thing that might help your daughter in public restroom world might be to find a family restroom. That way you are not surrounded my several other stalls with randomly flushing toilets; and you don't have to try to squeeze both of you into the small stalls. I have found that the family restrooms give more privacy like you would find in your home bathroom; and this might help her get used to using unfamiliar toilets without being startled. Most malls, IKEA, and Wal-Marts (in the restroom area near the back of the store) have family restrooms. I'm sure that other store do as well, but these are the ones that I have used since starting to potty train my daughter.

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M.S.

answers from Phoenix on

My daughter was scared of automatic toilets so (along with carrying a potty in the car for emergencies) I would sit (fully clothed) on the back of the toilet and she would sit on the front and I would hold on to her while she went to the bathroom. It made her feel more safe and was the only way she would sit down. After a handful of times, she finally was assured that the automatic toilet was not going to eat her up. : ) Good luck!

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B.W.

answers from Phoenix on

Try to make sure she uses the toilet before you go anywhere. Don't let her tell you she doesn't have to go, tell her to push out what she can. Then if she has to go while you are out, it is time for her to learn to hold it.

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A.B.

answers from Phoenix on

Let her see you go because then you can show her that there is nothing to be scared of. My daughter used to scream and try to run when she heard those loud flushes. We all made a game of it and she just eventually got over her fear. But it took a little bit for her fear to subside...

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R.M.

answers from Phoenix on

Besides the fold up seats that go on top of the regular toilet (which I hear aren't very comfortable for some kids, it cuts into their legs/bottom) there are little portable potties that have fold up legs and use absorbent disposable liners to catch everything. They are small enough you could fit it into a little larger purse or diaper bag or tote bag. I keep mine under the seat of the car. The great thing about them is they can go anywhere, so you don't have to run back to the car and work great at a park with no restroom or camping or out on a boat or wherever! I got mine at Baby Depot, it is called Potty On the Go by Kalencom.

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A.S.

answers from Flagstaff on

When it's time to go out ask her if she has to go to the bathroom before leaving the house. Then while you are out and she has to go to the bathroom, go with her and help her. If she doesn't want to use the public bathrooms tell her she'll just have to wait untill you get home and it could be a long time, eventually she'll use the bathrooms.

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D.N.

answers from Phoenix on

My sister got me a fold up "lid" for toilets that actually sits on top of the toilet so that it's smaller for kids. It is perfect for travel. The company that makes it is called Primo. As for the flushing unexpectedly, I've heard that putting a post it note over the sensor will keep the toilet from flushing and when she is done, you can manually flush. Hope that helps!

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K.J.

answers from Minneapolis on

Try this- http://www.onestepahead.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId...
It is a travel toilet seat cover and it will help her feel more secure. Also, she will know it's "hers" and the comfort level may rise.
Hope that helps!
K.

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