Potty Training Issue

Hi A.,
I like the positive reinforcement suggestions. Last summer, my daughter (3-1/2) and my niece (4) (who spends the summer with us) were have too many accidents. I bought two cute princess necklaces that they had been asking for -- and put them up on the fireplace mantle -- in full view. Then I made a sticker calendar and they got a sticker each day they stayed dry. After 10 stickers, they could have their necklace. They both had just one accident and by the time they got their necklaces, the accidents had disappeared.
Good luck!
L.

Hi A.!

I would suggest trying a great DVD called "Potty Power" which shows kids using the potty, lots of music, interaction, etc. My daughter potty trained in a week, and my son has really responded fast to it too!

It's by Thinkeroo and you can find it on www.amazon.com

Good luck ;)

A.,
When I was trying to potty train my daughter, I got so frustrated because just when I thought she had it under control, she would have an accident. I got this advice from a friend: she suggested that I let her run around the house bottomless for a while. I did and she never once had an accident, she went to the potty when she needed to and all was well from there on. It did take some time though, 1 - 2 weeks if I am remembering it correctly.
Good Luck!
L.

Hi A.. My son will be 4 next month and he also is still in pull ups at night. He started having accidents this summer and we realized it was because he was too busy to stop what he was doing - he thought he could wait a little longer then he would have an accident.

We used had bought tons of toys from the dollar store when he was actively potty training and he would get one at first every time he went, then each day, then week, etc. And, once we knew he could do it, we would take one of them away if he had an accident - he got to choose which one we took and he knew it was coming, it wasn't a struggle. Then, he was fine, no accidents for about 6 months until this summer and we took away his computer priveliges for the rest of the day the first 2 times it happened and it hasn't happened since. I'm sure the books would say that our way was wrong, but it worked.

As for the night time stuff, I agree with one of the other moms, I'm too tired (have a 4 month old too) to change sheets in the middle of the night. We have started a marble jar, however, and every morning he wakes up with a dry pull up on, he gets a marble and when he gets 10 marbles, he will get a reward of his choice. He has been dry a couple of times, but every morning he tells us one way or the other and when he was dry he was very excited to move the marble. We'll see.

Good luck!

It sounds to me like too much negative attention is surrounding her bathroom habits & she's gotten to the point of where she just wants to go and be left alone and use the restroom in a corner.

I think consistant postive attention & rewards would go alot further in reinforcing her toilet training. Perhaps you could make up her own personal calender & buy some stickers that she likes (Barbie, Dora, etc) & reward her with stickers for everytime she makes it to the potty. Tell her if she gets X amount per day & a total of X amount per week at the end of the week she can have a reward (perhaps her favorite dessert or a family bike ride). Be sure to start out with a small amount and work her up to a larger amount of dry-time stickers.

Another suggestion I have would be to not MAKE her sit on the toilet for long periods of time; that isn't working anyway. Ask her to join you when you use the restroom - "Mommy needs to use the restroom why don't you come try also." Bring in a cute book about toilet training & read it to her while it's her turn. Make bathroom time a positive experience - many toilet paper companies sell kids bathroom kits with everything from kid printed toilet paper, books, & hand washing materials. Go through the whole regimen with her, not just the toilet part.

As for the pull-ups, those are just to make your life easier - not hers. If you choose to forgo the pull-ups because you think she uses it as an excuse it's already been proven she'll wet anyway. I say, save yourself the headache put the pull-ups on her & positively re-enforce when they stay dry for various stints. Stickers, stickers, stickers!

I hope this helps or at least brings to mind some other ideas. I wish both you & her the very best.

This sounds oh so familiar! I had the same problem with my 2 year old she is now almost 4. I followed a very similar potty training schedual and it worked on my first 2 kids but for some reason #3 just wasn't having good luck with it. I found out that she needed privacy to go. As much as she wanted me there she was uncomfortable going with anyone in the room. So I stood outside the bathroom until she let me know she was done then we would wipe,flush and wash hands together. Good luck.

I have a daughter who is rather hard headed, and we dealt with this problem. When she got old enough to know better, I would take her into the bathroom with 2 or 3 books and set "Tickety" for 5 minutes. She had to stay on the pot until the timer rang. Then if she went and wet herself, I made her wear it. She couldn't sit on any furniture, and she had to wear it. If she wanted to sit down, she had to sit on a trash bag or on one of her chairs.
Some people will say this is too harsh for a child, but you have to understand my daughter didn't want to go on the potty. When she would poop in her pants, she had to clean them out. At about this age (depending on the child) they can accept some responsibility. And for some children, this is a control issue - sorry!

I agree that it's a negative attention thing. My daughter is very head strong...and instead of going head to head with her and demanding she sit on the toilet, try your best to ignore the situation.

If she has an accident just take care of it...and when she goes potty, tell her how proud you are. This alone will probably work. You can also try the sticker thing others have said or what I did was if she went a whole day with no "accidents" she got a whole 2 hours of Mommy or daddy time. She gets to decide what you do and who does it with her.

She loves this so much that it's worked for a lot of different issues. If she wants both of us, she gets us. Sometimes McDonald's playland, sometimes bike rides, movie at home, movie at a theater-it can't always be the same thing...and a lot of times she opts for going outside to water her garden and curling up for a stack of books to be read. It has been baking too.

Give HER some control (or the idea that she has some control) and you'll be amazed at the results!

Good luck!

I am a 25 yr old mother of three girls, 6, 5, & 1 yrs old. I have successfully potty trained two of them and will soon potty train my youngest. I ran a home daycare for 2 1/2 yrs and was able to train children in a week! The only advice that I gave parents was 1. never scold your child for having an accident 2. never buy pull-ups. I feel that these are just like diapers and only confuse your child to pee in them, which is the exact opposite of what you are trying to get them to stop doing. Another thing is to cut off any liquids at least an hour before bedtime to avoid any night time accidents. I'm not promising that you won't wake up in the middle of the night having to change the sheets and steam clean the bed, but that's all part of being a mom, right? You'll have a lot of messes before you and your child are successful. That's part of the learning process. And most importantly talk with your child about her concerns, fears, anxiety and you never know, maybe she'll tell you the reason behind accidents or why she is hiding them from you. Hope this helps.
God Bless,
J. C.
Tucson, AZ

Hi A.,

I've had a similar issue with my daughter, who is almost 4. For us, it seemed to be that she just didnt want to interrupt what she is doing long enough to go to the bathroom. The advice I got was to stop letting it be MY problem and make it hers. So the next time she peed on the floor, I handed her a cloth and instead of cleaning it up, I supervised her cleaning it up. It takes longer, but only happened 2x before she started making it to the potty more often. Same with poo, but that requires a little more assistance from me. It happens more rarely now.
And a week or two ago, she jumped up and ran to the bathroom and said "oh i have to get to the potty. I don't want to clean up the bed" or something like that. It sounds mean... but if you just say "uh oh, what are you going to do about that?" then it's just handing the problem back. I don't yell about it or get mad, because I know I'm not cleaning it up :)
Good luck, I hope that you find something that works.

M.

Try the reward system again. At four she knows and it is a control factor for her. Try empowering her and letting the control factor out of it. Give her stickers and her own chart and when there are no more accidents for a few weeks have a prize of something she really wants at the end. Even if you have to put that prize on the fridge and make her earn it. Give her control in other areas like what socks she wants to wear, shoes and so forth. I am all for still using pullups at night as it helps if they are heavy sleepers but during the day it sounds like it is a control factor. Also monitoring her fluid intake before bed helps. My three year old wakes up dry 90% of the time but those nights he has two cups of water after brushing his teeth it can lead to accidents. Tapering the fluids off an hour before bed helps.

My little one is almost 4 and the only way i could get him to go is to give him a quarter it helped as horrible as bribary is I had no problem with my oldest with potty training but my little guy that's what I used.

Haven't read the other responses but something that worked for me was to not allow any drinks at least 1 1/2 hours before bed. It was hard in the beginning but after a few days (actually weeks) they get use to it and don't really ask. It may seem harsh but it helps because they will potty before bed and may not need to go during the night.

Hi A.,
I too agree with Megan and Melanie, about talking to her pediatrician. Maybe you should ask her why she needs to hide to wet herself, ask her if there is a boo boo. My niece and my daughter had something they called inverted something ( I totally forgot the name, sorry!!) it is like UTI, hurts to pee. Good luck.

My son also had this problem, some kids just don't feel it like others. I just made going potty before bed a part of our night rutine and only gave him a small drink of water one hour before bed. He had accidents more often when ever he was feeling stressed out or afraid, so we got a strong night light for the bathroom.

Don't go back to pull ups during the day, but at night pull up are ok, because some kids just have to wait for thier sences to catch up with their ages. She'll grow out of it- try not to get angry when she has an accident because she'll get scared to tell you about it.

Also, a cherrio in the potty to aim for is helpful.

A. -
I would call your peditrician, especialy since your daughter has been potty trained and is suddenly having accidents or is purposefully going to a corner to wet her pants. The red flag, to me, is that it seems to be intentional. Take a look at what is going on in you and your daughters' lives. Anything new or stressful? A new daycare, job for you, move to a new home? Someone else mentioned this being a control issue, this is the one thing she CAN control. Use the resources at your Doctor's office! Get passed the response and find the reason. Good luck and blessings to you all.

I have a 4 year old and I just got her trained this year. Our problem was pooping. She did wear pull ups all the time because poop in panties is not fun.

We even tried a reward system, what finally did it for us was that her 5 year old cousin came over and told her how much fun school was, and that you have to go poop in the potty if you want to go to school. Then every time anyone in the house (except my husband, for obvious reasons) had to go, she went too. Then when she finally went poop in the potty we made a big deal out of it and took her to chuck e. cheese.

She just started preschool last week and she has been offially potty trained since April. The only set back is now everytime she "Poops in the potty" I have to go "look".

Hi There,

Stickers as a reward has worked great. I dont give her anything to drink atleast an hour before she goes to bed and I make my daughter go to the potty before she goes to sleep, then it is the first thing she does when she wakes up, even though she is half a sleep when I put her on there. Stickers though were key in getting her to go more often and on her own.

This can be such a difficult situation. When my oldest was potty training we had a similar experience in that she did well through the day and wore pull ups at night. Soon she regressed and wanted to wear pull ups during the day so she didn't need to use the potty. She was definately using it as an excuse not to use the toilet. I finally decided I needed to bite the bullet and stop buying pull ups period. She wet herself a few times during the day over the next few days, but since she didn't like feeling wet she began to use the toilet. I cut off liquids an hour before bedtime and made sure she went to the restroom right before bed. I stressed to her that if she needed to go to the bathroom during the night she would have to get up or she would wet her bed and she wouldn't like that. I had to change her sheets every morning for about 10 days (I had a plastic mattress cover on so it wouldn't go through to the mattress) but she finally figured it out and that was the end. She never had another accident after that! The two weeks were very difficult, but looking back it sure was better than the frustration of months of accidents and the added expense of pull ups. I also used the same technique when my younger daughter was potty trained. She actually caught on quicker - I think it only took 5 nights of accidents in bed. Good Luck to you!

Hi A.,

I have a three year old daughter and she has been potty trained since she was one years old. She started walking at 9.5-10 months and off the bottle at the same time. When I first started to train her she scared of her pot but later got used to it. When I would go to the bathroom I would take her with to show her how it is done for a big girl. She grasped that but I moved her up a notch by putting her on the big potty (toilet). I baought her pull ups for about a few months and started buying regular underwear for her. Once again she was scared and I had plenty of nights from wet sheets. But she did not want the wet panties on her. Now that she has grasp the concept she too began to wet the sheets even more. Then, I started cutting her drink time. No drink after 9pm! Before she lies down to sleep, she has to go to the potty no matter if she says she doesn't have to use it. There are even times when I feel like I have to wake her to go to the bathroom before I actually go to bed. Since I have started this routine with her, we have not had a problem anymore. She used to complain a lot at first but I explained to her that her bed will stink if she keeps wetting on herself and her room will smell like it and her friends will not want to comeover to play. Now I have no complaints and she gets right up when I tell her to go before she falls in to her deep sleep. Then sometimes I will wake to walk her to the bathroom and have her use it again. You should try it.

What do you do when she has an accident? I have heard that matters a lot. My 3 1/2 year old was potty trained at 2 1/2, I started introducing it to her at 2 and she decided when she was ready and I realized for my next one, all I can do is introduce it to her and remind her and then allow her to know when she has to go and tell me. I noticed when my daughter would have accidents it was when she drank a lot before bed or I forgot to ask her to go. What does she do when she has an accident?

A.- Have you asked your pediatrician about this? He/she may have some suggestions for you.

Hi A.,
As far as the "accident's", I found that when i let my girl's pick out their own underpants (little mermaid, hearts, flowers, whatever) they didn't want to "dirty" them, so they just stopped...just like that. I don't know if it'll work, but it's definantly worth a try =)

S.

My daughter just started school, and she just got out of pull ups at night. You need to decide why you want her out of them and what your willing to do. I agree with lots of the moms. However, I hate changing wet sheets, my daughter doesn't wake up if she wets the bed, and her doc. said she was phisically fine. If its a control battle you feel you need to win and are willing to change the sheets the just dropping the pull ups may work. Another idea is setting an alarm clock to wake her in the middle of the night to og potty. There are also some sheets that vibrate at the first sign of wettness. I think the web site is called onestepahead.com
I wish you all the luck!

My daughter did the same thing at 4 years old, except with bowel movements. I had twins when she was 3 3/4 and from the time they were born she would wait until I was busy with one of them and go off to a corner (just like your daughter) and "go." I read what I could about it; bottom line is when they regress at this age it's all about control--at this age their bathroom habits are the only thing over which they have total control. What I ended up doing is I kept her naked from the waist down and stayed home until I won the battle. She didn't have a bowel movement for 34 hours. The first day I kept her up until 11:00 at night and then put her in the pull-up when she still hadn't gone; as soon as she woke up the next morning I took the pants off of her and explained to her that she was going to remain bottomless until she regained proper potty habits. All in all, it took about 3 full days and then we haven't looked back since. Good luck to you!

I don't know if this helps but we have a 2 1/2 year old who was pretty much potty trained and then suddenly started having multiple accidents/day and asking for a diaper. I just let her have a diaper instead of playing into the power struggle and within 5 days she was back to wearing panties and using the potty again. I have another friend who went through this same thing as well. Seems that they sometimes have a short period of regression near the end of learning a major skill. Nothing to worry about.

You may want to talk to the pediatrician regarding a possible UTI...it could be painful for her....

Or, is there some major changes going on that could be effecting her?