Potty Training Issues - Mount Pleasant,MI

The health issue sounds like diabetes. They go to the bathroom a lot and I think it is more common now then it use to be. Where does he go to daycare? My son had a problem because he would not tell anyone he had to go he just went to the bathroom by himself, so if the doors were locked by the time someone noticed him there it was too late. Why cant you stay at home?

First and foremost if they are saying take him to the doctor then take him, they are the professionals and have been dealing with children much longer then we have. Second, you need to ask him if others are having these accidents. My daughter just turned 4 and did go "backwards" with the potty routine when the other kids at day care started going. So it may just be an temporary enviornmental set back, especially if he is getting "extra attention" for having them. (especially since you admit to giving him so much attention when you are not at work) However, on a side note I am a volunteer mentor to college age women. I recently attended a leadership conference of today's college students-and I would really be careful on the subject of becoming a helicopter parent as you will not be helping your son in the future. I know it seems okay and hard not to do right now (after all he is only 4), but trust me as someone who has several friends in higher ed-you can't be there forever and more then ever colleges are seeing kids flunk out because thier helicopter parents are not there to baby them and help them do thier homework.

My son is 4 and when he moved into the Pre-K room at his daycare, he too started having accidents. His teacher wanted us to take him to the Dr. I called and spoke with the nurse at the Dr office. She said that boys very very rarely have infections dealing with those parts of the body.
After speaking to the teachers, my son is going to the bathroom, but not actually being watched to make sure he is going and not playing around. We had some talks with him and the teachers started watching him once in a while to make sure he was going. And we went back to potty 101. He gets one jelly bean or M&M for going pee in the potty. So far so good.

If this particular day care is relatively new to your son, he may just be reacting to a stressful situation. I do evaluations at child care centers when there is a concern and I can tell you to start there and work outward. It also sounds as though the staff may not be as accomodating or enlightened (or professional) enough to deal with this. When children react to stress, their bodies deal with it, just as we do. Toiletting issues are usually very common. If no one gets all bent out of shape and recognizes this is a SYMPTOM of something and deals with THAT, Bingo! But what usually happens is the symptom (accident #1) gets blown out of preportion and there is shame, belittling, confusion, etc, and now the child is dealing with the original stress and then more stress over the accident and then more stress over the shame and on and on. Is there any wonder? And now the staff has moved it up to another level with a health concern? I'd wet my pants too! When little children come to me with a story about someone fighting or hitting them, I always start with this question? "What was happening right BEFORE you got hit?" This offers a clue to what prompted everything. Use it for your situation. What happened right before he started wetting his pants? If something new happened,this may offer a clue. Children love predictability- love it!! That's why they want you to read or tell the same story over and over and over...they already know the outcome and there is a comfortable feeling with predictability for kids. So much of their world is totally out of their control. When their reoutine is disrupted, they feel insecure and react accordingly. There may also be something going on with a new teacher or new student if this child care is not new. Ferret out info and talk with your child. I will tell you also: A child caught between a hovering micro-managing parent and an unconcerned child care provider will end up doing more than wetting pants. Medical concerns are also never to be disregarded. He may need a checkup.

I did an evaluation a few years ago at a very upscale, trendy child care center with a 4-year waiting list (out of 227 local centers, it was the most expensive also.)The center director contacted me with a concern about a 3 year old boy. He had the same issues you stated - potty accidents out of the clear blue sky. I went to the center, did objective observations (no contact with child, no interactions with staff, etc) then went back and worked a little with the child and staff and step 3 - home visit. This I always do. Family consisted of Mom (engineer in Detroit) separated from Dad 2 months, 1 male sibling 6 years old. Mom told the kids I was a new teacher at the center and wanted to come out to the house for a visit. Kids need to know why you are at their house. After a few minutes, the boys ignored me and went about their business. After a few home visits and a few meetings with center staff and Mom, we all shared information. I felt the marital separation may have precipitated the first accident which was understandable, but the day care staff may not have handled things positively after that. No one was to blame. We all wanted to understand and to help the child. Switching centers would not have helped anyone. There would be more change for the little boy to deal with and you can bet he would have felt he caused this also. (We already know because young children are so egocentric, they look at everything in the whole world as happening because of some connection to THEM. They define everything this way) this is why children feel responsible when anything happens in their family. We don't want to add to this. Also: I am not a proponent of tangible rewards (stickers, candy) for regular accomplishments - giving them something they can hold in their hand. Give them something they can hold in their heart instead. This will help them build their own self-esteem. Tangible rewards never end and they just keep upping the ante and the value keeps diminishing as time goes by. There is a true wonderful feeling inside us when we do what we know is right and good. Nurture that in your children by offering them real honest loving feedback and ALWAYS connect the deed to the compliment - no empty words, please! Not everything they do is wonderful all the time! Kids are smart! They have wonderful intuition! That's why they react so quickly to things we are oblivious to!

If you are a true helicopter Mom, you also may be very good at hovering over him at home and anticipating his toileting needs so he doesn't get an opportunity for an accident. Maybe the center staff weren't as tuned in to him which allowed the first accident and then it was downhill all the way after that. This may be a simple answer to the whole thing. Good luck and consider what the staff has shared with you and never disregard the medical thing, even if you feel it is way out in left field.

My nephew had the same problem with his daughter. They changed daycare places and voila, problem solved. Is everyone on the same schedule or is he being "singled out" to resolve the problem which becomes embarrassing at age 4? Sounds like there may be some anxiety over the issue that could be causing it as well. Have a nice discussion with him in a casual manner re all the issues showing concern, but not hyper about it. Attitude of I know we can help you, but what do you think about it? You are such a man at home. (not saying good vs. bad) Mention the possibility of going to the doctor about it vs. is there something scary about the bathroom. Maybe he isn't going when he gets in there. Good luck.S.

Hi C.-

It sounds to me like your son is just involved in playing and an adult at daycare needs to take him potty every hour or two. I teach at Church one Sunday a month and we have a 3 year old boy who is doing the same thing. At home the child is not as stimulated or engaged in playing so they still feel the sensation of having to go. While at daycare or Sunday school there is alot more going on and they just need a reminder:) Your daycare needs to step up with the reminder for him, he doesn't need a doctor. Buy a timer from the dollor store and have them set it for an hour or hour and a half, depending on his fluid intake that day. The timer will also help him with learning to stop playing and go potty. I have a Bear in the big blue house movie that teaches the kids just that, check out your library for movies and books to help and make it fun. I hope this helps:)

Hi C.,
Maybe he has a bladder infection. What does he say when you ask him about it? I would probably bring him in to make sure. My son who is 4 1/2 won't dry his hands after washing them. He always wipes them on his pants. Could it be just water? Good luck.
Chris

C.,
Well I am more than surprised. When my middle son was going to pre school, they had a stipulation: gotta be potty trained or as near as. They weren't equipped to deal with it. I mean having lots of other kids to attend to. But with accidents comes a change of clothes, embarassment in front of all the other kids, etc. So I had to plan it very carefully and encourage my son to need to learn the process if he wanted to go to school. Couldn't be wetting himself. Something worked. Maybe time, maybe he just figured he'd have to put in the effort.

Hello C.,

I'm not an expert but I do have children. From what it sounds like to me you 4 yr. old dont like day care. Is there a way you could pay a family member to come to your home and babysit your son? He may be feeling that if I'm not home I can wet and mommy will come get me. My son did the same thing with the sitter, it wasnt that he didnt know he had to go he did he just wanted to be at home. That really the only suggestion I can give. I know whats its like to want to stay home and raise your own child and not send them to daycare or anywhere else, but we do what we have too. If you dont have a family member that could do it try a friend whom you and your son trust and love, that could also work. I hope this helps. Let me know.

Sincerly,
P.

My son is also 4 and in daycare. He sometimes has accidents when he pees standing up. I try to get him to sit down-- but he sees Dad and the bigger kids standing and wants to be a big boy. We chose not to have him circumsized, which makes his aim etc, even more difficult. Ask him how he is going potty...and ask the daycare to go in with him and watch him so they can see why/how he is getting wet. Also-- is it possible the wetness is from water? Sometimes the kids will go in together and also may get wet washing their hands. If he isn't having problems at home- it doens't sound like a "health" issue to me.