Potty Training My 2 1/2 Year Old Girl

Updated on September 23, 2010
P.L. asks from Manhattan Beach, CA
12 answers

Hi Moms,
My daughter seems ready for potty training. She understands the concept, can hold her bladder, can tell me when she's peeing, etc. her daycare even thinks she's ready! The problem is, she doesn't want to go on the potty. She's resisting! And when we put her in underwears (had an underwear party), she gets excited, but then when she has an accident, she starts to cry for her diapers. We tell her it's OK, and that she just needs to keep trying, etc. But she gets so stressed out for her diapers, that she then doesn't pee or poo for the remaining of the day. Should I back off and continue to wait? or should I keep trying to move forward. Any suggestions?

Thanks so much in advance for all of the advice!

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P.N.

answers from Boston on

I'd probably back off and try again in a couple weeks or a month. You do not want her to be stressed about it.

Did you involve her in the potty choice? We had a potty my DD wasn't really interested in and then I went with her to the store and we chose a pink princess potty (that unfortunately had a song when the kid goes-seriously annoying tune) that she loved. It made her really interested in using it.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

Hi!!

I am potty training twin 2 1/2 yo so I know exactly what you are going through.

My daughter caught on quick and hasn't had many accidents and 0 at her MDO program. My son, on the otherhand is a little more resistant.

I think, not only does a child have to be physically ready to be potty trained but mentally ready. If it stresses them out, that can't be good. No one should be scared to go potty. They should be excited!!

That being said have you asked her why she doesn't want to go potty? Some kids can communicate their feelings... She maybe scared. Have you shown her how you potty? Do you let her flush?? I let my kids flush and you swear I gave them a new toy! They get so excited!!

Plus, I do a reward system. I know... I am horrible!! LOL. If they peepee... they get a sticker. If they go #2 they get a couple of reese's pieces and a sticker. Keeps them motivated.

Good luck mama

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

Readiness must be emotional as well as physical before training will "take." Since your daughter is resistant, you may regret the day you allow this to become a struggle over control. And since the whole point of potty training is to allow the child to take control of her own physical functions, I'd wait for awhile. Keep up a gentle, positive "pretraining" campaign, with occasional mentions of the freedom of being out of diapers, books and videos about using the potty, and pretend potty parties for dolls and stuffed animals.

We did this with my grandson when he became curious about it (around 3), and within a few weeks, he gained both the interest and the confidence to try it. He was fully trained within a couple of weeks. His mom used a sticker chart for a few days, but he quickly lost interest in rewards when he felt empowered to make this exciting developmental step.

Like walking and talking, this is a natural step forward that most kids will be able to do without toy or candy rewards. They benefit tremendously from a parent's positive attitude, confidence, patience, and emotional support, Some kids may benefit from "reminders" to go for the first few days or weeks. For other kids, this will give them the sense they are being nagged into doing something they're not quite committed to yet, so it can backfire.

You might just let your child know you've decided to wait until she feels like she can do it, and express confidence that that will be pretty soon. Give her the opportunity to take the lead. I'll bet she will – I've known quite a few kids who have essentially trained themselves.

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K.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

when my daughter was potty training, I bought a big calender from Staples and lots of different stickers. When she went #1on the potty she got to pick out a sticker a put it on the calender and 2 stickers for # 2. I put the calender low so she could put them on herself......and when she reached 10 stickers, she got a prize. I also showed her the prize first so she would be determined to go on the potty.

good luck!!!!!!

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J.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I would say continue moving forward and have you tried using a rewarding system to get her to use the potty? I have heard that it works well and you can get creative (kind of like the underwear party) you could do a theme and give stickers, candy, or anything else for when she uses the potty...here are some examples you should check out...hope they help!

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/potty+training?utm_c...

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M.M.

answers from San Luis Obispo on

She's not ready. Back off for a month or so, and try again.

My experience (having *just* gone through this w/my son!) was that even though Daddy was ready for him to potty train, I managed to get Daddy to wait until DS said he wanted to wear underwear like his friends at daycare. When we changed his diaper, we'd offer for him to use his "big boy" potty, but not force it. We've had it in the bathroom for a long time, so he's used to it and not afraid. By waiting for *him* to be ready, there were very very few accidents and its been a peaceful transition for us. He does still wear an overnight diaper but 6 out of 7 days wakes up in the AM with it completely dry and he does his "really big pee", which he's super proud of.

There is a great book you can get on Amazon.com "Stress-Free Potty Training" that was worth every penny, if just for the questionnaire at the beginning of the book. Both my DH and I took it, and once we compared notes, we realized DS wasn't ready.

Good luck! Give this a little more time :)

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F.W.

answers from Cumberland on

I'm a daycare provider who has potty trained a few kids thus far--some resistant and some who couldn't wait to potty train. Generally, I'm not a fan of Pull-ups--when I used them my daughter regressed after doing really well. In your case, maybe it would help her feel less stressed. In order to let her feel the wetness so it is not just like she is in diapers, you could have her wear the underwear under her pull up or use plastic pants over the underwear.

This may not be true in your case, but I know that the more stressed I felt about getting a child to potty train the harder it was. The child feels the adult's stress over it. In your case, you will really have to keep your emotions in check both externally and internally. Some kids can sense it even when you say it is ok.

You may want to back off for awhile to reset her mind about the whole thing. Take her to the bathroom for diaper changes and model potty use--keep it light and matter of fact. For all three of the kids I'm potty training now--flushing is a huge reward and the occasional sticker. When you do try to train again make sure you are taking her about 20 minutes after eating/drinking and sometimes right before eating/drinking if you don't think she can hold it that long (in your case it sounds like she can). It takes awhile for children to initiate. Modeling really helps!--I have an 17 month old who wanted to use the potty just to be like his big friends--no fuss or pressure or anything. Hope this helps...Good luck!

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N.P.

answers from San Diego on

I would recommend the pull-ups and reward system. This worked great when I potty trained my son..

Good luck..

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J.V.

answers from Chicago on

Whatever you do, don't use pull-ups --you will just extend training time.

If she wants to be in undies, then you need to help her be successful. Put her on a schedule and get her to the potty. Don't ask, instill a habit system and tell: do you want to go potty before me or after me? Before we wash our hands for lunch, we need to go potty. Race you to the potty. Do you want to go potty before this book or after this book.

Believe she can do it, don't make a big deal over the accidents, and give her time to figure out what she needs to learn. Make the decision that she is too big for diapers, and don't turn back.

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S.F.

answers from San Diego on

Get Lora Jensen's 3 Day Potty e-book online. It worked like a CHARM and has for several people I know. My son was potty trained in 2 days (pee and poo) and he showed no signs of being interested in the potty prior to that. You will have to wait (if I can remember) 30 days to start a 'different' type of potty training but it's the best. She will be potty trained in no time. It appears as though your little girl seems frustrated right now so maybe give it a break and try later.
Good luck! :)

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M.N.

answers from Chicago on

You can still potty train without underwear. We started our kids by taking them to the bathroom every hour even while wearing pull-ups and they got the hang of it. I typically hate pull ups but if they make her more comfortable, go for it!

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M.B.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi there,
Maybe backing off a little bit might be the best thing. But, I have a wonderful on-line potty training book that I can forward to you (and anyone else who might want it)
My email is ____@____.com
My daughter was potty trained (in underware) by 21 months. I was lucky and she was really into it. I thought, how can I make it really easy for my daughter? I went out and bought a potty that played music when pee or poop hit the bottom of the bowl. I also put the potty in whatever room she was playing in. That way, when I asked her if she had to go, it was right there for her to use. (I asked her about every 20 minutes or so)
I know....a little weird, but it worked for her. I eventually put the potty closer and closer to the bathroom, and then eventually it was in the bathroom all together. She used that potty for a while, until she decided that she was a big girl and started using the big toilet. She was also OK about going to the bathroom in stores...thankfully.
I didn't refer to the book to much because I found out what worked for my daughter, but the book does give you an insight on what the child goes through.
Hope to hear from you soon!
M.

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