Potty Training Strong-willed Child

I am going through the same thing with my daughter. She is 2 years and 4 months. She asks for a diaper when she needs to go or she will just go a little in the potty and then finish in her pull-up. I just don't understand, I think she is scared to go. I have tried every trick in the book without being negative. I just think that she is not ready yet. They will eventually get there. Just give it time. Good Luck!!!!!

My second child tries to be strong-willed but I've explained on many occasions that mommy is more stubborn and she must listen to me, period.

At any rate, I had one that I started watching when she was almost three. She came over in pull-ups (I don't like them except for special trips to the store). Anyway, her mom told me that she had tried to go poopies before she came to the house (she liked to hide and do it in her pull-up)...so I told the little miss that I would go get her some panties because big girls didn't wear diapers in my house.

(I always call pull-ups diapers and explain to my little ones they aren't big until they wear underwear).

So before I got back the little stinker pooped in her pull-up. When I got back with panties, she told me she didn't need those anymore because she already went.

So I took her in the bathroom gave her a box of wipes, a plastic bag, and told her to clean herself. She just looked at me like I was crazy. I told her that she made the mess and she would have to clean it. I explained that I didn't clean big girl bottoms because it was nasty. She just looked at me like I was kidding.

So I un-did her pull-up I showed her how disgusting it was, then I put a wipe in her hand and I guided her hand to clean her own bottom. Each time I showed her the wipe and told her how gross it was and that if she went in the potty the mess went right in and her bottom would be real easy to clean.

When we were done I put panties on her. She wet herself one time and I told her that was okay, but I had her help me clean up the carpet with carpet cleaner and I put new panties on her. I reminded her every 15 minutes that she had on panties and had to go on the potty. By the end of the day she had that down pat.

(Normally I would have a day naked in the bathroom so they can see and feel the pee pee come out and understand the feeling and know what I"m talking about...but she was older and did know) This is a child that wanted to go play in my daughters' playhouse but her mom told her no because she was wearing panties and she wouldn't go potty on the chair. Her mom told her she couldn't play in the dollhouse until she went potty because she might have an accident in the playhouse.....so she very defiantly looked at her mom and proceeded to pee in her panties standing in front of her mom.

Anyway, she went pee pee on the potty by the end of the day no problems. She wouldn't go at home though. So the next time she came over I didn't tell her I was getting the panties and I made her put them on...she tried to complain a little. I knew she had to go poopies...she was trying to hide before she left the house. When she wanted the pull-up back on I took her in the bathroom and I sat her on the potty. She tried to get down and she cried but I just held her on the potty, hugged her and kissed her face and kept telling her it would be find and nothing would hurt her. She cried, but she went poopies and we cleaned her up likety split and we cheared and the kids cheared and I gave her a chocolate chip. I showed her how easy it was to clean up and it wasn't nasty at all.

The next day, the same thing. By the third day she told me she had to go and she got up there all by herself. She wouldn't go at home for about a week, but then decided that she wanted to be a big girl at home too.

My 2 girls were just like that...sounds like you are loosing a powe struggle. I stoppped trying..took everything away...little potties and undies. I reintroduced them after they turned 3. I had both positvie and negative reinforcement. They lost lovie to sleep with if they did not make an attempt to go on the potty and they earned stickers and something they were working towards on their sticker charts. I say wait a little longer.

My daughter as well is VERY strong willed. She was ready for potty training but was refusing to use the potty because she knew if she wasn't potty trained she couldn't go to pre-school. So i told her a couple weeks before she turned 3 that at three there were no more diapers. I would make her stay naked at home. Believe me i had protest especially when she had to poop. When we went out in public i did put on a pull-up. She had some accidents but was using the potty within a week and out of diapers in 2 weeks except at night which took maybe 3 weeks. My friend as well did this and her daughter was trained pretty quick. Just remember as frustrating as it is with strong willed kids you REALLY have to be consistent and stick to your guns. Good luck!!!

When she's ready she'll be ready, It really is as simple as that. My son is very similar to you daughter in that he resists change. 2 months before his 3rd bday we did and underpants week. We accepted there would be a lot of cleaning up and dragging to the bathroom. He has had almost no accidents in the daytime since. Encourage her interest and keep trying, she'll get it. Also, he was encouraged by school after a lovely visit to his future preschool. Good luck!!!

I'd just let her do it in her own time. I have two in diapers now, and a third that wears them just at night. It's just not worth the hassle to me. They'll get it when they are ready. I worked with sticker charts for the first child. With the second I tried a couple times of just putting him in underwear and letting him have accidents. He didn't get it, and I've decided just to chill and let him figure it out.

I had a really hard time potty training my son and we finally were able to do it two weeks ago. He is just about 3 1/2 We started at 2 1/2 and kept giving up because it was not working. He would scream when we put him on the potty. He had to decide that he wanted to do it for it to work.
A few weeks before Christmas I told him that he had to give up the diapers after Christmas and that he was going to have to go to potty boot camp if he didn't do it and it actually worked! I showed him the potty boot camp website and he did not want to go to potty boot camp. We reinforced with M&M's, jelly beans and Kisses and he trained in 3 days. Our only problem now is that he expects a treat everytime he goes potty but we are slowing taking the treats away.

Good Luck!

You are doing all the right things... motivational items, staying patient, pretty undies, etc... Sounds like she's very good at being 3! Just keep trying different things, consistently. Read to her, maybe play some music or make up a funny song. Training my daughter was like hitting a brick wall - I thought I was getting nowhere. Then, one day, around 2 years/8 months she disappeared for a short time - I couldn't find her and, in my haste, I flung open the bathroom door. My daughter looked up from the toilet, in an angry voice, and said, "That's NOT nice that you didn't knock.... I am going potty and I need my privacy!" (huh???) All the things I tried - I didn't try to give her any privacy! But, I believed we worked up to that moment. So...just keep doing what you are doing - she will train when SHE is good and ready! (on a side note - my daughter has an end of April birthday and she potty trained around the holidays!)

My advice, for the next week or 2 dont mention anything about the toilet. Let her go in her diapers and just change her without a big deal. After it is out of her head for a week or 2. Put the underwear on and dont ever put another diaper on her. If you have to go out bring extra clothes with and if she has accidents, dont make a big deal at all. Just change her clothes. Limit her drinks and sit her on the potty frequently.
I had a box of cheap little toys and I showed my daughter them. I told her whenever she went potty on the toilet she got to pick one. Good luck--I know it is hard and sometimes stressful

I used techniques from this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Potty-Train-Your-Child-Just/dp/B001...

I was very pleased with the results with my son and am going to be doing this over the summer (if I need to) with my daughter as well.

My kids were close to 3 when they potty-trained. They finally felt like they were ready, I guess. My older son decided he was ready when a friend he admired showed him how she used the big-kid toilet at her home. (we didn't intend for him to walk in on her, but I'm glad it worked out that way!) My younger son, who knows what the tipping point was. I think books about potty are very helpful with the peer pressure thing. There are also videos we got from the library - Bear in the Big Blue House and Elmo, I think. We also liked using plastic pants over underwear - definitely get rid of the pullups (just stock up on extra underwear or get some from friends with older kids!) It seems like friends with girls have had good luck with clothing-related bribes. Would she be excited about the idea of wearing a bathing suit without a swim-diaper, for example? Or fancy underwear?

Good luck! I don't usually try to predict the future, but I would bet a $1 that she'll be using the potty by Easter.

Just give it time. Potty training takes time. For some kids it can be months!! If she's having too many accidents put her back in pull ups for awhile. Also try sitting your younger child on the potty and make a big deal out of it.It might be just what your daughter needs. My daughter was impossible to PT. It was a power struggle. She would even tell me she was going to go pee on the front room rug and do it! Sometimes they are just not ready.

Our daughter will be 3 in March and I was very concerned that she wasn't trained. We started training nearly a year ago and she would go occassionally when we put her on the potty but never just on her own. She is also very strong willed. 2 things helped me. I spent an entire 3 day weekend inside the house with no diapers and just cleaned up all messes. The one thing I did do was set the timer on the oven for every 30 minutes and told her that the bell meant we had to go potty. Somehow, she took to this. The only 'reward' I use is applause. I tried stickers, etc and it made things worse in my opinion. Once she got the treat, she thought she was done and would mess her pants the rest of the day. The first day was horrible, the second was a 50% improvement, the third was a dream with only one wet accident and by day 4, we were done. She would go on her own, no buzzer, no prompting. The second thing that really helped me was pre-school. I am very lucky that my friend is a pre-school teacher and agreed to take my daughter in her class even though she is not yet 3. She had an accident on the second day of school (she was wearing a pull-up) but she did notice that she was the only child that the teacher had to change; the other kids used the potty during potty time. That night at dinner, she told us that she was done wearing diapers because the kids at school don't wear them. It was after this revelation that I did the 3-day training. It's going to be a combination of your child being ready and you having the patience to devote almost all your time to this for several days. My husband and mom helped keep to my strict schedule during those 3-4 days, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

Have you read the book Parenting the Strong Willed Child by James Dobson? This book gives lots of good advice on how to deal with a Strong Willed Child. I actually have a copy in my give away box of books. Wish I had a way to get it to you free of charge.
Dr Dobson's invaluable advice has reached more than one million families, helping parents effectively discipline headstrong children without breaking their spirit. It is a Christian based book. It is an older copy (my son is now 18) but a book does not change by when it was printed.

S.
Woodstock, IL

I have boys and none of them got it until they were 3 years old. I have to honestly say, potty training is the one thing I hate about being a parent. Basically unless they want to do it, they won't do it and you can't do it for them.

Does she have any friends that are potty trained? What about a little peer pressure? Can she have a playdate with one of them? Maybe after she sees or hears how they don't wear a diaper, she'll be more interested. Also, she could not want to get rid of the diapers becuase her sister has them and maybe you play around with her when you are changing her diaper. Just a thought.....