Potty Training Troubles - Eatontown,NJ

Let her be wet. No more diapers, no more rewards-- the reward for going potty is staying dry.

My guess is that she needs to own this process to some degree. My son was so uninterested in using the potty at three that I just put it away. A few months later-- with no discussion at all about it in between-- I told him "cloth diapers or cloth underwear-- we're done with paper diapers" and that was sort of it. He hated wetting himself and feeling wet and within a couple days he was staying dry. We didn't mess with Pull-Ups either, because that's a diaper, not underwear, and he needed to feel wet in order to learn that he *didn't* want to be wet.

Push comes to shove-- let them own the process and the consequence. Kids don't like having to change out of all their wet clothes, but it helps them learn *why* they have to be responsive to their body's cues. We did no incentives--other than staying dry-- and it worked great for us.

My DD was not really ready til 3.5. Some kids just take longer. I think if she's not physically ready, all the treats in the world won't help that. I would continue to show her the potty, ask her to use it at times that make sense (like before/after sleep, before/after bath, before going out) and see how long it takes her to pick up on it. I will also say that once my DD was ready we had no issues with pooping, either. I didn't have a long 2 part process. Some people can get their kids to pee, but pooping takes a lot longer. Try not to worry. She'll get there. What I would not do is make it such a big deal (either the pottying or the accidents) that it becomes a power struggle. Which is not to say you can't be upset or really happy, but try not to make it such a Thing that she feeds on it, KWIM?

Well there are two schools of thought. Some will push and push and insist that she should be potty trained, so try x, y, and z since you already tried a, b, and c.

I'm in the school of thought that if she's not ready, she's not ready. Maybe that's naïve of me, maybe I should have been harder on my son - but he was almost 4 by the time he fully day trained. Night time was a whole other enchilada.

I was getting desperate too, once he hit that 3 mark. However, I would try for a week or two, and get nowhere. I wasn't about to stress myself out unnecessarily, or fight a battle I (felt I) couldn't win. So I would lay off for awhile, then try again in a couple of months.

The end result is that he was potty trained by 4. Barely. And he still had a random accident in kinder and even in 1st grade. That was the last time though. Thank goodness.

I seriously think some kids are just easier/harder to train. Yes, take our advice with a grain of salt and use what you think might help. But many of us won't be of much help because our kids aren't your kid. But if it helps many of us know that feeling, so hang in there. She will get it!

Have you tried waking her up just a bit before she normally wakes up and taking her straight to the potty? That always seemed to work because when they haven't gone all night they really have to go. Once they figured out how easy it was they just went.

Does she come into the bathroom when you go? Don't make her go when you go, just have her there, and "narrate" the experience. Model the behavior yourself. That might help her "get it". Otherwise, don't stress. She's just turned 3. Not every kid pees according to the "social" timetable.

Edited

I recently went through this. When my daughter turned 3 and she wasn't potty trained yet, I was a bit concerned, too (she turned 3 in July). In fact, I asked a similar question on Mamapedia myself. We also had potty books for her to read, she watched potty DVDs, we had princess panties, we had M&Ms and lollipops ready to go in the restroom in plain view, the works. She also regularly watched her preschool friends use the restroom and saw me use the restroom. Yet, she showed no interest.

But I heard over and over again to just let her do it when she's ready. So I stuck with it and didn't pressure her. I never brought it up. At that point, I put a deadline of potty training her by the time she was 3.5 years. But one day (a month after she turned 3), she returned from school and asked to wear her underwear instead of her diapers. I let her, but told her that if she wears underwear, she must use the potty so that her undies don't get wet. When she had to go, she told me and I took her to the potty. It was so sudden that I asked her teachers if something happened at school that might've triggered this. But they said nothing. She's been using the potty ever since.

I say let your daughter do it when she wants to. I know it's a bit frustrating, but let it be HER idea. Pressuring her might delay it more. Enjoy this time when she's still in her diapers. When she's potty trained and you have to take her to use a public restroom, that brings a whole host of other issues.

If so many people are telling you she's not ready, and if the incentive charts aren't working, maybe the others are right. Can you say more about why you think that is such incorrect advice? Can you say more about why you are "concerned"? Is it because it's inconvenient? Is it because you think others are measuring your child's "advancement" or development by one single milestone, which is potty training?

If you search on Mamapedia, you will find dozens of questions on this subject, and tons of responses to each post. You can see differences in opinion, from people saying that kids are trained at 11 months in Europe, to people saying their kids didn't learn this skill until age 4.

I'm in the latter camp. Moreover, i can tell you that there are a few areas where the kids will do stuff when they are ready. One is using the potty, another is eating new foods, another is sleeping, another is walking, another is talking. My kid walked at 8.5 months, but do you think other parents were "concerned" about kids who didn't walk until 12 months? Conversely, my kid didn't talk until 16 months - probably because he was walking and building and exploring outside and a whole bunch of other things. If you set this up as a power struggle, it will make both you and your daughter miserable. I suggest you put the nice underwear in the drawer, keep a little potty in the bathroom and tell her she can use it when she wants to, and put her back in diapers or pull ups. This is not a behavioral issues for most kids - it's a developmental stage where they actually feel the full bladder, the signal gets to the brain, and the brain says "hold it in until you get to the bathroom and then release the sphincter muscle." My guess is, your kid is doing a ton of things right as she should be - some "early", some "late."

Don't shame her, and don't let anyone else shame you. This actually is not something you can teach a kid if their body isn't ready. Just my 2 cents.

My granddaughter was 3 y 2 mos. One day she went and that was it trained. Never an accident. Even going on vacation 4 weeks later. Never have to remind her. Night time dry. So I would not discuss it. Tell her you ran out of diapers. Panties are the dress of the day. See what happens. Good luck.

My suggestion is to wait, stop pushing, and let her lead the way. Kids potty train at different times. I waited until my kids showed interest and then I put them in pullups and let them set the pace, waiting until they had it mostly down before going to underwear. For my oldest this occurred right at 2 years of age, but my younger son was closer to 4 and that is okay. No matter the age except some fallback when you make the switch to undies, my kids had a ton of accidents the first couple of days but we kept with it and by the 3rd or 4th day they had it mostly down. So if it was me I would let her know that pullups are available when she is ready to wear them and start trying, and I would stop pushing her.

My son is 3.5 and is just starting to use the toilet. She will let you know when shes ready. I let other people get in my head that he had to be potty trained by 3. I put my son in a diaper at night and in the morning underwear. I found with him if i don't say anything or remind him to use the toilet, he goes no problem. He hates to be reminded. I say put your daughter in underwear and see what happens.

In this case, listen to your friends and family. You cannot make a child potty train if they don't want to. Yes, it is time to realize you do not have control over this. You have done everything you can to introduce potty training....and that is all you can do for now.

Don't stress yourself out, wait for your daughter to be ready.

Buy the DVDs potty time. It is awesome for potty training. My first daughter potty trained herself by 6.5 months. My second daughter is 2 and is potty trained. It is all because they watch this video and play the app. Let her watch the video everyday but do not push her. When she is ready, she will let you know.

My son is almost 4. He finally decided he is ready. It has been really frustrating. He would go if we told him to when we first tried but not really. I folloed suggestion on here as well as from the doc. We made him chagne himself--which he got really good at. he had to clean up after himself if he made a mess. Put him in underpants rather than a pull up or whatever. He would wet the pants 2 seconds after going potty. Finally, now he is going. We even went out last night and he went to the bathroom. I would just keep the idea out there but don't push it. Yes she will go when she is ready.

My son missed the preschool cutoff because he would not go. Oh well, next year.

She might not do it until spring now. It's almost always been a seasonal thing to me. Kids just do it when they're ready but I swear I've seen an increase in it when it's spring. Plus in the spring you can let her run around outside commando and she can remember to go or water the grass and not your floors and furniture.

Trying to train her when she's not ready results in the power struggle frustration that you are feeling.
Just wait and let it go.
She won't be going off to college and still not be potty trained.
Stop trying.
And relax with a glass of wine or a long hot bath once a awhile.
You'll feel a lot better.