Potty Training Very Difficult 3Yo

I may sound mean, but get tough with her. Tell her she's a big girl and big girls use the potty. If she soils herself, let her clean it! Whining only works if you let it. If she's whining and crying for no particular reason, put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's finished whining.

Put her in panties. Get rid of all pull ups, diapers etc.
Do not keep them in the house. Just do not make a big deal of
it. Kids love attention anyway they can get it. Good
luck.

Just let her do it on her time, when she is ready. She sees it as a power struggle now because she knows you want her to go, and NOW. If you back off and forget all the "rewards", she'll do it eventually. That's how both my boys did it (and the second one was 3 years and 7 months--I was getting slightly anxious but I didn't make it an issue--he has had no accidents since day 1).

I'm right there with you. Your daughter sounds like my son. He hit his 3rd birthday in May, and then I was like, "Where is my well-behaved child?" He whines a lot too. I tell him to use his words because I don't speak whine. I don't give him what he wants until he does use his words (and manners). As for potty training, we've actually just made progress with that the past couple weeks. What worked for me was buying him Disney underwear, telling him not to pee on Mickey, because Mickey doesn't like to be wet or dirty. I also had him run around bottomless while we're home (I'm off the summer too) until I could see he was getting the hang of it and then I let him just go with his underwear (otherwise he's touching his butt all the time--eww). It took a couple days at first, and a can of Resolve, but he is getting it now. I do have to remind him, or watch for cues (i.e. grabbing himself) because he'll still tell me "no" when I say "Gotta go potty?" even though it's obvious that he does. He'll also tell me he has to go potty when we're out somewhere, and I have a travel potty that I take with me everywhere now, so he is able to do that also. It'll just take a little time. Be consistent. They say girls are easier, but I guess that's a myth. :)

Yes 3 is much harder than 2!!!!!!!!!! As for potty training, I think that when they are truly ready, it should only take a few days to train them.

She may just be going through a transition with having a new baby in the house, my son regressed slightly when I had my second only he was a little older (3yrs, 9mths) when I had the baby.

You could wait another month or two until she realizes she doesn't want to be a "baby" too. But I also realize you probably don't want 2 in diapers. If you want to continue the potty training route now the one thing I would suggest would not be to ask her to go. Every hour or two (depending on her needs) take her hand and tell her it's time to go on the potty. This shows her it's not an option, it's a necessity. Also they sell a little watch that the kids can wear and you set to a specific time interval that tells the child it's time to go to the potty.

I never rewarded my child with anything other than praise and a some thomas the train big boy underpants.

I hear ya, sticker charts suck. My daughter wasn't into them at all. What did work was putting her on the "potty" every 1/2 hour or I started with 15 min. the moved up to 1/2 hour till she got the point and starting going on her own. Do you have the portable potty? Then you can put it in a local place where you are all day. This way she sees it and uses it too. Good luck! It takes ALOT of patience!

I'm with you on the whining. My 3 1/2 year old whines about everything. It is driving me - and everyone else in the house - crazy!!! As for the potty training my daughter did that at age 2. What worked for us was the goal of the "Big Girl" panties. She wanted princess underwear and would look at them everytime we went to Walmart or Target. I did not use a sticker chart or candy or anything else. I just told her that when she could stay dry and clean for two full days then she could pick out her underwear. I never used pull-ups on her. I bought the thick training underwear so she would feel it when she had an accident. She is VERY stubborn and this worked for us. She was basically potty trained in two days. Maybe set a goal for your daughter and see if that works for her.

S.. sorry but i am laughing at you. misery loves company. i have an almost 3 yo girl and all she does is cry.over. everything!! i now tell her to go in her bedroom if she is going to cry and she can come out when she is done. if that doesn't work then i give her the choice of time out or stop crying. as far as the potty training goes, try the padded underwear, i think Target has them now or some Babies r us have them and get a cheap out kitchen timer and set it every half hour and when it rings, bring your daughter to the potty and have her sit for like 5 mins--again use the timer. try that for a couple of days to see if it works. do not ask her if she has to go potty because the answer is always no, tell her it is time to go sit on the potty. also, little girls seem to have to pee much more frequently than boys. my boys are like camels, but my girl goes very frequently. the sticker charts don't work for me either, but we did do a "potty party" when they became more consistent--we went out for pizza, had cake and then i took them to a toy store to pick out a special toy. good luck!! i'm trying to potty train my last child and he is a stubborn one so i feel your pain.

S.,
I agree 3 is WAY harder than 2!!! About potty training, have you tried NOT changing her??? Most 3 year olds are old enought to understand this concept. Put her in regular panties (I put plastic pants on top to prevent leakage on the furniture), then when she pees it will be wet and uncomfortable...unlike pullupsthat feels just like a diaper! The calmly explain that you will not change her because she will only pee again and need to be changed again...Let her cry for a few minutes then put on new panties with the understanding that she is to use the potty. This worked for ME with a 3 year old...then I threw out all the diapers so I wouldn't be tempted to give up. My daughter learned right away...she was just lazy. Good Luck..J.

Hi S.

Try putting her in big girl panties even take her to the store and let her pick them. Let her walk around the house in the big girl panties and ask her to go potty every 2-3 hours even if she says that she don't have to go. If she just sits on the potty for 1 minute, she just might surprise herself with a pee. If not, just praise her for trying. Anyway just keep trying and praise her each time that she uses the potty.

We had a bit of a ritual -- when our son peed, we'd flush the toilet and say "bye-bye, peepee, see you next time!" Psychologists say it helps kids get over their anxiety about part of their body separating from them. Personally, I think it was just a fun thing to say and when we said it, my son knew he had my full attention.

For pooping, we listened for the "plop." Fun, eh? Also, he hated all potty seats/chairs, so he just sat backwards on the real toilet and that helped him feel safe.

At first, we had our son in the bathroom with us to get the rituals established, then he was excited to be in charge of his own pee and poo, the flushing and the "bye-bye."

The book that got me through the 3's was The Portable Pediatrician. A really helpful, down-to-earth book that I highly recommend. Good luck to you.

I, too, was a sticker chart skeptic...but it's working with my son, and has been for six weeks now. (Even with a bout of diarrhea in there.) He knows that after so many stickers he gets to play Wii, or on my computer, etc. (What was hard was finding the reward that was worth it enough...)

As for the terrible threes...with BOTH my boys, 2 was a BREEZE, and 3 was AWFUL. Positively AWFUL. But, within weeks of their 4th birthdays (my older son, before, my younger son, after), things had turned around.

HTH

Lady, I am in the same boat.

My 3 yr old loves "naked time" and has a couple of accidents a week, but she will not go in the potty. She holds it until I get fed up and put a diaper back on. Day care can't get her to go either. I thought about buying a smaller size diaper so they would be uncomfortable for her and she wouldn't want to wear them anymore and use the potty, but I didn't want to waste $ if that didn't work.

She hit the terrible 2's a month before she turned 3. I thought I had lucked out...nope...lol. You are not alone.

Her Doc told me to give up for a while and let her decide when she thinks it's time to use the big girl potty. She has all the signs of being ready but hasn't made the physical connection. If I force her, it could cause psychological damage..so I am told and read.

Good luck,
Nanc

i was in a similar situation with my 3 yr old son. my doctor old me to be very firm and when he wet/soiled his pullup or underwear that he had to change himself. I put a laundry basket full o his clean underwear and pants in his room and showed him how to put them on correctly. It took a few days and many temper tantrums later but it started to work!

I hope this advice helps.

You want progress in the next week before you go back to work, but then what? Her routine is going to be changed again. Is she newly turned 3? Perhaps she just isn't ready. I know she tells you to change her but that doesn't mean she is ready to go to the bathroom like a big girl. I know some will disagree but those are most likely the people too who had to battle their children and have huge frustration for both them and their children before they achieved being trained.

With my oldest, I stressed when he was 3 because I had a newborn at home too and I wanted him trained. It seemed to go well for a few days and then nothing. Accidents everywhere. I tried the sticker chart, cheerios in the toilet, prizes, toys for being on the potty, a peeing doll, you name it. NOTHING. I finally gave up. I didn't want it to be a bad experience for either one of us. I knew he wasn't going to be wearing pullups forever so I backed off. I waited about 6 months and guess what. He was trained in a matter of a few days...no stickers, no prizes, no stress, no nothing but "I have to go potty!" He was just ready whereas he wasn't 6 months before.

Personally, I'd back off for a while...especially with her routine about to change. When SHE's ready, you will be amazed at how EASY it is to potty train her.

Step back and look at your question and you'll realize why your 3 year old doesn't want to potty train.... NEW BABY in the house!! The timing is just not great to try to do this when you have a newborn. Too many control issues. Your 3 year old wants to be the baby, so it's going to be tough to deal with this now.
When my twin boys turned 3 (and a month), I decided to potty train them in between camp and school. I said "the diaper fairy came and took the diapers away but she left nighttime pullups for you!" One of my twins was trained in about 30 minutes. The other just wouldn't do it. It was so frustrating!! I finally gave up b/c I couldn't deal with the power struggle. I waited another 6 months until the next vacation when we were home. When I brought it up to him he said "Mommy, if I wear big boy underwear, will I still be your baby?" So it clicked for me that, while I'm sure he had the physical capability of being potty trained, he thought this would make him not my little baby anymore (he's the younger of the twins so I always say that he's my little baby). In any event, once we got over that psychological hurdle, he trained in a day or two!!! So maybe give it a rest for now. I know it's hard to have 2 in diapers (I had three in diapers for over a year!) but when she's ready psychologically, it will happen quickly...

Hi S.,

It seems that no one knows about it, and it's so sad to hear so many mothers have nightmares about potty training when they don't have to...

Here's your answer:
Toilet-Training in Less Than a Day, by Nathan Azrin
http://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/06...

The language is English English and some of the assumptions in the book are a little sexist (it was written in the very early 70's) but it works beautifully.

I discovered it by pure chance when I wanted to potty-train my son, and I've recommended it to many other mothers, and all who have used it have been very happy with the results. My son was going #1 on his own after a half-day, didn't do #2 that day so it took another 2 weeks, but from that day on, whenever he needed to do a #2, he would ask for a diaper, do it, then be changed. And most of the other kids I know who were potty-trained on this method were doing both #1 and #2 by the end of the day. I think we had a grand total of 4 accidents over 3 weeks after training, and he's been completely clean since then.

did you try giving her a cookie i tried that with my son it worked it only works when hes not wearing diapers like you said. But ultimately its up to her my neighbors sons is going to be four next month and she tried so hard he got impacted and wouldn't even poop in his diapers anymore and she had to get an enama. So you can't really push it I know exactly how you feel but just try to wait it out a little more and maybe if she goes to school and sees other kids doing it she will be more inclined to do it too.
Good luck!
From H.

I feel your pain. We've gone through the same thing, though we have just started and it has started to get better. I noticed that when she was around other little ones her age that were using the potty, she was great (she went to a camp where she had to be potty trained). Wondering if you can spend a day with another mother who has a little one around the same age for a couple of days in the coming week and see if that might help.

Just an idea - I know it isn't easy to do in one week, but in case it was an option.

Big girl underwear of her favorite character!

Maybe just back off a little too and not make a big deal about it. Let her control it - or at least think she is.

Since she has a 3 month old little sister and b/c you are going back to work maybe she's resisting b/c she wants attention and is feeling anxiety about you going back? Give lots of love and praises and make a super big deal of her accomplishments. Maybe reward her with an extra special mommy day when she reaches the big accomplishment and treat her to something special - whatever you think is an appropriate reward. You sound pretty stressed out, which is understandalbe, but maybe she feels that too? My friend has a 3 year old daughter and is a firm believer in the TERRIBLE threes - she will tell you they are REAL so you aren't alone!

WOW look at all the attention you are giving her. This is a lot of fun...for her.. and takes your attention away from that noisy newcomer (her sister). Put underpants on her, no pullups, tell her every hour to sit on the toilet. Dont take no for an answer, just make her sit for 3 minutes. The first couple of times she will whine and cry and say she doesnt have to, but dont argue, just tell her this it what she has to do. I have trained numerous toddlers and always before they can talk and resist. LOL Forget the stickers, charts, candy, etc. Do you give her stickers for sitting in her car seat? I hope not. When she does go in the potty, tell her how wonderful she is and call her dad or grandma, but praise should be enough.
She is whining for attention. Dont give it to her. Tell her unless she talks in a calm voice she will NOT ABSOLUTELY NOT get what she wants. And then stick by it. Make sure you find time for her alone. And tell her often that she is a big girl. Give her little jobs and say she is a big helper.
Good luck

Dear S., Yes being a mom is not easy. Much of what I'm hearing has to do with the new baby! The whining and crying and only going in a pull up. No I will not suggest a chart. I am an older mom and we did not have them. If you can find something that appeals to her little girl side and is only for big girls, like pretty new underwear. You also may need to ditch the pull-ups, they are too much like pampers. You also do not want to create another problem since you said she has control and can hold it. I have seen some moms respond with "you must go in the toilet or else you will have to clean your own panties" You might also let up for a while and try again another time. Who will care for her when you return to work? If it is daycare she could get into the swing when she is around others who use the potty. I had 4 sons and only 1 daughter. Boys are easier to train. Best wishes, Grandma Mary

Peer pressure worked for us with the daily maintenance (my daughter is in preschool). As does simply all going to the bathroom all the time - even when you don't have to, but you think she might. (My 2.5 year old daughter will always try to go if we can get her older brother to go, first.) Any chance you can borrow a potty trained friend for a bit? Stickers didn't work for me, but m&ms did, as my daughter never turned down the opportunity to earn M&Ms, even in the middle of an intense play-dough play session.

I feel ya. Some kids are more willing to go than others. Best of luck.

I feel your pain! I am at home with my infant, going back to work in 2 weeks and have a 3 year old (we kept her in daycare during my maternity leave just for my own sanity!). We potty trained her at 3 ( turned 3 in April). Nothing worked steadily for us either. We bribed her with small gifts whenever she successfully went on the potty....Dollar store gifts... that were in a box so she could put her hand in and pull out a gift. For the most part it worked. Once she started going on the potty regularly we cut the gifts. She was not happy about that but she eventually understood that gifts are no longer mandatory for potty usage. She began having 'accidents' when our newborn arrived so I made it into a fun little game of "get into the potty on time, do your thing, wash your hands and get out quick" which she continues to recite back to us and her daycare teachers everytime she goes into the bathroom! Hey, whatever works, right?

Oh, and the terrible threes are HORRIFIC! SO much worse than the twos for sure! My daughter is SO SASSY. She's a pretty good kid but she has her moments that make you want to lose your mind. And she has become the queen of stalling and selective hearing. Oh yes, the threes are loads of fun.

1.) Princess underwear! Tell her big girls wear it!

2.) Give her a book to read while on the potty. Keep a stack nearby. Make it fun time!

3.) Put a happy sticker on the back of the potty (like a friendly animal) and tell her it is saying "It's ok to go potty" (my potty had one, and my daughter told me she thought that.)

4.) Remind her to go when she looks like she is squirming to hold it in. Sometimes there is too much fun going on to take a break, so remind!

I never used food! Food should not be a reward.

Hi - I'm sure you've gotten tons of advice, but I thought I'd send mine over anyway. My almost 3 yr old daughter was having a very tough time training, she is very .... smart and opinionated so I didn't want to push the issue but she was started pre-k this month, so I used the Potty training in a day method. There is a book on it. Its bascially filling them up on liquids so that they have to go very very often, then practice getting there in time and learning the sensation of a full bladder. I used it on my 4 yr old boy when he turned 3 and he remembers that day as a very fun day when he got to spend time with mommy in the kitchen and eat treats and drink soda! He was accident free in a few weeks and my daughter has had about 5 accidents total since I trained with her in June, including overnight. The book is Toilet training in less than a day by Nathan H Azrin and Richard M Foxx, both MDs. Good luck!

Dear S.,

My overall philosophy is that if something really, really isn't working and is just making everybody miserable, then the child isn't ready, regardless of that child's chronological age. Let it go, and try again in six months. I know it'll be cold, but if it's too cold to go outside, the "naked method" can actually work well.

Also, do you think your daughter might still be reacting to the birth of her baby sister? It's sometimes hard to introduce an additional new routine when a child is adjusting to a sibling, and when preschool-age children see a baby getting lots of attention, they sometimes lose interest in "big girl" things.

That said, if you really want to keep trying, I'll let you know what's sorta-kinda working with my son, who also just turned 3.

What I try hard to do is start the day with a success. My son starts every day sitting on the potty with (I hate to admit this) a video. I am normally very strict about TV, but I allow my son to watch videos (Thomas and Sesame St.) if and only if he's actually sitting on the potty. After we celebrate the morning success, I keep my son bottomless and playing *near* the potty for as long as possible. The longer we do this, the longer it's part of his consciousness. With this method, my son tells me he needs to go potty on and off through the day, but only if the potty is in his field of vision, and only if he's not 100% absorbed in another activity. The bad part, of course, is that I've become the Mom Who Lugs the Potty Around! But it really is working, and he does seem to be potty-conscious for longer and longer stretches (with some notable failures, of course).

Oh, and we haven't gotten anywhere with a sticker chart either. I've found that it works much better to reward the process (just sitting on the potty) than the product.

So ... please don't despair! Either let it go and wait until you're daughter's in a more receptive phase, or tell yourself that preschool-age children are just very routine-dependent, and it'll a lot of time and effort to introduce a new routine.

On the whining/crying thing, I wish I had the answer! My son does this too at times, and I do NOT have a magic bullet for it! The only thing I know is that on days when my son really does this, I realize later that he needed more sleep and/or food. I do feed my child and put him to bed -- really! -- but with growth spurts, etc., it's sometimes hard to keep up with fluctuating food and sleep needs, or at least it is for me. Of course, for your daughter, sibling adjustment could also be a big factor, and that just takes time.

Sorry, that was really long and rambly. But I hope it helped.

Best wishes,

Mira