Potty Training Whoa's

Patience Bleskan was my life saver for potty training, this is her specialty! Go to www.patiencebleskan.com and she has a ton of advice there.

I have a son and had to go through the dreaded potty training with him. He refused at first though he was ready. What I found that I had to do was not give into him and put him back into a diaper. I kept him in his big boy underwear (you can get ones that have extra padding and a plastic cover to contain the mess) and let him see how uncomfortable it is to go in his pants. It was very unpleasant for me, but it was worse for him and he soon switched to the potty.
Good luck.
Amy

I sounds like your son figured out that potty training is something that he is in control of. You can beg, cajole, reward, punish, and more, but he is in control of this. Relinquish control to him. Tell him that you know he knows how to do it, so now it is up to him if he wants to do it. Ask him each day when he gets up if he's gonna be a big boy and wear underpants or a baby with a diaper. Respect his decision. When I was doing this with my son if he chose a diaper then there were certain things he was not allowed to do, because you have to be a big boy to do those things. It didn't take long for him to decide it was better to be a big boy.

I think your son definitely is ready and can be potty trained. We potty trained our son using a method that we read about online. Basically instead of taking them to the potty you just keep telling them to tell you when they need to go potty or poop, and you take them when they tell you. The first few days are rough, because they may have accidents and you have to watch them very closely and rush them to the potty every time they have an accident. You don't punish them for having an accident, just tell them it is yucky and tell them to tell you next time they need to go. The idea is that they are being trusted to tell you on their own, and they are in control of it. My son has done very well with this, and he did not do well with us taking him to the potty when we wanted him to go.

I've been where you are. Don't make it a battle. Once my husband and I acted like we stopped caring about it and making it a battle, he was fine. He needed to be in control. There will always be accidents once in a while. Just be prepared for laundry and throw out the diapers. Diapers should not be an option. Some kids just take longer. My son (4) doesn't care at all if he walks around with wet pants; my daughter (2), on the other hand, is mortified. He'll get there. Great resource is pottytrainingsolutions.com

You are doing good. Boys ( I have 2) can be very stubborn at times! Don't put him back into a diaper, that will make your struggle longer. My son has been potty trained for a year now and I still sometimes remind him to go potty.

Pick up some really cheap white underwear. Put on his really cool underwear in the morning and tell him to keep them dry. Then every hour have him go sit on the potty. If he goes potty then wait 2 hours if he doesn't then go back to 1 hour. Ask him if his underwear are dry. Have him tell you they are. If wets them then put on the plain white underwear and make a big deal out of it. If he wets those then I usually put mine in plastic pants after the 3rd time.

Sometimes I have had to resort to a polar bear shower. This may sound mean, but it works really well. If my kids potty or poop in their pants then they have to clean themselves up, and by doing so they have to take a shower, only it is a cold shower. My daughter had about 5 of them and my son had 2 until recently he wet his pants so he got another one and hasn't messed or wet in his pants again.

Good luck. Potty training does take longer than they say, but the idea of it he already has, you just have to keep reminding him to go.

I found that my kids knew what they needed to do to go potty, but they didn't always like to stop what they were doing in order to go. After the first day or so of going potty, the novelty quickly wore off. What I found worked best was to have a little training potty in the living room, which was where they both played the most. If they were watching tv or playing, they didn't have to leave the room to go potty, which meant they didn't feel like they had to stop what they were doing. Don't get me wrong....it's a potty in the living room, and I had to make sure I cleaned it out, but once both of my kids got used to going in a potty, either the trainer, or a big one when we were out or in another room, then eventually I just picked it up and put it away when they weren't looking. At that point, they just went to the bathroom and went in there since they never wore diapers anymore. It made it a stress-free transition, and was the magic solution after struggling with my daughter for months. I did this right off the bat with my son, and I never had a single problem with him. Also- I had the Royal Potty which looks like a little throne and has a sensor that reads when they sit down and there is a chime, and when they actually go potty, it plays music and applauds. They both LOVED that. Good luck! I hope this helps:)

L.,
My daughter did this at three, she was interested and after three weeks I thought we were done! yea! but she totally reverted and didn't want to do it anymore. She had so many accidents I can't even count them! So many people told me to stick it out, which I did, and by the time she was 5, yes 5! she finally was having maybe one accident a month or so. It was totally a source of contention in our home. How I wish I could go back and do it differently. I resented her and feel horrible about it. Looking back it was SO not worth it to fight about something that I physically could not make her do. I could make her sit on the toilet, but I could not control her body and didn't know when she needed to go every time. I did time it from when she had a drink, or ate and gave several reminders throughout the day. But she ultimately is still more in tune with her body, its hers. I think she felt awful about herself because I was always getting so frustrated! If I could do it again, I think I would have tried for a month and then let her have a break, and just told her that we would try again in a while. And I would have not even mentioned it for a month. Then started all over like we had never done it before. The funny thing is she was potty trained at night before she could do it in the day! Figure that one out! She is 6 now and still sometimes has a hard time recognizing when she needs to go, and when she does its always "I have to Go BAD, emergency!" And barely makes it. So I think by me continuing even though it wasn't working made the situation worse. I would rather have started over 24 times then make her feel the way she did, and me feel resentment toward her. I have to say I didn't yell at her but maybe a few times, I just wouldn't say anything while I cleaned it up. but she could tell I was upset. She had to clean up the mess with me and clean herself up and eventually do it all by herself.
I think that children have to be emotionally and physically ready to learn and master new skills. So my advice is keep trying but if either of you are completely worn out and frustrated, stop take a break and start over after three weeks.
They say that potty training and reading are the most trying things you will teach your children. But get this, the same daughter learned to read before she was in kindergarten! Just goes to show every child has different interests!
It also might help if you know his love language and reward him in that way. What ever you do, keep the love overflowing so you will both have happy hearts.
Good luck
E.

It sounds like he was going because there was a prize attached at the end. You may need to do another chart and another inexpensive prize - another car, playdough, a card game (go fish and old maid are really inexpensive), or a day with mom doing something fun. You'll probably have to do it several times until he gets so used to going on the potty that he doesn't have to think or be reminded.
"Wean" him from needing you to ask him to go. I agree to get the really thick cloth training pants and plastic cover. If you've been asking him every 20 min, go every 40 and then every hour, then every 2. If he's ready to go in the potty (and it sounds like physically at least he is) he should be able to go 2-3 hours during the day. The goal is to get him to understand the feeling that says "I need to go potty now". And, of course, if you see him doing the "potty dance" remind him to go.

If you try this and still have a battle, I'd wait. I struggle for 6-8 months or more with my son to go potty, but he was just really stubborn and didn't want to. I finally put him back in diapers (he was well past 3, nearly 4 at the time!) and took away his favorite activity because it was a "big kid" thing (it was video games). Then I didn't mention the potty unless he complained about being changed ("we wouldn't have to if you did it in the potty, but here it is so we've got to now") or if he asked for video games ("it's a big-boy thing, ang big boys go potty"). When he was about 2 months past 4, he decided he was ready to go potty (I think I asked if he wanted to try after the video game discussion again) and he was 100% trained in less than a week! I got lots of flack from family etc. for having a 4-year-old in diapers, but I just ignored them and waited. You might need to also, if it is a huge battle of the wills; kids always win this one (you can make him sit on the potty but you can't make him go!)

Hi L. - hang in there!! I am smackdab in the middle of this myself so I completely understand your frustration. I'm having to take it day by day.

My 3.5 yr old is ready too and completely knows what to do. We backed off a few months ago because of a lot of changes we were experiencing and let him be in pullups but now it's just time for underwear. After the first day the fun wore off and he got stubborn about it so we did the fruit loop game and that helped for another day. My son begged for a pull-up on Monday and I realized that it's hard work for him to potty train and it wears on him emotionally. His whole manner was more relaxed once the pullup went on. He was asleep 10 minutes later. I'm realizing that since he has a hard time with transitions anyway, every time I pull him away from an activity to go potty, I am upsetting his rhythm. I'd get annoyed with that too, I suppose.

My tack today (tomorrow might be different) is going to be to have him go potty at those transition times and see if that helps. He's been playing costumes lately so maybe going every costume change will work.

If you have any advice for me on how to get my son to #2 on the potty, please share!!

Hi, L.! keep it up--it takes time, that's for sure! I wonder if there is any issue with him being torn between getting attention for being a big boy (using the potty) and wanting attention for still being little (like he sees you giving your 10-month old every time she gets a diaper change). Just a thought. Maybe be sure he knows how much better it is to be out of diapers, and how great he is for doing it.
Good luck!
S.

Keep up the good work and eventually he will get the hang of it. You're doing great!

A lot of times when Moms say someone isn't ready, they are not always talking about physically. It sounds like you have a battle of the wills in the making. Clearly he's ready physically, but if he's feeling pressure from you he isn't necessarily ready to cooperate! Kids know that you cannot force them to pee on command, and he is making sure you know it. As hard as it may be, you will probably reach your goal faster if you do back off. If you can totally step back and say to him something along the lines of, 'I guess your not quite ready to be a big boy yet, so we will go back to diapers now. Just let me know when you decide to start using the potty like a big boy!' And then just drop it! He may be shocked when you just start diapering him without comment.You may be surprised at how quickly he suddenly decides to do this thing. I know of what I speak, it took my son less than a week after I backed off. When it was HIS idea, he did a fabulous job! I'm not sure if this is what you want to hear, but I did want to share my experience with you, and hopefully it will help. Good luck!

I did the three day potty training methond and it did good by not means was my son completly potty trained in three days, but was most of the way their after four or five days. Do not go back to diapers it will only confuse him and give him and you an out. Also older kids are a little harder to potty train as it is a control issue. It needs to be his idea to go potty other wise you are trained to set him on the potty not him trained to go to the potty when he needs to. Keep him in underware and a shirt for a few days around the house tell him to keep his pants clean and dry and it's his responsability to let you know when he has to go potty. Sounds like it would not work on a 3yr old I was sceptical at first, but my two year old is a lot more receptive and has fewer to no accidents when I remind him of his responsability vs. asking him if he has to potty.

I am not sure how you can work this in, but someone here gave me this advice and it totally worked!!!! My son was going pee but not poop. He would hold it until he got a diaper at night. So we decided that the diapers just had to go. So I sat down with him and said, "We have a problem. I went to the store today because you are out of diapers. But they don't make them in your size anymore because you are such a big boy! What are we going to do?" He thought about it for a bit and said, "Well I guess I have to go in the toilet." And we NEVER put a diaper on again. He did go for about a week of refusing to poop, even had to use some medicine to help him go, but he really hasn't had any accidents. I hope this helps!!

Don't get frustrated my son did the same thing. One thing that helped and I don't know if it was a power struggle or what but we have two different bathrooms in my house so instead of saying go potty. I would say would you like to go in your potty or Daddy's potty (Daddy's because whatever is dad's is cooler than mom's) Then he would make a choice. I know it will try your patience but the last thing I would do is put back on a diaper even if it means he has to be cleaning up things constantly. Make him work extra hard to do the dirty laundry clean up all the messes and soon he will realize you mean buisness and it is easier to go to the bathroom. Whatever you can do try to give him as many choices as possible. Example: Would you like to go potty right now or in 2 min. Whatever he chooses you will be happy with. And he is happy he gets to choose. It is not learning how to go potty now it is learning to share the power as well as the unconvience with going to the bathroom.

Sorry, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but Wait. It is becoming a battle of the wills - you cannot make him go potty. My son was potty trained for a week in January, and then suddenly just refused to go until recently. We asked for advice, read books, etc. Everybody said we just had to back off - also, the pediatrician said it was a mistake to put him back in a diaper after we knew he could go, and that we should approach it like he had never been successful. We should proceed as though he had never sat on the potty before and when we finally get him to go again, not to put him back in diapers. So we did. We left him alone for a few weeks. Then when he would show interest again, we would try again - he always said no. Finally, after a few months, he was okay at least sitting on the potty. He wouldn't go, but he wouldn't scream and fight. After that, we just had to convince him to actually try and go. So, we found something he really wanted... in his case, lightning mcqueen. We told him went pee pee in the potty for a whole day, we would buy him lightning Mcqueen. Whenever he would ask for a lightning McQueen car, we would tell him he couldn't have one until he went pee pee in the potty. Then we would tell him - "let's go potty!!" He would say no, and we wouldn't push it, we would just say, okay and just remind him that if he doesn't go he can't have McQueen. This went on for several weeks/months, but it did finally work. Finally, he told us he wanted to go pee pee so he could have Lightning McQueen. Now, whenever he tells us he doesn't want to go, we tell him, fine you don't have to, but only big boys who go in the potty can have lightning mcqueen. And tell him we will put mcqueen away until he is ready to go again. That usually brings him right back to going potty.
When we had a few successful days of pooping and peeing, we put him in underwear. He doesn't get put in diapers except at night. He doesn't like being wet and/or dirty, so it pushes him to go to the potty instead of in his pants. And he wants to show his friends - if we have anybody over that can go potty, he wants to show them he can go pee (as long as it is okay with the parents, we let him) because then they tell him "YAY" and make a big deal. Nothing is better than peer reinforcement.
I hope this helps and makes sense. Good luck.

I would recommend the 3daypottytraining.com method. My daughter was similar to your son as far as physically ready and going on the potty sometimes, but very against ever going when I asked. We struggled trying to make her use the potty for a while since I knew she could do it, but it was always a fight and very unpleasant for both of us. Then I read on a Mamasource post about the 3 day potty training method. I was skeptical about it since it costs $25 to download, but decided to give it a try since I was getting desperate. It was amazing - my daughter was basically potty trained in about 4 hours and has only had one or two accidents since (it's been 6 months) - and the best part is that is was a very positive experience for both of us. There are lots of nuances to the method that you should read about, but basically you mentally prepare them for a few weeks that they are about to be a big kid and no longer need diapers and then the weekend you chose, you simply get rid of diapers forever and switch to underwear. You need to make sure to stay very positive throughout the process even though there will be some accidents, but it basically makes the choice to go potty theirs (which they want to do to avoid accidents) and they feel a great sense of pride and accomplishment. I would highly recommend it. Good luck!

My son is almost 3 1/2, and we've just had a potty-training breakthrough, hallelujah! What worked for him was a chart with stickers. I think the difference between our chart and yours is the reward and maybe the amount of stickers needed to earn it.

I got a big piece of paper and drew lines on it, and they cross into squares plenty big to put a smiley face sticker in (his aim with stickers isn't very good, so he needs a bigger target). But I didn't draw in the last 2 squares on the grid. Instead, I drew a pair of underwear. When he filled up that chart, he got a new package of underwear. We already had the package, and he liked them, so he was really excited. With my first son, I told him we would go shopping for a new package, and he could choose. He liked that, too.
But that chart only took up half the paper. I drew another chart on the bottom half with a different color of marker. At the end of the chart I drew a tent, because the reward for filling it up was going camping with Daddy.
To get underwear, DS had to get about 34 stickers. To get the camping trip, he had to get 54. I didn't do that particular number on purpose, it's just how it got drawn.

I wonder if your son is thinking, "Okay, lady, I did what you said, I got my car, so now leave me alone!" He might need a longer-term goal to keep going.

Another thing we did is that my son got one sticker for going pee and two for going poop. But if he went pee while we weren't home, say, in the store or library or church, he got two stickers. If he went poop while we were away, he got three. He was very excited about getting so many.

I suggest you think of something BIG and fun that you can do with him at the end of a BIG chart of stickers. You could take him to the kids' museum, have a backyard campout, a family slumber party in the family room, etc. After he fills up a big chart, it'll be a habit, so I doubt he'll refuse to pee for rewards!
Good luck!

The big boy/little boy thing helps my son a lot. Peer pressure helps, too: XXXX across the street goes pee pee in the potty every time - she doesn't wear diapers - she isn't a little girl.

The other thing that helps a ton - we bought my son a real watch. Timex. With a timer I set for 90 minutes. It's water proof. Velcro fastens. He wears it on his wrist or ankle. http://www.amazon.com/Timex-Expedition-Classic-Chronograp... ($30 at Target. It might seem like a lot..but it was well worth it. and less expensive than getting the carpets cleaned)

If he wants to be a big boy, he wears that watch always (not when he's sleeping) - that's how he shows me he wants to be a big boy. When the timer goes off, he runs to the potty and goes. If he poops, the floor is poisoned until I come wipe him.

Big boys also wash their hands with Sponge Bob soap (I know it's silly...but he'll only wash his hands if it's the foamy soap)

If he's a big boy all day - and I don't have to coax him more than once - he gets to NOT WEAR a diaper to bed at night. That's his most valuable reward to date. He does NOT want to be a little boy.

When he forgets to flush I ask "what do big boys do now?" and let him come up with the answer...

It's all about letting him be in control.

When he forgets to wash his hands: "are you sure you washed your hands, because I'm going to come over and smell your hands....do you want to do something before I smell your hands?" then he'll say, "oh, I'll be right back" or if he doesn't...and his hands don't smell like soap, "Uh oh, your hands don't smell good. You need to go wash them again."

I have potty trained two boys and both went rather smooth with very little frustration. For my first boy, at 2 years and one month, I used a book called "Potty Training in a Day", this was the perfect solution for him and he was done with diapers in 1/2 day - NO ACCIDENTS! Keep in mind my first boy is very much a pleaser, doesn't argue much, never really cried or had fits. So then came my second boy, he is my first son's polar opposite! At 2 years and 6 months he knew what to do when it came to potty training (as opposed to my first son), he talked about it, he would sometimes even sit on the toilet and go (or not), yet no matter what I did, he just wouldn't do it consistently and indeed became a bit angry about it. Needless to say I just ignored the whole idea for a week or so, then took him to the store and we proceeded to pick out $20 worth of dollar store items. We got gum, toys (trucks being his favorite), candy, etc. Anything he loved with all his heart (or should I say desired). When we got home, he wanted to tear into them and just enjoy. I pulled out a huge bowl and we put everything in it and I explained to him that every time he peed or pooped in the toilet he could pick one item out. Of course the tantrum, throw to the floor, scream thing came next! I must say it was AWEFUL! I stuck it out though and just let him go to town with the screaming. After about 45 minutes, he went and sat on the toilet all by himself and sure enough peed then got to pick his reward!

This torturous cycle continued for the entire day, yet by the end of the day he had peed several times in the toilet and one poop. One thing that was import with both of the boys is to keep feeding them sugary drinks so they had to pee often. With the second boy, it took about a week with the prize bucket until I could take it away and he never once had an accident since the first day.

You mentioned that you used the sticker concept. I have had moderate success with that and only with little things like picking up toys and such. They need real live tangible things EVERY time to get the potty thing.

Good luck and remember they all get it eventually. = )

Yes. Wait.

I just went through this with my DS. For 6 months he's known how to poop/pee on the toilet and just refused to do so. Then, all on his own, 3 weeks ago he put on underwear and hasn't had an accident or lapse since. He needed to decide for himself that he wanted to do it, and he did.

Was it frustrating? Yes. Did I nearly pull out my hair each and every time I had to change a diaper? Yes. But they really need to come to their own conclusion that wearing underwear is the right thing to do. And yes, it took a good 6 months longer than with DD.

GL.