Hi! I am a new mother of an 11mo. little precious girl and also a step-mom to a 5 year old. I have been wondering (pre-planning) on how to handle this same issue for my daughter and also because our 5yr old still wears pull-ups, during naps or bedtime. My brothers (all very grown,) struggled with bed wetting even into their teens--they slept in the same room and one (6 yrs apart) taught the behavior to the other. I have to say I agree with the theory that it is really up to the parents to figure what "hat" to wear. Children of course are all different, even siblings differ greatly--what works for one may not be the approach for others. I have decided to begin with baby signing, and to teach my little one first what the feeling of using the bathroom is, ie. Identifying it when she goes. Then I want to move into letting me know when she goes, (again by the "signing motion, for #1 or #2, also to protect her from announcing or feeling embarrassed in public) and then I will move onto nightime, and of course letting me know (verbally or however she wants)to let me know. I remember for me, I was always afraid to get up at night in the dark, alone--I was potty trained before three, but even as I got older I was afraid to get out of bed-still i was never a wetter. In talking to my brothers candidly then and even now as adults, they have always admitted to me, that they were just mostly lazy, especially in the winter months. Still, my mom and dad could never cure it--but I believe it is because my parents berated them about it--their delivery was wrong and spoiled their confidence.(But I will say the women in these emails sound very positive and supportive--and I am not saying their childeren are lazy by any means)- In our case,I finally did however try to initiate change with our five year old (whose parents both simply allow it, and are very lax--do not really make the efforts to potty train, or get up at night to take her., (and yet please note they are great parents, her mother is in fact a teacher...)..I offered to get up at night to take her, both at set times and if she calls for me--because on many occasions, my boyfriend has forgotten her pull-up for even a nap, and she has gone in the bed. What I offered was to try and not use the pull-up, and to be available to her during naps and night-time--to simply call me and I will take her--if she goes the whole weekend without a diaper I will take her to Toys R us to pick out a toy. Unfortunately this has not worked because her dad has not pursued it--or given me the reins to do it on my own and I don't want to overstep his boundaries. So, it is left as it is, and why should she do it differently when she doesn't have to? I also recognized that she was a bit embarrassed about it, and it really would have worked better coming from her biological parents, so I stepped back. With my little one, she has gone poo in the bath tub twice and we have rushed when we see it beginning, sit her on the toilet and praise her at eye level, both of us,(while holding her there of course) clap and say YAY!! ---She laughs and loves it. From there I believe I have opened the door in many ways-I am familiarizing her with what she sees the purpose of the toilet, and rewarded her-- I guess on a final note in reading all these very helpful messages from everyone, I see that most of those that say things like "it's not laziness" or, "they are hard sleepers" or, "let them get there in due time"...these are all things that I hear from my boyfriend on his daughter---I believe all those things to be true, "AND" it doesn't mean that we can't find the "hat" to wear for each individual child to get results. Some of these parents have childeren that are like my brothers were, 8, 11--soon they will be teens!!
The problem doesn't stop there, they will carry on the behavior and only be emabarrassed at grandparents, or sleepovers--or when friends come over--I still remember the smell--it gets careless, passes the plastic, and destroys (actually burns thru)the mattress--not to mention the time and money in continuously having to wash bedding, or do they wear a pull up forever? The last issue of Parenting magazine talks about how childeren want discipline--focus on not making it a problem, but a challenge that with hard work can be over-come. This is a life lesson! Starting early will only better benefit your child. Otherwise, what comes later, "they have a degree but they just can't find work in this market" or, "she is so smart but she just can't focus when she reads"---I can't help but tell my boyfriend it is all a crutch--and in his case, he is the lazy one--maybe the hard sleeping is prevelent because she is already subconsciously aware the diaper is there--I am a hard sleeper, but when I feel my bladder full it is uncomfortable, it wakes me up, I know I do not want to wet the bed so I go to the bathroom. My brothers have actually told me that they were sick of the problem and it's effects--the act itself lowered their self-confidence, and the way they felt about it was guilt, mostly because they new it was a lack in their own self-responsibilty---and accountability issues later grew in other areas because of the lack of "call of accountability" (which we all agreed should have been handled differently from my parents)...In a child,yes, there is a learning curve to recognize these feelings-the bladder full during sleep, etc. However subconsciously when they know that diaper isn't there, and proper nuturing along the way is present, rewarding etc.--The changes will follow-reading these emails only shows me it is best to start early, no excuses, make it happen.