Pre-K Son - Creating Problems for His Teachers

When my son was 3, the mother's day out program he went to had completely ineffective discipline. They would send him to the office to play with a toy train and then call me to pick him up. They were rewarding him for the bad behavior with exactly what he wanted- the undivided attention from adults, and going home where he felt comfortable.
My son has trouble staying in line. They taught the kids in pre-K by having them hold onto handles on a colorful rope. He had trouble with nap time. (We avoided it in pre-k because it was half-day). In MDO and kindergarten, they let him put his blanket under a table, where he could not help but crash loudly into the chair and table legs. In kindergarten I sent books every day for him to read, especially pop-up books which were more like a toy to keep him entertained.
For kindergarten, we tried to coordinate the discipline at home and at school. He had time outs at school and at home. If the behavior at school kept escalating, they called me so he could tell me he was sorry and what happened, and then the teacher would tell us what the punishment was. Sometimes it would be having to eat lunch in the office, no TV time at home later, or missing recess. I preferred having him walk laps instead of completely missing recess because he really needed the time to move around.

"He was encouraging his classmates to say "no" and to hide from the teachers".
I don't think a chart is going to curb him from attempting to inspire anarchy at school.
It's not nearly a severe enough consequence.
Have you told him he must listen to the teachers and obey the rules?
Do you know how dangerous it could be if there's a fire drill or some emergency and kids are hiding and teachers can't get a head count?
Have you told him disobeying is not cute nor is it something to be proud of?
Do you send him to time out after school when his teachers tell you of his latest escapades?
If my son behaved like that and repeated the insubordination despite my telling him his behavior must stop and is unacceptable, I'd have spanked him, had him apologize in person to his teachers and promise not to do it again.
The school my son went to would have suspended him.

here's the deal....he will not stop it on his own. The teachers have to be:

#1 proactive & prevent his disruptive actions. This will require diligence on their part. The whole key is to stop him before he starts! An easy way to do this is to take him by the hand, make sure he is the teacher's "best friend".....this one-on-one interaction will help him learn appropriate behavior.
& #2 The one thing they don't want to fall into...is reprimanding him thru isolation & disconnect! That's just laziness on their part.....

My questions would be: is this his 2nd year at the same school? Same or different teachers? & is he repeating the same curriculum & not being challenged? Is he educationally ready for school next year? What's different this year....that's making life so hard for him?

& here's the biggie question: does he need to be screened for any issues? If so, then you'll want to get a handle on it before KG next year. I wish you Peace!

We went through this last year. What I found was that punishing my son hours after the fact yielded little to no results, because he was barely able to recall the incident by the time I was dealing with it. It's good to do backup discipline at home, but your son needs immediate consequences for his actions - and/or he needs someone who will manage the situation better in the first place.
I'd ask the teacher point blank what SHE is doing about the problem. If the answer is not much you need to move him to a new class or school.

Is he like the "oldest" in his class?
Maybe this is why.

My question is also: What are the Teachers doing, about it?
How do they handle situations like this?
Then maybe, duplicate that, at home.

Sometimes also, with a kid, you just need to be DIRECT about it and point blank, tell him.... this is WRONG and unacceptable. Don't pussy foot around it. Some kids need just blatant, talking to. Or they don't take you seriously.

Get the book "Have A New Kid By Friday" by Leman and "How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."

You might also tell him, that he is getting other kids in trouble... and that their parents do NOT like it nor appreciate it.
Because, he is literally, making the other kids misbehave, too.
Which is wrong. (and kids do sometimes go home and tell their parents about what other kids are doing and telling them... ie: that your son is telling them to hide from the Teacher, etc.). Do you want that?

And there needs to be, consequences. Like staying in for recess. (which for the school, is a safety need... because, your son tends to RUN out into the street and not staying in line. The school, NEEDS to keep, safety in mind... and for the other kids. What if all the other kids followed him? What if your kid got hit by a car? Then what? The school, has to think, of these ramifications... of your son's actions).

You might also try, making a List... everyday, of things that he did that was nice and thoughtful. Then discuss it and praise him.

And try asking him, WHY he does those things... getting into trouble?

They are making the problem worse by not allowing him outside. My son has tried to run away too when he was young but not allowing for any time outside is too much. I would talk to them about making his time outside dependent on him cooperating and giving him a job to make sure the other kids are ready to go inside and if he does his job well he gets a special reward when you pick him up. My son was given a thing of legos, or allowed to bring his lovey Tiger with him, etc. If he tries running away, hiding or encouraging others to misbehave he has a choice of being with a teacher inside the whole recess or outside next to a teacher the whole recess.

I'd also have him re-evaluated by the school district. Smart gifted children are prone to causing trouble too. My son is socially/emotionally delayed but a whole grade level ahead of his peers and being bored in class has always made him dream up new ways to break the rules that break the spirit of the rules but not the letter of the rules. I swear he'll make a great lawyer one day but until then he just needs to get through primary school without too much trouble.

You should know, I'm a weirdo. So, take what I have to say with that in mind:-)

I don't see him doing much of anything wrong. He's a kid and wants to be able to act like a kid. He's not interested in sitting and learning in the boring way that public schools (preschools tend to follow the same type of learning) and so he's rebelling against that. I think it makes total sense.

At 4.5 years old, I think the nap time or quiet time is ridiculous. My son is the same age, and he doesn't need quiet time at all. I know he wouldn't sit quiet for it. He would probably try, but if it's more than 15-20 minutes, that's way too much time. Odds are I'd only get 10 minutes out of him. And, it's not because he's a bad kid, it's because he IS a kid and has a ton of energy and an imagination that he must attend to. He is very bright and is on the go a lot. He would NOT be happy with quiet time that lasted long at all.

Though, I do agree that it's wrong that he is trying to run out into the street and try to overthrow the "government" of preschool (haha!), but at the same time, it makes sense. Kids are meant to learn through play.

So...that's why I'm weird. I really don't see his behavior of refusing to have quiet time, not wanting to go back in after recess, and all that as bad. I see it as a kid not afraid to let people know that he is a kid and needs to be allowed to learn as kids do...through play. They learn SO MUCH that way.

I definitely don't agree AT ALL with them not letting him go out anymore. Honestly, if it were me, I would seriously consider taking him out of preschool (if you are able). It doesn't seem like it's something he likes...and if you look at the studies, sure some preschooled kids do better in kindergarten often, but long-term, there isn't much benefit or signs of being more advanced.

I don't do preschool with my son. Actually I guess I do. He's in kindergarten homeschooled. He spends most of his time playing, but he loves to learn. I keep it limited timewise so that he spends most of his time playing. I keep learning fun and exciting for him. But I know he would probably be behaving just as your son if he was so structured at such a young age. That's not to say I'm anti-structure...just that I think they need the freedom of play.

Okay, I'll stop. Sometimes I just feel a little defensive of the little kids who aren't ready for that type of learning! I totally understand where you are coming from as a parent and in NO WAY want it to sound like I'm criticizing that. Just that I don't think it's something he needs to be punished for or to associate so much negative with when it comes to learning.

Learning should be fun and exciting! :-)

He sounds like he is overwhelmed and needs a lot of attention.

I noticed you have a new baby. This is a huge change for him and then a full day away from all of you may be a bit stressful for him. .

You need to explain to your son that he" needs to go to school". That when he is there listening to the teachers, resting and following the rules, he is being your "big helper". You need him to go to school so he can grow up to be a big boy.

Also let him know that he is supposed to

"Listen with his ears."
"Do as the teachers ask"
"Keep his hands to himself."
And to "let the children rest at nap time."

With each of these instructions have him repeat them to you.. In the morning before school, tell him again and again have him repeat them.

You need to let him know it makes you disappointed that his behaviors are
not acceptable and you know he can follow the rules, because he is a smart boy.

I'm sure he's adjusting to the baby. How does he feel about being in a full day program right now? Would he be upset if they kicked him out? or would he be thrilled? Does he envy his brothers for getting to stay home with Mommy?
Can you go with five half days?? that sounds like it would help him better than three full days.

Our little guy was diagnosed with sensory issues. He is just like your little guy. The school requires us to pick him up after lunch and when the class is going down for nap. We had a meeting last week and our guy now has a behavior plan. He is doing okay but he gets rewards for good choices.

Being punished really has no effect on this age group, especially after the length of time you are waiting to punish him. He needs some instant rewards for good behavior and then some more long term rewards, like earning stars or tickets he can trade in for something wonderful.

He needs to feel good about the good things he does so he will repeat them and stop doing the rest.

She needs to be proactive in his behavior, as the behavior is occurring. And, to be sharing the day to day kid stuff sounds trite. She needs to pick her battles and talk to you about the things that REQUIRE your attention as a parent. When she talked about not taking him outside, was it everyday or sometimes? I think it would be appropriate to have him lose recess and sit out if his behavior warrants it. But, not everyday because she doesn't want to deal with him. It sounds like she's done with your son and is getting knit picky with him...have you looked into other preschools?

Does he have a snack in class? Does his misbehavior happen within an hour of snack time? What do they eat for snack? Do they used colored hand sanitizer on all of the kids before eating? Just a thought, but he could be sensitive to additives like my DD and when she gets those, she is very much like your DS. PM me if you want more info. Our life has totally changed for the better with nutrition and avoidance.