Pre Teens and Birthday Parties

12 year olds it is time for us grown ups to start backing away from these relationships our children have. I know it is hard, but 12 year olds are usually in 6th grade, middle school. They are no longer elementary school babies. They are young ladies.

They need to begin leading the decisions about what THEY think they want to do about these things. Does she want to be invited? Does she want to know why she was not invited? Does she want to know these things bad enough to ask on her own? If not, There is her answer..

We never want to see our loved ones hurt, embarrassed, or overlooked. That includes by other peoples actions, but it also includes our actions.

IF your granddaughter brings up the subject listen to what she has to say, Then ask her, "well, what do you want to do about this?" "I can understand what you are saying, what are some ideas to find out?"

Also explain that friendships change at different times in our lives and really it ends up being for the better. We are all changing and growing in different ways.

Maybe your granddaughter is really not into what this other girl is now into (boys, makeup, Barbie dolls, video games, shopping). Maybe the other girl is taking your grand daughter for granted (they spend so much time together anyway). Maybe the guest list had to be made smaller or maybe there were other girls her mom wanted or felt needed invited because of other social reasons, or relatives..

I try to not think of the worst as to why something is happening, just in case it is a mistake or a circumstance I am not privy to.

You can set the tone in this for your Grand daughter. If you focus or harp on this, you are going to make her feel like there is something wrong when in reality, it is just another opportunity for Grand daughter to do something extra special with another of her friends or you..

It's hard, but they do need to learn to handle disappointment and at 12 she should be old enough. Things aren't always what they appear either. 10 or 12 girls in the community is a lot if the other girl is having a sleepover party. When my boys have sleepovers they are limited to about 5 guests, sometimes 6, but never more than 7. Friendships change over time too. For the first time since he's been having parties, my oldest son is not going to invite a neighbor boy to his party this year. He is having a small party and he has some new friends from band and his honors classes that he would like to invite instead. I am a little concerned about what the neighbor boy will think, but I think this is the natural progression of their relationship at this point. I don't always make my boys include boys who have invited them to their parties. Maybe you can do something special with your granddaughter on the day of the party to distract her and give her something fun to do instead.

It is hurtful, but be the better person..... send a gift in the mail and a small card and wish her a happy birthday. Continue to encourage her to invite this child to her next party if she wants too. Just don't make an issue about it and be loving back. It will probably shock them.

My child has been invited year after year to a girls party and she did not get the invite this year. I think she understood whatever the circumstances were. So we just sent a gift and they still remain friends.

Well I have another side of a coin for you. When my daughter was in third grade she had some issues with bullies. But we still handed at an invitation to everyone in the class. One of the girls said to my daughter I'll help you pretending to be her friend and proceeded to throw them in the garbage. We didnt find out to a few weeks later and the kid's mom felt outed. One of the those PTA moms so of course the whole pta decided to do something else at my daughters expense. I would confront the mom, Thankfully my daughter has a lot fo friends outside of school and still had a huge party. Now on the other hand if it turns out she was not invited its time to get your granddaughter into some after school activities where the girl isnt so she can make some new friends.

Have a pizza party or an at home movie or take all the girls except the nasty twit with the status seeking mother to the new Harry Potter movie. Leave miss social climber out and you'll see how fast the little twit remembers your granddaughter on every social occasion ever after.

Updated

Have a pizza party or an at home movie or take all the girls except the nasty twit with the status seeking mother to the new Harry Potter movie. Leave miss social climber out and you'll see how fast the little twit remembers your granddaughter on every social occasion ever after.