Pregnancy & Delivery Discussions with 4 Yr Old

As a childbirth teacher, I am very comfortable with birth & my kids are going to be quite familiar with it. I agree with someone else who said that it's not going to scare a kid & if they get simple honest answers now, they won't grow up afraid of birth. My 2-yr-old saw my second baby born at home a few months ago, and she loved it! She was so excited after the baby was born. Just chattering away... She still mentions sometimes how her baby sister came out of my bottom. I think that explanation isn't going to faze a kid. They know a BM comes out that way so why not a baby?

As for how the baby gets there, I haven't been asked that one yet. I'll probably explain simply and honestly.

Why hide childbirth from her? I think this is one of the main reasons women in our society fear childbirth so much. I have 3 girls. The 3rd was born this past April at home and my other 2 daughters witnessed it all. My middle daughter had just turned 5. She is not scared of birth at all. And she did go and tell her preschool class that she saw her baby sister being born but what she was more excited about was that she got to hold her and she was so cute. I don't think we give our kids enough credit. They don't over analyze things like we do. My girls are growing up knowing that birth is just a normal part of life, just like eating, breathing, going to the bathroom etc. It is no big deal and when they have babies, I don't think they will be freaking out like the majority of women in this country do.

Treat it like it is not a big deal and your child will to. And please don't tell her the doctor gets the baby out.That is not true with vaginal births. The mom gets the baby out. I delivered my babies, the only person that got the baby out, was me.

Lisa

I'm probably in the minority, but I personally was raised with full knowledge of how babies are made (I grew up on a hobby farm, so I saw lots of baby animals, etc). I also have explained the truth to my 5 year old at every stage, just in a simple way he can understand. I have NOT described sex in any way, shape or form, but have told him that a man and a woman together make a baby and when my sister was pregnant, we discussed regularly about the baby growing in his Aunt's tummy and how when he was big enough, she would push him out. It was also clearly explained to his cousins. They all understood and none of them were "explaining childbirth", as you put it, in their classes. You can still even say God helps, but really, does it help children to not know how things work?

Once again, this is my personal opinion, based on my personal experience. Knowing the truth, framed in a simple way, is completely reasonable for a 4 year old. I grew up in a very religious home, but the facts of life was also no secret. Kids are smart, they can understand. Give it a try!

An early childhood teacher once gave great advice on this topic - only answer the question being asked. The question may seem really huge and general to you, but it is likely very specific for your daughter. The example the teacher gave was a kid who asks "Where did I come from?" The parent starts gearing up to give the birds and the bees talk, but then the kid says, "no, where did I come from? My friend at school came from California. Where did I come from?" (The friend's family used to live in California.) It's OK to answer your daughter's questions with more probing questions, to find out what she really wants to know. They will not ask for more than they are ready to hear, and they will let you know when they have had enough. Give one piece of information at a time and wait to see if there are more questions. And whatever it is that she does want to know, you can explain to her that, since a lot of this process has to do with parts of the body that are private, it's also something that you talk about in private. She can talk to you or her dad (or whomever else you think is appropriate) but that it's not something to talk about at school or church or the park or the grocery store.

(All that aside, I'd strongly suggest sticking to the truth. Otherwise, down the road, you're going to spend a lot of time un-explaining what you've already explained, or worse, you lose credibility and your child's trust when they do find out the truth. You don't have to tell them everything all at once, just make sure what you do tell them is accurate.)

This all depends on your views and what you are comfortable with. Personally, I go into every nitty gritty detail with my kids, use tons of medical jargon, and they get bored with it and walk away ;) You can also mention to her that she will learn all about this in due time, and little girls don't need to worry about baby making and delivery, not just yet, but she can love on the little ones all she wants!! Best wishes!

Ask her what she thinks happens. See how much info you need to tweak and what you can get away with just letting her imagination fill in the blanks. I taught 4 year olds for several years. My last year I was pregnant the whole year and got to answer lots of fun questions about pregnancy from my students. When it got to the scary ones I usually just turned it around to them and confirmed as much of the truth as I could. One girl (a new big sister and therefore "expert" on all things baby related) told me that I would go to the hospital and push really hard then the baby would pop out of my belly button. I just smiled and nodded. And she left it at that. On a separate occasion a different child told me I might "poop the baby out" so I should be careful. Don't worry about it being too gross or scary or inappropriate. If she isn't satisfied with her own answer and just keeps pressing you for more info just give her little bits at a time. Also there is a ton of age appropriate picture books on the subject of where babies come from. Maybe a visit to the library could help quench her thirst for knowledge.

When our third baby was due, I wrote what would probably be called a social story now about what would happen when the baby came for my 2 girls, ages 5 and 3. Drew the pictures myself, from first labor pains, to Daddy being a cheerleader, to the new baby in Mommy's arms. I even covered who would take care of them while we were at the hospital. They read the book a lot. It was very general and didn't really cover how baby got in mommy's tummy. Westill have it and the eldest is now 27! When baby #4 came along, our eldest, then nearly 7 took it upon herself to write a new birthing story for her sisters. She definitely had more questions about the beginning of the process. Her Dad explained that Daddy's seed got in Mommy's tummy and a baby grew but didn't say how. It took her three weeks of thinking about it before she declared to me one day that she had figured out that I drank the seed. Good lord, correction was needed. I really liked the posts that explained that husbands and wives have a special way of showing each other love, but still give them the basics, else they will come up with their own explanation. Keep it simple and they will be satisfied.

T.,
I'm a bit of a prude so when my middle son said babies came out of the belly button, I was tempted to let him think that. But I decided to be grown up and use the proper terms. "The baby comes out through the birth canal." Of course, he then asked to see mine.

Thankfully, I have a girlfriend who is much more comfortable about the body than I. Right in front of me, she explained how her babies were too large and she needed a c-section. She was very clear and concise in her explanations. That satisfied his curiousity for a long time.

For me, I had to practice what I wanted to say. That helped me not be so uncomfortable. I did purchase the book, Everything Your Children Want to Know but You Were Afraid They Would Ask. Very informative but a little too explicit for me but then again I'm a prude.

Good luck.
~K.

Tell her what you think she can handle in a way that isn't too graphic.......And yes, you need to make sure she understands that this is "personal" and not things that are shared at this time......you might find that telling her the brief version works for a while longer.....

Good Luck and hang in there.....there's more to come!!!

You know your daughter.
Trust your instincts to explain tho her as best you can.
Remember that you will have to clarify anythi;ng you tell her now in the future.
Dont leave it too vague for her to think you give slanted infromation.
The truth is best. The extent of the truth is up to you knowing your daughter.
This may be one of thoes conversations "just between you and I" with your daughter.

IF she asks, tell her the truth. You don't have to elaborate completely on it, but tell her babies come out of a special place on a woman's body -the vagina. She does know about her vagina, I'm sure! Tell her it gets much bigger when it's time for the baby to come out and the mommy's body pushes it out. At her age, she'll probably be just fine with that, and it's the honest truth. You don't have to go into pain, complications, c-sections or anything until asked. Watching Animal Planet can be very helpful for a kid to get a good idea when they show animals birthing. Animals usually don't have much pain and don't act like they're hurting -often they just show them kind of standing up and the baby giraffe or whatnot falling out. It's pretty clean, quick and it gets the message across!

I think the "right" age to explain things more depends on the child. If your daughter is as intelligent as you say, she may be ready now. Think long term...if you're not giving satisfactory answers, she'll find someone who does and may get information you would rather she not have. At 4, this is an annoyance. At 14, this could result in an unplanned pregnancy. As long as you consistently respond to her questions in a way that satisfies her curiosity, she'll keep coming to you for answers.

Case in point...I have no problem explaining these "facts of life" and my sons (now 12 and 16) asked me questions constantly, particularly my older son. The older he got, the more challenging the questions. I would always answer the question first from a "biology" point of view and then re-answer it from a "values" point of view. By the time he was in jr. high school, I was spewing my soda hearing the questions he was asking, but I answered anyway. Finally, after two weeks of the most outrageous questions, I asked my son where in the world were all these questions coming from!?!? He said that all his friends knew I was the "only mom willing to answer the tough questions," so they'd have my son ask me and have my son report back to them. I was floored.

As for the sharing at preschool concern, I would simply tell your daughter that it's only appropriate for her to have these conversations with you. It's NOT ok to talk about this with other children or adults because it makes them feel uncomfortable. Again, if she's as intelligent as you say, this will make perfect sense to her.

I would encourage you to get the book "Where did I come from?" and it's companion book, "What's happening to me?" The first book is about pregnancy and childbirth and does a great job explaining it for little ones (I was ok with the pics, but not all parents are). The second book deals with puberty, which I know, for you, is a ways off. I had the set my mom shared with me and my sister and when my boys started asking questions, we sat down and read it together. I left them in my older son's room and I know they looked at them and brought me questions. It was a real "learn at your pace" sort of thing and, so far, it's worked well.

Good luck!

I had my last 2 by c-section. I told my boys that the doctor cut my tummy open and got the baby out and sewed me back up. No problems there. I even showed the scar. I also told them God put the baby there and they believed that. Not sure how I would handle natural childbirth questions. I don't think I would want to tell them the truth yet either.

Just explain that God makes a special place for babies to get out of mommies tummies. It is down by your bottom between your legs and it is kept private. Use basic language but be honest without too much detail. My almost 5 year old knows I have a period and it means I can have babies and that is where babies come out, but that is all she cares to know or needs to know at this point. It is always best to be honest about things so they know they can trust you.

My son is seven and became very curious about all that when I was pregnant and had his baby sister 4 mos. ago. I just told him the truth...that the baby comes out of "mommy's private area (which he already knows about) or the dr. cuts open mommy's belly and takes the baby out". He was fine with that. I even let him watch TLC's A Baby Story with me so that he would understand more and ask me questions about what was happening. It worked out great. He hasn't asked me how the baby gets in there yet...we'll see how that goes.