Pregnant After I Have One and Thought I Was Done - Need Support

I too don't have much advise personally, but for some reason you have been granted a second beautiful gift for reasons you may not know of now. When I had my second baby, I was so afraid how I could possibly love another child as much as my first and some how you do and it was automatically very clear how lucky I was to be the M. of two beautiful healthy boys. Good luck to you and I think in the end it's all going to work out ok for you because this was meant to be! Take care.

I had my first at 34, ( now 11) and my twins at 38 ( now 7). I was on clomid, so yes we knew there was a chance for multiples, but we had one the first time, so we were not even thinking twins. Well at about 12 weeks we discovered we were having twins.
Not what we were planning, however that most have been the plan for us. I have heard people say you never get more then you can handle. People would ask me how do you handle twins and a 4yr old, but my reply was always. What other choice is there, give one away?

It has been great, my oldest daughter has benefited so much from having 2 sisters. They fight sometimes, but it is so great to see them interact and play. And I always think it will be nice that they have each other as they get older.

Dear M. J,
I know that you must be overwhelmed about the pregnancy, I felt the same way when I found out I was pregnant at age 40. My children were already in their late teens and I was a grandmother already. It scared me and at the same time amazed me, that I should be blessed with another child at my age. I'm 62 now and my baby is 22 and just found out that she is pregnant. I know that having a baby is life changing for everyone in the family. Just think of it this way, your only child will never feel alone and will have someone to play with. My first two children were 4 years apart and to this day they live with each other. At my age, I do have a different life style now, but when a baby comes into your life, it is your life, I sit home many nights thinking how much I miss my grown children and all the excitement that we had living together. I lived for them, taking them to school and all the events that happened at school. Birthday parties, and all the different occasions that would happen. Yes, many nights I think of all the things that we did as a family and I wish I could have them back again. You can mourn for your old life, but rejoice for the new life that you will have. I had 3 pregnancies, I remarried and my husband had 3 children and I reared a grandson, who, I always think of as a son. That was 7 children in all that I had in my life and now that they don't live with me any longer, I miss them and all the good and bad times we had and I wouldn't change that for any other kind of life that I could of had. Now I know how my M. felt about me and my brothers. She loved us with her whole heart and soul. I miss her too, because I took care of her for a very long time. My M. always told me the story how she begged my Dad for a little girl, because they had 2 boys, so, five years after having her 2 boys, I was born. As time went on and my M. became unable to take care of herself, my dear husband and I took her into our home and made her comfortable...I had 2 little ones when my M. came to live with us and I thought it was difficult then, but now I look back and it was just part of my life. It's all gone now, the kids and my M.. Just my husband and me in an empty nest full of empty rooms. I hope my story gives you some support and understanding about how things do change and they don't stay the same. What seems so hard now will only be a memory. Just remember that you want to have some good ones as you grow older. May the good Lord give you peace and happiness during the new year 2010. Love, Jo

After trying to get pregnant again(with IVF the 4th time) and hoping against hope to have another child, I hit the jackpot and got triplet girls. Unlike feeling thrilled I was scared to death and couldn't figure out how the hell to handle it. I have an older son who I was worried about. I found out after having them (now they are a year old...my son is now 4)that I really didn't have anything to be so afraid of. Just like when my 1st was born...I was completely in love.

There is no way for me to know how you are feeling but I did want to say I am so sorry that you are so sad!!!

I have never been in your position but I will pray for your heart to heal. Whatever choice you and your husband make will be the best for your family. Nobody can tell you what to do with your life!!!

Hi,
I've not personally been in your exact situation but I just wanted to send a quick note of support. When you're set in one way of thinking and life throws you a curve ball, so to speak, it is completely understandable to feel both overwhelmed and sad. My younger daughter is almost 2 so we are just getting our lives back to normal. But it's more like the "new normal". It's true that we don't get to travel or sleep in since we have 2 little girls (the older one is almost 5) but we get a lot of things that make it all worth it...we get to share our lives with these wonderfully strange and innocent and sweet little people that make every day a new adventure. And your relationship may change a little bit with your older child but the whole family will grow to make room for the newest member and there will be enough love to go around. BTW, I hated being pregnant and felt that it made me even more emotional than usual so don't discount those crazy pregnancy hormones in contributing in part to the way you're feeling. Maybe you could ask your ob/gyn if she can recommend a therapist for you to talk to who can help you sort out your feelings. Hang in there because everything will work out!

the only things I would add would be, coming from a family of 5 kids - the absolute BEST thing my parents gave me was siblings. I will be forever grateful for that.

Also, its hard to know if you will be able to accept a 2nd child with all your heart, but the heart does amazingly grow. Its an amazing gift.

GOOD LUCK!

Hi M. J,
My situation was different from yours, but may help. I really wanted a 2nd child, but my husband didn't. I finally taked him into it, but then after my 2nd son was born I was SO depressed! His birth mad me realize how perfect things were with just my one 3 year old. I really thought I screwed up and made the biggest mistake ever. Well now fast forward 7 years and I can't even imagine not having 2 kids. They're such good playmates and entertain each other all day. Have fun together on vacations, etc. I have friends with just 1 child and the children are always bored, they constantly have to set up playdates, M. has to play with the only child, etc. My life is so perfect with two, I wouldn't have it any other way. Hope this helps!

I think what you are feeling is normal, and to be expected. I tried very hard for all four of my kids - fertility treatments for all of them, and even though I wanted to have each one, I went through a little period of WHAT THE HECK DID I DO!?!?!?!??! after I found out I was pregnant - especially with my second. I am *almost* 42 and my youngest is almost 17 months, so with him I went through the WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?! phase when I realized that I would be well into my 60s by the time he graduated from college. So, like I said, this isn't unusual. By the time you have the baby you will have come to terms with it, and I bet your son will be super excited to have a little sibling. Also, he will be a big help with the baby, and you will wonder why you ever had this period of doubt. It will be tough - going from one to two is a hard transition, but it will be nice because as your son goes off to school, you will have someone to keep you company! Don't worry about your feelings right now, just try to be at peace with how you are feeling. Good luck, and congratulations!

First of all.. Congratulations!! You are truely blessed even though you may be overwhelmed at the moment with the news. I'd like to share my story with you, as I found myself in the same situation. I had my first child (a girl) at age 21, my son at age 24, and then found myself pregnant after getting married for the 2nd time at age 43! :) I honestly didn't think it possible for some reason.. and it happened. At first, I was completely devastated, overwhelmed & upset criing for weeks it seemed. My hubby was ecstatic! I contemplated alot of things in the first month of my pregnancy, (abortion NOT being an option). I then came to the conclusion that God gave me this child as a gift. I am not a highly religious person, but I have always believed 'everything happens for a reason'. And so.. with that.. my attitude changed as my tummy grew. I had my beautiful baby girl the day after my 43rd birthday! She is truely the light of my life & I love her more then life itself. My older children are thrilled at having a baby sister even though their so many years apart. My pregnancy was problem free, and the birth was very easy. I can't promise you won't have some regrets, and wonder what life will be like as you venture into motherhood again, slightly older then before. But, I can tell you for me, she's brought me nothing but joy & changed my life for the better. She keeps me young & I enjoy every moment of her growing up. Good luck to you, you truely are blessed and so is your family. :)

Hi M. J,

I've always thought of myself as a 2-kid M., so if I were to find myself pregnant with a third, I would be feeling devastated too. Someone said you have to mourn the loss of your old life, and that's so very true. Thankfully a pregnancy gives time to prepare yourself - you can mourn the life you knew, and then prepare for the next chapter. And you know, having a second child doesn't take away from your 4 yr old - it actually adds to his/her life experience!

My two are 3 & 18 mos, and while pregnant with my second, I was heartbroken for my older child...knowing that his whole life was about to drastically change. And while it did change and took some getting used to, he is delighted with his constant playmate now, and it's only going to become more fun as she can do more of the things that he can. And watching the two of them together, how he acts with his little sister, is so incredibly beautiful sometimes that it brings tears to my eyes...I had never expected it, but it's seeing a completely different aspect of your child.

So...not to go on too long, but...be at peace.... Your older child will gain so much from having a little brother or sister - a life-long companion, for starters, and you will be amazed at how quickly that new little person has his / her own spot in your heart...you would think that there can't be room for another person in there, but you soon won't be able to imagine a world without *both* your lovely kids :)

I'll give you my advice from a different perspective. I was the third and only unplanned child in my family. My brother was 8 mos. old when my M. got pregnant with me. And she even admitted that for a brief moment in time she considered an abortion. Even after I came along, I'm sure it wasn't easy since I was probably the more emotional child (hey...I had to fight for my spot really, really hard). Oddly enough, I'm the one that's here for my M. and has the closest relationship with her (particularly after my dad passed away). I'm the one that will take care of her when she's old. I'm the one that holds the family members together. I'm the one that will take over the matriarch role because no one else wants to. So, I truly believe there are no mistakes. You will probably be pleasantly surprised down the road to discover the purpose this child will have in your life. Please try to love this child just as equally as you do your other, not to mention all of my only-child friends have always told me that they always wished they had a brother or sister.

Well I don't know what to tell you except I lost my child at 8 years old in an accident and couldn't have anymore children. You may not see it now but believe me you are blessed. You'll be fine a blessing in disguise. Take care A.

I understand EXACTLY how you feel! Last year I had a similar scare, but it turned out to be a side affect of some medicine. I had a tubal in Aug 02 and both my husband and I did NOT want more. We were going to terminate if we had been pregnant, because it was just not what we want to ever have.

Sounds like that is not an option with your husband being excited. I think in that case you will just have to come to terms with the good things of having another child. Since you only have one it may be nice to have a sibling for him, maybe think of it as giving your son the gift of eternal friendship that a sibling brings.

Hugs, I understand.

Dear M. J,

After 8 years of trying to have a baby - testing, surgery, miscarriages, disappointments - we gave up on the idea and started to live our lives as a couple who doesn't and won't have children. The house we bought, the jobs we took, the travel plans we made did not involve children. At 39 I had my son and I was happy and we adjusted. I only ever wanted one child. 9 months later I found out that I was pregnant again. I was devastated. My son was still a baby when I had his sister and it was all I could think about for the last 2 months of pregnancy. I would love to tell you she was an angel from the beginning, but that isn't the case. She had colic and has generally been more challenging than my son.
However, I love her with all my heart and so does my son. I kept telling myself through the most difficult times that she was God's gift to my son and I had to take good care of her. It gets easier and easier as she gets older and is able to interact with my son and I get to see their relationship grow. He is now almost 4 and she is 2 1/2. I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I know what you are feeling. I just kept putting one foot in front of the other. Good luck and feel free to contact me privately.

Hi M. J:
The same thing happened to me last year. I had a 4 year old and we thought we were done and thought I must be going thru the change and surprise, I was pregnant. I felt much the same way as you.. Let me tell you, my baby was the best surprise. My first daughter is such a great help. She is like a little mother and does a great job with the baby. My pregnancy went well, the doctor's made me see a specialist once a month and they really monitored me .. It will all work out just take one day at time.. Having my 2nd daughter did not change anything with the first. We still have our special time together. Just yesterday I took it her to a movie and my husband stayed home with the baby.. I also made sure that my first daughter felt special and not left out.. It will be awesome for you to see them together.. Good luck.. You can email me if you would like..You are not alone.. C.

When you are pregnant your emotions go nuts, so some of your emotions are from the pregnancy. And this is normal. Lots of women feel this way. You are not alone. God only gives us what we can handle. As time goes on your feelings will change and you will be happy. Congratulations!

I am not an older M. myself, but I have a few close friends and family who have been in your position.

My aunt and uncle had 2 children, 1 a jr in hs, the other a 7th grader. They were 100% certain they were done and believed my aunt had begun menopause when they found out that baby #3 was on the way. They had enjoyed almost a decade of having the freedom to go out, take expensive and exotic trips, etc and were not looking forward to giving this up for the new arrival. This child, Dan, just started hs this year and my aunt and uncle keep telling me what a blessing he has been to all of them. They credit him with helping them to grow in ways they never expected, as the stress of caring for a baby was certainly more apparent to older parents.

My best friend in hs was the youngest of 3 kids when, during her sophomore year, her "oops" little brother arrived. She was very resentful for about a year, but as her older brother and sister went away to college, she and her baby brother grew extremely close and she grew so much in her loving and sacrificing for her brother. A few years ago her older brother was tragically killed while serving in the military, and the younger son has been a tremendous source of consolation for the whole family.

I am sure you are in shock right now. Truth be told, if I were to get pregnant at this very moment I would also feel sad, as I do not feel ready for a new baby right now. I would allow my self to be sad for a while, and then dive head into making sure I had a healthy pregnancy and was preparing to welcome my baby as much as possible. I would also try to use the pregnancy as a time to do as many adventuresome things as possible before the baby arrives, since it will be a few years before you again have that liberty. It might also help for you to put on a super happy face for your daughter. The joy on my older son's face really helped me be happy for baby #2 (who I did not feel ready for). How could I feel so exhausted and sorry for myself when my first son would just beam every time someone would mention the coming arrival?.

Hi M. J,
Please hang in there! I am married and have two children that are 5 and 7. I am 35 years old and never thought I would have children but I am extremely grateful for them. Now, I want you to know that I went through alot of ups and downs with them also. I was very scared at first, but things got better as they went along. I am so happy that I have them and they have each other. It is truly a blessing! Ultimately, you have to make the decision and do what you think is best. As long as you have the love and support, then things will work out.

All the Best and Happy New Year!

I know you want support and eympathy, but after spending many a year trying to get pregnant with my very nice kind hard working husband, and sitting on bathroom floors crying and crying over negative pregancy tests and then surviving uterine cancer and having a total hysterectomy and being to never able have children again I can only say I am saddened that you are unable to celebrate that which I begged God for. I wish I could tell you that we will cherish your baby and raise it for life. There was another mother going through this same thing recently. I wished her the same joy I am wishing for you. My sister in law who is about your age had a baby, a much wanted baby a little while ago and it died at fifteen days. Oh please celebrate that little life inside of you. God has planned for your life to be touched by someone special. Of course it is going to work out positively. Do not be sad. If I could have had this baby I would be the happiest woman in the world. Love, love,love your life.

This probably not the advice your looking for, but think of all the couples who give everything they have and can't get pregnant and then realize how lucky you are, that at 44, you were able to conceive! You were very fortunate to have your first child at age 40 non the less. There are so many infertile women that try and try to conceive and it never happens for them. I know what it's like to have a child in your 40's and how difficult it is physically/mentally, but like you said, it's a 1 in a million chance. You've been blessed.

You should talk to your oby/gyny about counceling if you can't come to terms with this pregnancy. I wish you all the best.

I can understand your feelings, it is really hard to imagine life not quite as you planned. Don't try to repress your feelings, it's best to have it out and I would absolutely talk to your ob about your feelings (a therapist couldn't hurt either). Also think about the gift you are giving your older child, it is a great blessing to have a sibling, so many wonderful things to share. It will be great for your other child to have someone to share holiday's with, birthday's, outings. Not only that but when your children grow up they will have someone else and have the opportunity to have nieces and nephews and become aunts/uncles. I wish you all the best and remember we are all here to support you!

I got pregnant at 19, in college, honors program, my M. urged me to give the baby up for adoption. Being in this situation forced me to grow up and start taking care of myself and my baby. She (now 15 years old) is the sweetest human being on the face of the earth, and I can't imagine life w/out her. Of course it hasn't been easy, but I am glad I went through it, it has made me a better person. Your four year old will benefit from having a sibling, too. It can be a lonely world as an only child. Try to embrace the gift that the universe has given you, and enjoy another chance to nurture and influence a little being. Maybe it would help also to talk to your Dr. About these feelings. You might be at greater risk for postpartum depression and need support. Good luck.

Congrats, and so sorry you are feeling so sad...remember how you couldn't imagine how it would feel to have one? You know how you can love your husband and your son and your friends and M., etc...you can't fathom right now the love capacity that is totally within you for this tiny precious gift of life inside of you... and even though you don't feel it all right now, you will never regret it and one day won't be able to imagine your family with out this little one. Praying for you right now!

I just read all of your responses to your situation. I found all of the stories very interesting and wanted to also lend my support! We just need to believe that everything happens for a reason and you and your family will survive this change. I have four children and each time, you think, how is this going to work? Do I have enough time, love, space, patience, etc? Each child just grows your heart and you can't imagine them not being in your life. I truly believe that having siblings is the greatest gift we can give our children. Good luck and know that we all question how we will do it, but you can do it and you will truly be amazed how much you are blessed! FYI, my kids are 11,9,8 and 20 months---I will let you guess which ones were my surprises!!!

Hi M. J,
I have not been in your posistion of not wanting another child(we have two like we "planned" and God blessed us with a girl and a boy now 7 and 5). But I DO know the feeling of not wanting the experience with your first to change. Our daughter was not quite 2 when her brother was born. I was so blessed. She was a good baby and God blessed us with our little "princess". I cried many times and asked my mother (of 9 children), how I could possibly love our 2nd child as much as I love our first....and you just do!! God made us that way! Your heart is bigger and capable of more love than you know. Grieve for the loss of what you have become accustomed to (change is hard) and look forward to the blessing you have before you. I can't imagine either one of my childrens lives without their sibling in it.....and I'm sure neither can they. All happiness to you and your expanding family!

Things will work out for you. When I found out I was pregnant for the 3rd time, I felt the same way. It was at the worst possible time-my marriage wasn't going well, our house wasn't big enuf for the 4 of us, let alone 5, and a list of other reasons. I was pretty unhappy and despressed most of my pregnancy.
But when I gave birth to the precious baby, I realized how none of those other things mattered much. I had a blessing in my arms, that I loved as much as my other two kids, and now, a year and a half later, I can't imagine not having him!
You are entitled to all the feelings you are having, but know this...you will love that baby as much as you love your firstborn, and they will help to make your family complete, and there will be a time when you can't even fathom the idea of just having one kid.
Good luck, God bless, and remember, we are here for you!

I to found myself in a similiar situation. At 41 I just began a new career and two weeks after I started a great job I found out I was pregnant. Wasn't expecting it and was very torn as I had just stayed home with my previous child until he was 2. The pregnancy was not a happy time in my life but now my daughter is one and the light of my life. I have three children now, the oldest is 15 and i remember when he would beg me for a brother or sister. His brother is now 4, not close enough in age for the 15 yr old to appreciate but I know how much the 4 yr old will appreciate having a lil sister. Sometimes it is difficult to see blessings but it appears to me that God has given your only child the best gift ever, someone to walk through life with when you and your husband are no longer able. I wish you the best of luck.

Hello,

I don't usually respond to these very often (not much time), but yours truly affected me. I have a 5 year old son and still enjoy very much spending time with him. I do wonder how I can split time with him and another if I were blessed to have one and I have trouble picturing that scenario.

I would strongly suggest choosing an adoption plan for your yet-to-be born child. There are SO MANY good people who would love the chance to welcome a child to love. You should not have to be so sad, and in turn you could make some couple so very happy. I have adopted my son internationally because there are not enough people choosing this option in the US. It took us over a year and much heartache before our dream was realized, but we are SO happy that we had the chance.

May God bless you and guide you in whatever path you choose.

Most everything in life is bittersweet and this is no exception. You can continue to look at the situation negatively. Or you can accept that there is nothing you can do, and try to think about it in a positive way. Also, I understand that you like having just one child, but from the child's point of view, this will be a good thing. When my son was born, it took a while for my daughter to get used to the fact that she wasn't the only "star in the sky", and it made me a little sad to see her come to terms with that, but from a psychological point of view, that is ultimately a good thing. Your life will change, and I know it's hard to imagine it now, but it will be for the better.

I can relate to your feelings about not wanting things to change and being afraid that your relationship with your first child will change. I purposefully got pregnant with my daughter, but just because it was "the plan", not that I was yearning for a baby. I was so upset that I was so tired I couldn't be the M. I was before I was pregnant and I was angry that this baby took me away from my son. But time went by and he adapted. He did have some challenging behaviors (but we were also moving states, it was the holidays and we lived with family for over 6 weeks) but he did well. the baby was born and I cannot even explain the joy I felt and how my heart grew. I knew that this had been a good thing. My son is over the moon with his sister. Everything has worked out. It's okay to have the feelings you have. Talk to your husband about them and lean on him. But trust me, you will love this baby and be thrilled having this baby. The relationship with your daughter will change, but it will be good. She will learn from her sibling and be able to teach the baby so much. You will get to see a side of your daughter you would have never seen before and you are so blessed to have that opportunity. If you're faithful, pray about it. God will comfort you and let you in on his plan. I'll be praying for you, too. Many blessings.

I am 34 and had my 3rd child at 27. She was not planned and very unexpected. I had a 13 month old at the time that I was still breastfeeding. I was very upset, angry, sad for probably half my pregnancy.
At which point I had to accept it.
I love my little girl so much and could not imagine my life without her. Im sure you will feel the same way too. I know its hard but don't think about what you may not have with just one but think about what you will have with two. (and then have your husband get a vasectomy) Pray and ask God to give you piece with the pregnancy.
All the best-T.

I know it has been a while since your first post, but I wanted to confirm that you are not alone in these feelings. I found myself unexpectedly pregnant this summer, after 4 children, the youngest of whom was not even two at the time. I, too, was devastated. I cried and cried, and cut myself off from everyone. I wouldn't go out, or go to parties because I didn't want anyone to know. I complained miserably to my family, and fought with my husband constantly. ( I had been taking the pill, and when I switched to the generic version of Orth - tricyclen I became pregant in the first month). Every day I railed at God and felt like I had been cursed. I have been a stay at home M. for ten years, and am really ready to get back to work in 2010.

Then at 8 weeks I miscarried, after seeing a heartbeat the week before on U/S. I felt really awful and really, really guilty. To say that I was a complete mess is an understatement. It has been 4 months since my miscarriage, and every once in a while I still break down crying. Sometimes in life things just happen, no matter how well we try to prepare.

Its really easy for people to jusge and say "how can a woman be unhappy about the gift of a child?" but some days are really hard, and being pregnant is a time of being incredibly unselfish.. Control goes right out the window. Please continue to be good to yourself and to take things one day at a time. Good luck !

Hi There

I know how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd, I really freaked out. Our youngest at the time was just 10 months old, and I too thought I was done having children. All I can say is I can't imagine my life without my youngest child. He is almost 6 months now, and he is a complete blessing.
All I know is things happen for a reason and they all work out in the end. I didn't think I could handle it, but here I am with 3 little boys and they are complete joy!
Good luck to you.

I got pregnant with my third child 1 week prior to my husband's vasectomy (unplanned). I was devastated to find out I was pregnant. I had an 11 month old who was still nursing and in diapers and I thought she was going to be my last baby. I was so upset I couldn't go to work or focus on anything. I also got really sick (morning sickness and food poisoning) the week after I found out and basically had a horrible, emotional first trimester. BUT, I found out that everything happens for a reason!
I am so glad to have my baby boy (now almost 1) and can't imagine life without him! He is sweet and cuddly and loving and adorable. And if we didn't have him, my daughter would be an inconsiderate brat (no joke!). He has taught my daughter to share and be loving, he has taught my son to be patient and understanding (so much more than if he only had 1 sibling). He has forced me to be a stay at home M. which I LOVE! I have learned to let go of my controlling tendencies and need for a perfectly clean home (which I am told is a good thing). He has helped my husband and I develop a great bond and work as a parenting team to handle all of the stresses and duties that 3 kids create.

Overall, I say it was meant to be.

Trust in your body, your love, and that the universe gave you a miracle baby. It will be a hard pregnancy but once that baby is in your arms you will look back and be grateful. Take it one day at a time and take care of yourself!

Good Luck!

I do understand - I am 46 and thought that that was happening to me as well. My periods have become irregular and had a scare about a month ago that I was pregnant. The situation was a little different for me in that I was kind of excited, but my husband, not so much. I have a 16 year old and a 6 (soon to be 7) year old.. When I was pregnant with my second, my oldest was nine. I had the same fears you did that my time with her would somehow be changed. In all honesty, it really didn't. I actually found my time with her more meaningful and full. There are times I actually felt I slighted the second, but come to realize that that wasn't true either. It is amazing the abundance of love we have for our children without even realizing it. It is okay to cry and be emotional, confused and sad. Those are all feelings that you need to work through and you can be okay with that. How far along are you? Other than the crying and sadness, do you feel okay?

Take time to sort your feelings, whether it is journaling, talking with someone one on one, talking with your husband, or just you asking yourself the following questions: Is there a reason you don't want more children? Your age? Other fears? Your fear that your 4 year old will resent it? Is your husband helpful? Go ahead and think through all these things. Are you able to have these conversations with your husband? These are all things I had to think through.

I have two great kids, although 9 years apart, it did work out. They are both very special to me and have a place in my heart that can never be filled with anything else. We have the capacity to love even when we don't know it. Just cuddle your 4 year old and focus on that right now, don't focus on the pregnancy so much. Focus on what your 4 year old brings to you.

It is okay to feel the way you do!! You have an amazing heart of love and capacity to love more. It is okay to love another and still feel the way you do for your 4 year old.

Prayers always