Pregnant After Tubal Ligation - How to Tell Husband

Well the kids need beds but you may have to let go of Disney.

Still you just tell him. He had to know these things could happen.

Meh, if makes you feel better wait till after the bed weekend. Not like five days will make a difference.

Ack! Don't tell me this!!!! I had a tubal and with 5 I am so done.

But... I guess you just have to suck it up and tell him. Who knows? Honestly I was going to get the tubal after the 4th child and we considered terminating the fifth when we found out but I really can't imagine life without 5 now.

Oh, and I never told him until after about 2 months and not anyone else until about 4/5 months. Just in case.

I don't have a suggestion for how to tell your husband, but thought I'd share a story that will hopefully make you feel better.

My friend and his wife wanted two kids. They had two boys. He had a vasectomy. It failed and they had their 3rd boy, after which she had her tubes tied. That failed too, and then they had the girl they'd never had or even knew they wanted. Happy ending.

You and your husband did this together and are in it together. Fingers crossed that he reacts well. Best wishes!

You really should tell him immediately and see a doctor right away. Apparently 15-20% of pregnancies following tubal ligation are ectopic. You would need to end the pregnancy in that case - this is a potentially life threatening condition and the fetus will not survive in any case. Ectopic pregnancy can be treated medically or surgically, so the earlier you know, the easier it will be. Assuming it is not ectopic (and 80-85% will not be), then you and he need to decide whether to continue the pregnancy. I assume since you had a tubal ligation that you do not want more children.

I would make a doctor's appointment and make sure it's not ectopic. Then talk to him about how far along, etc. If you had your tubes tied when you had baby #3, it's not like you didn't try to not have a kid.

First of all, Congratulations for the miracle baby!

Second, I'd just wait a few days/weeks to tell him. You don't know what will happen this early on with the pregnancy, especially after a tubal. No need to rock the boat so soon.

Get the beds this weekend--that's a necessity, right?
Disneyland? Eh, that can wait. We're awaiting the arrival of baby #4 (who will also be my 4th c-section), and we've again postponed our Disney plans. We don't have financial troubles, but Disney is not high on our priorities list.

My husband was kinda annoying when I told him that we were expecting #4, but neither of us believe in artificial birth control, so I knew it would just be a matter of time for him to come around. Now he is excited and has been telling all his friends and colleagues that we're expecting again.

Really though, what CAN he say? Getting a tubal is a pretty aggressive way to prevent having children, so it isn't like you TRIED to get pregnant. If he wants to GUARANTEE he'll never have another baby again, he'll simply have to stop ever having sex. As long as he's still having sex with a woman who hasn't gone through menopause or had her uterus or ovaries removed, there will ALWAYS be a chance that you could get pregnant.

ETA: I agree with others to see the doctor as soon as you can (as soon as the doctor wants to see you) so you can make sure it isn't ectopic.

My wife said, "Guess what Honey . . . "

She never calls me "Honey".

But my 8th has been a wonderful blessing. I wouldn't change a thing.

I knew a man that had a vasectomy. He came home Friday night after a week on the road. She told him she was pregnant before he could even set his briefcase down. He said, "Not me". And she said, "Not anybody else". They had a very strained weekend. Monday he went to the doctor to check and he wasn't firing blanks. They decided to keep the baby and she ended up being one of the runners up in a Miss Michigan beauty contest.

They told the doctor if they had another one, they would own his clinic. He did the tubal and the vasectomy.

Good luck to you and yours.

Get a blood done, before you start a conversation with your husband. What method was used to tie tubes?

Honey. I'm pregnant. I ____ (want/don't want) to have this baby.

If you want to wait until you have it confirmed by a doctor there is no harm in that, but I would not wait to long, he has a right to know.

Get to the Dr. and get checked out and then just tell him, but not in an I-made-a-mistake kind of way but more in a see-what-you-did-to-me kind of way. It takes two to tangle and it's not your fault the tubal didn't take. If it's not full proof he should be wearing condoms.

Congratulations!!

You have gotten a lot of good advice here. I just want to add one more thing. Having a baby shouldn't feel like you have to take everything away from your other 3 children. You are giving them another brother or sister. No gift or trip is better than that...even if they don't know it yet.

I am the youngest of 6 girls. My sisters are my best friends. When I have had financial needs, they have helped me. When they have needs, I have been there for them, too. I have plenty of friends but none so close as my sisters.

This is not a mistake. Whether you believe in God or the forces of nature, this baby was meant to be. It is in the most unusual of circumstances that we find out who we really are and what we can handle. How do you want your children to see you handle this situation?

Good luck and God bless. Congratulations, too:)

I think you should tell him right away. Wouldn't it be worse to hold onto the information and then tell him later?
If you are in a difficult financial situation and having another baby means you can not go to Disney World then so be it. If it means you can not buy the beds you wanted for the kids and have to go for a cheaper solution, so be it. I would think it would be better to save up for the baby - the lst thing you need is more stress on top of caring for a new baby.
These things happen. Your husband may be upset and stressed but the situation is what it is and you both need to figure out how to move forward as a family.
What would he do that is causing you so much worry? If he would harm you or the children in any way then there is more to your situation that you should be concerned about. Otherwise you both need to work together to figure it out and respect each other's feelings.
Good luck!

I would get to your OB/GYN first for an appointment to confirm the pregnancy. Make absolutely certain that it's not a false positive. While it's more common to get pregnant after a failed tubal ligation than a failed vasectomy, there could be something else going on causing a surge in your hormones. I would wait until your doctor has confirmed the pregnancy with a blood test and ultra-sound.

And when you do tell him, don't go into it with apologies. You both made the baby; neither of you expected this; if he's upset, then he's upset but obviously so are you and you're the one who has to deal with being pregnant. You're the one who has to go through appointments, discomfort, pain, labor, worry, fear, and I suspect you're feeling guilt when you have nothing to feel guilty about.

You're not taking anything away from your children, by the way. Unexpected pregnancies happen. A new baby won't take away new beds. A new baby might delay a trip to Disney World but doesn't have to. My mom took us to Disney as kids when she was pregnant with my kid brother. She just didn't go on certain rides.

Hey T. Nice to meet you! I was just in Arlington on Sunday at a baby shower. Im sorry for what you are going through. I usually dont respond to many questions but I feel so strongly about children and non supportive husbands. It sounds like you need a good support system! If you want to email me, I can give you my cell number. Anyhow, a lady at my church once told me that if you wait until you are financially stable, you will never have any children. I know you have 3 little ones already but even when we feel like there is an Oops!, God doesnt make mistakes. Your new baby will have a purpose just like the other ones. You are blessed to have so many kids. Some people cant even have 1. You can share these words of wisdom with your husband. Plus, the baby wont be here by the time you go to Disney and you have plenty of things from the other kids so you wont have to worry about any of that. The baby wont need that much space until he/she is older. So there, he shouldnt need to take anything from the children! Take care and please stay in touch.

First of all, you're not alone with this. I'm sure many others will reach out to you. I'm a grandma myself but remember well the many crises that mothers your age face. You must see a doctor to confirm the test so you are absolutely sure about this before you say or do anything. And yes, of course, you must tell your husband when you know for sure. Try to remember that you didn't create this or the other pregnancies alone! This is NOT your fault. You did everything in your power to avoid this pregnancy, so don't go into a conversation feeling guilty or helpless - you're neither. You're strong and you are the first defense for yourself and your children, even your unborn child. You and your husband have a choice. You can get an abortion and go to Disneyland or you can accept this new baby and do what we all do in the end, make the best of it. No one can tell you what you should do. There is a big price to pay no matter what decision you make. There will be hardships with four kids, that's for sure - but if you open your heart to this new one there will also be much joy. You alone know what price you will pay if you choose not to have this baby. (By the way, given how fertile you both are, it's time for your husband to step up to the plate and do the right thing - get a vasectomy!) I think you also need to find a support system for yourself - other young moms of your kids' friends, a counseling center in your town, a church group (one that has progressive views about abortion), etc. You're the best advocate your children have. Your husband isn't a God who has all the power to give or take things from people. You are stronger than you think you are, you're not alone and you can handle this.

God bless you. S.

i understand your worry and upset. after making such a big decision, how disconcerting (to put it mildly) it must be to have your body countermand your decision that way!
i'm glad to see that many have suggested you go get checked for an ectopic pregnancy right away. that was my first concern.
but i must say, your fears about your husband's reactions worry me too. i get not wanting another baby, totally. but it sounds to me as if you are afraid he's going to blame you. you both must understand that you have DONE everything you are supposed to do, this just happened. it's not your fault. unless he's planning on abstaining from sex, this is just something that adults understand is a possibility, and even when you take steps as you have done to make it a remote possibility, it remains possible.
he should be supporting you in this shaky emotional time, not making it harder for you.
i'm not quite sure what you mean by 'take everything away' from the kids. do you mean he will frame the situation to you and the children as punishment? if so, he's a horrible, horrible person. or are you just framing the financial situation this way because you're upset? you should go get the beds, and discuss the disneyland thing. if your pregnancy is viable and you're going to have the baby, then an expensive trip might not be do-able. but that is not and should not be presented to the kids as 'taking something away from them.' it's just the sort of tough financial decisions that families have to make sometimes.
i think you should tell him sooner rather than later. holding off will just eat at you and make it more of a big thing in your mind. just don't present it to him in an apologetic manner. and don't accept being blamed or treated badly over it. you're the one whose body is affected, and you need extra love and strength and support from your partner right now. don't let him play the victim card.
khairete
S.

You shouldn't be afraid to tell him because you did everything you could to prevent it. I'm sure he is aware that anytime you have sex, there is a possibility that you could get pregnant. It's not as if you purposely untied the tubal ligation. Babies are a blessing and apparently that baby was meant to be here! Tell him and deal with the consequences. It's definitely not your fault.

Hi, T.:

Did the Doc cut and tie your tubes or just tie them?
Call the Doc's office and talk to his nurse and tell her your concerns.
Good luck.
D.

Get it confirmed by a doctor or clinic and then tell him.

Krista just ruined my yawn by making me lol!

I would go to the OB first to confirm the pregnancy is not a tubal. I have no idea, but it seems to me there is a good possibility of that. Good luck, you will be fine <3

The beds and Disney may have to wait...but honesty is the best policy. Children are always a blessing from God and each life is meant to be, no matter how unplanned. God has a plan that we aren't aware of sometimes. It may be wise to postpone things, no matter how disappointing. But talk it over with husband and maybe you can work something out any way. He shouldn't getting mad bc it's not loke you did his on purpose....crazy things happen sometimes...but his new baby will be worth all he temporary sacrifices!! God bless.

They can come loose unless you have the ends burned.