Pregnant with # 2 and Scared to Death!!

I had two girls back to back and I PROMISE you have no idea where the love comes from but you love them equally! I had c-sections and I would suggest looking into a vbac. I am having a VBA2C with my next. I want many children and can promise you I know I will have enough love for each of them. My daughter was 13 months when her sister was born and she adores her so much. She absolutly loves her and can't stay away. She cries if I have to but sissy to bed. The feelings are very normal I felt the same way, but when the baby is here things change for the better. Get excited and enjoy the gift you have been given.
----Ash =D

TOTALLY normal! I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. I was TERRIFIED when I was pregnant too because we had this harmonious, fabulous family vibe going on and I was so scared about all of that changing for the worse. I could not have been more wrong and I should have given my 3 year-old son more credit! Things are so amazing now I can't believe I was ever worried.

A couple of things we did:

When I was pregnant, we told our son that there was a baby in there (wasn't sure how much he really grasped that, but we went with it) and that when she came, she was going to bring him 2 new Thomas trains. So for months he was convinced that these trains were inside my belly.

The day she was born, my husband brought my son to the hospital to meet her. I kept her in the nursery for his arrival, so I could welcome him with open arms and no baby there at first. Then we reminded him that the baby was here, and what was she bringing him? He knew of course because we had already made the poor kid wait like 4 months for these trains. The nurse wheeled her in in the bassinet and we had placed the new trains on top of her. They were a gift from the baby to our son. He was thrilled! After jonesing out over his trains for awhile, we let him touch the baby - we pointed out together all of her tiny parts, tiny nose, tiny hands, tiny feet.

That good association led to others and he has always been an angel with her. Covers her up with blankets because she might be cold (we had to watch that one at the beginning!), wanted to give her a goldfish when we brought her home because I said she was hungry - how darn cute is that? have to watch that one too until they understand what the baby can eat!. He would put one of his trains at all times in her bouncy seat with her or wherever she was laying. Was never upset by my nursing her because he understood that's how babies eat. He loves her and is very protective of her. He actually yelled at someone once in public because he thought they got too close to her stroller. "Don't touch our baby!!!" Awesome.

We made sure to take time just me or just my husband and do something fun out of the house with him by himself so he got to feel like the center of attention he was always used to being. And we let him be very involved with giving the baby her bottle, her pacifier, grabbing a diaper for her, etc. He loves it and is very good at it - knows how to hold the pacifier so he doesn't touch the tip and put it gently in her mouth. It melts your heart.

Our lives are so much richer with her in them. It's all of the good stuff we had before, with a whole element of awesome on top of it.

Sorry for the really long response, but I know exactly how you're feeling and want to assure you it will be fine. Better than fine. It will be your family. ;)

I must say that your post had me grinning and chuckling....

First off, take a DEEEEPPP breath. Now, YES you can love a 2nd baby as much as the first. As for your first loving the baby, if you are sure to include her in all of the special moments, she'll be fine.

The good thing about having a planned c-section vs. not is that 1. the drs. and the team are ready and waiting. 2. you get to choose your babies birthday. I think that is awesome! You can plan when family is here, vacation time, etc.

Relax, enjoy your final time as a 3-person family and join the excitement for what that 4th member will be/bring.

M.

Your feelings are totally normal - I felt the same way. I had a daughter and then 17 mos later a son. They are so wonderful and I love them both so much - equally and differently!!! Two is much more work and has it's challenges, but I woudn't change a thing... and we didn't "plan" the second. I also had an emergency c-section with number 1... then a planned c-section with number two. It was much much better the second time. My sister had a horrible c-section the first time (almost had a hysterectimy - spelling???) but the second one was cake! Relax, enjoy and know it's normal to feel this way. You will love the second just as much... and the love for both will grow each day! Congrats!!!!!

I could have written the same post when I was preggo with #2. Exact same scenario! The emergency C threw me for a real loop and the recovery was tough emotionally as well as physically. I grew to love DD so much; she was my lil buddy. How on Earth could I possibly bring another baby into the picture?

With the 2nd C it was much, much, much, much easier. The Drs were all great, it was over so fast I'm glad I didn't blink. The pain was almost non-existent. Plus I knew what to do since I'd been down the C road before.

My DS is my light. He's a treasure. The best thing is, the kids love each other and now I can't imagine life without both of them here.

Big (((hug))) and GL with the rest of the pregnancy!

Congratulations on #2! I felt the same way when #2 was on the way. In fact, I remember thinking the exact same thoughts - I was so in love with #1, how could I ever love another one as much. But, I did and I recently had #3 and I did it again. You will, you just will. I can't offer any advice on the c-section, because I've never had one, but just remember that every pregnancy is different so think positive and express your fears to your dr. And as far as your daughter accepting the baby, I'm not sure how old she is, but my son was 22 months old when #2 was born and then two years later I had my daughter so mine are all about two years apart and we've never had any jealousy issues, resorting back to baby-like behavior or anything. We try to spend time with all of them together as well as one-on-one and it seems to work pretty well. I will say, however, that the adjustment from having 1 child to two was a bit stressful for me. I remember the first time they both needed something at the same time and I was home alone. Prior to my second child, it was all about #1 and now I had to make a decision of who's needs were more important at the moment. Just remember, you're not super-mom you can't do it all (at the same time anyway). So if both are unhappy, someone is going to have to wait - I just try to keep it fair. Good luck and congrats again!

I too had an emergency c-section with my first child, my daughter.
I had a c-section as well, planned, for my 2nd child.
It was fine. In fact the 2nd time around it was easier, and better recuperation and less pain.

YES, you will love your 2nd child just as much as your first child. Love knows NO bounds. I worried about that too, when I was pregnant the 2nd time. But, don't worry. Love is just that... and it will come naturally and be fine.

As for your current child, depending how old she is... what I did was I spent a LOT of time, prepping my eldest child for the 2nd baby. Every month I took photos of my growing belly WITH my daughter... it was a special thing we did. I talked to her about it, and she'd hug my belly... I told her about how Mommy's tummy will get bigger as baby grows, and I may get tired.. and need to rest.... that I have to take care of baby too... and her. But she is my FIRST "baby" and that will never change. Mommy loves her no matter what and she is "special" because she is the oldest.
I also took her to all my pre-natal visits... which the Doctor encouraged.. .and the Doctor even taught my Daughter how to put the doppler heart thing on my tummy to hear the heartbeat. So this was special for her... and it incorporated her INTO the process. We bought things for baby, together... and I just spent a lot of time prepping my daughter about it all. I ALSO explained to her, in simple terms, what a baby is... and what to expect when her baby brother came home... that a baby will cry and wake at night... but that its okay... because that's what babies do... but that it is not her responsibility nor does she have to "worry" because MOMMY will take care of baby and wake at night to feed him etc. This helped my daughter a lot... because then it was not all a "shock" when her baby brother came home. Because I explained what will happen/what happens/ and what to expect... once the baby came home.
We also spent a lot of time with her, one on one... once her baby brother came home... KEEPING her own routines... so that she did not feel ousted by the baby, or left out etc. This is very important. I also let her "help" me too, which made her feel a part of everything.

Having a 2nd child, a sibling, is a big change for the eldest child. But keep all "expectations" upon the eldest child, age appropriate. If you suddenly expect the eldest child to be perfect and good and "grown up"... it will put stress on them too. Because they are still just a child, and they need to adjust too... to their changed home/life/place in the family. For me, I spend a lot of extra time, on my daughter, even though I had a 2nd baby. And yes, it was busy. And I made sure that HER things, were just that- hers. I did not force her to suddenly "share" everything. A child needs to know that, and per their developmental age... they need to have their things understood.

It will be fine! I worried about the same things as you, when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. Just spend a lot of time with your 1st child... so that the transition and adaption will be helpful for that child too. And if regression occurs, this is also normal too... when a 2nd baby comes along. It brings a lot of varying emotions... and a child needs help with that, understanding. I often just talked to my daughter about her baby brother.. .so that she could express herself about anything.

Also make sure, that before the 2nd baby comes home.. that you AND Hubby clearly make sure that he helps you too. With 2 kids... its busier. So, he will have to help more. For example: you will need to tend to the newborn putting him/her to sleep & naps... so with your eldest child, who will put her to nap/sleep? Bathing? Cooking? Laundry? Cleaning? Feedings? Sometimes a man doesn't think of all those things.. so make sure you and Hubby decides who does what. That way, it will be less stressful, AND it will promote more peace of mind and for your eldest child as well. Making sure to allot special one on one time with your eldest child as well.

Congrats! A Mom's love is vast and never ending.
All the best,
Susan

These feelings are totally normal. I'm 29 weeks with my 2nd one and I'm much more nervous this time around than I was with the first. Everything will be fine. You'll be able to love this one just as much as the first. prepare your daughter now as much as you can for the arrival of her sibling. Let her know that you and Daddy still love her, etc. My husband and I have talked that we will still have to make sure we have one on one time with our first so she doesn't feel replaced. She may change a bit and have trouble adjusting...just like any person would...but I am sure everything will be fine.
My husband is the same way...calm, cool, collected...and I feel like I'm going to explode. lol.
It's natural to feel this way...it's going to be a big change...but we'll manage. Good luck!!! :)

I don't know how it is in your house but husbands have a little less responsibility than we do. I think it's the mom's job to get everything done and that's why you may feel overwhelmed. Don't stress.....somehow you get everything done and everything works out. I have 3 boys ages 3, 5 and 7.
As far as the c-section....I was in the same boat. I was in labor for 36 hours then was rushed in for a c-section. My doctor wanted me to try to go naturally the second time but I didn't want to try. Scheduling it was so nice and easy. It will all work out. And I bet your little girl will love having a baby in the house. Just make her feel like a big helper and she'll love it.
Don't stress and good luck.
Nicole

OOO the second baby! I know when found that I was pregnant with #2 I cried for a while. I was scared to death with 2 what would i do how could i get anything done or rest!!! lol BUT once she got here everything was complete and couldnt imagine her not being here! You will be fine and so will your first! Good luck ;)

Hi Jen,
Girl can you love the second one as much as the first? Oh yes you can. You don't realize how much love you have to give until that baby comes out into this world! You will be fine, you will learn to be fair and just with both; but it's all up to you. I have three children, two boys and a girl (she is the youngest). I can tell you that I don't have a favorite, but I love them all so much. You'll get to experience their different personalities! and that is awesome. You'll learn to give one more of something that the other one doesn't care for and vise versa. Buy your daughter a gift, something that she's been wanting and give it to her when you have the baby. Tell her that the baby got that for her because she is thrilled to be in the family and to have such a good big sister. Just like your motherly instincts kicked in when you had your first one, you will see how they instantly kick in with wisdom and love for both you children.
I never thought I could love as much until I had my blessings :)
Please don't stress, just relax and enjoy the ride. Everything will be okay :)