Pregnant with Feelings of Inadequacy

The fact that you are thinking about all of these things means you will be a good mommy! Relax and enjoy the ride. Blame it on the hormones! LOL These are all normal feelings.

You are normal! Just relax and ask for help when you need it from supportive family and friends. And don't let ANYONE tell you that you have depression. The drugs they use for it are harmful to you and the baby! It's all a buch of baloney. The drug companies make trillions off prescribing and we are the ones that end up paying for it. Don't be fooled!

The fact that you are worried is a good sign that you'll do a great job! I tell my clients that if they weren't worried about becoming parents, then *I'd* be worried about them ;-)

Read The Birth Book by Dr. Sears and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. AVOID What to Expect -- it's very fear-based and often causes soon-to-be parents to worry needlessly!

And if you haven't already considered it, you might want to hire a birth doula to help you prepare for this big step. She will help you feel more calm and confident and give you tools to help you become the mother you want to be!

Hi,

I don't compare myself to other parents. Some parents, esp. mothers I've met, like to announce their accomplishments or their kids' accomplishments, saying things like, "My child was potty trained by (fill in the age)," "I had no trouble (fill in the blank) getting my child to (fill in the blank)." I just congratulate the bragging parent. I figure that she needs the emotional support, because if she didn't, she probably wouldn't tell me about her or her child's accomplishment.

Enjoy the life of a parent.

Congratulations!

Lynne

Do NOT worry, all women go through this. I did, with BOTH my pregnancies. Even my Husband did. It's okay.

Take the maternity classes at the hospital you will be having your baby at... that always helps.

Talk about it with your Hubby too....lots of times, a "man" has feelings too about it. And they really benefit by talking about it with their wife. Sometimes they have no clue what a "pregnant" woman is going through or how her body is changing. Let him cuddle you and your tummy... and take photos EACH month of your pregnancy... this is always fun to do with Hubby. That is what we did. And, you will feel "proud" of each month and grow your confidence.

Let your Hubby also "help" you in any way he can... even to do the everyday stuff and cleaning/cooking... since you are and will be getting more fatigue as you get farther into the pregnancy.

It will all be okay... a Mom has instincts and it will kick in once baby comes. Feelings like this will be due to hormones as well... and all throughout our child's entire life... we will always feel "am I good enough of a Mom..." kind of thing. It's normal. It's okay. You will be okay.

A good book is "What To Expect When Expecting." Just do a lot of reading while you can... it will be relaxing and helpful. That's what I did... and my hubby said I was like a walking dictionary by the time our babes came. LOL

Oh, a good Parents magazine is "Parents." www.parents.com
I subscribed to it before we had our first baby. It's such a great, fun, non-threatening, helpful magazine. Fun to read. You will see that you are not the only one feeling this way....and it gives good tips.

All the best,
Susan

All great advice! I just wanted to suggest though, maybe mention all this to your doctor at your next visit. You might have a slight case of pre-partum depression. I didn't know there was such a thing until I had it with baby #2. Even after I was diagnosed, I kept denying it for a month. Definitely recall that "overwhelmed" feeling you mentioned. Good news: my son is nearly 7 months old and is the happiest kid!

You will be a good mommy because you are thinking about it so much. Just take this opportunity before the baby arrives to read lots of parenting books. "What to expect the first year" is a good one, and just take some out from your local library. And you won't fail at breastfeeding, but you may decide that it is not for you. Don't let society rule your decisions. You are the mom and you will make good decisions for yourself and your baby. What about all of the little adopted babies that are bottle fed?? Will they grow up to be "inadequate" because they drank formula?? Of course not. You can conquer your fear with information, I suggest you take a trip to the library today!!

Hi A S,
This is totally normal! I think first time mom's always feel this way. I never wanted to have children and didn't get married until I was 37. My husband really wanted kids so I got pregnant. It completely freaked me out. I thought I was too old and too selfish to be a good mother. I read every book I could, took classes on child birth, child care, CPR, Breastfeeding, etc.

Well, then my son was born 3 months before I turned 40. He is the love of my life! I'm 46 now - I'm 20 years older than you are so if I can find the energy - you can find it too. I'm exhausted because I also work full time and go to sleep too late but I manage to do it and my son is happy and healthy and doing great.

You never think you're ready but you've made the decision so you just have to go with it and give it your best shot. A lot of parenting is winging it. You just have to get as much info as possible and do your best with it. And your child will challenge you and may not follow the "standards" that most babies follow - but you'll deal with it and be fine. And there are lots of resources around to help you. It won't be easy at first - the first month is extremely stressful but it gets better every day. And you and your husband may not agree on everything but the important thing is to keep talking and work it out. My husband and I have completely different parenting styles (which we didn't know about until we actually had the baby) so just work through your differences and come up with a compromise.

I hated breastfeeding so I only did it for 2 weeks. If you can't do it, it's ok. The baby will be fine with formula. If you can do it that's great too. It doesn't matter what "society" thinks. You have to do what's best for your situation whether it's breastfeeding or working or putting your kid in daycare. Don't let other people pressure you into doing something that is not right for you. And don't let them make you feel bad for doing what's right for you.

Good luck with everything! I think you'll be fine. You just have to ask for help when you need it and there will be family and friends and this website to help you out.

Here are my suggestions: Go to a local LA LECHE LEAGUE meeting. There are local chapters in almost every city.
http://www.llli.org/Web/California.html

LLL Is a FREE support group for mothers who breastfeed. I am eternally grateful that when I took my Bradley childbirth class at the hospital, she spent one entire class explaining breastfeeding. Wow - I didn't know anything and that class filled me in! It made a huge difference for me - knowing what to expect. LLL meets monthly and I started going when my son was 5 months old. I had NO IDEA you could go pregnant! That way you can meet the Leaders, meet some new moms, see real mom in action and hear their stories and LEARN from them! Also, some LLL Leaders will come to your house FOR FREE if you have breastfeeding difficulties the first few weeks. All phone call consultations with them are FREE (not the case with lactation specialists, who charge $85 / hr or more.)

When I was a new mom (8.5 yrs ago) being around new mothers (when they came back to pre-natal Yoga class with their new infants) helped me. It helped me to see them come back, looking confident. I knew I would be fine.

TIRED AND EXHAUSTED - are you doing too much? Running around too much? Listen to your body and rest as much as you can. I was tired and exhausted with my 2nd pg (I had pg anemia! very low iron and supplements were not making a dent.) I wanted a homebirth, but if my iron levels did not rise, I would have to give birth in a hospital.

I ran into a friend who is an NAET practioner
http://www.naet.com/

(It's a non-invasive allergy treatment that literally clears you of allergies overnight)
and she muscle-tested me and said I was both allergic to iron, thus deficient in iron (because I wasn't absorbing anything.)

So I went to see a local NAET practioner and in one treatment (you hold a vial of said substance for 20 minutes against skin. He will do some deep massage up and down your spine. You are supposed to avoid said substance for the next 25 hours. Then you should be cleared of it forever.) I had the treatment Friday. I ate no meat on Saturday. MOnday I had my iron level checked and my numbers SHOT UP! That was not a coincidence.

The cool thing about getting NAET treatments while you are pg is that your unborn baby benefits also. When my firstborn son had his iron level checked at 11? months, his iron was low and he need supplementation (I just gave him food, not drops or anything.)

WHen my daughter was checked, her levels were HIGH!!!!

I just want to say that if you WANT to be a good mommy, you will!

Any mom that would take the time to sit and think if they are or going to be a good mom is already showing that they care. You will be fine as a mother and you shouldn't care about what society think. Just do what ever is best for you and your baby. When you have your baby, you will see things will not always go with your plan but it is ok that is life. As long as everyone is in good health, just breath and be happy.

The fact that you are worried about being an inadequate mother is a good sign you'll be a good mother. You already care. It's easy to stress out. But from the moment you hold your baby those feelings tend to be less and less heavy. Read on subjects you stress the most. If breastfeeding is one of your main concerns, read about it. But know that everything you read should be held on to as advice. A book cannot tell you what feels right or wrong. Everyone is different. Don't get too ahead of yourself and read about parenting for toddlers. You'll drive yourself crazy! Read about the months of an infant. And as you go along read into the first year of an infant. Keep a steady pace so you don't miss any Important milestones, by trying to stay ahead. I see many parents do so. You might even want to start with just pregnacy books. When you get time and energy google concerns and questions. This site is a great place to start.
I hope you take this time to breath and relax. You'll need your energy when you have your baby to enjoy your newborn. Enjoy the blessing inside you. Savor as much as you can, because what you feel tends to slip away from you memories as your child grow.

All you need to give is a lot of love, the rest will follow.

Congratulations! You are perfectly normal. :)
What I can tell you from experience is that you are most likely tougher than you think. You will grow with your baby and you will do just fine!

chiming in with what I glanced at in other responses -

It's okay! - the fact that you are worrying means you're a good Mommy! You care and you're aware. Be kind with yourself and your hormones and the newness of it all.

best of mommy-hood to you - it's an amazing ride (our daughter is 4)

Let all that go and let things work themselves through. I was a very young mommy and although things were rough at times, I have a wonderful relationship with my daughter. We always seemed to make it all work.

Believe me, you are a good mommy already. Your worries are all valid worries but you can't let them overwhelm you. Your energy will come back after the baby is born. Breastfeeding may be a nightmare at first but don't feel bad about that. It doesn't come naturally but it does come. It does hurt. You can start preparing your nipples with lanolin cream so that it doesn't hurt as much. Don't worry about what other people think. You decide what works for you. Don't let yourself feel other people's judgment. Don't let others push you around- do your own research and make your own decisions. It will be hard but it gets easier. It will be rewarding. The first month is the worst and then your baby will start smiling. I always remind myself that people used to do this in the woods without any of our modern conveniences and they did it just fine. Don't beat yourself into a depression over it. Savor the good moments and laugh at the hard ones. Talk to other mommies. Read some mommy blogs. We know what you are going through. Good luck! You are in my prayers. You are beginning an awesome adventure and you will question yourself many many times... it's part of the job and what makes you good at it.

It is normal! Your hormones are in overdrive...not to mention just being a first time mom carries a lot of anxiety. Try to determine what being a good mom means to you...then live that way.

I think you are already a great mom simply because you are asking yourself these questions.
It's good to make conscious choices, and you have to be really selfless, but you need to forgive yourself for not being "perfect." A sense of humor is really important because little ones can really throw you for a loop. Take it day by day.

As far as the breastfeeding, I think many people overcomplicate it. I hear a lot of women say that they "can't" breastfeed or "don't produce enough milk" and I think that a lot of times they just don't have the tools to make it work. It's easier for a doctor to have you give your child formula than offer breastfeeding council. (Our pediatrician is really pro-breastfeeding so we are lucky - he has always been great.)

When you look for a ped, ask them about breastfeeding and you'll be able to tell whether you'll get the support you need.
You can and should attend La Leche League meetings while you are pregnant and you'll find a great deal of support and resources there.

If you are into natural birth, sign up for a Bradley Birth class ASAP - we loved ours and got so much out of it.

I hope you have a beautiful birth. You are a wonderful Mama!

If you are having all these worries now then you are going to be a GREAT mom. Just remember there isn't much you can do now so let those feelings roll off your back, go by something for the baby weather it's socks or bibs, this way you are letting yourself get prepared and you'll feel better about yourself being a good mom. Start shopping for the perfect welcome home baby outfit. This way once you know what you are having you can go buy it. This totally helped me. Good luck to you and your new bundle of joy! J.

The fact that you are already so concerned means you will be up for the challange of parenting and are more prepared than you think. There are two important things my two children have taught me. Lesson #1. Nothing goes according to plan. I had birth plans and nursing plans and somehow neither of them worked out the way I had envisioned. I struggled much more than I had anticipated with nursing, but it's ok as it turns out that happens to many women. I have learned that it is best to roll with the punches and do the very best that I can. All you can do is educate yourself and try your hardest to follow your parenting beliefs. If it doesn't work out just the way you want, it will still be ok, you will adjust. Lesson #2. Love is the most important thing you can give a child. It doesn't matter how they are born, whether you nurse, whether or not you home school, send to public or private school. All that matters is that you love them.

So, basically what I am saying is that all you have to do is love your child and let go of any other worries.

HI AS,

You will be just fine...I was 19 when I had my oldest, her Daddy and I just moved into our own apt right out of HS and I did it. Your instincts will kick in and you will be an amazing mommy. The first time you hold your tiny baby in your arms you will know what to do. Books are good and you can take a baby care class, I also suggest lamaze (sp)to get through the birth. My other suggestion to you right now is sleep, sleep, sleep...take as many naps as you can and pamper yourself, get a manicure and especially a pedicure often and enjoy the time you have left with just you and your hubby!

I wish you all the best, babies are wonderful!

M.

Dear A.S.,

Everything that you're feeling is normal. It's okay to feel anxious, however, you're worrying about things that haven't happened yet.

As for breastfeeding, you really have no idea how it will go. I actually found I had an easy time. Two of my friends did not have it so easy. When the time comes, get all the help you can (i.e. lactation consultants, family and friends who have done it) because surrounding yourself with those supportive of breastfeeding will make things a lot easier for you and encouraging.

Your exhaustion is also normal. Give it another few weeks and you'll be surprised. You start to get a surge of energy as the weeks get closer. You may experience the "nesting" phenomena where you will want to do anything and everything to prepare for your new baby. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you can't ever really prepare.

My daughter's nursery was ready three weeks before she was born and even that couldn't prepare me for waking up every two hours to nurse her in the middle of the night. You will will tired, but you will somehow manage. Make sure to nap whenever the baby is down. Things will fall by the wayside (i.e. dishes, laundry, household clean up will not get done as you would normally like it to be), but this is where your family pitches in to help. Make sure you ask for help where you need it, taking out the trash, folding laundry, washing dishes, etc. Don't be afraid to ask for help, even from people visiting. A lot of times, people that come to visit in the first few weeks want to help, but they don't know what to do or feel like they are imposing if they ask. Take every bit of help you can. I can't repeat that enough.

You will do great. You will always feel slightly inadequate (even more if you're a perfectionist like I was), but always remind yourself that you are learning. Being a first time mom isn't easy. If you're hard on yourself already, you tend to beat yourself up over things. I know I did.

The first night home with my newborn, she kept crying and crying and I didn't know what to do. I remember bawling my eyes out and saying to her, "I'm sorry. Mommy doesn't know how to fix it right now." I felt horrible. I didn't realize she wanted to nurse again so soon after having nursed the hour before. You will learn all these things as you go along. Even as I tell you this experience, you will probably experience something else.

Just trust in yourself and ask for help. You will do great.

Good luck!

E.

A S,

Honey don't feel that way... Being pregnant is an overwhelming experience, especially being a 1st time mom... I experienced those same feelings with our son (only child)... I had no direction from my family (as far as mother advice) or his family, friends, or my Dr. I sort of had to figure it out myself as I went... Poor son of mine, had to be my little experiment. I combed his every inch of body for problems and little things for me to know about.

You will be a GREAT mother and let me tell you... when your baby is ready to be born you will be overwhelmed with tiredness and the whole experience.

The best advice I can give you, is enjoy your pregnancy, don't over do it when you're feeling tired, get plenty of rest now, if you're tired - STOP and sit DOWN... but most importantly know that you will be a great mom and you're little one will idolize you and will know your smile, smell, and that you are its mom.

A S it is ok to feel this way, you are pregnant and you will get through this.

Take care of yourself and most of all be healthy and eat healthy for both of you.

Warmly,

C. B.

Hello A S. First off, Congratulations to you! I wanted to let you know that feelings of inadequacy are normal, and happen to a lot of mothers, more so to first time mothers. Believe me when I say that you have what it takes to be a mom. It will all come naturally to you once your baby arrives :) Regarding breastfeeding, you won't fail, but your breasts might. LOL I was not able to breast feed my first child because I was told that I had inverted nipples (so not true, but I was too naive to know better). I breast fed my second child perfectly fine though. I had no trouble at all with him latching on. There are groups that can help you with breastfeeding, should you need the help. One place you can call is La Leche, and another is WIC, which stands for Women, Infant and Children. Both are great places, but the first place to get help from is one of the nurses at the hospital, if you plan on delivering at a hospital. They will bring the baby to you after he or she is born, and coach and help you with feeding him or her. If for whatever reason, you have exhausted all possibilities, and aren't able to breast feed, it's not the end of the world, and screw what society thinks. You should NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER worry about society. Society is not going to take care of you, nor is it going to be in your home, paying your bills, taking care of your child for you, etc. so please do not worry about people in the world who have no bearing on your life :) Regarding feeling tired and exhausted all the time, that is normal. I feel the exact same way, and am not ever able to get anything done. I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and can sympathize with you on THAT one!! lol As far as having what you need to manage a newborn, there are resources available to help you with this, as well. Just remember, a lot of what these articles, books, etc tell you that you need, you really don't. There are things you need for the baby, like a crib and most importantly, a car seat, but a lot of other things are frivolous things you won't need or that will rarely get used. Just make sure to stock up on some diapers, wipes, and onesies, as well as those awesome drawstring bottom pajamas (you'll love those for middle of the night changing's). There are other things you will need as well, and those are just a few of them. Like I said, most importantly, make sure you have a car seat to take your baby home from the hospital (again, if you are delivering at one) in!! Best of luck to you, and if you have any further questions, or need someone to talk to, you can always send me a note and we can exchange emails or something :) Take care!!

I think what you are feeling is normal. I know a lot of women who have felt that way before their first, including myself. Somehow you manage to get through all of it. As far as the breastfeeding, that is a very personal decision to be made between YOU and your husband. Don't worry about what society thinks or says. There are many different varieties of breastfeeding. My son could not latch and suck properly so I ended up pumping every feeding for him. Some people criticized me but in my mind I was doing what was best for me and my son. After all he was still getting breastmilk. Some women cannot produce enough milk. Always remember to do what is best for you and follow your instincts of what you think is right.

Take it easy on yourself :)

No one is ever really ready, but you will do just fine. The fact that you would worry about being a good mom indicates that you are a good mom!

The best thing you can do is GATHER all the INFO you can right now for when the baby comes. We did all our prep for labor & birth and forgot to prep for a newborn! How silly is that? But even if you get that "wow, what do I do with this baby?" feeling you will still do fine. LINE UP all your SUPPORT and helpers now: family and friends who can cook you some meals, others moms you can phone with a question, books you can flip through at 3am (What to Expect the First Year), your local breastfeeding support group, etc.

AS for the breastfeeding, give it your best shot, but if it doesn't work out, don't let people give you a hard time about it. Breastfeeding is wonderful but it is also difficult. If you are having trouble, know that it will get better and there is plenty of support available. There are ladies out there that are so gung-ho on it they may seem almost like bullies though (we jokingly referred to one nurse as the breastfeeding nazi... and I was breastfeeding!), so stand by what works for you. If you bottle feed it's OK! Love is the most important thing :)

I just had my fisrt baby and panic set in about the first time I felt her move. Being a Mom will become second nature so take a deep breath and relax. You mentioned family so I assume that you are still with or married to baby's daddy. The best is yet to come for that family relationship that you are unsure of. By the end of the 9th month the two of you will be so in love that you'll think that love really is like that write about in songs. The father might not seem to have as many concerns but the truth is he doesn't quiet get it yet, and he won't until her sees his little baby. It will hit him harder then either one of you could ever expect.
Get the happiest baby on the block and follow it, or atleast get tips from it. You can buy it used on Amazon.
Breastfeeding is hard don't let anyone make you feel like it should just happen and that you don't need to learn. Don't feel bad for giving a bottle of formula every now and then doing it made it so that I didn't give up breastfeeding. I gave her bottle so I could sleep and dad could feed, so that we could go to dinner and not feel too stressed. We both got really good at it by 3-4 months. It was not days or weeks though.
You're baby will love you as long as you love her. She will trust you with every ounce of her being and you will truely get that the first time you hold her or see her gaze back at you. Or he.

Get a book or two of ten but remember that your baby doesn't have to meet every guideline or milestone. DID I MENTION GET THE HAPPIEST BABY ON THE BLOCK.

You'll be fine and in the next few weeks you'll stop feeling so tired and you'll feel like you can start getting that room ready.

Um, feeling overwhelmed and inadequte during pregnancy? It's totally normal!!! I wanted to have another baby so I could enjoy it the second time, I was so nervous the first time. The weird thing is that when you have the baby, it all just clicks in. I almost don't even remember what I did when I had a newborn. You just do it! Trust me, it will be easier than you think. You will know what to do, nature makes it that way. You will be a brilliant and wonderful mother! Don't worry about being ready, of course you're not ready, but when it happens, you will be fine. If she cries, you will feed her or change her diaper or put her to sleep. You're the mommy, mommies learn their baby's cries. In regards to the stuff you need, you might not know until you need it. If you buy a swing, maybe your baby doesn't even like swings! Get the basics now, and buy the other things as you need them. I bought an expensive sling in advance, but my daughter hated it and would never use it. So don't stress! It will all show itself. You will be wonderful.

As another poster said, and I know this is easy for us to say but really, don't worry. For most, once it happens, everything falls in to place. You are pregnant and feeling many emotions right now. I remember going on a roller coaster of emotions with both of my pregnancies.

Give it your best and you will be a great Mom!

Congratulations!
M.

Us first time mommies been there! I had flash back! Be glad your hormones is what's making you feel this ways. Good thing that there are many alternatives ways to provide care for your baby and alternatives was to live life as a parent. Go with the flow

Honey, please don't worry about all that!!!!
After the baby is born, everything just comes natural. Breastfeeding takes practice, with you AND the baby. Keep going even if it is so frustrating. My baby had a nard time latching because of my nipples. After a while of practicing, my nipples were "trained" and I nursed for 8 months! Everything will work out, just enjoy your baby and cuddle as much as possible!
It's just your hormones, and your tired because YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!! And what the hell do you care what sociey thinks????????
Relax and enjoy the baby inside of you!
Good luck.

Hi A S it sounds like your hormnones are out of wack. This is what it takes to be a good mom, be there, nurture your baby, don't let people tell you, you are over nurturing your baby, not possible, don't do something cause it looks like everyone else is doing it, raise your child in a loving home where he or she sees the love in the home, especially between you and your husband. You will make mistakes all moms do. Weather you are ready or not only you know that, if you are not ready you have time to get ready, I think you will be fine, and as your baby grows, you have us moms out here if you need help, I'm 51, so I'm an old school mom, loved everyday of it, and you will too. Don't worry, and enjoy being pregnant, it's the best. J. L.

Hi...I know you're going to get a lot of great, heartfelt advice, but personally I wanted to tell you, I felt the same way, ESPECIALLY after I had the baby. I cried leaving the hospital with him because I felt so inadequate! But I soon found out that NO ONE could be as great a mom as me because he was my son, and each mom knows exactly what she needs to do. Dads are the same - it's so cool to watch them just change out of pure love. Remember, it's natural - it's what's exactly supposed to happen, so nature takes care of itself. Give yourself a break - feel confident! KNOW that you and your family will be ok because of the simple fact that you love that baby with all your heart. Everything else will happen, and of course, it's lots of work, but it will be GREAT - it will be the best time of your life, so stop worrying and enjoy every moment! Rest too!!!!
M.

You have everything it takes!! We ALL do, it just seems to come from nowhere when you really need it. Hormones are making you feel this way. I would suggest reading as much as you can about birth, breastfeeding, etc. The more informed you feel the better equipped you are with the knowledge you need you will feel more able to handle it. Also take a breastfeeding class at your local hospital. Seek out friends/aquaintances who are breastfeeding now and ask/learn/watch them so you feel comfortable. This is the true way to succesful breastfeeding, having a support system. When baby comes you WILL BE FINE!!! Really you will! Here is an excellent book about breasfeeding to start reading now and use all thru your nursing experience. I used this book nearly every day at first and it really was one of the reasons I was succesful....It is called "The Nursing Mother's Companion" by Kathleen Huggins. There was a post on here not long ago with a woman asking "what will I really need after baby is born" and she got a lot of great advice so try to find that post too. Best wishes!

Just that you are concerned tells me that you will do great! Relax and enjoy your time being pregnant. I suggest reading some books that make you feel good, going on walks, and finding some other prego mommies to talk to! It is amazing how everything all comes together when the baby is born! A lot of stuff comes naturally and the other stuff your friends/family are willing to share. Having a baby is a joyous occasion. It reminds us all that is good in the world. The tired and exhaustion comes with the territory, but remember it is all so very worth it!
Read the Twilight books to pass time! They make you feel great.
Love,
J.

Take comfort in knowing your feeling are totally and completely NORMAL. Parenting is a pretty big task (not to mention lifelong) but the rewards are soooo great. As far as the pregnancy/delivery/breastfeeding goes, check out my website: www.cedarbirthservices.com I am a doula so this is totally up my alley. And I can relate with the whole breastfeeding thing. I have two children and have two very different breastfeeding experiences, check out my blog for more on that: www.thecedarreader.blogspot.com

Hey, this is where I was some odd 10 years ago. Homeopathy did the trick for me. Try to find CCH homeopath in your area. In your particular case, don’t settle for MD, ND or chiropractor or who do homeopathy “on the side”. This dudes are awesome for acute problems, you want more attention and cheaper follow ups – go to CСH homeopath.
Good luck and Congrats on you coming baby!
V

Dear A S,

Oh my goodness--how normal are you! :-) All moms feel like this (at least, those who are brave enough to admit it).

My best advice to you: realize now that the Mom Police do not exist. No scary ladies will show up at your door and take your baby away because you "failed" at breastfeeding, use a pacifier, etc. Society is not living in your home. You are. The biggest mistake my husband and I made was pre-planning too many opinions on how we were going to handle things--no formula ever! No pacifier ever! You get the idea. All that did was cause us major anxiety when we realized that we had to use formula and a pacifier. All kids are different and have different needs. Breastfeeding is challenging and there are a variety of reasons why formula might have to be used. (I ended up having a medical problem and then my son had a problem--so I just pumped and gave him breastmilk and formula in a bottle--but that's another story). What's important is that your baby is fed, played with, loved, clothed, housed. Lots of kids don't get breastmilk and are fine (like me for one--I was a preemie and you know what? I wasn't sickly as a kid nor was I relegated to the remedial classes in school). :-) I'm sure my mom wanted to breastfeed me, but it wasn't an option.

Just do what seems reasonable to you and try to ignore the unsolicited advice and guilt from family and friends who did things differently (and/or so many years ago that they can't possibly remember what the day-to-day is like).

Happy Parenting!
:-) D.

Your concerns brought tears to my eyes only because it brought back memories of me lying on the couch and crying the day my husband had to return to work after our first son was born. I was so afraid of being left alone with a newborn. I've now been a mom for 10 years and I'm quite confident (at times). The most important thing, is that you want to be a good mommy! Your hormonal and that's okay. Take some time to read some parenting and baby books. That might help a bit. Dr. T. Barry Brazelton writes some wonderful stuff.

Hi AS,

Please don't worry so much. Knowledge is power...get some. Books are good, helping a friend with a baby is better. I did my "mommy training" with a woman who just had twins (anything is easy after that <g>). Listen to folks' stories but remain open to your own style, which will unfold as your baby grows. (I highly recommend the "What to expect" series of books.)

Also, don't worry about what society thinks. I know it's all the rage to think that a village will be raising your child, but, ultimately, it's your call and your responsiblity. Perhaps you and your spouse could sit down and discuss how you want to raise your child? If you two can come up with some guiding principles, that might make things easier. For example, through discussion, my husband and I learned we were both committed to routine and structure, particularly sleep. So, we discussed how best to do this with the pediatrictian. We stuck to her plan doggedly and both our sons were sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and have been great sleepers ever since. But, it wasn't what "society" liked and so we faced censure for missed events, non-traditional beliefs and inflexibility.

Please try to get more sleep. Things will look much better if you're well-rested.

Good luck.

Don't worry, nobody is ever "Ready" until you HAVE to be! It comes naturally once the baby arrives! :)
Like Julie said, we all make some mistakes - it's all in the learning process, but don't stress about crossing that bridge until you're there! The fact that you WANT so much to be a good mommy tells me that you already are - because you CARE! And that is the most important thing. Just trust your own judgment and never mind anything negative that anyone tries to tell you. As for the breastfeeding, don't stress over it because this could give you problems. It is a very natural thing and if you just relax and let nature take its course I'm sure everything will be fine. And IF you really can't do it - who cares! At least you'll have given it your best try and that is more than some can say! Good luck to you and be sure to get lots of rest while you can, it's normal to be exhausted when you're pregnant!

You don't need to know everything at once. Yes, it's a lot to take on, but it comes in small increments, not everything at the same time. Thankfully, there are several months of pregnancy to get used to the idea of having a baby and undergo gradual changes in our bodies. Likewise, there will be MANY months to get used to having a child. You'll gain wisdom and knowledge through your experiences. So, try to relax and enjoy what you're going through NOW. Of course, preparation is necessary and helpful, but if you focus too much on the future and/or FEAR of the future, you might miss some wonderful moments in the present.
Also, I want to point out that it doesn't matter what society thinks. I do plenty of things in my pregnancies, births, and parenting that 'society' probably looks down upon, but it's what works for me and my family and it makes me happy. Don't let anyone else determine your feelings for you. YOU are the boss and get to make all the decisions for your baby and family, nobody else. Remember that.
If you decide to breastfeed, great! If it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up and focus on the things that have gone well. There's always help out there for any situation, so seek it if you feel you need it (like now!). Either way, don't let others make you feel inadequate. There will ALWAYS be someone who disagrees with you, so you need to find what you think is most important, what sits well with you, and be happy with what you have. Find strength in yourself. Just becoming a mommy can do that for you, give you strength you didn't know you had.
You will be a great mother. And when you have overwhelming or frustrating times (which you will), you can learn and grow from the experience. Your worries are understandable and normal. But try to focus on the things you are certain with and grateful for, and everything will work out for you and your family. Feel free to email me if you'd like to talk more.
Love, N.