Preparing My Child to Be Respectful of Religion as a Nonbeleiver?

hi M.
I send my son to a Catholic school (not because I am so religious, but because many school's in S.F. are quite lacking in formal education.. that being said, my husband is Catholic, I am not. However, I do follow some of the Buddhist's traditions and although my son does have a religion class at school once a week and HE does choose to believe in Jesus, I have offered him other explanations and traditions. Children, In my opinion naturally gravitate to certain things. My son has taught me what it means to be truly open minded as in the past I have suggested to him that perhaps Jesus wasn't the only way to go :) his reply back to me "Jesus is for me" this taught me that well ok, I can deal with that, why should I shove my beliefs down his throat when he holds such strong convictions. In the end, children grow up and will choose what they want. My son sings religious songs, but I don't care, in fact it's cute. He also enjoys other types of songs as well. Also, I figure the more he knows about the Catholic religion and other religions, the better understanding he will have of other cultures and people. The idea being that if you can learn about a culture from a very profound aspect , religion being one way, then I think you have a better chance of understanding different people. Especially in this day and age where there are so many different beliefs. I also practice what I consider natural parenting, which means to me , going with the flow. Kids can teach us a lot. If my son, chooses Jesus at this time while I am more inclined to follow Buddha, well so be it. In the end, what matters like you say is that they become good people and so far, I think my son is doing a great job of that and he is helping me and his dad.. :)

Hi M.,
I'm an atheist myself, and what I find works for me and my 6 y.o. (so far) is to explain what I believe and why, and then let him know that not everyone agrees with me, and that lots of people he loves are firm believers. That way he knows that people he loves believe both ways and he'll feel more free to make his own decisions later. If you're worried believers may come down heavy on your child when you're not around, you can coach him to say, 'I appreciate your information, and I'll think about it.' That's all he has to say.

Don't worry so much. I grew up in a home with similar beliefs to yours, and sang all those songs, and was a girl scout for many years. Honestly I didn't recognize many of the religious parts of the music and traditions, without the context at home. It was only later that the meanings of the songs made sense, and by then I was old enough to understand that I didn't need religion to be a good or moral person, and because my parents showed me to treat everyone with respect no matter what their beliefs, I did, and still do. It sounds like you are teaching your children similar view and showing them how to be in this world, so I wouldn't worry.

well hopefully you will be teaching your children tolerance and the joy of learning about others people's beliefs. I am disappointed that you have become one of those people who chose to "talk to the administration" about a silly song. Children love songs and it is good for them to learn other cultures. I fear people like you who remove all lessons of other cultures including learning about Christmas and Hannukah in school. Schools are becoming such a bland place because of parents who choose to spend their energy complaining about a song instead of putting their energy to actually making the world a better place. Perhaps you and your child can volunteer and spend your time that way instead of trying to limit the exposure to different cultures/beliefs that your child receives in school.
I am not religious to one religion but I think its very sad that parents like you have taken out fun activities in school that are learning opportunities about the world we live in.
Also death is a scary concept for children, a bigger question for you might be how you are going to teach them about it and ensure they will feel safe and loved if you also are teaching them there is no such thing as God. If you believe in another power or universal power, can't you teach them that God is just one of many names for that power (Mother Nature? Collective Unconscious?).
A child doesn't need to understand your philosophical questioning- they are not ready to understand it. I would rather my child feel safe at such a young age and feel they are protected by angels-- even if I may not believe it.

BTW, your question (and your supporting facts including your attempt to change the Daisy organization) are FAR from neutral so while I am not a big extremist on either side of the issue, keep in mind that you have opened yourself up big time to those that are. Freedom of religion and separation of church and state does NOT mean that religion is not allowed in public life- it means just the opposite--we are ALL allowed to express our beliefs- not just you- and for you to try to silence those that discuss their beliefs is to do your child a great disservice by supporting intolerance and silence. . .

Hi M.,

I think it is great that you want to teach your child to be respectful of others' beliefs. We need more of that in this world. I have struggled for years about how to incorporate the good parts of religion into our lives without the dogma. We finally went to the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship and are thrilled. The UU congregation is filled with people from different backgrounds and with different beliefs, including atheist. They consider themselves "creedless" so there is no preacher telling people what to believe. Yet, the services are so deep and moving that I usually end up in tears. The children learn about religions from all over the world. The community is tight-knit and a great place for our whole family.

E.

I have two children ages 15 and 11. We have faced this issue as well. My husband and I tell our children that all releigions are based on a set of beliefs that outline the way people should behave and that many people feel more comfortable when they have a set of rules that they know other people in their community also think they should stick to. Our own rules/morals are basically the same as most religions. We have also told them that every person's beliefs have value and that just because they believe something we do not does not make them bad or wrong. I think that this can be very tough because those with strong religious beliefs often feel they must convince everyone else that they should believe the same things. If your kids can see you calmly explaining that your beliefs are not the same as some one else and that that is okay, they will pick this up as well. Good luck!

Dear M.,

With the utmost respect and sincerity, I continue to fail to understand why “non-believers” wish to take part or have their children take part; in organizations which have long been established by people with specific moral and/or religious beliefs, especially our belief in God and the teachings of the Bible.

Why do non-believers feel they have the right to oppose, change, sue and perhaps force the organization to modify their doctrine in order to conform to the “non-believers” wishes, so their children can be a part of an organization with a doctrine in which they don’t believe?

If you don’t believe in God or any specific doctrine, you have the free will in the United States, to start your own organizations for you and your children. I can promise you, that we as believers won’t try to join, sue or cajole or modify the path of what you believe.

We will however, keep our arms open and will welcome your children into our organizations which are meant to make a better life, be healthy, educational and fun for all children.

All of our children will grow up and eventually make their own choices.

Blessings….