Preparing Our Older Children

Well, my oldest was still little when I became pregnant with my youngest but I think what we did would still work with older children.
We made him part of everything. When I had ultrasound appointments he went, the first time they were able to hear the heartbeat, he was right there. We also let him pick out stuff like sleepers, onesies, just basically all the stuff that you buy before the baby is born.
When his little brother was born, he was at the hospital and was allowed to hold his baby (that's what he always called him..."my baby.")
When we brought the baby home, when the baby needed changing, we asked him if he would mind going into the baby's room and getting a diaper and the wipes, or when the baby was in the bassinet and spit his paci out and started fussing, he would go over and put the paci back in his mouth, he would wind up the baby swing when it stopped, just simple stuff like that to make him part of it...like he was actually helping to take care of "his baby."
He never showed any jealousy towards his baby brother. They are a lot older now and sure, they fuss since that's what siblings do, but they are also very close.

Hi there I have a couple ideas you could try. When you find out you are pregnant I would wait until you know everything will be fine and then I would tell the girls. I would tell the oldest one that she is very special because she made you parents and the second that she is special because she made her older sister a big sister and the baby will make her a big sister too. I would also let them help pick out the baby's name and help with the baby room. If they are a big part of this that might make them feel included. Just a few ideas I hope this helps! Good luck!!

Well, all I can say is be careful and very tactful when you approach the girls. They have only been with you for a couple of years and still must hold some residual feelings of insecurity. I chose to have another child from my second marriage. My daughter from my first marriage was 10yrs old and I was very cautious to make sure of how she felt before the pregnancy. We had a talk about expanding our family and I told her that I couldn't be happy unless she was happy. I guess I needed her blessing to have another baby. We are close and she was excited about a little brother or sister.

She is jealous by nature and I do not believe for a second that she would have been happy if I had just had a baby because I wanted to. I had to make her part of it........I strongly suggest that approach with your girls. I don't know their background but they may have endured a lot and may really need reassurance that you will still love them after you have a bio child. You should start now telling them that you will love them as much as any child you have biologically (and often) so that they are emotionally prepared for your new expanded beautiful family. Bio or not the older ones really need to know they are not being replaced.

By the way, I didn't have one moment of petty jealousy with my daughter. She really felt she was part of the choice and that her little brother was "her baby" too...DESPITE the 11 and 1/2yrs between them. I am grateful that I chose to talk to her frankly and almost like an adult (certainly like someone who's opinion mattered) it made all the difference and I recommend that approach to anyone who is planning to have another child.

Good luck and happy babies!

I have no experience with this- but will offer up what comes to my head.

Did you make them adoption scrapbooks- similar to what would be a baby book? They would probably enjoy making these as well as helping you choose the colors and papers for the new baby.

Describe the new baby to be OUR baby or the family's baby. Or YOUR baby... they will probably be eager to help take care of the baby and "play" mom which can end up backfiring when it later comes to discipline and the baby becomes a toddler or preschooler.

Describe them as being born in your heart- if you don't already... I am sure there are adoption books out there.
Bless you for loving other children into your family before creating more.