Preschool B-day Party Etiquette

Updated on September 11, 2011
S.B. asks from Encino, CA
20 answers

Hi Moms -
My son started preschool this week; on day three, we received a b-day party invitation in his cubby from a classmate that we only met this week. All the kids received one; part of the "if you're going to invite one using the cubbies, you invite all" rule (if you only want to invite certain kids, you need to do so outside of the school). What is the etiquette for RSVPing in these cases? Should we assume that the invite is sincere and attend? Or is there an unspoken rule that you don't attend the parties for the kids who you don't really know? PS - he tends to play with the other boys in class, not the girls, and the invite was from a girl, so I don't think they're going to become fast friends before her party.

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So What Happened?

Thanks, everyone. I guess my question was not completely clear - of course we will RSVP, my question was more about the etiquette of our response: that we're coming, or that we're not. Folks make good points in favor of going, and I think we will do so. Thanks again!

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R.K.

answers from Boston on

I try to make all the parties especially at this age. It's a great way to get to know the other parents, let's the kids have a chance to play together outside of school, etc
Whatever you decide please RSVP either way it's rude not to.

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K.S.

answers from Miami on

Oh definitely RSVP and go. Its a great way for the kids to connect at this age. Its not appropriate to only invite a few and leave a pre schooler out. That would not be cool.

3 moms found this helpful

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

By thinking you must already know the people well to attend always hurts those poor kids with birthdays at the beginning of the school year, since they have not yet had the time to get to know each other. Here is my experience. My son's b-day is in Sept. His first year of pre-school he was so excited to be in school and have classmates to invite. When only 2 showed up on his special day he was devastated. I tired to make the best of it, and I thought it went ok until the next year when I asked him what he would like to do for his party, and he said "I don't want a party, no one will come anyways". I always make an effort to attend every party my kids get invited to, because when people don't show up it is the kid who gets hurt.

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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

I would RSVP either way, yes or no. I just hosted a b-day party for my daughter and invited preschool classmates (yes, all of them!) as well as kids in the neighborhood and it was kinda annoying when I didn't get a reply. Of course I would think the invitation is sincere and whether you want to go or not is totally up to you. They don't have to be "besties" beforehand but he will probably have fun playing with some of the other kids there. Some of the kids invited to DD's party we didn't know really well either but now some we do! It really helped break the ice and DD has at least one new good friend out of it that she didn't have before!

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G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I think it is the most wonderful opportunity to make friends with people you are going to be interacting with for years to come. Just because the kids don't know each other well yet doesn't mean they won't be best of friends by next week.

I'd say go. During our preschool years there was one nearly every month, once there were 3 on one day. That was fun. One was roller skating, one was at Burger King and one was at their house.

4 moms found this helpful

L.M.

answers from Dover on

It is ok to attend or not but you should always RSVP.

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D.D.

answers from Phoenix on

Your son received an invitation and it is helpful to the host to know the amount of guests so they can provide the appropriate amount of food/beverages/goodie bags/etc so yes, RSVP. Kids love parties so I wouldn't worry about the "gender" at this age. The invitation is sincere and I bet your guy has a great time!

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L.C.

answers from Chicago on

For me personally i make it a point to attend my daughter's classmate parties. Whether they are good friends or not these are the kids that she sees on a regular basis and has interaction with all of them. We dont have alot of invites in prek, but the ones that we get we attend. Thats just me :)

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K.W.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well, I threw a party recently for my preschooler and invited all his classmates, and I sincerely wanted them all to come b/c I like to socialize with the parents. And all the kids had fun with each other, enjoyed seeing each other out of school, and I didn't care if they all weren't the closest with my son.
I was a bit annoyed at the couple who didn't RSVP.
If you're concerned it'll be "girlie" you might be able to judge by the invite, or just ask your son if he wants to go, or ask a mom of one of your son's friends if they are going.
But yes, I think it's sincere. If you're worried just bring a gift!

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K..

answers from Phoenix on

Whatever you do, you need to respond. Why not go? It will give you an opportunity to meet some of the kids/parents.

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

You need to RSVP. You received an invitation, so you RSVP one way or the other. There's no "unspoken rule" that you don't go or RSVP if you don't really know the family -your child may be getting to be big buddies with that kid. Plus, it's a great way to meet other parents in the preschool! We try to attend most of the birthday parties that come out of my youngest son's preschool even though very few people there know one another beyond being acquaintances.

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T.F.

answers from San Francisco on

Definitely RSVP so the Mom knows how many to plan for. You might want to consider attending. Other boys might attend and it will also be a chance for you to get to know other Moms. There can be a lot of opportunities for Birthday parties so if you miss this one odds are you'll receive another invite soon.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

We only ever invited the whole class when we REALLY wanted the whole class (or as many who could) to come. :) :) :) Otherwise we invited people individually.

It's also a great way to meet other families who are a part of the class/school and for your son to get to meet/play with some other kids.

You can't help when your bday is. My son's old enough now that we can postpone his party until his friends are back in town ((mid summer baby, everyone is ALWAYS on vacation over his birthday :( )) but toddler years they get really stuck on the actual day/week. Sept kids often get passed over just like summer kids... because of the timing.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I'd ask your sn if he wants to go and rsvp accordingly. I certainly never distributed invitations to all expecting that most would not come. Totally up to the kid.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I would take it as sincere and just go. It'll be fun for your son b/c I'm sure other boys will be there too and maybe he'll start making some friends that are girls too. A good friend of mine is very into inviting whole classes...her son is in 1st grade and plans to invite the entire class of boys to his party this year and every year after this year too. I think it just depends on the family, but if they invited, they must want you there, it's not that hard to be "sneaky"! Have fun!

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K.L.

answers from Savannah on

My niece had a party when she was in pre-school, and while everyone was invited, only the girls showed up. On the other hand, when she was invited to other kids parties, she almost always went, but the boys parties always seemed to be at fun places (jump place, karate studio etc). I think that it is less common for a boy to go to a girl's party due to themes, but it is ok to go or not to go, as long as you rsvp your decision.

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L.M.

answers from New York on

RSVP! And it is fine either way. My kids personally, love parties. We have usually tried to go to all of the parties they're invited to. My daughter's been invited to "boy" parties when it was more of an invite the whole class thing. Who cares? Unless you think he won't like it. Then skip it.

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Absolutely go. Consider all invitations sincere -- you are part of a community at preschool. This is an opportunity to integrate yourself and your child into that community, and create shared experiences that will make all of your interactions more positive. Whether or not your child becomes "friends" with this girl - they will be interacting every day, and the more familiar they are with each other -- the better. Also, in preschool there is not yet the strict isolation by gender that starts to occur by the end of kindergarten. Kids tend to establish friendships with both boys and girls at this age.

Anyway -- no unspoken rule at all. If you don't know a kid yet, this is your chance to get to know them.

Finally -- I would accept all invites to parties from preschool families -- even last minute ones (which happens more often then you'd think!) . I've received invitations the day before a party and I always go. It's about your child, and they will always benefit from attending.

As for RSVP's when you throw your own party -- always follow up to find out who is or isn't coming. That way, you can always supplement the list so your child will have a festive gathering (and now we understand those last minute invites!).

C.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

Birthday parties and playdates bring children closer. I would let your son go and spend some fun outside-the-classroom time with his classmates.

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P.A.

answers from Los Angeles on

Why not go?? How will your son get to know others if he only attends invitations that he already knows. And what a great way to meet other parents

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