Preschool Teacher Issue?

Two words of advice to give him when he needs help/clarification/attention: Speak Up

Teach him to speak up, raise his hand, etc. when he needs help.
My son was quiet, reserved...him understanding the advice to "speak up" was invaluable.

Wow, where is his preschool, communist China?
In America, preschool = play. That's a given. They don't WORK.
Look for an NAEYC accredited program, this place sounds unqualified and frankly, terrible.

High quality, accredited preschools, regardless of their particular philosophies, all have one thing in common,
they are all play based.
I would be looking for something else. He shouldn't be "working" at all.

Hi, L., this post is a little later...I've only glanced through and you've got some great suggestions. I wanted to add a few things. I am a mother of a kindergartener (son) and a 3 yr old (daughter) with baby #3 due in Nov. I am also a public school teacher.

First to weigh in on the appropriateness of the discussion happening in front of other parent...I think from a common sense perspective that this never should have happened, but some people believe that they can bully other people into action by putting them on the spot in front of others. Highly inappropriate. This is so inappropriate that if your child's preschool is receiving any federal funding, then the teacher could be seriously reprimanded for violating FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act). Remember a few years back when all of the health care arena started getting really particular about privacy and providing privacy policies and who they can/cannot disclose health information with? That's HIPAA. FERPA is for any federally funded education like HIPAA is for the health care arena....and to be quite honest it should be taken just as seriously. It has been my experience with FERPA that the mere mention of a FERPA violation can put many teachers on alert. I have seen teachers let go of for FERPA violations. Anyhow, as I mentioned, FERPA applies to any federally funded program (to my knowledge), and I'm not suggesting that you threaten with it, but do a little research on it so that you know you and your child's rights for the future.

We just finished a really rough year of 4-yr-old preschool with our son (you can look at some of my previous posts and/or replies to other posts on this subject). We have started a pretty positive year in Kindergarten (and are really praying it continues). I suggest that you speak privately with the teacher sooner rather than later. You need to make her aware of your standing on things with your son. It also may be helpful to provide suggestions for things that can help your child to do better. This is still preschool, but your child is gearing up for Kindergarten next year, which means that things are going to gradually get a little more strict as far as expectations for learning. With that being said, there are developmentally appropriate lessons for a 4 year old and school doesn't have to lose it's 'fun' component.

Based on what you have said, it sounds like your child might be a "Quality Time" child (Read the book: 5 Love Languages for children). Your son's needs may be more tied to quality time than other aspects (gifts, words of affirmation, etc.). The further you (or his teacher) get from meeting this need, the worse the situation will get, because your son may start to go to extremes to obtain this quality time (Attention for bad behavior is better than no attention at all in the mind of many small children). I would explain to his teacher, that while you understand that she has many students who all need her time and attention, your child really needs to feel like he is a valuable person in her room. Maybe he would do well in a role where he could be her 'helper' on occasion....

Good luck with things!

Oh, this makes my blood boil! My son was labeled the troublemaker in private preschool and made to sit in timeout a LOT! I worked across the hall in the infant room and they didn't tell me he was having trouble until he lost it and refused to sit.
I removed him from the center and placed him in PUBLIC preschool and he had NO ISSUES! The public school teacher couldn't believe he was labeled a behavior problem.
Set up a conference, but in the mean time look for another program. This is a bad fit!

IMO, preschool should be about play. They can't play all.the.time, but they should learn by playing most of the time....while also learning to get along, sit in a circle, etc.

I would follow up on this. If she is dismissive to YOU, is it also possible she is dismissive to HIM? I would try to find out more about what is going on and if you are not satisfied with her answer, is there a director you can talk to? Another class he can be moved to?

I do agree that sometimes kids don't know how to ask. My DD had a big crying fit with her aunt because she did not verbalize what she needed. I work with DD frequently on using her words.

What bothers me most is the time out. Time out should be when a child is really bad or defiant. Is he defiant or distracted?

I agree with OnePerfectOne. Have him speak up. My little one never realize that he could ask for help or attention. He would just sit and get frustrated.

I would also email the teacher and ask for more clarification. At 4, they should want to play most of the day. :)

Work? Like, not helping put toys away (which would mean sitting on the bench if he's not helping... or better yet, doing it WITH him) or worksheets?

If it's the latter, get him out of there quick! Sounds like your care provider hasn't read the NAEYC Developmentally Appropriate Practice handbook! Fours should have options of another activity to go to if they don't want to do the featured activity. There should be other stations/areas available to play in, not just all the kids doing one thing at one time. (with the exception of circle, and even then, kids who didn't want to participate, I let them quietly look at books or play with a quiet table activity like puzzles)

And her approach in front of the other parents? As a former preschool teacher, I can tell you that for pros, that is a big no-no. It's very embarrassing for parents and there should be a degree of confidentiality within that relationship.

Request a conference. I would.

ALL they should do is play. If there is work, find another preschool!

I would definitely follow up with the teacher either in person or over the phone - not email. I find it impossible to get a complete picture of what happens at school from my 4 yr old and I think the teacher needs to provide you more detailed information. I can tell you that I'd be pretty upset to find out about being put in time out for such an "offense" and if conversations don't go well with the teacher I'd talk with the administration or be looking for another school.

I have to say that I don't quite understand why your son has "work" as a 4 year old. Preschool isn't supposed to be about work. Yes, there are art projects, but aren't supposed to be approached as "work".

A preschooler's work is supposed to be in the form of play. Play is actually learning, and it sounds to me like your preschool teacher doesn't understand that.

I would really consider finding another preschool, to be honest.

What kind of "work"? At 4, it should be play.

The work of a child is play.
Children learn through play.
What "work" are they giving him? Is Time out all they know, my sons preschool never used time out. Ever. They redirected, assisted, re explained the directions. No real behavior problems.
Check out NAEYC
find a preschool that understands what is appropriate for preschoolers, hopefully one that is NAEYC accredited.

It was inappropriate of the teacher to discuss your son with you in front of the other parents. At 4 year old preschool, with kindergarten next year, he needs to get on track with the routine of school. However, I don't know that Time Out is the way to deal with that. I think that they need a better behavioral system than that. He does have to learn that school is not all about free play, since there is very little of that in public kindergarten, especially if he'll be going half day. I work in an elementary school, and we often use sticker charts for the kids to work toward earning something like treasure box, or colored card systems. I think that his teachers should have better techniques for getting a child into the routine of school and that time out (a punishment) should be saved for things like hitting other kids. Perhaps you could meet with the teacher to discuss possible behavior systems that would reward him for following the classroom routine. Positive reinforcement really goes a long way - had a child in my class last year who if he stayed on his green behavior card all day would get to call his mom or dad from the principal's office to say that he behaved all day and he LOVED this, really made him feel good about himself.
Good luck!

there should be no 'work" in preschool.. preschool is fun. yes they learn.. but they learn by playing... lessons are short.. playtime is long.

this teacher does not know how to teach 4 year olds.

It sounds like a personality conflict btwn your son and the teacher. In my opinion, work should be optional in preschool. Preschool should be all about play, getting along with others, learning how to sit in circle time, do a round of activities, eat snack together. We picked a play-based preschool for both our kids. Perhaps you can switch to this kind of preschool? It does not mean they never do "work", but it's based on the belief that kids this age don't need to do academics yet and they are learning in other ways. Send the teacher an email saying you want her to communicate with you over the phone, by email, or by personal appointment...that it is not appropriate to talk to you in front of you son. He is a 4 year old boy - yes it is hard to sit and do work at that age! My son at that age wanted to do large motor skill things...jump, swing, run. Did going to a play-based preschool harm him in any way with academics - no! He was and is doing work at a much higher level n school and is in the gifted academic program. Perhaps you should move your son do a different kind of preschool?

Is this year a "pre-K" year in this preschool? Is this final year of preschool, prior to kindergarten, a year when the kids are expected to do more "work" and generally prepare for K and are expected to be acting a little more like K students? In many preschools, that last year before kindergarten is considered prep for K; in our preschool (some years back) there was a "pre-K" designation for some classes, and in those classes, yes, the kids were doing some (fun) work on letters and numbers etc. So I would find out very clearly from the teacher and the preschool director whether your son's class this year is expected to do tasks that are more academic than he has experienced in preschool before this year. If he has been used to preschool being all play, he may be getting a bit of a shock if the teacher is asking students to stop and work on writing letters or counting objects, etc.

And....while you do not want a super-academic environment that uses a ton of worksheets, sends home homework or is too rigid, it IS good to have some kindergarten-like work during the preschool day at his age. But find out how much this teacher is doing. If she is really drilling them a lot or having them sit for long periods writing, this classroom may be too big a change for him.

If the teacher is using time out a lot, by the way, then time out is going to lose any effectiveness with him. I would talk with her about other forms of discipline for him such as taking away a privilege like playground time -- that can be FAR more effective with a kid this age than a time out, because they adore playground time. Losing one play period could have more lasting effect on him than repeated time outs in the classroom where he knows that in five minutes he'll be done and he only missed a tiny bit of classroom time.

I would ask all these questions in person. And see if you can observe a day's class before you ask anything. If you observe, try to arrange it so he does not see you or know you are there. Your presence will make him behave differently.

I'd be pissed off.

I'd also talk to the teacher in front of the other parents about her teaching style, something slightly embarrassing. Then when she says "Let's talk over her" you can say "No, you didn't talk to me in private about XXX's behavior in class so let's discuss your behavior in front of other's too".

I'd be very specific and visit with the teacher. She knows better.

If this program is paid for, not through the public school then I'd go straight to the director/owner and state these facts.

The teacher discussed confidential information with you in front of other parents and you were embarrassed.

The teacher is putting your son in time out when that is completed forbidden in all child care settings. If this program is licensed by the state for child care they have to follow the state rules.

Your son is 4, it's his job to have some play time. He does need to sit down, be quiet, and listen during the day.

If he isn't understanding the material I wonder what it is. In Pre-school they do have some new material but it's really stuff they should already know. Letters, colors, shapes, pre-math, pre-reading, etc...he should have a lot of time between table work and sit down time to play.

If this is a public school I suggest you ask the office to please give you the number to the school psychologist. When you call their office ask them if they'll observe your son in class a few times to see if they see any issues.

This way either you'll find out your child might have some issues OR, OR, OR you'll have credible proof this teacher is not a great teacher and you can site personality difficulties to get kiddo moved to another classroom.

I would observe the class. If you think you would be too much of a distraction then I would have someone you trust that would not be a distraction do it for you.

Pre K should not have much "work" most of the learning should be play based.

In addition, it is extremely unprofessional and disrespectful to discuss personal behaviors in front of other parents.

you say he loved school before but I guess I would want to define what you mean by that,

if he was in a 3 you program at the same place and was taught w the same philosophy then you should probably make some time to come observe through the glass and then meet privately w the teacher and figure it out.

If he was in day care from birth-age 4 then yes preschool could be very different especially if you changed "schools'. Has the size of the class changed? if any of this is the case I wouldn't jump to conclusions that the teacher is doing work and only work.

but I would ask Ds what he wants to do instead of work, and who his friends are, and what activity--- painting or story time, playground time or snack does he like best.

I actually would guess from what you said that it's more the personality of the other kids as a group and that he either is messing around w another kid, or doesn't feel like he has friends.

does time out work for your son, or does havng the teacher remind him that mommy will be so proud of his good choices seem like it might be better??

GL

Thanks everyone for all of the great advice....we are definitely going to request a conference. Just to clarify, my son is an older 4- he turns 5 in Dec. so we put in him in preschool early at 2 1/2 for the socialization, so this is actually his third year of preschool. We have never, ever had an issue with a teacher before. He got a little rambunctious one time with some other boys last year in preschool and they put a puzzle piece in the potty, but last years teacher, sent me a note home and said that they just talked to the boys - they did not give time out. This years teacher is a bit cold for a preschool teacher, but as first time parents, my husband and I were not sure if we were overreacting. Thanks again to everyone for all of the advice!